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7 Ways to Stop Being Treated Like a Doormat

7 Ways to Stop Being Treated Like a Doormat

Being treated like a doormat sucks.

It can happen for no apparent rhyme or reason; people using you, treating you like a dogsbody, walking all over you or not thinking about what you want or what’s best for you. The trouble is, the more it happens, the more you feel like you can’t change it; the more it happens the smaller you get.

Here are some practical ways that you can stop being treated like a doormat, and start being treated with respect.

you deserve better

    1. Start With You

    If someone else is devaluing you there’s a good chance that you’re doing the same thing, so change has to start with you. Be radically honest with yourself—do you feel like you deserve to be treated with respect? Do you feel worthy of respect and do you feel good enough to fit in?

    Change starts with you dialing up your self-worth; something that can be started in the following ways:

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    a. Really give yourself credit for your achievements—all those things you’ve done and gone through in your life.
    b. Get to know your values—those things that are woven through you and are the cornerstones for who you are.
    c. Prioritise the nourishment of your body, mind, and heart—nobody else can keep you nourished and caring for yourself.

    2. Start Teaching Others

    One of the best things I heard from TV’s Dr Phil was “You teach people how to treat you“.

    That’s bang-on.

    Your response to someone’s behaviour teaches them what is and isn’t acceptable, so if you roll over and take whatever they give, the message is that it’s okay for them to do that. And people will always do what works for them until they have evidence that it doesn’t work, or that there’s a better way. We’re kinda dumb like that.

    If someone is regularly treating you like a doormat, their behaviour is not okay. Your task, and I get how scary this might seem, is to change your response to start giving them that message. This doesn’t have to be a big, dramatic showdown; it can be done gently and with the same respect that you want. You might be scared, but you know what you need to do.

    As the famous line goes, help them help you.

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    3. Stop Being a Bottomless Pit

    It’s great to do things for other people, unless the act of doing things for other people is how you get validation, of course.

    Being a people-pleaser might begin with the best intentions, but if you’re not careul, you keep on doing so because you want to see how pleased they are with what you’ve done or even to hear those magic words: “Thank you”. Being a people-pleaser can turn you into a bottomless pit—that not only sees others take advantage of you, but seriously damages your self-esteem.

    People-pleasing is not a selfless act; it’s a selfish one.

    It’s a flawed way to feel good about yourself, so stop it. How can you be more generous with yourself? And how would it be if you could be generous for others, not because of any validation but because there’s value in the very act of giving?

    4. Apply Confidence

    If you’re used to people walking all over you, it’s likely that you’re not used to asserting yourself. You might even feel like you’re powerless, but I guarantee you that you have natural confidence that you can apply to start effecting change.

    Think of something you do, where the question of whether you can do it or never arises. This might be doing something you do at home (like cooking a meal, laughing with your partner or decorating a room), it might be something at work (like taking part in a meeting, writing a report or seeing a way through a problem) or it might be something you do socially (like chatting with a friend, ordering wine at a restaurant or meeting someone new).

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    Natural confidence is being able to trust your behaviour with implicit faith in your abilities, so when you’re doing something, there’s no doubt about your ability to do it—you have full confidence. Applying that same sense of confidence to a new situation is what allows you to operate right at the edge or just out of your comfort zone, and this will feel uncomfortable.

    That feeling of discomfort isn’t the enemy and it doesn’t mean you don’t have confidence, it just means you’re someplace new. Trust yourself to do what’s best.

    5. You’re Not Alone

    If your ill-treatment has been happening for some time you might be feeling isolated in your experience, so it can be extraordinarily useful and important to talk about it, or even to ask for some support or help. Other people are going through what you’re going through, and you don’t have to do this alone.

    Asking someone you trust to talk about what’s happening is not only a great way to offload a little, it just might allow you to step back enough to see a fresh perspective or another way through. You don’t need anyone to fix things for you, so don’t let that be your motivation here—the point is to connect with another human being so that you’re supported through this.

    Think about this way: if a good friend of yours was going through the same thing, wouldn’t you want to hear about it and support them in attaining something better?

    6. Raise Your Expectations

    An easy life is one thing, but sticking your head in the sand and hoping things will fix themselves is crazy—as is setting your expectations so low that you expect to be treated like a doormat. There’s a massive cost to lowering your expectations to that kind of level, and the act of lowering your expectations and accepting bad treatment can be more damaging in the long run that the bad treatment itself.

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    Don’t ever make assumptions about what you should put up with or what you should expect. If you’re going to have any expectations about how things should go, base them on what you’d love to see happen, not what you wish wasn’t happening.

    7. If All Else Fails

    If you’ve truly done all you can to change things and to stop being treated like a doormat and nothing seems to work, then get the hell out. Life is way too short to have your experience of it and your self-esteem damaged by someone else, and sometimes you need to make a brave choice.

    If you need to, be willing to remove yourself from the situation or relationship and start building the kind of life you’d love to live.

    You Deserve Better

    You don’t need to “keep on keeping on”, and you don’t need to put up with being treated like a doormat.

    You deserve better, so make a start.

    More by this author

    Steve Errey

    Steve is a confidence coach who helps leaders build confidence.

    New Years Resolutions Don’t Work – Here’s Why How to Be Confident: 62 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence 7 Ways to Stop Being Treated Like a Doormat I Like You a Lot How To Muster Your Confidence And Tell Someone You Like Them Stuck in Rewind. 7 Beliefs That Will Help When You Get Stuck

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    Last Updated on June 23, 2019

    20 Things People Regret the Most Before They Die

    20 Things People Regret the Most Before They Die

    Close your eyes and imagine that you’re at your own funeral—a bit morbid I know, but there’s a reason for it. Now think about what you’d like people to say about you. What kind of a life do you want to lead? People die with all kinds of regrets. Don’t be one of them.

    1. I wish I’d cared less about what other people think.

    It’s only when you realise how little other people are really thinking of you (in a negative sense) that you realise how much time you spent caring and wasting energy worrying about this.

    2. I wish I had accomplished more.

    You don’t have to have won an Oscar, built up a business or run a marathon, but having small personal accomplishments is important.

    3. I wish I had told __ how I truly felt.

    Even if the “one” doesn’t exist, telling someone how you truly feel will always save you from that gut wrenching”but what if…” feeling that could linger for life if you stay quiet.

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    4. I wish I had stood up for myself more.

    Sometimes, it’s too easy to think that if you go all out to please everyone you’ll be liked more or your partner won’t run off with anyone else. I think age probably teaches us to be nice but not at the expense of our own happiness.

    5. I wish I had followed my passion in life.

    It’s so easy to be seduced by a stable salary, a solid routine and a comfortable life, but at what expense?

    6. I wish our last conversation hadn’t been an argument.

    Life is short, and you never really know when the last time you speak to someone you love will be. It’s these moments that really stay clear in peoples’ minds.

    7. I wish I had let my children grow up to be who they wanted to be.

    The realisation that love, compassion and empathy are so much more important than clashes in values or belief systems can hit home hard.

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    8. I wish I had lived more in the moment.

    Watching children grow up makes you realise how short-lived and precious time really is, and as we age, many of us live less and less in the present.

    9. I wish I had worked less.

    There’s always a desire to have loosened up a bit more with this one and the realisation that financial success or career accomplishment doesn’t necessarily equal a fulfilled life.

    10. I wish I had traveled more.

    It can be done at any age, with kids or not but many talk themselves out of it for all kinds of reasons such as lack of money, mortgage, children, etc. When there’s a regret, you know it could have been possible at some stage.

    11. I wish I had trusted my gut rather than listening to everyone else.

    Making your own decisions and feeling confident in the decisions you make gives us fulfilment and joy from life. Going against your gut only breeds resentment and bitterness.

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    12. I wish I’d taken better care of myself.

    Premature health problems or ageing always makes you wonder if you’d eaten healthier, exercised more and been less stressed, would you be where you are today?

    13. I wish I’d taken more risks.

    Everyone has their own idea of what’s risky, but you know when you’re living too much in your comfort zone. In hindsight, some people feel they missed out on a lot of adventure life has to offer.

    14. I wish I’d had more time.

    Many people say time speeds up as we age. The six weeks of summer holidays we had as kids certainly seemed to last a lifetime. If time speeds up, then it’s even more important to make the most of every moment.

    15. I wish I hadn’t worried so much.

    If you’ve ever kept a diary and looked back, you’ll probably wonder why you ever got so worked up over X.

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    16. I wish I’d appreciated ___ more.

    The consequences of taking people for granted are always hard to deal with.

    17. I wish I’d spent more time with my family.

    Some people get caught up with work, move to other parts of the world, grow old with grudges against family members only to realise their priorities were in the wrong place.

    18. I wish I hadn’t taken myself so seriously.

    Life is just more fun when you can laugh at yourself.

    19. I wish I’d done more for other people.

    Doing things for others just makes life more meaningful.

    20. I wish I could have felt happier.

    The realisation that happiness is a state of mind that you can control sometimes doesn’t occur to people until it’s too late.

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