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How to Give Constructive Feedback and Avoid Ugly Confrontations

How to Give Constructive Feedback and Avoid Ugly Confrontations

“You’ve been doing a fantastic job, but, there’s just one thing….”

Many of us dread these words and what follows next. It’s only natural to feel this way because giving and/or receiving criticism can be daunting. Feedback has the potential to either encourage people to do better or totally demoralize them, so it’s important that you remain calm and optimistic when giving or receiving it.

According to a research paper published in The Journal of Consumer Research titled “Tell Me What I did Wrong: Experts Seek and Respond to Negative Feedback,” many people often forget the purpose of feedback. It’s not meant to make people feel bad, but rather to help people DO better. Negative feedback is not always bad, and positive feedback is not always good.

If you want to encourage people to do better and become the best they can be, you need to learn how to give constructive evaluations. Encouraging others also helps you achieve more in your own personal and business life. Here are some handy tips you can use to give more constructive feedback and encourage others instead of demoralizing them.

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1.   Remind yourself why you are giving feedback

Before you approach someone to give an evaluation, remind yourself why you are doing it. You goal is to help others improve performance or a situation. If you are rushed, overly critical, or unsure of yourself, you won’t accomplish your purpose.

Step back and analyze your reasons for wanting to give feedback. Build up a positive outlook and positive approach that is focused on improvement: this is important because a positive approach often gets more from people.

You don’t always have to be positive, though; a little negativity and controlled anger can be useful when used sparingly, especially when people are not paying sufficient attention to what you are saying.

2.   Create a comfortable environment to talk

According to neuroscientist Kevin Ochsner from Columbia University, who was citing research done at the university, people who receive feedback apply it only about 30% of the time. If the person you are talking to doesn’t feel comfortable, the effectiveness of your communication drops and ultimately becomes unproductive.

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Find somewhere safe to talk where you won’t be overheard or interrupted. Start the talk with something positive and then move on to an open, objective assessment. Help the other person “see” where there is a need for improvement and offer practical solutions to bring about desired change.

3.   Observe time

Feedback is not about surprising people or getting people off guard; it’s about telling people what they need to hear when they are most likely expecting to hear it. The effectiveness of your communication increases when it is given closer to the time the event or issue being addressed happened.

Congratulate people for a job well done as soon as the job is done. In the same way, address issues of none performance sooner rather than later. Don’t wait a whole year for problems to pile up before you address them—it’s easier for everyone involved when feedback is given in a timely manner.

The exception to this rule is if the situation in question is highly emotional. Wait for everyone to calm down first before you approach them for a candid talk, thus avoiding potentially ugly confrontations with people.

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4.   Focus on one specific issue

People generally respond better to an evaluation or performance appraisal when it is focused directly on a specific issue and delivered with a positive slant. Avoid discussing more than two issues in a single appraisal session, because doing so risks the other person feeling attacked. Focus more on one (or at most, two) priority issues that you want improved on first.

Say something like: “You’re smart. I want you to give at least one opinion in every brainstorming meeting we’re in together.” instead of “You should talk more in our meetings.” The former statement is more focused, addresses a specific issue directly and offers a solution, while the latter communication is ambiguous and opens many avenues for misinterpretation.

5.   Be tough, but not mean

Feedback will fall flat if you are unreasonable, mean-spirited and/or offensive. State your expectations clearly, firmly and civilly with a view to achieve positive change. Give not-so-positive appraisal in a private conversation to avoid making people look foolish or feel embarrassed in front of others.

Just be considerate and stick to discussing behavior that people can actually change. People generally appreciate public recognition of positive contributions, but will often take it hard if you criticize them for under-performance in public.

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6.   Follow up

Follow up on the progress of what was talked about in performance evaluations. Acknowledge people’s efforts to improve, and reward them when possible to reinforce positive effort and encourage improved performance.

Remember that people tend to become what you encourage them to be, not what you nag them to be, so don’t nag them with the excuse that you are following up. Be reasonable, and you will increase the effectiveness of your communications.

More by this author

David K. William

David is a publisher and entrepreneur who tries to help professionals grow their business and careers, and gives advice for entrepreneurs.

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Last Updated on May 17, 2019

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You will be scared

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

That’s what separates winners from losers.

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2. You will fail

Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

3. You will learn

Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

4. You will see yourself in a different way

Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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5. Your peers will see you in a different way

Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

6. Your comfort zone will expand

The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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7. You will increase your concentration and focus

When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

8. You will develop new skills

Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

9. You will achieve more than before

With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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