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How to Reach Your Goal or Resolution in 5 Easy Steps

How to Reach Your Goal or Resolution in 5 Easy Steps

You don’t need to wait until the New Year to decide to change something! Reach your goal, resolution or new habit with these five simple and fundamental steps.

1. Change the Time Frame

Give up any idea of a New Year’s resolution and instead say “hello” to new month’s resolutions. Bite-size chunks are less daunting and more do-able (that is, if you stay focused). In addition, it often takes 30 days to build a habit!

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I tape a calendar of the current and next couple months on my mirror and keep a pen ready. Every day, I mark off (or not, if I didn’t succeed that day) my achievement on a certain habit or goal I’m trying to obtain. Consistency is key, and that’s what should be built up first. It’s a pretty narrow and intense chunk of time, but it’s all you really need if you do it right.

2.Treat It as a Chain

Numerous studies have already proved that, as a result of some weird psychological habit, we like to see a chain grow– it’s more visually pleasing and rewarding.

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What I mean is, if you resolve to drink more water each day and you’ve already crossed off four consecutive days when you were successful, you’ll be more inclined to continue that streak– don’t break the chain. There’s also an app for that, and probably a bunch of other sites and apps trying to attract the health nuts out there. This technique– building your habit as a chain– works alone just fine, but it works magic in conjunction with all these other steps in this post.

3. One at a Time, BUT…

We all know they say that when coming up with a New Year’s resolution, just stick to one. In order to gain a good habit or scrap a bad one, it needs your full, undivided attention. See, the thinking is that if you try to juggle several resolutions, the quality and success of each one will plummet.

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But here’s the twist. It’s not just a matter of full focus on getting into a good habit or reaching a goal; it’s about continuing your good habits from before. So if in January you’re goal was to drink eight glasses a day and you achieved it, then hurrah! But then in February what happens if you totally drop that newly attained habit and instead try to go to the gym more as your new goal? The trade-off just isn’t productive.

The take-away here is that your concentration mostly goes to the current goal you set to achieve, but your effort does overlap with maintaining previous good habits.

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4. Keep it Measurable

This one’s pretty straightforward. We earthlings love to dream about the nebulous. Yeah, you want to be happy, but how will you get there? It’s great to think big, but it’s also important to think practically. For example, if you want to be more thankful, consider writing down 5 things you’re grateful for each day. Even better, give it a consistent daily time frame– every morning, for instance. Measurable and consistent steps will trail-blaze your path before you even begin your journey.

5. Remember, You’re Human

One of the obstacles I’ve personally had to overcome is what to do when I miss a day and slash that consistent habit trend. At the beginning, that one day I couldn’t cross off on the calendar would bother me because it reminded me that I “broke the chain” so to speak. The key, as I’ve discovered, is to remember that you’re human. There’s a learning curve, and you will triumph in the end as long as you persist in your actions.

Not meeting your goal for one day does not mean you failed. But giving up because you didn’t meet your goal for one day does mean you failed. For many, this shouldn’t be a problem, but for some, perfectionism it’s an quite a hurdle to leap over. For all, it’s a fundamental reminder of who we are in our pursuit to become a better version of ourselves.

Featured photo credit: Viktor Hanacek via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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