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Published on May 27, 2020

10 Conflict Resolution Skills Every Manager Needs

10 Conflict Resolution Skills Every Manager Needs

Intellectually, many of us know that conflict is a part of life. We know that conflict can spur deeper understanding and stronger relationships. Yet, whenever conflict arises, it puts some of us on our heels. When disagreements emerge, we are left wondering how to address them while keeping the relationship intact. This is where conflict resolution skills come in [1]

If you are leading a team or working closely with others, here are 10 conflict resolution skills every manager needs.

1. Communicate Early and Often

To reduce misunderstandings and ambiguity, communicate your intentions and desires. Ask what your colleagues need to work their best, and do your part to meet their needs or – at a minimum – avoid doing that which you know will cause harm.

If you suspect conflict in the relationship, address it swiftly. Problems do not go away on their own. Failing to act when you see a potential problem can create problems down the line.

2. Listen Actively

Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone wants to know that when they speak, when they take the time to share what is on their mind, the person with whom they are communicating listens.

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Active listening is a required step for conflict resolution. Active listening is listening to what is verbally and nonverbally communicated. Is it listening for intent and for understanding[2]. Often, conflicts arise because two parties misunderstand or mishear what the other person is saying. Active listening helps ensure that the sender and receiver understand one another. This is half the battle when it comes to resolving conflicts.

Given the prevalence of email and remote working, especially considering the COVID-19 health crisis, active listening is critical. Email and text communications are tricky because intent and tone are difficult to gauge in them. Team members will have to work extra hard to ensure that they hear what their colleagues are communicating, thereby reducing the chance for conflict.

3. Use “I” Statements

To reduce conflict, focus on how you feel. Focus on how an action has impacted you. Speak from your experience and understand that your experience is not a universal truth. Just because you feel a certain way does not mean your colleagues do.

Furthermore, when you use “I” statements, you reduce the chance of overgeneralizing, which can add gasoline to the fire. If you are in a disagreement and you tell the person who has caused harm that they impacted everyone – versus telling them that they impacted you – you may illicit a defensive reaction from the individual. Instead, focus on you and what you feel and need. This will reduce conflict by keeping tempers calm.

4. Understand What Is Yours

Have you ever gotten into an argument, and the source of your upset was something you have long struggled with? Perhaps you have struggled with being heard. You have felt as if others do not hear you when you communicate. Regardless of where you go, you carry this sensitivity with you. And guess what? It does not take much for others to rouse your anger if you even suspect that they are not hearing you.

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When this happens and you find yourself angry over your feelings about not being heard, step back and ask yourself whether that really is the case or whether your history is influencing your reaction in this moment. Ask yourself if the person with whom you have a conflict is yourself and your history or the apparent offending party.

Sometimes we get upset with people over things that really do not concern them. Get to the root of what is bothering you or the other person. Sometimes conflict has nothing to do with the current issue – it stems from something that happened at home, bad news or an unrelated interpersonal upset.

5. Don’t Take Things Personally

When Don Miguel Ruiz wrote “The Four Agreements,”[3] he cautioned us against taking things personally. As much as I admire his work, I must admit that this piece of advice is difficult to follow. Yet, it is imperative that we learn not to take things personally.

In the same ways that our lives are all-consuming to us, other people have enough in their lives to keep them occupied. When people behave poorly, it may hurt and disappoint us, but their behavior reflects where they are. It truly has nothing to do with us.

A friend of mine is going through a rough patch. She feels isolated and overwhelmed as a single mother. I invited her to a party and was initially perturbed when she did not respond. I thought to myself, “That isn’t like her.” I thought about it for a few days before I decided to reach out and check on her. When she responded, she shared being in the fog of depression and struggling to complete even the most basic daily tasks. Guess what? She was barely doing life, let alone thinking about the invitation that she may or may not have seen. Her reaction had nothing to do with me. It was rooted in her own struggles at the time.

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6. Give up the Need to Be Right

The ego has an insatiable appetite. It wants to be right 100% of the time. When conflicts arise, give up on the need to be right. Be willing to be wrong. If you fight to be right, you may have incentive to keep the conflict going. Furthermore, if you need to be right, your objective becomes defending your position versus getting to the root of the conflict. If you want to reduce or resolve conflict, do not be vested in being right.

7. Speak With People Who Can Make a Change

I get that venting feels good. I understand that everyone wants to be affirmed. But when conflicts arise, it is best to communicate solely with people who have the power to influence change. This will ensure that there is meaningful action toward resolution, and it will prevent gossip from flourishing.

When you share information with people who have no capacity to help, you could do reputational harm to the person with whom you are experiencing conflict. And while you and this person may eventually resolve your challenge, the seeds of discord that you have sown will trail the person indefinitely.

8. Identify the Root of the Conflict

For people who have repeated conflict, there is likely an unresolved or unidentified root issue. In this instance, conflict resolution can only happen once both parties get to the root of their challenges.

The root could stem from something that happened years or decades earlier. It could stem from something completely unbeknownst to one party. But it is essential to identify the thing from which future problems could arise.

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9. Seek Appropriate Intervention

Sometimes conflict is so deep-rooted that third-party intervention is needed. The intervention could come in the form of a therapist, counselor, or trusted adviser. If you have tried unsuccessfully to resolve conflict, seek intervention from a qualified and objective third party.

10. Lead With How You Feel

For some of us, being vulnerable is second nature. For others, showcasing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. For people in the latter camp, it is better to express anger than to say, “Hey, I felt hurt when this happened, and I am wondering if you could help me with it …”

When something upsets you, ask why. Then lead with how you feel. This will enable the person with whom you are upset to better understand how you feel and what you need.

Final Thoughts

If you follow these 10 steps and find that conflict is still present, think about how you can restructure the engagement so that you spend as little time as possible with the offending party.

It is true that conflict is a part of life. Conflict shows up in our families, in our personal relationships as well as in our professional relationships. And guess what? Working remotely will not eliminate conflict. It is as guaranteed as the taxes you are required to pay. But with these 10 steps, conflict does not have to be the end of a work relationship, but rather the door to improve it.

More Tips on Conflict Resolution Skills

Featured photo credit: Gabrielle Henderson via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Jennifer R. Farmer

An author and trainer specializes in helping socially-conscious entrepreneurs, celebrities and activists

10 Conflict Resolution Skills Every Manager Needs 5 Types of Leadership Styles (And Which Is Best for You) 10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively How to Improve Assertive Communication Skills for Better Relationships 5 Key Traits of a Charismatic Leadership

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Published on September 23, 2020

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

I don’t know about you, but many times when I hear the word negotiate I think of lawyers working out a business deal or having to do battle with a car salesman to try to get a lower price. Since I am in recruiting, the term “negotiation” comes up when someone is attempting to get a higher compensation package.

If we think about it, we tend to negotiate almost every day in a wide variety of things we do. Getting a handle on the important negotiation skills can be incredibly beneficial in many parts of our lives. Let’s take a look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

What is Negotiation?

First, let’s take a look at what negotiation is. Put simply, negotiation is a method by which people settle their differences. It is a process in which compromise or agreement can be reached without argument or dispute.

Anytime two people or sides disagree on something, they are almost always looking for the best possible outcome for their side. This could be from an individual’s perspective or someone representing an organization.

In reality, it’s rare that one side gets everything they want and the other side gets nothing that they are seeking. Seeking to reach a common ground of sorts where both sides feel like they are getting most of what they want is the key to being successful and maintaining the relationship.

Places We Negotiate

I’ve mentioned that we negotiate in just about all phases of our life. For those of you who are shaking your head no, I invite you to think about the following:

1. Work/Business

This one is the most obvious and it’s what naturally comes to mind when we think of the word “negotiate”.

When you first started at your current job, you might have asked for a higher salary. It could be that you delivered a huge new client to your company and used this as leverage in your most recent evaluation for more compensation. If you work with vendors (and just about every company does), maybe you worked them to a lower price or better contract terms.

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In recruiting, I negotiate with candidates and hiring managers all the time to land the best talent I can find. It’s very common to accept additional work with the (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) agreement that it will benefit your career in the future.

Recently, I took over a project that was my boss was working on so that I would be able to attend a conference later in the year. And so it goes, we do this all day long at work.

2. Personal

I don’t know about you, but I negotiate with my spouse all the time. I’ll cook dinner with the understanding that she does the dishes. Who wants to mow the lawn and who wants to vacuum and dust the house?

I think we should save 10% for retirement, but she thinks 5% is plenty. Therefore, we save 8%. And don’t even get me started with my kids. My older daughter can borrow my car as soon as she finishes her chores. My younger daughter can go hang out with her friends when her homework is done.

Then, there are all those interactions in our personal lives outside our homes. The carpenter wants to charge me $12,000 to build a new deck. I think $10,000 is plenty so we agree on $11,000. I ask my neighbor if I can borrow his snowblower in the winter if I invite him over the next time I grill steak. And so on.

3. Ourselves

You didn’t expect this one, did you? We negotiate with ourselves all day long.

I’ll make sure I don’t skip my workout tomorrow since I’m going to have that extra piece of pizza. My spouse has been quiet the last few days, is it worth me asking her about, or should I leave it alone? I think the car place charged me for some repairs that weren’t needed, should I say something or just let it go? I know my friend has been having some personal challenges, should I check in with him? We’ve been friends for a long time, I’m sure he’d come to me if he needed help. I’ve got the #4 pick in this year’s Fantasy Football draft, should I choose a running back or a wide receiver?

Think about that non-stop voice inside your head. It always seems to be chattering away about something and many times, it’s us negotiating with ourselves. I’ll finish up that report that the boss needs before I turn on the football game.

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Why Negotiation Skills Are So Important

Put simply, negotiation skills are important because we all interact with other people, and not only other people but other organizations and groups of people as well.

We all rarely want the same thing or outcome. Most of the time a vendor is looking at getting you to pay a higher price for something than you want to spend. Therefore, it’s important to negotiate to some middle ground that works well for both sides.

My wife and I disagree on how much to save for retirement. If we weren’t married it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d each contribute how much we wanted to on our retirement funds. We choose to be married, so we have to come to some agreement that we both feel comfortable with. We have to compromise. Therefore, we have to negotiate.

If we each lived on a planet by ourselves, we would be free to do just about anything we wanted to. We wouldn’t have to compromise with anyone because we wouldn’t interact with anyone. We would make every choice unilaterally the way we wanted to.

As we all know, this isn’t how things are. We are constantly interacting with other people and organizations, each one with their own agenda’s, viewpoints, and opinions. Therefore, we have to be able to work together.

6 Negotiation Skills to Master

Having strong negotiation skills helps us create win-win situations with others, allowing us to get most of what we want in conjunction with others around us.

Now, let’s look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

1. Preparation

Preparation is a key place to start with when getting ready to negotiate. Being prepared means having a clear vision of what you want and how you’d go about achieving it. It means knowing what the end goal looks like and also what you are willing to give to get it.

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It also means knowing who you are negotiating with and what areas they might be willing to compromise on. You should also know what your “bottom line” is. By “bottom line” I mean what is the most you are willing to give up to get what you want.

For instance, several years ago, I decided it was time to get a newer car. I say newer because I wanted a “new to me” car, not a brand new car. I did my research and figured out what type of car I wanted. I decided on what must-have items on the car I wanted, the highest amount of miles that would already be on it, the colors I was willing to get it in, and the highest amount of money I was willing to pay.

After visiting numerous car dealerships I was able to negotiate buying a car. I knew what I was willing to give up (amount of money) and what I was willing to accept, things like the color, amount of miles, etc. I came prepared. This is critical.

2. Clear Communication

The next key skill you need to be an effective negotiator is clear communication. You have to be able to clearly articulate what you want to the other party. This means both clear verbal and written communication.

If you can’t clearly tell the other person what you want, how do you expect to get it? Have you ever worked through something with a vendor or someone else only to learn of a surprise right at the end that wasn’t talked about before? This is not what you would call clear communication. It’s essential to be able to share a coherent and logical vision with the person you are working with.

3. Active Listening

Let’s do a quick review of active listening. This is when you are completely focused on the speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond appropriately. This is a necessary ingredient to be able to negotiate successfully. You must be able to fully focus on the other person’s wants to completely understand them.

If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you may miss some major points or details. This leads to frustration down the road on both sides. Ensure you are employing your active listening skills when in arbitration mode.

4. Teamwork and Collaboration

To be able to get to a place of common ground and a win-win scenario, you have to have a sense of teamwork and collaboration.

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If you are only thinking about yourself and what you want without giving much care to what the other person is wanting, you are bound to wind up without a solution. The other person may get frustrated and give up if they see you are unwilling to meet them halfway or care little for what they want.

When you collaborate, you are working together to help each other get what is most important to you. The other upside to negotiating with a sense of teamwork and collaboration is that it helps create a sense of trust, which, in turn, helps provide positive energy for working to a successful conclusion.

5. Problem Solving

Problem-solving is another key negotiation skill. When you are working with the other person to get the deal done many times you’ll face new challenges along the way.

Maybe you want a new vendor to provide training on the software they are selling you but they say it’s going to cost an additional $20,000 to provide this service. If you don’t have the additional $20,000 in the budget to spend on the software but you feel the training is critical, how are you going to solve that problem?

From what I’ve seen, most vendors aren’t willing to provide additional services without getting paid for them. This is where problem-solving skills will help continue the discussions. You might suggest to the vendor that your company will also be looking to replace their financial software next year, and you’d be happy to ensure they get one of the first seats at the table when the time comes if they could perhaps lower the pricing on their training.

There’s a solution to most challenges, but it takes problem-solving skills to work through them effectively.

6. Decision-Making Ability

Finally, having strong decision-making ability will help you seal the deal when you get to a place where everyone feels like they are getting what works for them. Each step of the way you can cross off the list when you get what you are looking for and decide to move onto the next item. Then, once you have all of your must-have boxes checked and the other side feels good about things, it’s time to shake hands and sign on the dotted line. Powerful decision-making ability will help you get to the finish line together.

Conclusion

There you have it, 6 effective negotiation skills to master to lead a more fulfilling life. Once we realize that we negotiate in one form or another almost every day in every phase of our lives, we realize how critical a skill it is.

Possessing strong negotiation skills will help you in nearly every one of your relationships at both the workplace and in your personal life. If you feel your arbitration tools could use some sharpening, try some of the 6 effective negotiation skills to master that we’ve talked about.

More Tips to Improve Your Negotiation Skills

Featured photo credit: Windows via unsplash.com

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