Advertising
Advertising

6 Mistakes That Keep You Struggling In Life

6 Mistakes That Keep You Struggling In Life

Whether you’re dealing with financial problems, family conflict, or work-related issues, struggles are inevitable. Overcoming life’s struggles is never easy. If you’re making any of these mistakes in your life, it’s likely that you’ll just keep on struggling.

1. Are You Uncertain What Your Goals Are?

If you don’t have clear goals, it can be hard to stay on track. Without goals that you’re working toward, you may feel like you’re floundering aimlessly.

You’ll do your best when you have clear goals in mind. Your goals can help you make decisions about your career, your finances, and your social life. It’s easier to view struggles as challenges that you can overcome when you have bigger goals that you’re working toward.

Advertising

2. Do You Insist on Immediate Gratification?

While today’s world offers a lot of instant gratification in terms of same-day delivery, instant movie streaming, and call-ahead seating, the rest of the world doesn’t always move so quickly. If you expect everything in life to to come easy or happen fast, it can lead to a lot of frustration.

Patience is necessary when you’re overcoming obstacles in life. Hard work takes time. If you expect immediate results you’ll likely be disappointed and you may just keep struggling in life rather than persevering with hard work.

3. Do You Have Difficulty Prioritizing What to do First?

If you feel overwhelmed by all the changes you need to make, it’s likely that you’ll remain stuck. Often, people want to lose weight, quit smoking, earn more money, or move to a better place, but they struggle to prioritize what to do first.

Advertising

If you try to work on everything all at once, it’s unlikely you’ll be successful. Trying to address too many problems at the same time can leave you paralyzed when it comes to deciding what to do first. It’s important to prioritize which order to address your issues and begin working on them systematically.

4. Do You Give Up Easily When Things Don’t Go the Way You Want?

If you give up as soon as things don’t go your way, it’s unlikely that you’re going to be successful in overcoming your struggles. A common mistake people make that keeps them struggling in life is that they give up if their first attempt to solve the problem does not work.

Most problems require many attempts to reach a successful solution. Often, creative solutions are needed to successfully resolve problems. However, if you quit trying as soon as your first attempt at a resolution isn’t successful, you aren’t likely to move forward.

Advertising

5. Do You Blame Others in Your Life for Your Mistakes?

Blaming others for your struggles isn’t helpful. In fact, it’s necessary to take responsibility for your behavior and your ability to work through solutions before you can successfully overcome many of life’s struggles.

If you blame your childhood, bad luck, or lack of support for your problems, you’re likely to stay stuck. However, if you can own your mistakes in life and develop strategies to overcome problems, you’re much more likely to be successful.

6. Do You Ask for Help When You Need It?

There are times that you will need help from other people in life. Asking for help can be difficult if you aren’t used to it. However, asking for help can be one of the best ways to overcome a variety of problems.

Advertising

Sometimes you may need help from friends, family, or co-workers. At other times, you may need professional help. A willingness to ask for help often shows strength and courage. Practice helping others when you can and ask for help when you need it.

More by this author

Amy Morin

A psychotherapist, psychology instructor, keynote speaker, and the author of the bestselling book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do

12 Ways To Improve Social Skills And Make You Sociable Anytime 60 Things To Be Thankful For In Life 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do 10 Surprising Benefits Of Having A Dog You Didn’t Know About 15 Things To Remember If You Want To Be Successful

Trending in Communication

1 The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach 2 How to Master Effective Communication Skills at Work and Home 3 Building Relationships: 11 Rules for Self-Promotion 4 18 Ways to Have Effective Communication in the Workplace 5 How to Make Changes in Life To Be The Very Best Version of You

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

Advertising

Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

Advertising

Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

Advertising

Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

Advertising

Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

Read Next