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10 Things Nice People Do Differently That Make Them Achieve More

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10 Things Nice People Do Differently That Make Them Achieve More

We think that in order to get ahead in life, we need to “look out for ourselves,” even be selfish and mean. But is that really true? Could it be that nice people actually get more? Well, yes, they do, and it’s scientifically proven. Here’s how nice people achieve more.

1. They help without expecting something in return.

Adam Grant in Give and Take, a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller, makes this crystal clear. According to his research, people who give unconditionally—the givers—are the ones who achieve the most. Right after them, rank the people who “look out for themselves” and might even be mean or selfish. These are the “takers.”

Yes, takers come second.

2. They listen.

Marie Forleo, a “Rich, Happy, and Hot” internet entrepreneur, often says that the greatest gift we can ever give to others is our presence.

As she discussed on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday, when someone’s talking to you but you’re texting or just thinking about other things, the message you’re sending is that the other person is not worthy of your attention.

The solution? Say “I’m back!” And just like that, your focus will be back to reality. Every color is now more vivid because you’re actually noticing it! Now, you can be there for the other person, and actually help them. Watch Marie explain this technique in her own words:

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Truly nice people are people others can rely upon. And, yes, because of their generosity, they receive 10x their input back in return.

3. They are unexpectedly nice.

Nice people are not just nice in situations when most people are nice—they are nice even in situations where “niceness” is not expected. They’ll listen and you’ll feel heard. They’ll surprise you with their help and ideas.

I felt like that when I met best-selling author Tim Ferriss in person. Even though he was surrounded by tons of people, when he talked to me, I felt as if I was the only person in the room.

And here I am now talking about it. And there are thousands of people just like me praising him. Does Tim get things in return from all this word of mouth? You bet he does.

4. Their generous reputation precedes them.

Truly nice people are known for being nice. For example, even before I met consultant Michael Fishman in his BehaviorCon conference last August (hacking behavior along with best-selling author Ramit Sethi), I knew he was nice. Facebook and Twitter make the world so connected that news just spreads.

Indeed after we met he surprised me by saying “gratitude” for every little thing I did. Then he unexpectedly offered to help me with my book.

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And yes, here I am talking publicly about it. Because you can hardly forget when someone takes care of you.

5. They make others feel good.

When you feel heard, you feel good. When you get help, you feel good. And you just can’t help but like the other person who helped you.

Then, reciprocity kicks in: one of Cialdini’s Principles of Influence. When you get something, you feel like you need to give back in return. You can’t help but do something nice for the person who helped you. And that’s how nice people get even more back in return.

6. They know the difference between being a doormat vs. being a generous giver.

Nice people are not doormats. After all, no one respects doormats. People take advantage of doormats. Few people genuinely help doormats.

Nice people know the boundaries between being generous and being taken advantage of. They do their best to be there for others, but they don’t let them cross the line.

Interestingly, in Give and Take I learned that doormats actually are at the bottom of the achievement scale. So nice people rank first, takers come second, and down at the bottom are the doormats.

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7. They are not just nice with others but they’re nice with themselves too.

So many people are nice with others, only to be extremely self-critical with themselves. They think they’re being honest. They might even complain about “sabotaging” themselves, yet since they are being “honest” they have a good excuse for doing so.

But the truth is that they are using double standards. When they talk negatively to themselves, they are only demotivating themselves from going forward. It’s one thing to say, “I’m so fat, I’ll never lose weight,” and another to say, “My past choices have made me fat, but my new ones will lead me to a better place.” If you want to be a truly nice person, you need to be nice with everyone, including yourself.

8. They don’t make excuses for not doing what they say they want to do.

Since nice people talk nicely to themselves, they are actually encouraging themselves to do the things they want to do. So, say they want to exercise. They won’t come up with excuses about why they can’t do it. Instead, they’ll encourage themselves to figure it out. They might try yoga, take longer walks, or exercise at home for just five minutes.

The result is that they feel empowered. They trust that they can do what it is they want to do. Nothing can stand in their way. And maybe that’s why people who exercise actually make 9% more than everyone else.

So, if you want to write a book, learn cooking, or de-clutter your home, what are you waiting for?

9. They see failure as a stepping stone to success.

When others get demotivated because things didn’t go their way, nice people are already looking for “the next cow.” Nice people know that “No” is a first step to “Yes,” and that failure is a stepping-stone to success. It’s not that they celebrate failure, but they don’t make a big deal about it either.

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And that’s how when others quit, nice people persevere. When others think everything is dark, nice people are confident they’ll hit their goals.

10. They have the power to influence others.

Best-selling author Gary Vaynerchuck once said he devoted a few minutes while he was driving to talking on the phone with people. Now Gary has thousands of followers. This behavior is not scalable to every single follower. Yet, he does anything he can do to help. Even taking advantage of his driving time.

And people appreciate it. They know that Gary is extremely busy, yet he gives them one-on-one time. They are deeply grateful for that, and yes, they convert into lifetime Gary fans.

When Gary releases a new book, or goes on a new venture, guess who is going to champion him? The hundreds or thousands of people who have already benefited by him. Gary is unexpectedly nice, and these fans will support Gary by default, even before reviewing his work.

That’s how influential nice people can be.

More by this author

Maria Brilaki

Maria helps people create habits that stick not just for a month or two but for years and decades.

How to Find Workout Motivation When You Hate Exercise 8 Ways to Train Your Brain to Learn Faster and Remember More How to Think Happy Thoughts and Train Your Brain to Be Happy 7 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be a Happier Person 10 Things Nice People Do Differently That Make Them Achieve More

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

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How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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