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Last Updated on January 25, 2021

Starting Today, Stop These 6 Things to Become the Best Version of Yourself

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Starting Today, Stop These 6 Things to Become the Best Version of Yourself

Everyone wants to become the best version of themselves, but few actually do it. We’re our own worst enemies when it comes to achieving success, chasing our dreams, and living a life that’s filled with passion and purpose.

Some of us are self-destructive without realizing it, and others are conscious of the fact, but lack the tools and/or knowledge in order to improve. But no matter who you are, there are 6 main habits that continually get in people’s way of becoming a success.

Eliminate these 6 habits and become the best version of yourself.

1. Stop the fear of failure

Does failing make you worry about what other people think about you? Does failing worry you that people will think you’re stupid and not a competent person? Does failing make you worry about the future and the desired lifestyle you seek? Do you tell people beforehand that you don’t expect to succeed or thrive in order to lower expectations?

If any of these describe you, then you likely suffer from atychiphobia, or fear of failure. It’s important to realize that failure is a natural part of life and doesn’t signal the end of the world.

Highly successful people, such as Michael Jordan, Richard Branson, and Bill Gates have all failed at some point in their life. Failure is needed because that’s when valuable insights are learned that can drive you to become highly successful in life.

Overcome your fears by analyzing all potential outcomes, practice positive thinking, have a worst-case scenario to ease your worries, and practice setting goals.

Remember: “Fear will do one thing and one thing only: hold you back.” – Kya Aliana

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2. Stop the fear of success

Do you get nervous when everything seems to be going well, but in your mind life can’t possibly be this awesome, so naturally something goes wrong as expected?

Do you get close to making the major breakthrough, but something, somehow, falls through?

If these examples happen repeatedly, this isn’t a coincidence, it’s actually a fear of success. Fear of success hides in our subconscious and displays itself in scenarios like the examples above.

People are afraid of success for a myriad of reasons, such as fear of losing their identity, more responsibility being added, raised expectations, and not being able to handle success well.

Success is a good thing, everyone deserves to live out his or her dreams and have a positive impact on the world. Handle success by staying authentic and remembering who you are, accept you won’t please everyone, and be comfortable with every decision you make.

3. Stop people pleasing

Do any of these descriptions sound like you?

  • I want everyone to like me
  • I’m scared/I try to avoid disagreeing with people
  • I never speak my mind
  • I never say no (I’m a yes-man)
  • I never get angry
  • I never tell someone how I feel, even when they make me angry
  • I’d rather go along with the pack than stand my ground

If any of these describe you, I want you to tell yourself, “No more!

It’s time for you to stop playing the role of the ‘doormat’ and start becoming selfish and putting yourself first. For each second you remain in this people-pleaser role, a piece of you dies.

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People pleasers are taken advantage of, prone to stress and depression, develop resentment over time toward people in their lives, and are prone to health issues, such as weight gain. Once you quit people pleasing, you’ll regain your sense of who you are and build up confidence.

Live your life to please yourself and to heck with everyone else.

4. Stop criticizing and judging others

Do you notice how some people have a short fuse for those who have ideas that are different from theirs?

Do you realize how quick people are to judge and label other people without knowing them and to not think twice about it?

To become the best version of yourself, you need to eliminate all negative energy. When you throw negative energy at people, you’re potentially damaging a person’s self-worth and self-esteem. You’re also throwing buckets of negative energy out into the universe yourself.

Nice people finish first in life and achieve more than those who are selfish and bitter with the world.

Avoid criticizing and judging others by not assuming anything; know it’s not about you, and pretend to walk in their shoes to see the situation from their perspective.

5. Stop procrastination

Perfectionism is the mother of procrastination. Procrastination is another form of laziness. Procrastinators sabotage themselves from becoming the best versions of themselves. Procrastinators are sidetracked by insignificant factors that ultimately derail their goals.

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There are many variations of procrastination.

To stop procrastinating, make you actions precise and calculated, have some form of accountability established, and set your goals up in a way in which they are small, manageable, and easily achievable.

6. Stop the negative self-talk

“I could never lose 20 pounds.”

“I’m so stupid, I could never do that job.”

“I’ll look stupid and weird if I try to wear some of those clothes.”

When you receive a compliment about your work, you say, “Oh, that’s nothing.”

These are the types of things most people say when suffering from negative self-talk. Self-talk is a normal process we all experience, but once it becomes filled with irrational ideas that are negative, then there’s a problem.

The story that goes on in your head is a hundred times worse than the actual story going on in your day-to-day life.

Silencing the inner critic and putting a positive spin on things are two of the best ways to eliminate negative self-talk. Start by eliminating negative vocabulary, such as always, can’t, never (and ever), won’t, but, should, and try.

As Yoda would say, “Do or do not. There is no try.”

Featured photo credit: Chris Ford via flickr.com

More by this author

Julian Hayes II

Author, Health & Fitness Coach for Entrepreneurs, & Speaker

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Last Updated on October 7, 2021

How to Make a Change With the Four Quadrants of Change

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How to Make a Change With the Four Quadrants of Change

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. Some people quit smoking a thousand times in their lives! Everyone knows someone with this mindset.

But this type of change is superficial. It doesn’t last. For real, lasting change to take place, we need to consider the quadrants of change.

Real change, the change that is fundamental, consistent, and longitudinal (lasting over time) has to happen in four quadrants of your life.

It doesn’t have to be quitting smoking; it can be any habit you want to break — drinking, biting your nails, overeating, playing video games, shopping, and more.

Most experts focus on only one area of change, some focus on two areas, but almost none focus on all four quadrants of change. That’s why much of change management fails.

Whether it is in the personal life of a single individual through actions and habits, or in a corporate environment, regarding the way they conduct their business, current change management strategies are lacking.

It all stems from ignoring at least one part of the equation.

So, today, we will cover all four quadrants of change and learn the formula for how to change fundamentally and never go back to your “old self.”

A word of warning: this is simple to do, but it’s not easy. Anyone who tells you that change is easy is either trying to sell you something, or they have no idea what they’re talking about.

Those who want an overnight solution have left the article now, so that leaves you, me, and the real process of change.

The Four Quadrants of Change

There are four areas, or quadrants, in which you need to make a change in order for it to stick. If you miss or ignore a single one of these, your change won’t stick, and you will go back to your previous behavior.

The four quadrants are:

  1. Internal individual – mindset
  2. External individual – behavior
  3. Internal collective – culture/support system
  4. External collective – laws, rules, regulations, teams, systems, states

All four of these quadrants of change may sound like they could carry change all by themselves, but they can’t. So, be sure to implement your change in all four quadrants. Otherwise, it will all be in vain.

First Quadrant — Internal Individual

This quadrant focuses on the internal world of an individual, and it concerns itself with the mindset of a person.

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Our actions stem from our thoughts (most of the time), and if we change our mindset toward something, we will begin to process of changing the way we act.

People who use the law of attraction fall into this category, where they’ve recognized the strength of thoughts and how they make us change ourselves.

Even Lao Tzu had a great saying regarding this:

“Watch your thoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become deeds. Watch your deeds. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Character is everything.” [1]

One of the most impactful ways you can make a change in this quadrant is to implement what James Clear calls identity-based habits. [2]

Instead of prioritizing the outcome of a change (ex.: I want to lose 20 pounds), you prioritize your identity as a person (I want to become/remain a healthy person).

Here are a couple of examples for you to see the strength of this kind of resolution:

I want to watch many movies = I am a cinema lover
I want to clean my apartment = I am a clean person
I want to harvest my crops = I am a harvester (farmer)
I want to swim = I am a swimmer

This quadrant is about changing the identity you attach to a certain action. Once you re-frame your thinking in this way, you will have completed the first of the quadrants of change.

Second Quadrant — External Individual

This quadrant focuses on the external world of an individual and concerns itself with the behavior of a person.

This is where people like Darren Hardy, the author of the Compound Effect reside. Hardy is about doing small, consistent actions that will create change in the long run (the compound effect).

You want to lose 30 pounds? Start by eating just 150 calories (approximately two slices of bread) less a day, and in two and a half years, you will have lost 30 pounds.

The same rules apply to business, investing, sports, and multiple other areas. Small, consistent actions can create big changes.

This works — I’ve read 20 extra pages a day for the past two years, and it accumulated into 90 books read in two years. [3]

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Here, you have two ways of dealing with change behaviorally: negative environmental design and positive environmental design.

Negative Environmental Design

This is when you eliminate the things from your environment that revert you to the old behavior. If you want to stop eating ice cream, you don’t keep it in your freezer.

If you want to stop watching TV, you remove the batteries from the remote and put them on the other side of the house (it works!).

Positive Environmental Design

This is when you put the things that you want to do withing reach — literally!

You want to learn how to play guitar? Put your guitar right next to your sofa. You want to head to the gym? Put the gym clothes in a backpack and put it on top of your shoes.

You want to read more books? Have a book on your nightstand, your kitchen table, and on the sofa.

You can even combine this last trick with my early advice about removing the batteries from your remote control, combining the negative and positive environmental designs for maximum effect.

Two Sides of the Same Coin

If you just change your behavior and leave your intentions (thoughts) intact, your discipline will fail you and the real change won’t happen.

You will simply revert back to the previous behavior because you haven’t changed the fundamental root of why this problem occurs in the first place.

That is why you need to create change both in the first quadrant (internal individual — mindset) and the second quadrant (external individual — behavior). These quadrants of change are two sides of the same coin.

Most change management would stop here, and that’s why most change management fails.

No matter how much you focus on yourself, there are things that affect our lives that are happening outside of us. That is the focus of the two remaining quadrants.

Third Quadrant — Internal Collective

This quadrant focuses on the internal world of the collective where the individual resides, and it concerns itself with the culture of that collective.

There are two different distinctions here: the Inner Ring and the Outer Ring.

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The Inner Ring

These are your friends and your family. The Inner Ring is the place where the social and cultural norms of your friends and family rule.

So, if everyone in your family is overweight and every lunch is 1,000 calories per person, then you can say goodbye to your idea of becoming healthy.

In this case, the culture of your group, the inner norms that guide the decisions, actions, thoughts, ideas, and patterns of behaviors are all focused on eating as much as possible. [4]

You need to have the support of your Inner Ring if you want to achieve change. If you don’t have this support, the the best way to proceed is by either changing your entire Inner Ring or distancing yourself from it.

Beware — most Inner Rings won’t accept the fact that you want to change and will undermine you on many occasions — some out of habit, some due to jealousy, and some because supporting you would mean that they have to change, too.

You don’t have to cut ties with people, but you can consciously decide to spend less time with them.

The Outer Ring

The Outer Ring consists of the culture of your company, community, county, region, and country. For example, it’s quite hard to be an open-minded person in North Nigeria, no matter how you, your friends, and your family think.

The Outer Ring is the reason why young people move to the places that share their value systems instead of staying in their current city, county, or country.

Sometimes, you need to change your Outer Ring as well because its culture is preventing you from changing.

I see this every single day in my country, where the culture can be so toxic that it doesn’t matter how great of a job you have or how great your life currently looks — the culture will change you, inch by inch, until you become like it.

Fourth Quadrant — External Collective

This quadrant focuses on the external world of the collective where the individual resides, and it concerns itself with the systems, teams, laws, and rules of that collective.

This quadrant is about the external manifestations of the collective culture. If the majority of the environment thinks in a certain way, they will create institutions that will implement that way of thinking.

The same rules apply to companies.

One example for companies would be those managers who think that employees are lazy, lack responsibility, and need constant supervision (or what is called Theory X in management).

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Then, those managers implement systems that reflect that kind of culture– no flexible work hours, strict rules about logging work, no remote work, etc.

Your thoughts, however, may be different. You might believe that people want responsibility, that they are capable of self-direction, that they can make good decisions, and that managers don’t need to stand on their necks if they want something done (this is called Theory Y in management).

Then, you would want to have flexible working hours, different ways of measuring your productivity (for example, not time on the job but work produced), and remote work, if possible for your profession.

This is when you enter into a conflict with the external collective quadrant. Here, you have four options: leave, persevere, neglect, and voice.

Leave

You can simply leave the company/organization/community/country and go to a different place. Most people decide to do this.

Persevere

This is when you see that the situation isn’t good, but you decide to stick at it and wait for the perfect time (or position) where you can implement change.

Neglect

This is where you give up on the change you want to see and just go with the flow, doing the minimal work necessary to keep the status quo.

These are the people who are disengaged at work and are doing just the bare minimum necessary (which, in the U.S. is around 65% of the workforce).

I did this only once, and it’s probably the only thing I regret doing in my life.

Voice

This is where you actively work on changing the situation, and the people in charge know that you want to create a change.

It doesn’t matter if it’s your company, community, or your country; you are actively calling for a change and will not stop until it’s implemented.

Putting It All Together

When you take it all into account, change is simple, in theory, but it isn’t easy to execute. It takes work in all four quadrants:

  1. Internal individual — mindset
  2. External individual — behavior
  3. Internal collective — culture/support system
  4. External collective — laws, rules, regulations, teams, systems, states

Some will require more work, some less, but you will need to create a change in all four of them.

But don’t let that discourage you because change is possible, and many people have done this. The best time to start changing was yesterday, but the second best time is today.

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Featured photo credit: Djim Loic via unsplash.com

Reference

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