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Starting Today, Stop These 6 Things to Become the Best Version of Yourself

Starting Today, Stop These 6 Things to Become the Best Version of Yourself

Everyone wants to become the best version of themselves, but few actually do it. We’re our own worst enemies when it comes to achieving success, chasing our dreams, and living a life that’s filled with passion and purpose.

Some of us are self-destructive without realizing it, and others are conscious of the fact, but lack the tools and/or knowledge in order to improve. But no matter who you are, there are 6 main habits that continually get in people’s way of becoming a success.

Eliminate these 6 habits and become the best version of yourself.

1. Stop the fear of failure

Does failing make you worry about what other people think about you? Does failing worry you that people will think you’re stupid and not a competent person? Does failing make you worry about the future and the desired lifestyle you seek? Do you tell people beforehand that you don’t expect to succeed or thrive in order to lower expectations?

If any of these describe you, then you likely suffer from atychiphobia, or fear of failure. It’s important to realize that failure is a natural part of life and doesn’t signal the end of the world.

Highly successful people, such as Michael Jordan, Richard Branson, and Bill Gates have all failed at some point in their life. Failure is needed because that’s when valuable insights are learned that can drive you to become highly successful in life.

Overcome your fears by analyzing all potential outcomes, practice positive thinking, have a worst-case scenario to ease your worries, and practice setting goals.

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Remember: “Fear will do one thing and one thing only: hold you back.” – Kya Aliana

2. Stop the fear of success

Do you get nervous when everything seems to be going well, but in your mind life can’t possibly be this awesome, so naturally something goes wrong as expected?

Do you get close to making the major breakthrough, but something, somehow, falls through?

If these examples happen repeatedly, this isn’t a coincidence, it’s actually a fear of success. Fear of success hides in our subconscious and displays itself in scenarios like the examples above.

People are afraid of success for a myriad of reasons, such as fear of losing their identity, more responsibility being added, raised expectations, and not being able to handle success well.

Success is a good thing, everyone deserves to live out his or her dreams and have a positive impact on the world. Handle success by staying authentic and remembering who you are, accept you won’t please everyone, and be comfortable with every decision you make.

3. Stop people pleasing

Do any of these descriptions sound like you?

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  • I want everyone to like me
  • I’m scared/I try to avoid disagreeing with people
  • I never speak my mind
  • I never say no (I’m a yes-man)
  • I never get angry
  • I never tell someone how I feel, even when they make me angry
  • I’d rather go along with the pack than stand my ground

If any of these describe you, I want you to tell yourself, “No more!

It’s time for you to stop playing the role of the ‘doormat’ and start becoming selfish and putting yourself first. For each second you remain in this people-pleaser role, a piece of you dies.

People pleasers are taken advantage of, prone to stress and depression, develop resentment over time toward people in their lives, and are prone to health issues, such as weight gain. Once you quit people pleasing, you’ll regain your sense of who you are and build up confidence.

Live your life to please yourself and to heck with everyone else.

4. Stop criticizing and judging others

Do you notice how some people have a short fuse for those who have ideas that are different from theirs?

Do you realize how quick people are to judge and label other people without knowing them and to not think twice about it?

To become the best version of yourself, you need to eliminate all negative energy. When you throw negative energy at people, you’re potentially damaging a person’s self-worth and self-esteem. You’re also throwing buckets of negative energy out into the universe yourself.

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Nice people finish first in life and achieve more than those who are selfish and bitter with the world.

Avoid criticizing and judging others by not assuming anything; know it’s not about you, and pretend to walk in their shoes to see the situation from their perspective.

5. Stop procrastination

Perfectionism is the mother of procrastination. Procrastination is another form of laziness. Procrastinators sabotage themselves from becoming the best versions of themselves. Procrastinators are sidetracked by insignificant factors that ultimately derail their goals.

There are many variations of procrastination.

To stop procrastinating, make you actions precise and calculated, have some form of accountability established, and set your goals up in a way in which they are small, manageable, and easily achievable.

6. Stop the negative self-talk

“I could never lose 20 pounds.”

“I’m so stupid, I could never do that job.”

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“I’ll look stupid and weird if I try to wear some of those clothes.”

When you receive a compliment about your work, you say, “Oh, that’s nothing.”

These are the types of things most people say when suffering from negative self-talk. Self-talk is a normal process we all experience, but once it becomes filled with irrational ideas that are negative, then there’s a problem.

The story that goes on in your head is a hundred times worse than the actual story going on in your day-to-day life.

Silencing the inner critic and putting a positive spin on things are two of the best ways to eliminate negative self-talk. Start by eliminating negative vocabulary, such as always, can’t, never (and ever), won’t, but, should, and try.

As Yoda would say, “Do or do not. There is no try.”

Comment below on some other ways you feel people stop themselves from becoming the best version of themselves? I’ll love to hear your responses.

Featured photo credit: Chris Ford via flickr.com

More by this author

Julian Hayes II

Author, Health & Fitness Coach for Entrepreneurs, & Speaker

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Last Updated on August 19, 2019

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

We live in a world that constantly tells us what to do, how to act, what to be. Knowing how to be true to yourself and live the life you want can be a challenge.

When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does not mean the question sincerely, for it would lead to an in depth conversation. So telling them that you are good or fine, even if you’re not, is the usual answer.

In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen. We wouldn’t be afraid to be ourselves. Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens. Sometimes even more so than it might have been before. Eventually, it becomes hard to take off, even when you’re alone.

Imagine a world where we asked how someone was doing and they really told us. Imagine a world where there were no masks, only transparency when we talked to one another.

If you want to live in a world that celebrates who you are, mistakes and all, take off the mask. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive or fine all the time.

According to a Danish psychologist, Svend Brinkman, we expect each other to be happy and fine every second, and we expect it of ourselves. And that “has a dark side.”[1] Positive psychology can have its perks but not at the expense at hiding how you truly feel in order to remain seemingly positive to others.

No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace. We have to unlearn this. That said, telling others you are ‘“fine”’ all the time is actually detrimental to your wellbeing, because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic or your truest self.

When you acknowledge a feeling, it leads you to the problem that’s causing that feeling; and once you identify the problem, you can find a solution to it. When you hide that feeling, you stuff it way down so no one can help you.You can’t even help yourself.

Feelings are there for one reason: to be felt. That doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. It just means that you start the process of problem solving so you can live the life you want.

1. Embrace Your Vulnerability

When you are your true self, you can better self-advocate or stand up for what you need. Your self-expression matters, and you should value your voice. It’s okay to need things, it’s okay to speak up, and it’s okay not to be okay.

Telling someone you are simply “fine” when you are not, does your story and your journey a great disservice. Being true to yourself entails embracing all aspects of your existence.

When you bring your whole self to the table, there is nothing that you can’t beat. Here’re 7 benefits of being vulnerable you should learn.

Can you take off the mask? This is the toughest thing anyone can do. We have learned to wait until we are safe before we start to be authentic.

In relationships especially, this can be hard. Some people avoid vulnerability at any cost. And in our relationship with ourselves, we can look in the mirror and immediately put on the mask.

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It all starts with your story. You have been on your own unique journey. That journey has led you here, to the person you are today. You have to be unafraid, and embrace all aspects of that journey.

You should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone.

Authenticity means you are enough. It’s enough to be who you are to get what you want.

What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it?

You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, (rather than being passive or aggressive) in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer.

That’s where we all should be.

So, answer me this:

How are you, really?

And know that no matter the answer, you should still be accepted.

Bravery is in the understanding that you still may not be accepted for your truth.

Bravery is knowing you matter even when others say that you do not.

Bravery is believing in yourself when all evidence counters doing so (i.e. past failures or losses)

Bravery is in being vulnerable while knowing vulnerability is a sign of strength.

It’s taking control.

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2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity

You can take control of your destiny and live the life you want by being true to yourself. You can start anytime. You can start today.

You can start with one day at a time, just facing what happens that day. Most of us get overwhelmed when faced with the prospect of a big change. Even if the only thing we change is our attitude.

In one instant, you can become a different person with a change of attitude. When you take control of your attitude, you become able to better understand what is around you. This allows you to move forward.

Originally, you may have had a life plan. It could have started when you were little; you were hoping to become a mermaid, doctor, astronaut or all three when you grew up. You were hoping to be someone. You were hoping to be remembered.

You can still dream those dreams, but eventually reality sets in. Obstacles and struggles arise. You set on a different path when the last one didn’t work out. You think of all the “shoulds” in your life in living the life you want. You should be doing this…should be doing that…

Clayton Barbeau, psychologist, coined the term “shoulding yourself.’[2] When we are set on one path and find ourselves doing something different. It becomes all the things you should be doing rather than seeing the opportunities right in front of you.

But in all this disarray, did you lose sight of the real you?

It may be in our perceived failures and blunders that we lose sight of who we are, because we try to maintain position and status.

In being who we really are and achieving what we really want, we need to be resilient: How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You

It means that we do not see all possibilities of what might happen, but must trust ourselves to begin again, and continue to build the life we want. In the face of adversity, you must choose your attitude.

Can attitude overcome adversity? It certainly helps. While seeking to be true to yourself and live the life you want, you will have to face a fact:

Change will happen.

Whether that change is good or bad is unique to each person and their perspective.

You might have to start over, once, twice, a few times. It doesn’t mean that everything will be okay, but that you will be okay. What remains or should remain is the true you. When you’ve lost sight of that, you’ve lost sight of everything.

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And then, you rebuild. Moment after moment, day after day. We all have a choice, and in this moment, that matters.

You can choose to have a positive attitude, seeing the silver lining in each situation and, where there is none, the potential for one. Maybe that silver lining is you and what you will do with the situation. How will you use it for something good?

That’s how you can tap into yourself and your power. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. It can happen when we aren’t even looking for it, or it can be your only focus. Everyone gets there differently.

You can rise, or you can remain. Your choice.

When the worst happens, you can rely on your authenticity to pull you through. That’s because Self Advocacy, speaking up to let others know what you need, is part of finding the real you.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Or sometimes, helping others can help us deal with the pain of a hurtful situation. You decide how you’re going to help others, and suddenly, you become your best self.

3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking

Being the best version of you has nothing to do with your success or your status. It has everything to do with your Character, what you do when no one’s looking.

In order to create the life you want, you have to be the person you want to be. Faking it till you make it is just a way to white knuckle it through your journey. You have the fire inside of you to make things right, to put the pieces together, to live authentically. And Character is how you get there.

If you fall down and you help another up while you’re down there, it’s like you rise twice.

Along with attitude, your character is about the choices you make rather than what happens to you.

Yes, it’s about doing the right thing even when obstacles seem insurmountable.  It’s about using that mountain you’ve been given to show others it can be moved.  It’s about being unapologetically you, taking control, choosing your attitude in adversity and being the best version of you to create the life you want.

How do you know what you really want? Is it truly status or success?

Unfortunately, these things do not always bring happiness. And aspects of our image or “performance driven existence” may not achieve satisfaction. Materialism is part of our refusal to accept ourselves as enough. All the things we use to repress our true selves are about being enough.

“Enoughness” is what we truly seek, but ego gets in the way.

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Ego is the perception of self as outer worth. It’s not REAL self worth.

Ego represses our true self with a new self— the self of chasing ‘“Am I ever enough?”’ questions. And instead of filling our true selves with self-love and acceptance, when we “should ourselves” and chase “enoughness,” we feed the ego or our image.

It’s important to realize YOU ARE ENOUGH, without all the material trappings.

Stanford psychologist Meagan O’Reilly describes the damage of not thinking we are enough. One of her tactics for combating this is to complete the sentence,[3]

“If I believed I were already enough, I’d ____”

What would you do if you felt you were enough?

By believing you are enough, you can live the life you want.

So many fake it to try to get there, and they end up losing themselves when they lose more and more touch with their Authenticity.

Final Thoughts

By being yourself, you are being brave. By acknowledging all you can be, you tell the universe that you can until you believe it too. The steps are easy, and you are worth it. All of it is about the purpose you are leading and the passion that is your fuel.

Being true to yourself is all about mastering how to live life authentically rather than faking or forcing it. Having the life you want (and deserve) is about being trusting in yourself and the purpose you are living for. Both need passion behind it, fueling it each second, or you will experience burn out.

When you are authentic, you can call the road you walk your own. When you live your life for you and not just the results of all your actions (faking it till you make it), you can let go of what you don’t need. This clarifies and pushes purpose to you, living for something that is greater than you.

You will find that making decisions based on what will actually achieve your goals, will help you attain the life you want, and your success with each step, will allow you to enjoy the process. Good luck!

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Featured photo credit: Ariana Prestes via unsplash.com

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