Last Updated on June 26, 2020

How to Be Confident: 62 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence

How to Be Confident: 62 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence

When you learn how to be confident, you can use it in your everyday life to tackle all of your goals and challenges, as well as to stop second-guessing yourself, manage your fears, and become able to do more of the things that really matter to you.

However, not many people realize that their self-confidence works just like a muscle—it grows in response to the level of performance required of it. Either you use it, or you lose it.

Here I will give you 62 proven ways on how to be confident and achieve more.

1. Learn Something New

Sign up for that evening class and enjoy it. Alternatively, read a book (or take an online course) on a topic you’ve always wanted to learn more about.

Learning new things stretches your abilities, keeps your mind active, and most definitely boosts your confidence.

2. Ask Your Partner or a Friend What You Can Do For Them

This can be something as easy as helping them with a chore they don’t like or have little time for. Through helping them, you’ll find that you feel better about yourself.

3. Hit the Gym

The physiological effects of going to the gym will leave you feeling great.

Countless studies have shown that regular workouts at the gym can boost not only your sense of well-being, but can increase your self-esteem, too[1].

4. Go to a Networking Event

Rather than being nervous about your own stuff, focus on how to help others. Instead of going along with the aim of trying to sell yourself to others, why not change your approach and simply go along to see how you can help the people you meet?

By doing this, you’ll come across as calm, confident, and someone that people will want to turn to again and again.

5. Get Clear on the Things That Matter to You

If these things are not in your life, you’ll need to bring them in.

For example, if your daily work routine is currently as dull as dishwater—but you’d like it to be fun—then do something about it. Turn data entry into personal speed contests, paper filing into “screen-free” time, and interactions with your colleagues into enjoyable conversations.

6. Remove Negative Things From Your Life

Write a list of the things you’re tolerating and putting up with in your life, then write down how you can remove, minimize, or diminish each one.

I personally like to do this with pen and paper as it feels just a little more real and definite than on screen. It’s also a good idea to put the priority items at the top of your list, so you can begin resolving these first.

7. Celebrate Your Big and Small Wins

Look at a great (or small) win or success you’ve experienced, and give yourself credit for your part in it.

Recognizing your achievements is not egotistical, it’s healthy.

8. Converse With New People

Go and have a conversation with someone you don’t know. By doing this, you may be pleasantly surprised by what—or who—you’ll discover.

You can also extend this trait by breaking outside of your normal social circle at your workplace.

9. Do Something You Would Normally Say No to

Next time you talk yourself out of doing something (a party invite, a challenging project, etc.), go and do it anyway.

10. Do One Thing Each Day That Makes You Smile

This could be something as simple as sending a thank you email to a colleague that has been helpful to you—or leaving a surprise present for your partner that they’ll discover when they wake up.

Life shouldn’t be drudgery, and we all need to make the effort to keep it light, loving, and fun.

11. Give Yourself Good Advice

Look for the patterns of thought that take you to a place where you start second-guessing or overthinking.

Now imagine that your best friend went through exactly the same thought process and ended up holding themselves back—what would you want to say to them?

12. Ask Someone on a Date

If you’re single but have met someone that you’re definitely attracted to—go ahead and ask them out.

Even if they turn you down, your confidence will be boosted by the fact that you were decisive and made an effort. What’s the best thing that could happen? They might just say yes!

13. Write Down 20 Things That Make You Feel Good

Think of this as a gratitude list. Typical things you might include are: your partner, your kids, your parents, your pets, etc.

I recommend writing this list at least once a month. And most importantly—make sure you’re giving the 20 things plenty of room in your life.

14. Stop Playing Different Roles

Stop playing different roles and squeezing yourself into boxes based on what you think people expect you to act like.


I can’t stress this enough—be your authentic self, the one who knows what to do and loves what they do. It’s easy to find this part of yourself as it’s inherent in your hobbies and your close friendships.

If you can bring this authenticity into your work life, you’ll be surprised at how positively others will react to you.

15. Cultivate a Positive Mindset

Learn to catch yourself every time you tell yourself that you can’t have, won’t get, or aren’t good enough to get what you want.

Instead, tell yourself that you can have, will get, and are good enough to get what you want. Mindset is everything. Make sure yours is positive and dynamic.

16. Take Yourself off Auto-Pilot

Make deliberate decisions on what really matters to you.

For instance, if you normally work 9 to 5 but find yourself spending hours getting to and from work, why not negotiate with your boss to mix your hours up a bit?

You might also suggest a day or two working from home. Sell this to your boss by reminding them that the time and stress lost to commuting can be neatly transferred to productive work hours.

17. Listen Carefully to What You Tell Yourself

Next time you come up against a risk or a challenge, listen to what you tell yourself, and look for a way to improve your inner dialogue.

If you normally find that your inner dialogue is negative, then break out of this by asking yourself questions such as:

  • “What would make this easier?”
  • “Is there a different way of doing this?”
  • “Could research help?”

18. Laugh at Yourself

Scared of looking silly? It’s no biggie, so don’t let it stop you.

I want you to say it with me…“It just doesn’t matter!” That’s right.

Whenever we try something new, there’s a fair chance that we’ll make fools of ourselves. But you’d be a bigger fool to let that stop you. Instead, laugh at your baby steps and watch your confidence soar as you begin to master your chosen activity.

19. Don’t Think That You Can’t Be Confident

There are already loads of things you do with natural self-confidence. You just have to notice them and get familiar with how that confidence feels. I’m sure you know what I mean.

For example, think about brushing your teeth, walking in a park, or talking to a close friend. You do all these things naturally and confidently. Take that same feeling and self-assurance and transplant it to things you lack confidence in (public speaking being a common one).

20. Listen to Your Doubts

Sometimes your doubts are there to let you know what you need to prepare for, so you can use them to your benefit as you move forwards. Other times, they are just doubts.

The trick is to quickly determine if your doubts have validity. If they do, use them to shape your decisions.

To illustrate this, imagine that you’ve had an enticing job offer, but you doubt whether you’re capable of doing the job. Spend a little time analyzing your doubts to see whether they reflect reality, or whether they are just negative thoughts that are trying to hold you back.

21. Recall a Time When You Did a Great Job

Think of a time when it felt like a whole bank of switches in your head flicked to the on position, and you were firing on all cylinders. What were you doing, and what’s the reason it felt so great? Can you emulate that passion and drive that you had?

When your confidence or motivation is running low, delve into your memory bank and pull out times when you were riding high and achieving great things. Dwell on the good times until you feel your current levels of drive stepping back up. And then get to work!

22. Tear up Your Rule Book

You may not know it, but you’ve almost certainly got a whole bunch of outdated rules that determine what you do, don’t do, should do, and shouldn’t do. These rules limit your thinking and your behavior.

It’s time to change them. Tear up this subconscious rule book and toss it in the fire. Once you’ve done this, you’ll immediately notice how free you feel to make challenging and exciting decisions. Life will be dynamic and fun again.

23. Ask Yourself What You Have Gained When You Lose

Do you get annoyed with yourself because you didn’t make the most of something or stepped back from an opportunity?

Firstly, don’t beat yourself up because that’s just going to make you feel worse. Instead, be brutally honest and ask yourself what you gained from the situation and what you lost out on.

Based on this win/lose balance, what’s a different choice you can make next time?

24. Recognize It’s Okay to Be Scared

Don’t ever think that being scared means you’re not confident; it simply means you’re going somewhere new. As the world offers virtually unlimited possibilities and opportunities, you’ll likely be encountering new things all the time.

25. Don’t Let People Put You Down

If there’s someone in your life who puts you down or makes you feel small, you owe it to yourself to let them know that you expect something different from now on. 

Trust me, once you’ve told them, they’ll change, and you will, too. Inevitably, you’ll boost both your confidence and happiness by taking control of your life in this way.

26. Flirt With Someone

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting physical flirtation (this could be misconstrued as sexual harassment). What I’m referring to is jokey, social conversation that makes all parties feel positive, open, and happy. You can think of it as turning formal interactions into informal ones.


For example, if you normally greet a colleague each day by saying, “Good morning, how are you today?,” add a bit of “flirt-power” by using their name and asking more detailed questions. Something like this: “Hi Sean! Nice to see you. How was your evening? Did you do anything exciting?”

27. Reveal a Little Bit of the Real You

Let’s face it, relationships can be difficult. They usually start off great but then run into some rough patches. They can also lose their zest and become stale. If this happens in your relationship, then it’s time to add some magic to the mix.

Try revealing something interesting about yourself or your past that your partner doesn’t currently know about. Perhaps you never mentioned to them that you used to play in a rock band—and you still have the recordings to prove it!

By adding new things to your relationship, you’ll deepen the bond and keep the spark alive.

28. Acknowledge Both Good and Bad Experiences

Acknowledge and welcome all of your experiences—the good stuff and the bad stuff.

It’s all equally valid, and hiding things away because you don’t like them is just creating conflict. And it’s important to remember that the bad stuff is often more helpful in the long run than the good stuff.

29. Recognize That You Can Be Your Own Hero

Recognize that you’re more than a match for any situation you might find yourself in—no matter how tough the going gets.

We all love movies like Die Hard where ordinary people are driven to super-ordinary feats. But here’s the rub: you can be your own action hero.

Whatever the situation, meet it head on and overcome it. Keep in mind the classic phrase: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

30. Engage With What’s Around You

Two words for you…the internet! Yes, nowadays this is the most common way that we distract ourselves and lose our focus. Breaking news, social media updates, Netflix, etc. It’s a 24-hour non-stop avalanche of content.

The problem is, of course, that we can’t consume this content 24 hours a day! We need to sleep, eat, work, rest, socialize, and much more.

31. Don’t Give in to the Instant Pay-off

If I was to offer you $100 now for a day’s work tomorrow or $110 for the same work, but I won’t pay you for a week, which would you choose? Well, I can’t read your mind, but I do know that studies using a similar question to this have found that most people choose the instant, smaller payment over the latter, bigger payment. It seems that we’re hardwired for instant gratification.

However, if you want to be a success in life, always look at the bigger picture. In the example above, if you could have only waited seven more days, you would have been $10 richer!

32. Instead of Yelling “I Deserve Better,” Say “I Can Be Better”

Too often I hear people complaining about their personal circumstances but refusing to do anything about it. Don’t be like them.

If things aren’t going your way, find solutions and implement them. Your boldness and decisiveness will boost your confidence and help you rapidly climb the ladder of success.

33. Admit You’re Wrong

It may not be easy, but you should always be prepared to hold your hands up and change your mind if things are going south. Not every idea you have will be a winning one. The trick is to know when things are clearly not working out. In these cases you still have control.

You can either attempt to get them back on track or kill them off completely (sometimes that’s the best way).

34. Trust Your Instincts

We all have our gut feelings and intuitions, but many people choose to ignore them and rely only on facts, facts, and more facts! While this may work for many scenarios, there will be other times when you’ll need to rely on your instincts.

35. Push Yourself Forward Despite Any Fear

Rather than running away from fear, use it to keep pushing yourself forwards.

36. Imagine Your Confident Future Self

Imagine you’re visited by a successful, confident, attractive, and vibrant version of you from the future, a version of you who’s everything you hope to be. What do they want to tell you?

They might praise your efforts, but they may also criticize your lack of planning and weak goals.

Luckily, if you listen closely to what they tell you, you’ll be able to rapidly shift gears in your life and become the you of the future!

37. Ask for Help

This is a common issue. We take on way too many responsibilities and end up either burning ourselves out or just doing a bad job!

The secret is to put the vast majority of your energy and efforts into what you do well. Give the stuff you don’t do well to others who have a gift for it. Sometimes the most confident and effective thing to do is ask for help.

38. Take a Chance

Big or small, just take a chance. You’ll be amazed what this approach can do for your life and your confidence. You’ll feel energized, bold, and adventurous.

If you’re short on ideas, try these: ask your boss for a pay rise, go somewhere new for lunch, or open yourself up to a friend.

39. Be Around People Who Make You Feel Like You

Do this by spending more time with the people who support and encourage you and less time with those who undermine you.

At work, don’t be ruined by negative, petty people. Instead, make sure you surround yourself with colleagues who make you laugh and feel good about yourself.


40. Stop Struggling Against Things You Don’t Like

Instead, create a harmonious environment around you that flows and allows you to be you. In other words, don’t keep doing things you don’t want to do.

For instance, if you always buy the same food every week but find yourself complaining about how dull the food is, put a stop to it! You can break free from this rut by visiting grocery stores, cafes, and restaurants that you’ve never frequented before.

41. Participate in the World Around You

Ask yourself this question: “What can I participate in that’s important to me?”

Typically, this could be your church, a sports club, or even just a weekly get together with your best friend.

42. Do Something Bold

Pros and cons are often rammed down our throats over and over again. You know what I mean: “Don’t make a decision until you’ve listed all of the pros and cons… blah, blah, blah!” Now don’t get me wrong, there are definitely times for using pros and cons, but there are other times when you should just go with your gut.

By doing this, you’ll feel strong, free, and ultra-confident.

43. Develop Skills to Work on Things That Matter to You

What can you practice that would radically improve your chances of winning?

If you want to climb the corporate ladder, for example, then develop the skills needed to do this. These might include: effective project management skills, powerful presentational abilities, and superb goal setting skills.

Of course, don’t forget that emulating those who have already achieved your goal is one of the quickest and most reliable ways for you to achieve your aims, too.

44. Act Until You Make It

The body is a mirror for the mind, so shifting your body into a confident state can have surprising results.

This is all about acting. If you want to come across as tough, act tough. If you want to come across as successful, act successful. And if you want to come across as confident, act confident.

Try doing these things, and you’ll be amazed by the results.

45. Push Through When You Want to Give up

Don’t get disheartened or demotivated when you get to 90% with something you’re working on. Push through, and you’ll see that the last 10% is where the magic happens.

Many people fall at the last hurdle. Instead, be aware that around the 90% mark of a project, you may begin to struggle. Refocus your efforts and energies and push right through to the end. Once you do this, you’ll not only be rewarded with a completed project—but your self-esteem will tick up a notch, too.

46. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Keep comparing yourself to others?  Stop it. Don’t try to validate yourself through comparison—you’re just peachy as you are.

47. Speak up When You Can Make a Difference

Put your head above the parapet at work and speak up if there’s something you think could be improved or if you have an idea you think has legs.

Have you noticed that quiet people at work rarely get the promotions? It’s not that they are incapable or lacking talent, but their abilities are usually overlooked as they don’t know how to engage with others or how to sell themselves.

To get on in this world, be sure that you’re an active player. Speak up in meetings by suggesting ideas and offering constructive criticism. Before long, you’ll be noticed, and not long after that, you’ll begin your ascent up the ladder of success.

48. Stop Struggling and Start Accepting

If there’s something you’ve been struggling to understand for a while, stop trying to understand it. Accept it just as it is, fully and wholly.

Life offers endless mysteries. If you try to resolve them all you’ll drive yourself insane. Instead, let some mysteries remain, and keep your mind focused on your goals and dreams.

49. It’s Okay to Be Shy

There’s nothing wrong with being shy, and it doesn’t mean you’re not a confident person.

If you suffer from shyness, you might think it’s a major weakness of yours. However, introverted people have the edge in many ways, such as: they’re first-rate listeners, they have excellent observational skills, and they’re easier to trust[2].

50. Clean up Your Environment

Your environment directly impacts your self-perception. So, if you’re surrounded by clutter, paperwork, and rubbish, put a morning aside to clean up your stuff and get organized.

51. Write a List of Things You Would Love to Do

Write yourself a list of the amazing things you’d love to do in your life, and make a start by simply looking into the first one or two things that leap out at you.

Even if you don’t currently have the means to live your dreams, you can, at the very least, make a start. The best way to do this is to write out the things you’d love to do. These may include cool stuff, such as travelling the world, learning a new language, or climbing a mountain.

Once you’ve added the items to your list, don’t stop there. Begin researching and preparing ways to turn your dreams into realities.

52. Make Your Self-Worth Independent From Others’ Validation

Don’t make your happiness or self-worth dependent on being in a relationship or being validated by someone else.

While it’s difficult to admit it, we often find ourselves rating our self-esteem by the value other people put on us.


For instance, you may have a super-positive boss who is always encouraging and supportive. They make you feel upbeat and confident at all times. However, imagine if they left and your new boss was the complete opposite. They constantly look for faults in your work and regularly criticize you. Would you still feel confident in those circumstances?

If you’ve answered no, then you need to reappraise your self-worth as it shouldn’t be dependent on the validation of others.

53. Use Your Strengths

We all have our weaknesses, but they only undermine your confidence if you let them.

For instance, are you aware that Virgin’s founder Richard Branson suffers from dyslexia? He never let this hold him back or destroy his confidence. Today, he is one of the world’s most successful men, with a net worth of approximately $5 billion[3].

54. Complete a To-Do List

The longer you leave that big thing on your to-do list, the more it’ll drain you, and the bigger it’ll seem. Get it done and free yourself up.

Imagine for a moment that you set yourself a goal to write the first chapter of a book idea that you’ve come up with. When you added it to your to-do list, you were excited. However, as the days, weeks, and months went by…it was still on your list, but you hadn’t written a word!

Clearly, the task had overwhelmed you, and you had fallen victim to that common visitor: procrastination! Unfortunately, by having the task on your to-do list for so long, it had consciously and subconsciously began to eat into your confidence.

The answer of course, is to break down tasks into smaller ones. For instance, instead of trying to write a whole chapter in one go, how about just writing the opening paragraph?

What golden threads, themes, patterns, and passions have always been in your life? Once you’ve got them clear in your mind (or down on paper), ask yourself: “Are these things present in my life right now?” If not, you’ll need to take action and begin shifting your priorities.

55. Treat Your Body Well

Your body image does matter, because if you have a bad relationship with your body, you won’t be feeling confident in yourself.

What’s one of the first things most of us do when we get up in the morning? We look in the mirror. If we don’t like what we see there, then our day starts off on a negative note. If, on the other hand, we look in the mirror and feel proud of our appearance, then we start the day off in an upbeat, positive way.

If you’re unhappy with your body and looks, do something to improve them. Exercise, diet, and styling are common ways of improving your body image—and your confidence.

56. Never Stop Boosting Your Confidence

Being confident is an ongoing process. It isn’t a goal or an end-point that you reach and then stop.

Think of it like learning. If you only learn at school, and then never learn anything else, do you think you’ll be able to keep growing and improving your life? It’s the same with confidence.

Keep pushing yourself forward, and your confidence levels will develop with you.

57. Try a New Path

The well-trodden paths of your life can easily turn from familiarity to apathy and disconnection.

A new path wakes you up and makes you feel fresh and alive again! Try it and see.

58. Learn to Say No

Don’t say yes to taking on a task simply because you don’t want to rock the boat. You can politely decline requests you can’t meet without needing to create excuses.

While saying yes to everything that comes your way might feel like you’re being helpful and in demand, in the long run, you’ll burn yourself out.

To keep your energy and drive at its optimum, be sure to refrain from overworking. If your plate is full already, then don’t hesitate to turn down non-urgent requests. Not only will you save yourself from a breakdown, but people will respect you more.

59. Learn From Confident People

Look at the people you respect who seem confident. Don’t copy them, but identify what it is they do differently that conveys confidence and what you can learn from it.

People-watching is not only fun, but it can be informative, too. Look closely at successful people you know, or those being interviewed on TV, and over time you’ll begin to notice common traits, beliefs, and behaviors that they exhibit.

Start adopting some of these, and it’ll be liking putting on the clothes of successful people.

60. Follow Through on Your Plans

Most people find it easy to write plans. The hard part, of course, is seeing them through. To stand out from the crowd, make sure that you know exactly how to complete your plans.

If you need to, write down a step-by-step guide and begin following it. Not only will this drive you towards the completion of your plans—but experiencing the progress will also give you a continuous boost to your self-esteem.

61. Shift Your Focus When You Doubt Yourself

When you feel yourself focusing inwards and becoming paralyzed with doubt or fear, switch to focusing outwards at what you can engage and interact with.

I remember one of my writing tutors telling me that when the words stop flowing, it’s time to take a break— preferably a walk in the park. It’s sound advice as it’s very easy to get caught up with our thoughts and emotions and be unable to make progress.

62. Never Beat Yourself up for Failing

Life is guaranteed to not always be a barrel of laughs. Instead, it’s much more like a roller coaster. There will be ups and downs, so ride them out.

The art of living is to know how to handle whatever comes you way. The best way to achieve this is by developing an iron core that is unhindered by the topsy-turvy outside world.

Final Thoughts

Here I’ve given you 62 different ways to build confidence. Take action on the ways that you’re drawn to. It’s not enough to read about them. For them to work, you must adopt them into your daily life. Do this, and you’ll see your confidence soar.

More on How to Be Confident


More by this author

Steve Errey

Steve is a confidence coach who helps leaders build confidence.

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Last Updated on August 12, 2020

How to Plan Your Life Goals and Actually Achieve Them

How to Plan Your Life Goals and Actually Achieve Them

Where do you want to be 5 years from now, 10 years from now, or even this time next year? These places are your goal destinations and although you might know that you don’t want to be standing still in the same place as you are now, it’s not always easy to identify what your real goals are.

Many people think that setting a goal destination is having a dream that is there in the far distant future but will never be attained. This proves to be a self-fulfilling prophesy because of two things:

Firstly, that the goal isn’t specifically defined enough in the first place; and secondly, it remains a remote dream waiting for action which is never taken.

Defining your goal destination is something that you need to take some time to think carefully about. The following steps on how to plan your life goals should get you started on a journey to your destination.

1. Make a List of Your Goal Destinations

Goal destinations are the things that are important to you. Another word for them would be ambitions, but ambitions sound like something which outside of your grasp, whereas goal destinations are certainly achievable if you are willing to put in the effort working towards them.


So what do you really want to do with your life? What are the main things that you would like to accomplish with your life? What is it that you would really regret not doing if you suddenly found you had a limited amount of time left on the earth?

Each of these things is a goal. Define each goal destination in one sentence.

If any of these goals is a stepping stone to another one of the goals, take it off this list as it isn’t a goal destination.

2. Think About the Time Frame to Have the Goal Accomplished

This is where the 5 year, 10 year, next year plan comes into it.

Learn the differences between a short term goal and a long term goal. Some goals will have a “shelf life” because of age, health, finance, etc, whereas others will be up to you as to when you would like to achieve them by.


3. Write Down Your Goals Clearly

Write each goal destination at the top of a new piece of paper.

For each goal, write down what is it that you need and don’t have now that will allow you achieve that goal. This could be some kind of education, career change, finance, a new skill, etc. Any “stepping stone” goals you removed will fit into this exercise. If any of these smaller “goals” have sub-goals, go through the same process with these so that you have precise action points to work with.

4. Write Down What You Need to Do for Each Goal

Under each item listed, write down the things that you will need to do in order to complete each of the steps required to complete the goal. 

These items will become a check-list. They are a tangible way of checking how you are progressing towards reaching your goal destinations. A record of your success!

5. Write Down Your Timeframe With Specific and Realistic Dates

Using the time frames you created, on each goal destination sheet write down the year in which you will complete the goal by.


For any goal which has no fixed completion date, think about when you would like to have accomplished it by and use that as your destination date.

Work within the time frames for each goal destination, make a note of realistic dates by which you will complete each of the small steps.

6. Schedule Your To-Dos

Now take an overview of all your goal destinations and make a schedule of what you need to do this week, this month, this year – in order to progress along the road towards your goal destinations.

Write these action points on a schedule, you have definite dates on which to do things.

7. Use Your Reticular Activating System to Get Your Goal

Learn in this Lifehack’s vlog how you can hack your brain with the Reticular Activation System (RAS) and reach your goal more efficiently:


8. Review Your Progress

At the end of the year, review what you have done this year, mark things off the check-lists for each goal destination and write up the schedule with the action points you need for the next year.

Although it may take you several years to, for example, get the promotion you desire because you first need to get the MBA which means getting a job with more money to allow you to finance a part-time degree course, you will ultimately be successful in achieving your goal destination because you have planned out not only what you want, but how to get it, and have been pro-active towards achieving it.

More Tips for Achieving Goals

Featured photo credit: Debby Hudson via

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