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12 Signs Of Self-Destructive People

12 Signs Of Self-Destructive People

Although the meaning of life has been debated since the beginning of time, perhaps the most valid reason we have for existing on Earth is simply to do just that: exist. Human beings, like all living creatures, are meant to thrive. It’s a wonder, then, that so many of us unfortunately practice habits that are self-destructive. Think about it: if all humans practiced all of these behaviors 100% of the time, our species would cease to exist much sooner than later. Though some of these actions may not seem so harmful, the long-term effects they have on a person’s life can be increasingly detrimental if left unchecked. Most self-destructive people practice many, if not all, of these in some way throughout their daily life:

1. They hold a self-defeating mindset

Many people who suffer from depression or anxiety actively believe they are no good whatsoever at anything they try to do. If they blow a job interview, it will take weeks for them to rebound and work up the guts to apply for another job. If they fail a test, they’ll simply give up and never learn the material they were supposed to. Self-destructive people focus on when things go wrong in their lives, rather than realize that, up until the moment things went wrong, things were going just fine. Reversing that mindset is the first step toward leaving your self-destructive outlook on life behind.

2. They don’t take action

Self-destructive people also rarely take action to better themselves. After bombing a job interview, they won’t look back at what they did wrong and try to improve for the next time; they simply blow it off and say “It’ll never happen for me.” Of course it won’t, if you don’t learn from past mistakes. People who are considered true success stories have lost out on job opportunities in the past, but they learned from the experience and figured out how to do better the next time. If you try, you have a chance of succeeding or failing; if you don’t try, you have zero chance of either.

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3. They practice forced incompetence

The most common example I can think of to illustrate forced incompetence is when a student (or adult, for that matter) says “I’m just not a math person.” While some people do have a natural gift for certain skills, these gifts mean nothing if they’re not practiced. Just because you’re “not a math person,” or “not very musical,” doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to learn those skills. Sure, it might be more difficult for you than it is for others, but that’s all the more reason to be proud of yourself for working hard and achieving something. If every player in the NBA quit just because they’re not as good as Michael Jordan, there wouldn’t be enough players in the league to field a single team.

4. They practice self-pity

This goes along with the past three entries. Feeling bad for yourself gets you nowhere. Everyone has shortcomings and weaknesses; everyone does. Having the attitude that God put you on this planet to be miserable is a self-fulfilling prophecy. What good is wallowing in your own sorrow? After your pity party is over, you’ll still be just as miserable, and will have wasted precious time you could have used to better yourself in some way. Stop feeling bad for yourself, and work on the negative qualities in your life that are dragging you down.

5. They act negatively to others

Self-destructive people are also usually rude and abrasive to other individuals as well. While it certainly isn’t productive to be nasty to your own self, there is absolutely no reason you should take your misery out on others. In fact, being kind to others may be the catalyst that brightens up your day, and puts you on the path to being kind to yourself as well. No matter how bad your life is currently going, you never know what others are dealing with. Being kind to others may help you realize you don’t have it so bad, after all.

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6. They abuse drugs or alcohol

Perhaps the most vicious cycle a self-destructive person can get into is that of drug or alcohol addiction. You drink because you’re miserable, you wake up miserable, and start drinking again. Meanwhile, the world around you keeps turning, and you’re another day older without having built any sort of skills to help better your situation. And, of course, once this thought crosses your mind, you feel absolutely worthless, so you reach into the fridge for another bottle. If you’re feeling depressed, alcohol or drugs are certainly not the answer to your problems.

7. They run from emotions

Whether through alcohol and drug abuse or not, self-destructive people hide from their emotions. They might put on a happy face and make others believe that “everything is okay,” but bottling up emotions only leads to an explosion at some point in the future. Self-destructive people not only run from negative emotions, but positive ones as well. Sometimes, self-destructive people might even be scared to find that they actually do feel happy, and be looking for things to go all wrong. If you’re always looking for the negatives in life, you’re sure to find them.

8. They isolate themselves socially

Whether actively or passively, self-destructive people tend to isolate themselves from their peers, and society in general. This is done by either alienating friends and family by actively insulting them or generally being a nuisance, or passively, by not answering phone calls or texts, ignoring invitations, or blowing off special occasions. A self-destructive person may think that by isolating themselves from others they’re doing the world a favor, but in actuality they’re doing harm to themselves and everyone that cares for them.

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9. They refuse to be helped

Along with isolating themselves from loved ones, self-destructive people fail to acknowledge they need help. They wouldn’t be caught dead in a therapist’s office, no matter how much they know deep down that they need it. This is due in part to the stigma attached to visiting a therapist, but this pressure can be alleviated if they take the first step and make that initial appointment. They might be pleasantly surprised at how much better they feel after spending just one hour speaking to a professional who can help put them on the right track.

10. They neglect their needs

Along with refusing to be helped, self-destructive people often don’t take very good care of themselves. They don’t eat healthy; they either eat too much, or too little. They don’t go to the gym. They don’t bathe or shave regularly. They usually live in squalor. Sadly, all of these factors point to severe depression. If just one step is taken toward bettering themselves, they might begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. A fresh shave and a change of clothes could be the catalyst that gets someone up and out of the house, moving on to the first day of the rest of their lives.

11. They practice unnecessary self-sacrifice

This probably hits home to more people than any of the other sections in this entire article. Some of us are so intent on making others happy that they don’t take time for themselves. Whether by working too hard, volunteering for too many things, or going out with friends just because they feel like they have to, so many of us neglect ourselves in favor of others for absolutely no reason. Many times, its best to put yourself first, and let others know it’s nothing personal; you just need time to recharge.

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12. They practice self-harm

If this applies to you, I implore you to seek professional assistance immediately. Those that physically abuse their own bodies are clearly unhappy with themselves and their lives, to the point that they actively want to disfigure their own being. Some see it as a way to relieve stress, but it is an incredibly counterproductive way of doing so. This is the one part of this list that I have absolutely no personal experience dealing with, so I will not pretend to be able to give you advice except this: Please, if you ever feel like hurting yourself, please seek professional help.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm4.staticflickr.com

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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