Advertising

Published on December 29, 2020

How To Take Responsibility For Your Action And Your Life

Advertising
How To Take Responsibility For Your Action And Your Life

We are all doing what we believe it takes to be successful, to be our best, to make a difference, and to take care of our responsibilities. But when life shows up with problems, curveballs, and obstacles that stand in our way, it can be easy to lose our excitement, drive, and motivation to keep improving.

It’s frustrating when progress stalls or stops. It happens to the best of us. No one is immune.

That’s when we have to watch out that we don’t get ourselves stuck in the “excuse trap.” This is a dangerous mental cycle that many people unintentionally and often subconsciously turn on in their minds.

This is the thought cycle that constantly repeats the reasons why it’s not our fault—it’s the economy, it’s your family, it’s the timing—it’s any excuse that your mind can justify. Once it’s on, say goodbye to your hopes and dreams because the list never ends.

But the most dangerous thing that this mental trap says is, “it’s not my responsibility,” and “I’m not in control of myself and my destiny.”

How do we pull ourselves out of the cycle? We address the excuses head-on.

There are many potential excuses that we can use to not take responsibility for our own actions, but interestingly enough, the number one excuse of not doing, being, or having what you want in your life are these 5 words: “I don’t have enough time.”

This is the king of all excuses in the “excuse trap” and why 5 years ago, I committed to solving this problem while researching my book, The Time Cleanse: A Proven System to Eliminate Wasted Time, Realize Your Full Potential, and Reinvest in What Matters Most.

It was the number one excuse I found with my clients. Every one of them said, “I don’t have enough time!” It was the reason they used for not going to the gym, not growing their business, not dating to be in a relationship, not going on a vacation or visiting their friends and family, and the list goes on.

Advertising

We all have to come to terms with the excuse of time to get out of the excuse trap once and for all. To be in charge of your attention and energy, you have to have steps to help you take responsibility for your time.

Here are 3 simple steps to take responsibility for your time and your life.

Step 1: See Time as Your Ally, Not Your Enemy

“When you change the way you look at things, what you look at changes.” —Wayne Dyer

The rule is simple: If you view time as your enemy, as an excuse, it becomes easy to blame and not take responsibility for it. When you view time as your friend and ally on your side and helping you accomplish your goals, then you can finally take full responsibility for your actions.

You need to look at your relationship with time in a new, positive light. First, you have to deprogram yourself from the way society has taught you to view time.

How many times have you heard the following?

  • “Where will I find the time?”
  • “I never have enough time.”
  • “Where did the time go?”
  • “When I get the time.”
  • “If time allows.”

But who actually “allows” you to do things? It’s not time—it’s you!

Recognize that time doesn’t make the decisions, you do. We all have the same amount of time. It’s all up to you whether you use your time to move towards your goals or to get distracted with things that don’t benefit you.

Time is an incredibly valuable resource. It’s possibly the most valuable thing you have in life.

Advertising

Imagine your total time on earth as a billion dollars. It’s all yours, and you can do anything you want with it. It can buy you literally anything you want in life. But it can also be stolen from you and drained away. You have to choose where you use it. You have to direct it. You have to make sure that it’s being spent on what matters to you because no one else will. Everyone else will simply try to take it from you.

Your time is yours, and it’s your responsibility. Your time comes from you, it’s a part of you, and you are not separate from it. It’s a natural gift of your life—an infinitely valuable resource here for you to become the best version of yourself. Feel grateful for your time and treasure it, and pay attention to where it is being used up.

When you stop fighting with time and take responsibility for your time, you get your energy back, you flow in your day, and new opportunities naturally present themselves to you. Time becomes your ally and friend. It is in your corner to support you in everything you do.

“Time is not a thing—It’s a relationship.” —Steven Griffith

Make the decision once and for all to recognize that time is here for you and is on your side to help you be your best. We all get the same amount. What you do with it is up to you and only you!

Step 2: Go on a “Time Excuse” Diet

Here is how you take complete control of your time: Stop using the excuse of time as the reason you are not doing, being, or having what you want in life.

Try saying this to yourself: “I’m 100 percent responsible for my time. I own it, I control it, and it comes from me!”

From now on, you are on a “time excuse” diet. When you want to get in shape, you go to diet by eliminating the toxic foods that prevent you from improving. The same goes for getting your time back. To slim down the amount of time being lost to distractions, you have to eliminate the toxic thoughts that are preventing your success and personal responsibility.

Start choosing what you want to do with your time. Remind yourself every day that it is your time, and you have the power to do what you really want with it.

Advertising

What we choose to say yes and no to and what we decide to do determines when and where we use our time. When we believe that time is outside of us and controlling us, we live in a constant state of scarcity and victimhood without even realizing it.

After working with thousands of people, I have seen every version of a time excuse offered as the number one reason people aren’t finding the success, happiness, and achievement they desire. This widespread faulty thinking is the exact reason people are struggling, stalled, or stuck.

Time is never to blame—it’s your choices and priorities with time. We can always make or find the time when something is our top priority. Just break a bone and all of a sudden, you have plenty of time to go to the doctor and get it fixed.

It really comes down to choice. If you hear the excuse of not having enough time in your mind, get rid of it and choose to be responsible for your time!

Step 3: Use Self-Compassion Daily

This last step probably sounds counterintuitive, but it’s essential to taking responsibility for your actions. Take some time to be grateful for yourself.

You see, taking responsibility for all of your time, how it’s spent, and everything that you do or do not accomplish is a lot of pressure. You won’t always succeed perfectly in every task. So, if you start to constantly tell yourself negative things, like I’m not doing good enough,” then you will lose your motivation and excuses will take over.

Positive reinforcement is essential for reprogramming your mind from being full of excuses to being full of motivation and solutions.

Here’s the mind trick we play on ourselves: If you believe and know that you will get beat up more often when you “go for it” and don’t succeed, then over time, you will be more likely to make excuses, delay, hold yourself back, or not go for it at all.

But to be successful—to take full responsibility for our actions—we have to be willing to take risks and be okay with failure. That’s the only way to push ourselves to new heights and our next level of growth. We have to be able to willingly get back up when we get knocked down.

Advertising

Research shows that when we are kind to ourselves and show ourselves compassion, it allows us to perform better by giving us healthy expectations. Self-compassion increases well-being and our ability to take risks. By being kind we’ll be more responsible for our actions—the ones that are good and the ones that aren’t.

Self-compassion is the ultimate way to take self-responsibility. It’s being there for yourself in the face of adversity, obstacles, and challenges so you can keep going. Just the fact that you want to take responsibility for your actions is reason enough to give yourself an emotional pat on the back.

Once we show compassion to ourselves and tend to our mental and emotional needs, we can be in a positive and receptive space to reengage and learn from adversity, integrate new lessons, adjust our strategies and tactics, take full responsibility for our actions, and get back out there and accomplish our goals with an even higher level of confidence, resilience, power, and tools to succeed.

Conclusion

When you fall into the “excuse trap” with the belief that “I don’t have enough time,” which our 24/7 connected devices and lifestyles push us into unconsciously, you have a super toxic combo of mental traps keeping you from your goals and dreams.

Excuses justify people’s failures in their mind and tell them to give up. A lack of self-compassion tells them that they can’t do it. Given enough time and setbacks, they may start to believe it. They may even want to believe it because it gets them off the hook and allows them to be comfortable with their lack of success. But that’s not you.

You want to take responsibility for your actions. You want to take your destiny into your own hands.

You have made the choice to be in charge of your life, remove all excuses (especially the time excuse!), and be self-compassionate in a way that puts the choice and responsibility back in your hands. With those 3 steps, you can deprogram your mind from feeling helpless to experiencing total empowerment.

I’m 100 percent responsible for my time. I own it, I control it, and it comes from me! —Steven Griffith, The Time Cleanse

More Articles About Taking Responsibility

Featured photo credit: ConvertKit via unsplash.com

Advertising

More by this author

Steven Griffith

Steven is an Executive Coach. He's been helping the world’s most successful people perfrom at their peack level.

27 Strategies to Achieve Your Goals Fast 20 Essential Leadership Qualities Of A Great Leader How To Start Small And Make Your Goals Happen How to Be Determined and Achieve Your Goals How To Exude Confidence Effortlessly in 5 Easy Steps

Trending in Success Mindset

1 How to Silence the Impostor Syndrome 2 What is Tenacity and How to Use It To Be Successful 3 7 Ways to Eliminate Your Excuses 4 How To Organize Your Day For Success 5 How to Work Hard the Smart Way: 4 Daily Rituals to Follow

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Published on October 14, 2021

How to Silence the Impostor Syndrome

Advertising
How to Silence the Impostor Syndrome

Do you ever worry about being exposed as a “fraud?” You’re not alone. It’s actually quite common for people to feel like imposters. In fact, approximately 70 percent of people admit to having experienced impostor syndrome[1] at some point in their lives — a Twitter poll found that 87 percent of people have experienced this.[2] Even successful and famous people like Tom Hanks, Howard Schultz, and Natalie Portman suffer from imposter syndrome.

But, what exactly is imposter syndrome. And, more importantly, how can you silence it?

Originally coined in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance, Ph.D., ABPP, and Suzanne Imes, Ph.D., the term “impostor syndrome” describes symptoms that include being unable to internalize accomplishments and being afraid of being exposed as a fraud.

The individual may also be plagued by chronic self-doubt and believe that they’re unqualified for success despite evidence to the contrary. Inadequacies, fears of failure, and disbelief that success is a matter of luck or timing are also common.

If you don’t address this phenomenon, feeling like an impostor can prevent you from achieving ambitious goals. Moreover, those experiencing these feelings tend to over-prepare or procrastinate — which obviously hinders productivity and reaching goals. And, as if that weren’t bad enough, imposter syndrome prevents you from pursuing new challenges and opportunities.

Do you feel like you’re suffering from impostor syndrome? If so, don’t beat yourself up. After all, there are effective ways to overcome these feelings in a healthy and proactive way.

1. Don’t Hide It.

“Firstly, acknowledge it,” advises Claudine Robson,[3] the Intentional Coach. “You give strength to imposter syndrome by letting it continue to peck away at your confidence unchecked.” It can only be banished if you acknowledge it as soon as possible and break the silence.

Advertising

“Then you need to separate your feelings from facts,” Robson adds. “One thing imposter syndrome does very effectively is to mix up your perceptions of reality.”

If you can, take a step back and look at the situation objectively. “Recognize when you should — and when you should not — feel fraudulent,” she says. Appreciate and acknowledge the task, intellect, and insight that have led to your success.

You might even be able to take action by recognizing that the reason you feel fraudulent is that you’re new to a task. “That gives you a path forward; learning is growth, don’t deny yourself that.”

2. Implement the STOP Technique

In her book Cognitive Enlightenment, Melinda Fouts, Ph.D., outlines a technique to overcome imposter syndrome using what she calls the STOP technique.

“STOP is an acronym for ‘silence the oppressive player,” Fouts explains in Forbes.[4] “You need to eradicate this tape that is playing 24/7, whether you are conscious of it or not. It plays loudest when we are tired, hungry, or feeling defeated.”

Steps to implementing the STOP technique and rewiring your brain are as follows:

To replace the tape of not good enough, you need a “launch sentence.” “I’m more than good enough” would is an example of a solid launch statement.

Advertising

Put your launch sentence in prominent locations, such as your car’s dashboard or computer. How come? The reason is that as the tape plays, you won’t be able to remember your launch statement.

Continue to say “stop” until you recall your launch sentence, says Fouts.

Put your launch sentence into your own words and pontificate.

While going about your daily tasks, like while driving or exercising, practice your launch sentence so you can recall it when you need it in the future.

“I am told this sounds simple and it does,” she adds. However, this technique is challenging when your negative tape is playing. You will not want to replace the tape every day while your brain is rewiring itself. “It is these moments you can’t give up.”

3. Distinguish Humility and Fear

When it comes to hard work and accomplishments, there’s humility, and then there’s fear. In other words, having a high level of competence can lead one to discount its value occasionally. However, as Carl Richards wrote in an article for the New York Times,[5] “After spending a lot of time fine-tuning our ability, isn’t it sort of the point for our skill to look and feel natural?”

The problem is that we feel unworthy from time to time. But, as Seth Godin explained in a blog post,[6] “When you feel unworthy, any kind response, positive feedback or reward feels like a trick, a scam, the luck of the draw.”

Advertising

Feeling worthy without feeling entitled is possible. And, finding the right balance between them is critical for overcoming impostor syndrome. “Humility and worthiness have nothing at all to do with defending our territory,” Godin continues. “We don’t have to feel like a fraud to also be gracious, open, or humble.”

4. Keep a “Brag Sheet”

When you were sending out college applications, did you build yourself a “brag sheet?” If not, here’s a clean description from Shawna Newman,[7] “A brag sheet is very similar to a student resume – it highlights your accomplishments, key experiences, leadership skills, and employment throughout your secondary education.” In short, “it’s a quick reference guide with all the details and achievements for someone trying to get to know you better.”

While it may be awkward at first, you can apply the same concept when coping with imposter syndrome. Just compose a list of your accomplishments, activities, skills. That’s it. Just remember Godin’s advice and also be humble and gracious.

As an added perk, besides being an effective way to talk myself up, I’ve also found that this has helped me stop comparing myself to others. Instead of harping about other people’s milestones, I’m honing in on what I’ve done.

5. Celebrate Wins, Period

Speaking of accomplishments, they shouldn’t be categorized as small or big. After all, you feel as if you don’t belong when you have imposter syndrome. So, the more you celebrate your wins, the more confident you’ll become.

Furthermore, accept compliments without qualifying them and practice listening to praise every day. Finally, become kinder to yourself by saying at least one kind thing to yourself daily. And, give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back.

6. Assemble a Legion of Superheroes

“You know how corporations have a board of directors to — in theory — make them stronger, maintain checks and balances, leverage resources, and help advance the organization’s vision?” asks inspirational speaker, speaking coach, and creative consultant Tania Katan.[8] “Why not assemble your own board of directors to leverage resources to help make your career stronger, keep you in check and balanced, and advance your vision?”

Advertising

“My friend Alison Wade, president of conferences, training, and consulting at Techwell, calls her personal board of directors her “front-row” — those are the people she invites to sit spitting distance from the stage, cheer her on, challenge her, and review her performance,” Katan writes.

As for Katan, she calls hers a “legion of superheroes.” The reason? “I dig the idea of joining forces to do good in the corporate galaxy.”

It’s important to have a diverse group of individuals who will defend you. Ideally, they should be varied in all dimensions, such as cultural background, way of thinking, and skills.

Katan recommends that you meet together frequently, whether if that’s once a week or every quarter. “Share your experiences, fears, creative ideas, aspirations,” she adds. “Celebrate each other’s accomplishments.” You also need to both support and challenge each other. “Discover what you are capable of doing when you combine your powers.”

7. Visualize Success

Follow the example of a professional athlete by imagining yourself crushing that presentation or project. You’ll enjoy the relief from performance-related stress. And, more importantly, it can help you avoid focusing on the worst-case scenario.

Final Words of Advice

While there’s no single formula to cure imposter syndrome, the tips listed above are a start. After all, your success depends on your ability to fight the negative effects of it. For example, feeling unworthy over time can lead to crippling anxiety and depression if left untreated.

If you’ve tried the above, then make sure that you speak to someone about what you’re experiencing, whether it’s a mentor, peer group, or licensed professional. And, above all else, there’s a place at the table for everyone — no matter what your inner voice is telling you.

Advertising

How to Silence the Impostor Syndrome was originally published on Calendar by John Rampton.

Featured photo credit: Laurenz Kleinheider via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next