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Last Updated on December 11, 2020

12 Self-Destructive Habits to Eliminate for a Positive Life

12 Self-Destructive Habits to Eliminate for a Positive Life

Although the meaning of life has been debated since the beginning of time, perhaps the most valid reason we have for existing on Earth is simply to do just that: exist. Human beings, like all living creatures, are meant to thrive. It’s a wonder, then, that so many of us practice habits that are self-destructive.

Think about it: if all humans practiced all of these behaviors 100% of the time, our species would cease to exist sooner rather than later. Though some of these actions may not seem so harmful, the long-term effects they have on a person’s life can be increasingly detrimental if left unchecked.

The good news is that everyone can overcome self-destructive habits and get on track toward leading a more positive life.

1. A Self-Defeating Mindset

Many people who suffer from depression or anxiety actively believe they are no good whatsoever at anything they try to do. If they blow a job interview, it will take weeks for them to rebound and work up the guts to apply for another job. If they fail a test, they’ll simply give up and never learn the material they were supposed to.

Self-destructive people focus on when things go wrong in their lives, rather than realize that, up until the moment things went wrong, things were going just fine. Reversing that mindset is the first step toward leaving your self-destructive outlook on life behind.

How to Fix It

Instead of focusing on what went wrong, focus on the good moments or things you learned from it. After a bad job interview, at least you can point out the things you don’t want to do in future interviews, which means you’ve learned something.

Also, try repeating some positive affirmations when you wake up each day. These can help you get into the right mindset to face challenges you’ll encounter during the day.

2. Laziness

Self-destructive people tend to be lazy when it comes to taking action to better themselves. After bombing a job interview, they won’t look back at what they did wrong and try to improve for the next time; they simply blow it off and say “It’ll never happen for me.” Of course it won’t if you don’t learn from past mistakes.

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People who are considered true success stories have lost out on job opportunities in the past, but they learned from the experience and figured out how to do better the next time. If you try, you have a chance of succeeding or failing; if you don’t try, you have zero chance of either.

How to Fix It

Find the thing that motivates you. Motivation is a good antidote for laziness, but it can also be hard to find for people with self destructive habits. Identify what you want and make a goals list on things to work on to get there. The list will help you visualize how far you’ve gotten each day or week to keep you on track.

3. Forced Incompetence

The most common example I can think of to illustrate forced incompetence is when a student (or adult, for that matter) says “I’m just not a math person.” While some people do have a natural gift for certain skills, these gifts mean nothing if they’re not practiced. Just because you’re “not a math person,” or “not very musical” doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to learn those skills.

Sure, it might be more difficult for you than it is for others, but that’s all the more reason to be proud of yourself for working hard and achieving something. If every player in the NBA quit just because they’re not as good as Michael Jordan, there wouldn’t be enough players in the league to field a single team.

How to Fix It

If there’s an area where you are lacking that you genuinely want to improve, try learning before telling yourself you’re incapable. If you find math difficult, perhaps you’re just using the wrong learning style. Try various methods of learning before throwing in the towel.

4. Self-Pity

Feeling bad for yourself gets you nowhere. Everyone has shortcomings and weaknesses. Having the attitude that you were put on this planet to be miserable is a self-fulfilling prophecy. What good is wallowing in your own sorrow? After your pity party is over, you’ll still be just as miserable, and you will have wasted precious time you could have used to better yourself in some way[1]. Stop feeling bad for yourself and work on the negative qualities in your life that are dragging you down.

How to Fix It

Self-pity often comes from harmful thought patterns. Correcting those can be done through a regular meditation practice, where you have the opportunity to analyze your thoughts and change them for the better.

5. Taking It out on Others

Self-destructive people are also usually rude and abrasive to other individuals as well. While it certainly isn’t productive to be nasty to your own self, there is absolutely no reason you should take your misery out on others. In fact, being kind to others may be the catalyst that brightens up your day and puts you on the path to being kind to yourself as well.

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No matter how bad your life is currently going, you never know what others are dealing with. Being kind to others may help you realize you don’t have it so bad after all.

How to Fix It

Make it a personal goal to say one nice thing to someone every day. This may be a simple text to a parent or friend telling them how much you care about them. Or it could be offering a kind word to the cashier at the grocery store. Whatever it may be, offering kindness will help alter your mindset toward others.

6. Abuse of Drugs or Alcohol

Perhaps one the most vicious self destructive habits a person can get into is that of drug or alcohol addiction. You drink because you’re miserable, you wake up miserable, and yo start drinking again. Meanwhile, the world around you keeps turning, and you’re another day older without having built any sort of skills to help better your situation.

And, of course, once this thought crosses your mind, you feel absolutely worthless, so you reach into the fridge for another bottle. If you’re feeling depressed, alcohol or drugs are certainly not the answer to your problems.

How to Fix It

Addiction is serious and often quite difficult to tackle alone. First, try seeking support from friends or family as you start on your road to recovery. If it’s a more serious addiction, you will likely need to seek help from a therapist or a specialized program. Don’t feel bad if this is the case…we also have to ask for help from time to time, and it will ultimately be worth it.

7. Running From Emotions

Whether through alcohol and drug abuse or not, self-destructive people hide from their emotions[2]. They might put on a happy face and make others believe that “everything is okay,” but bottling up emotions only leads to an explosion at some point in the future.

Self-destructive people not only run from negative emotions, but positive ones as well. Sometimes, they might even be scared to find that they actually do feel happy, and start looking for things to go all wrong. If you’re always looking for the negatives in life, you’re sure to find them.

How to Fix It

Facing emotions can be scary, but they often lose their power once they are written down. Try keeping a daily journal and write down how you’re feeling and why. If that’s causing you too much anxiety, getting help from a counselor or therapist may be the next step.

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8. Social Isolation

Whether actively or passively, self-destructive people tend to isolate themselves from their peers and society in general. This is done by either alienating friends and family by actively insulting them or generally being a nuisance, or passively by not answering phone calls or texts, ignoring invitations, or blowing off special occasions.

A self-destructive person may think that by isolating themselves from others, they’re doing the world a favor, but in actuality they’re doing harm to themselves and everyone that cares for them.

How to Fix It

Make it a point to attend one important occasion each month. This can be as simple as accepting an invitation to get together with friends for a night out or joining that big family reunion you always avoid. Once you’re comfortable going out once a month, bump it up to twice or three times and enjoy the benefits of human connection more often.

9. Refusing Help

Along with isolating themselves from loved ones, self-destructive people fail to acknowledge they need help. They wouldn’t be caught dead in a therapist’s office, no matter how much they know deep down that they need it. This is due in part to the stigma attached to visiting a therapist, but this pressure can be alleviated after taking the first step and making that initial appointment. They might be pleasantly surprised at how much better they feel after spending just one hour speaking to a professional who can help put them on the right track.

How to Fix It

Start small by accepting offers of help from friends or family. Moving into a new apartment? Accept the offer when your friend wants to help you pack. Having a bad day? Accept when your sibling offers to listen for a while.

Once you’re ready (and if you need it), try making an appointment with a therapist. The stigma around talking to someone is still there, but it’s decreasing significantly as people finally recognize that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness but of extreme courage. Ultimately, feeling better means you’ll give a better version of yourself to the world, and that’s good for everyone.

10. Neglecting Personal Needs

Along with refusing to be helped, self-destructive people often don’t take very good care of themselves. They don’t eat health, go to the gym, and may not bathe or shave regularly. They may neglect cleaning their living space and live in squalor.

Sadly, all of these factors point to severe depression. If just one step is taken towards bettering themselves, they might begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. A fresh shave and a change of clothes could be the catalyst that gets someone up and out of the house, moving on to the first day of the rest of their lives.

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How to Fix It

Focus on one positive change each week. For the first week, maybe you take a daily shower. The next week, try making one or two healthy meals. Within a month or two, sign up for a gym membership or develop a regular running practice. Any small step will get you moving in the right direction.

11. Unnecessary Self-Sacrifice

This probably hits home to more people than any of the other sections in this entire article. Some of us are so intent on making others happy that we don’t take time for ourselves. Whether by working too hard, volunteering for too many things, or going out with friends just because we feel like they have to, so many of us neglect ourselves in favor of others for absolutely no reason. Many times, its best to put yourself first and let others know it’s nothing personal; you just need time to recharge.

How to Fix It

Delegate “me” time each day. This can be an hour right when you wake up when you go out for a walk or a jog, or it can be a chunk of time in the evening when you practice your favorite hobby. Whatever it is, carve out time for you, and don’t be afraid to say no if it’s necessary for self-care.

12. Self-Harm

If this applies to you, I implore you to seek professional assistance immediately. Those that physically abuse their own bodies are clearly unhappy with themselves and their lives, to the point that they actively want to disfigure their own being[3].

Some see it as a way to relieve stress, but it is an incredibly counterproductive way of doing so. This is the most serious problem on this list, and if you or someone you know is engaging in this behavior, it’s time to ask for help.

How to Fix It

If you can’t bring yourself to call a psychologist or therapist, ask for help from friends or family. They will likely be more than happy to help you get on the right track toward healing and finding professional assistance.

Final Thoughts

If you practice any of the above habits, it could be sign of self-destructive behavior. This can limit your potential and keep you from learning and growing to become the best version of yourself. Try following the above advice to get you moving in a better direction, and if that doesn’t work, try asking for professional help. It will be worth it in the end.

More Tips on Overcoming Self Destructive Habits

Featured photo credit: Patryk Sobczak via unsplash.com

Reference

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Last Updated on March 23, 2021

Manage Your Energy so You Can Manage Your Time

Manage Your Energy so You Can Manage Your Time

One of the greatest ironies of this age is that while various gadgets like smartphones and netbooks allow you to multitask, it seems that you never manage to get things done. You are caught in the busyness trap. There’s just too much work to do in one day that sometimes you end up exhausted with half-finished tasks.

The problem lies in how to keep our energy level high to ensure that you finish at least one of your most important tasks for the day. There’s just not enough hours in a day and it’s not possible to be productive the whole time.

You need more than time management. You need energy management

1. Dispel the idea that you need to be a “morning person” to be productive

How many times have you heard (or read) this advice – wake up early so that you can do all the tasks at hand. There’s nothing wrong with that advice. It’s actually reeks of good common sense – start early, finish early. The thing is that technique alone won’t work with everyone. Especially not with people who are not morning larks.

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I should know because I was once deluded with the idea that I will be more productive if I get out of bed by 6 a.m. Like most of you Lifehackers, I’m always on the lookout for productivity hacks because I have a lot of things in my plate. I’m working full time as an editor for a news agency, while at the same time tending to my side business as a content marketing strategist. I’m also a travel blogger and oh yeah, I forgot, I also have a life.

I read a lot of productivity books and blogs looking for ways to make the most of my 24 hours. Most stories on productivity stress waking up early. So I did – and I was a major failure in that department – both in waking up early and finishing early.

2. Determine your “peak hours”

Energy management begins with looking for your most productive hours in a day. Getting attuned to your body clock won’t happen instantly but there’s a way around it.

Monitor your working habits for one week and list down the time when you managed to do the most work. Take note also of what you feel during those hours – do you feel energized or lethargic? Monitor this and you will find a pattern later on.

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My experiment with being a morning lark proved that ignoring my body clock and just doing it by disciplining myself to wake up before 8 a.m. will push me to be more productive. I thought that by writing blog posts and other reports in the morning that I would be finished by noon and use my lunch break for a quick gym session. That never happened. I was sleepy, distracted and couldn’t write jack before 10 a.m.

In fact that was one experiment that I shouldn’t have tried because I should know better. After all, I’ve been writing for a living for the last 15 years, and I have observed time and again that I write more –and better – in the afternoon and in evenings after supper. I’m a night owl. I might as well, accept it and work around it.

Just recently, I was so fired up by a certain idea that – even if I’m back home tired from work – I took out my netbook, wrote and published a 600-word blog post by 11 p.m. This is a bit extreme and one of my rare outbursts of energy, but it works for me.

3. Block those high-energy hours

Once you have a sense of that high-energy time, you can then mold your schedule so that your other less important tasks will be scheduled either before or after this designated productive time.

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Block them out in your calendar and use the high-energy hours for your high priority tasks – especially those that require more of your mental energy and focus. You also need to use these hours to any task that will bring you closer to you life’s goal.

If you are a morning person, you might want to schedule most business meetings before lunch time as it’s important to keep your mind sharp and focused. But nothing is set in stone. Sometimes you have to sacrifice those productive hours to attend to other personal stuff – like if you or your family members are sick or if you have to attend your son’s graduation.

That said, just remember to keep those productive times on your calendar. You may allow for some exemptions but stick to that schedule as much as possible.

There’s no right or wrong way of using this energy management technique because everything depends on your own personal circumstances. What you need to remember is that you have to accept what works for you – and not what other productivity gurus say you should do.

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Understanding your own body clock is the key to time management. Without it, you end up exhausted chasing a never-ending cycle of tasks and frustrations.

Featured photo credit: Collin Hardy via unsplash.com

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