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How to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself And Get Back Up

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How to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself And Get Back Up

Everyone reading this has felt self-pity at some point in their lives. As it is with life, not everything will go according to your plans. You tend to make mistakes and fail. Then, how does this make you feel? You feel crushed, defeated, and slowly, you start feeling sorry for yourself. Through absolutely no fault of ours, things just simply don’t go as well as you hoped it would.

“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure, and separates the victim from reality.” ― John Gardner

This is all normal. It does feel terrible when you’re stuck in this state for far too long.

However, the situation becomes dangerous when you feel sorry for yourself so much that it becomes a part of you. The first stage of getting better is recognizing that you are addicted to feeling this way.

This guide aims to help you get back up by giving you all the tips you may need to fight such an overwhelming feeling.

Feeling Sorry for Yourself: Knowing When to Stop

“It’s all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are finished, Mrs. Miracle.” ― Debbie Macomber

Is it wrong to feel sorry for yourself?

The answer is no. It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself because it’s a natural human emotion. It becomes wrong when it starts to consume you too much, to the extent that you are throwing big pity parties now and again. After all, when you experience it, there is a lot of exaggeration involved.

You amplify your misfortune more than it actually is. A deep sense of helplessness and hopelessness engulfs the fabric of your being. The feeling may also be accompanied by the belief that no one understands you, that you are not appreciated despite how much you work hard for yourself and the people you love.

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You may even start thinking that you will never get anything useful out of your life anymore. This self-destructive way of thinking can push you to go out into the world in search of attention and pity. However, not many people would notice it as they are also consumed by their own thoughts, feelings, and problems.

People are out there, dealing with their baggage of issues as well, and that’s just the reality. You have to work on getting out of the black hole yourself. Feeling entitled or victimized — as if things are much better for everyone else except you — will get you nowhere.

Better yet, turn your emotions into something positive. Use it to produce radiant energy that works for you in more ways than one. The pity party will continue to be unsatisfying, leaving a void that you can probably never fill. But it can also be the start of some much-needed introspection.

You can convert your self-pity into zealousness to grow and challenge yourself instead of wasting valuable time by being unproductive.

7 Steps to Help You Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself

“Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have,” — Dale Carnegie

Feeling sorry for yourself has massive secondary gain. When you’re engrossed with self-pity, you feel a bit of dopamine rush as you feel good at the moment. You feel free to complain and moan and sigh as loud as you want.

Nevertheless, it only lasts for a short while. You will realize that it is never enough, and that’s when you begin to get addicted to the feeling.

Here are a few tips on how to express your emotion through the right channels.

1. Concentrate on Your Breathing

When you feel the ugly thoughts of self-pity creeping in, try to calm your mind and body. This way, you can think clearly and become more level-headed.

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How can you do this easily? Sit down and close your eyes. Then, breathe deeply through your nose, hold it in for a few seconds. and let it out slowly.

Don’t let any other thought come in at this point. Focus only on the air that goes in and out of your lungs. To avoid finishing the exercise too late or too early, you can set a two-minute timer on your smartphone.

Taking deep breaths may seem insignificant, but it is instrumental in relaxing the mind. Deep breaths enhance our ability to memorize, concentrate, and focus. That burst of oxygen going to your brain will help you achieve the clarity you need at that point in time. So, instead of letting doubts take over your entire being, spending less than five minutes to breathe deeply will bring a sense of calmness in your system.

2. Tap Into the Feeling of Gratitude

The truth is, no matter how bad the situation is, someone is having a more terrible time somewhere. Yeah, it sucks to picture someone else’s misfortune, but when you’re about to be overrun with self-pity, ask yourself an important question first. Is there someone out there who has it worse than me?

By doing so, you are giving yourself the liberty to see things from a broader perspective. You’re not just focusing on your terrible situation and thinking about yourself alone anymore. Now, follow up this question with three things you are grateful for. There are some things that you probably take for granted in your daily life, but they are crucial to your existence.

They don’t have to be something so grand. You may feel grateful for having a roof over your head, for instance. Millions of people don’t even have that bare minimum. You may also be happy about having three square meals and clean water every day. Thinking of such things is enough to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

3. Embrace Optimism

How about looking at your situation as one more lesson in life? It helps to be more constructive about your predicament. For example, if you’re feeling sorry for yourself because you just lost a promotion spot for the third time, look for the optimistic side of this. Ask the relevant questions: Why does my dream position keep slipping away? How can I get it right?

Yes, you are allowed to feel upset for losing something so important to your career, but think about how fulfilling it would be to finally get it. Picture yourself in that new post and how you can feel more proud of it when you succeed against all the odds.

A dash of optimism is perhaps all you need to discover the hidden errors denying you of something you want badly and give you the strength to try again.[1] Look at those moments of failure as an opportunity to learn a game-changing lesson rather than as a door into self-pity land.

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4. Embrace the Emotion

Remember that it’s perfectly normal to feel sorry for yourself. You are human, and it’s all part of our psyche. So, don’t waste your energy in fighting it. Be okay with that moment of weakness in which you see everything through a negative lens.

However, set a deadline. Giving yourself a short time to embrace the emotion allows you to thoroughly process what has happened. This situation may have caused shock, a flurry of thoughts, or intense emotion, but take it all in now. We are all familiar with some cases wherein we have tried to push away feelings to make ourselves believe that we have the strength to carry on as if nothing happened. How did that turn out? Most times, it never ended well.

Pushing emotions aside can make them pop up at unexpected times when you’re not ready to deal with them. It’s quite common to see people conceal their emotions because they don’t want to appear weak. Still, denying your experiences will not erase them.

You become a warrior by facing those painful experiences and moving on bravely. Feel free to cry a river, but when you’re done, build a bridge over it. Even if it is only ten minutes, savor that moment and then dust yourself up as you focus towards moving forward again.

5. Lend Someone a Helping Hand

One keyword in self-pity is “self.” When you feel it, you are focusing on a single person: you. Have you ever thought of directing all that attention to someone else? Focus on adding value to another individual. Whether it is a close friend or a random stranger, it doesn’t matter.

What matters is that you have that moment of respite to proffer solution to someone else’s problem or just lend a listening ear. It will get you out of your head, and you have the extra perk of feeling good when you genuinely help others. It’s certainly amazing to see someone’s face light up and know that it’s because of you.

So, this action doesn’t have to be grand. You can help out by assisting someone with moving or giving valuable advice for a crucial decision. Alternatively, you can simply listen while they vent. Kindness works wonders, and it may help you stop feeling sorry for yourself.

6. Take A Social Media Hiatus

We’re all familiar with the pressures that come with social media. On these platforms, everyone is focused on giving the illusion of a perfect life. The happy faces, countless vacation pictures, and flawless family photos could be a significant contributor to your self-pitying habits.

A lot of people start feeling sorry for themselves when they believe that everyone else around them is doing so much better than them. At this point, taking a break from social media is beneficial. You see only what people want you to see, and you don’t need someone’s fake life belittling what you have achieved on your own.

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A social media hiatus allows you to dedicate some time to yourself.[2] Engage in other activities to make up for it instead. You can try watching movies, reading a few books, hanging out more with your loved ones, or taking up an exciting hobby. It’s all up to you.

7. Set Realistic Daily Goals

Your attitude makes a whole world of difference. When you feel like you don’t have enough power to change a situation due to your terrible mental state, try to break it down. A task looks insurmountable until you break it into bite-sized chunks. It’s the same with your personal goals.[3]

Take some “me” time and reflect on what you want to change about yourself. Think about how you can improve your situation. Why are you feeling sorry for yourself anyway? Say, it may be because you believe that everyone at your office hates you.

Then, sit down and get your pen. Why do you believe that they don’t like you? What flaws do you have that are possibly contributing to this? It shouldn’t take more than a few minutes to brainstorm the little steps you can take to change this, especially if you plan one change per day.

The change can be as simple as smiling more, using daily words of encouragement, and being more proactive in your decision-making process. No matter how little it seems, it will make a massive difference in the long run. One day, you’ll wake up thinking that you have become a completely different person.

Nonetheless, it is a never-ending process that only looks easy because you have broken it down. With this, you will feel empowered and confident enough to see your life in a better light.

Final Thoughts

Stopping yourself from self-pitying is not an impossible task. Get started with the simple techniques above and overcome negativity successfully. All it takes is that determination and the right amount of energy to make this work. You can do this.

More on Dealing With Negative Emotions

Featured photo credit: Chad Madden via unsplash.com

Reference

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Jacqueline T. Hill

Writing, Blogging, and Educating To Guide Others Into Happiness

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Last Updated on December 6, 2021

Feeling Lost? 40 Quotes to Help You Find Meaning in Life

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Feeling Lost? 40 Quotes to Help You Find Meaning in Life

Sometimes, we carry with us ancient wisdom that has been whispered through generations where we find strength for what we need. Other times, we sense our happiness and sanity have been swept away, and we float rudderless in our space. We wonder if we’re heading in the right direction and feel doom rather than the transformation. In these moments, we may need some feeling lost quotes to help us find inspiration again.

During the times when we feel lost, it’s too easy to forget the comfort of good times and wade through the fluff that separates us from the pack.

I often work in leadership and have to test my limits and inspire those I’m leading. One of the quotes I keep in mind by T.S. Elliot is:

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

Knowing how you will perform in a crisis, personally or professionally, can help you get through tough times. The people who tend to work best in a crisis or stay calm in stressful times are those who are honest and forthright.

We often try to find sense in our lives with logic, reducing perceived risks by increasing control. The problem with control is you can hold on too tight, narrowing your options and missing the big picture.

Trying to squeeze action out of undefined goals only increases the pressure. Being happy comes from a sense of self and freedom, not a narrow list you’ve locked yourself into.

Sometimes, we need to observe our life in new ways and examine it with wisdom we doubt we have. Those big successes are done with small incremental actions done every day. Who will you choose to be in times of doubt?

Whether you bookmark this page for future inspiration or show off powerful, inspiring quotes on your T-shirt, coffee mug, key chain, and screen saver, these 40 feelings lost quotes will help remind you of your true essence.

We can reconnect with our priorities and take inspiration from both the ancients and modern visionaries with some of my favorite words below that inspire simplicity and truth.

Feeling Lost Quotes

1. “If you are working on something you really care about, you don’t have to be pushed. The vision pulls you” –Steve Jobs

2. “If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.” –Gordon Eadie

3. “One of the truest tests of integrity is a blunt refusal to be compromised.” –Chinua Achebe

4. “The fears we don’t face become our limits.” –Amy Elizabeth

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5. “Be who you needed when you were younger.” –Anonymous

6. “We generate fears when we sit. We overcome them by action.” –Dr. Henry Link

7. “The intangible represents the real power of the universe. It is the seed of the tangible.” –Bruce Lee

8. “Storms make trees take deeper roots.” –Dolly Parton

9. “When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” –Henry Ford

10. “If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” –Vincent Van Gogh

11. “Stop acting so small, you are the universe in ecstatic motion.” –Rumi

12. “A tree that is unbending is usually broken.” –Loa Tzu

13. “What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.” –Plutarch

14. “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” –Plato

15. “Your teacher can open the door, but you must enter by yourself.” –Chinese proverb

16. “To get lost is to learn the way.” –African Proverb

17. “Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” –Zig Ziglar

18. “Do you know who you are? Don’t ask. Act. Action will delineate and define you.” –Thomas Jefferson

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19. “Give thanks for what you are today and go on fighting for what part of you will be gone tomorrow.” –William Shakespeare

20. “Sorrow looks back. Worry looks around. Faith looks up.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

21. “One day you will ask me which is more important, my life or yours? I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life.” –Kahlil Gibran

22. “You were born to be real, not to be perfect.” –Anonymous

23. “After climbing a great hill, one only finds there are many more hills to climb.” –Nelson Mandela

24. “We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated.” –Maya Angelou

25. “I wash my hands of those who imagine chattering to be knowledge, silence to be ignorance and affection to be art.” –Kahlil Gibran

26. “Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.” –Japenese Proverb

27. “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” — Joseph Campbell

28. “Go within every day and find the inner strength so that the world will not blow your candle out.” — Katherine Dunham

29. “One swallow does not make a summer, neither does one fine day. Similarly, one day or brief time of happiness does not make a person entirely happy.” — Aristotle

30. “There are two ways to live your life. One is as if nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is a miracle.” — Albert Einstein

31. “You got to go down a lot of wrong roads to find the right one.” — Bob Parson

32. “Anger, resentment, and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others. It only changes yours.” — Shannon L. Alder

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33. “To be lost is as legitimate a part of your process as being found.” — Alex Ebert

34. “Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.” — Henry Rollins

35. “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.” — Elbert Hubbard

36. “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.” — Vivian Greene

37. “Nothing is more beautiful than the smile that has struggled through the tears.” — Demi Lovato

38. “Leave your front door and your back door open. Allow your thoughts to come and go. Just don’t serve them tea.” — Shunryu Suzuki

39. “Tough times never last, but tough people do.” — Robert H. Schuller

40. “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” — C.S. Lewis

Sometimes It’s Ok to Feel Lost

After looking at these feeling lost quotes, it is easy for someone to be confused. But these inspirational quotes will guide you to hear a voice every time when the risk is high, and you have nowhere to run. It is always easy to choose the shortcut and ignore the voice of the subconscious to do the right thing!

No matter how dire the circumstances might be, you need to make efforts and find ways to uplift your morale. Not making an effort is more painful than the risk of immersing your thoughts in negativity.

When you are feeling lost, it is natural to be confused about the next step. However, you have to determine when the risk of staying in a sad state for a longer period is causing more harm than good.

And don’t you worry, it’s okay sometimes to feel lost and not know where you are heading in your life. We go through various phases in life, and none of them stay permanent. Remember that “Life is a work-in-progress” and this too shall pass. Keeping hope is very important if you want to sail through the tides of life.

Don’t Be too Hard on Yourself

Everyone is fighting their fight in their ways, but none can say – “I know it all.” Life is a constant struggle, and everyone has to push through personally to overcome obstacles.

Whether it is your professional life that’s making you feel lost or your personal life brought about this state of mind, remember that you alone can find the solution. Happiness is a state of mind, and you alone can control the emotions that can bring a change in your attitude when you are feeling lost.

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No one can tell you what your purpose is in the world, and only you have to decide that on your own. The universe has given us life and one that teaches us various things through unique experiences. Some might be good, and some might be bad.

So, don’t beat yourself up or be hard on yourself even if you have not yet figured it out. It’s okay! You don’t owe anyone an explanation about why it is taking so long or why haven’t you been able to figure it out yet. Go at your own pace, and you shall reach where you intend to. Nothing is permanent, and you will find your way out. It’s just a matter of time.

Rather than complaining and belittling yourself, you can try brainstorming ideas to help you move on. Procrastinating and beating yourself up will only drown the motivation and bring nothing of value but just self-pity.

Don’t forget if you set your heart to something, you can achieve it. Feeling lost is not a permanent state, and to uplift your emotions, you need to have faith.

Final Thoughts

Many of these feeling lost quotes have a common core. That is, to take a step back and view yourself in a new way.

Take action and make inspiration a routine. To act creates learning, and that builds confidence, provides direction, and eliminates doubt.

Imagine what you want it to be so that your vibration matches your desire. We can’t snap our fingers to instantly change feeling lost, but we can increase our situational awareness with our emotions and places where our lives have or may take an abrupt turn.

We take inspiration from our daily lives in as many individually unique forms as we are different. Inspiration can strike instantly and sporadically or feel like a trickle that slowly grows into a majestic waterfall crashing through with creative energy. That trickle is what will keep you going in dark times.

When you’re in a place where you feel lost and don’t recognize yourself, allow some inner compassion for the person you are right in that moment[1].

You have the power to create your world, one step at a time, and these feeling lost quotes can help. You choose how you think. Tune in to how you feel and why.

Remember you have the power to be, have, and do anything you desire. Tough times never last, but tough people do.

See what I did there? Another quote to inspire original thought as it applies to you. It’s been said that if you want to test a man’s character, give him power and you will see his true colors. So keep your inspiration on tap for when you need a reminder of your purpose.

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Featured photo credit: Daniel Jensen via unsplash.com

Reference

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