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5 Secrets To Becoming a Communication Expert

5 Secrets To Becoming a Communication Expert

Do you want to be a better communicator? Who doesn’t?

Not all of us are blessed with an innate ability to express ourselves through words. In fact, public speaking consistently ranks as the number one fear humans have. We fear public speaking even more than death!

It’s no surprise, then, that many of us have trouble communicating well on a day-to-day basis. If you’re one of these people who really has to work hard to communicate effectively, then you know how much of a struggle it can be. Poor communication only leads to conflict and far too much drama.

So if you want to change your life and communicate more effectively without ending every conversation with an argument, then check out these ways you can become a communication expert in your own life.

1. Stop Talking About Yourself

It’s easy to forget about your audience, especially when you’re talking about yourself. The truth is, however, that talking about yourself creates a barrier between you and your audience. After a few minutes, your audience isn’t going to care anymore.

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The National Criminal Justice Reference Service talks about how effective communication involves tailoring your message to your audience:

“Tailoring communication activities means understanding and identifying appropriate cultural codes reflected through the use of symbols, metaphors, and visuals, including the types of actors, spokespeople, and music with which your audience most identifies.”

Tailoring your message also involves the way in which you order your words to change an audience’s reaction to what you’re saying. Even when you’re telling a story about your own experiences, there’s no need to talk about yourself. I know; it sounds like a complete bogus piece of advice, right?

Instead, focus on your audience. What problems do they have, and how will your experiences benefit them? Frame your story in a way that focuses on your audience first, and be sure you do enough research to know who your audience is and how they will react. That includes in everyday conversations, not just in public speaking.

2. Ask Unique Questions

Mind Body Green says that not asking unique, personal questions is one of the worst mistakes you can make and can easily kill a relationship. Instead of asking, “How was your day?” ask something like, “What did you do during your free time today?”

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A simple question like, “How was your day?” is so common that it becomes insincere over time. Plus, it’s too easy to reply with, “Eh, it was okay,” without any room to elaborate.

Asking more specific questions gets people to open up more. Be sure you switch up your questions each time you encounter the same person; this will prevent you from sounding insincere.

3. Limit Your Words

Do you tend to over explain yourself and fill your conversation or emails with nothing but fluff? You’re not the only one, but now is the perfect time to break this habit. One of the best ways to improve your communication skills is to be brief but specific.

Whenever you’re typing out an email or wondering what to say in a phone message, make an effort to limit your words. It will save you time and effort, and people will love you for it.

Then, choose only the most important information to share. If you think you have to explain yourself on something, you probably don’t.

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Be sure there’s room to include a call-to-action or closing statement. In an email, something like, “I look forward to hearing back from you,” is a good option.

4. Don’t Talk Bull

Susan Adams says on Forbes.com that if you want to communicate effectively in the workplace, then there’s no place for bull.

“If you have bad news to deliver, lay it out plainly. . . It is far better to be straight with them than not to communicate at all, even if you can’t give them the answers they’d like.”

When you try to beat around the bush, it only wastes time and annoys people. You can be straightforward without compromising your emotions or hurting other people’s feelings, so don’t be afraid to face difficult conversations head-on.

Definitely don’t avoid the situation. That will only prevent communication on all levels.

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5. Shut Up for a Minute

Listening effectively is one of the key components to great communication. As Wright State University reports:

“Research has found that by listening effectively, you will get more information from the people you manage, you will increase others’ trust in you, you will reduce conflict, you will better understand how to motivate others, and you will inspire a higher level of commitment in the people you manage.”

Even if you think you’re an effective communicator, chance are you only listen at 25 percent efficiency, reports Wright State University. So just sit back and start listening for a moment before you interject with your opinion.

But shutting up does more than just making you a better listener. It also:

  • Keeps you from interrupting.
  • Prevents you from finishing other people’s sentences.
  • Gives you a chance to evaluate your body language so that it’s fit for the situation.
  • Allows you to think about what the other person is feeling.
  • Gives you a chance to really understand your own argument and adjust your thoughts before you start speaking.

Do you think that you’re an effective communicator? If not, how will you apply the above-mentioned tips?

Featured photo credit: Sebastiaan ter Burg via farm6.staticflickr.com

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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