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How to Take a Compliment

How to Take a Compliment
How to Take a Compliment

    A surprisingly large number of people do not know how to take a compliment. There’s something in our mind-set that says we cannot possibly deserve positive feedback and therefore anyone who pays us a compliment must be either lying, misguided, or feeling sorry for us. This is that little extra-critical voice in our heads, externalized and projected onto others; as if it weren’t enough that we undermine ourselves, we force others to undermine us too.

    Think of the good we might do ourselves by easily accepting every compliment that’s offered us, even if we’re not entirely sure the person complimenting us is totally earnest. Instead of undermining our self-confidence, we would feed it. Instead of denigrating our achievements, we would promote them. And instead of tearing down relationships, we would strengthen them. A compliment is, after all, a kind of gift, and turning down a gift insults the person giving it, suggesting that you don’t value them as highly as they value (soon to be “valued”) you.

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    Alas, diminishing the impact of compliments is a pretty strong reflex for many of us. How can we undo what years of habitual practice has made almost unconscious? Here’s a list of some of the ways we sabotage compliments, followed by some pointers to help get you in the right mind-set to embrace the compliments you’re paid.

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    Stop doing this:

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    • Putting yourself down: One reaction to compliments is to say “I don’t deserve it” and list reasons why. Stop doing that.
    • Assuming the other person doesn’t really mean it: You may be right, sometimes, but it doesn’t matter. Responding as if they did disarms whatever ulterior motive they might have. On the other hand, acting as if they didn’t mean it when they did is insulting and makes you come off as either a jerk or a basket case. Stop doing it.
    • Pointing out your weaknesses: A compliment isn’t about your weaknesses, it’s about your strengths. There’s plenty of time to focus on improving faults later; for now, bask in the recognition of what doesn’t need fixing.
    • Deflecting compliments to others: We often respond to the embarrassment of being singled out for praise by deflecting it to others. Others may be deserving, but so are you.
    • Claiming it was all “luck”: Another way of deflecting embarrassing attention from yourself, with the added bonus of freeing you from responsibility for not only your successes but your failures.
    • Making them work for it: Cut the long stream of “no, it was nothings” and “I just did what I had to dos” and let people give you the compliment. Putting it off until they’ve given it three or four times, each time more insistently, is selfish.

    And start doing this instead:

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    • Own your accomplishments: It wasn’t luck or the goodwill of others or any other reason that you managed to do something praiseworthy, it was your own effort and commitement. Even if you truly were just in the right place at the right time, you deserve credit for recognizing an opportunity and acting on it. If you wouldn’t dream of not taking responsibility for your failures, then step up and take responsibility for your achievements.
    • Be appreciative: As I said, a compliment is a gift. You wouldn’t put down or reject a gift from a friend; treat compliments the same way.
    • Be honest and optimistic about the future. Not pointing out your weaknesses doesn’t mean you can’t be honest about what lays ahead. But a simple “We still have to do x, y, and z but it’s good to see we’re on the right track” will suffice. Don’t make someone waste their effort paying a compliment by telling them how the thing they’re praising is probably doomed to fail in the long run.
    • Recognize your contribution. You may not be the only one who deserves to be complimented on a job well-done, and it’s fine to say so, but remember that you’re a part of your group’s success, too. Don’t say “Well, Hassan and LaShawna deserve all the credit”; instead say “Thanks, I’m sure Hassan and LaShawna will appreciate hearing that, too.”
    • Follow up. If applicable, offer to involve the person giving you a compliment in your success. “Thanks, Maria. I wonder if you’d like to help us out by offering some feedback on…”
    • Be gracious. Giving a compliment isn’t always easy. When someone does offer you one, accept it easily and gracefully. Pay one back, if merited. Let people know that you appreciate themfor appreciating you.

    You don’t have to be a cocky, arrogant, son-of-a-you-know-what to take a compliment well (but it helps — kidding!) just a reasonably well-balanced, self-assured person. The good news is that mastering the art of receiving compliments helps make you into a more well-balanced, self-assured person — which, in turn, will earn you more compliments. Let the warm fuzzies begin!

    Special Bonus Tip: Something nice that someone says about you is a “compliment”; something that goes nicely with something else “complements” it. A compliment makes you feel good, as in “I feel good now.”

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    Last Updated on September 20, 2018

    7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

    7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

    What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

    For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

    It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

    1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

    The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

    What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

    The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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    2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

    Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

    How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

    If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

    Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

    3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

    Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

    If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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    These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

    What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

    4. What are my goals in life?

    Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

    Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

    5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

    Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

    Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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    You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

    Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

    6. What do I not like to do?

    An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

    What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

    Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

    The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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    7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

    Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

    But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

    “What do I want to do with my life?”

    So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

    Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

    Reference

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