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6 Mistakes That Keep You Struggling in Life And Stuck

6 Mistakes That Keep You Struggling in Life And Stuck

Whether you’re dealing with financial problems, family conflict, or work-related issues, struggles in life are inevitable. Overcoming life’s struggles is never easy. If you’re making any of these mistakes in your life, it’s likely that you’ll just keep on struggling.

1. Are You Uncertain What Your Goals Are?

If you don’t have clear goals, it can be hard to stay on track. Without goals that you’re working toward, you may feel like you’re floundering aimlessly.

You’ll do your best when you have clear goals in mind. Your goals can help you make decisions about your career, your finances, and your social life. It’s easier to view struggles as challenges that you can overcome when you have bigger goals that you’re working toward.

2. Do You Insist on Immediate Gratification?

While today’s world offers a lot of instant gratification in terms of same-day delivery, instant movie streaming, and call-ahead seating, the rest of the world doesn’t always move so quickly. If you expect everything in life to to come easy or happen fast, it can lead to a lot of frustration.

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Patience is necessary when you’re overcoming obstacles in life. Hard work takes time. If you expect immediate results, you’ll likely be disappointed and you may just keep struggling in life rather than persevering with hard work.

3. Do You Have Difficulty Prioritizing What to do First?

If you feel overwhelmed by all the changes you need to make, it’s likely that you’ll remain stuck. Often, people want to lose weight, quit smoking, earn more money, or move to a better place, but they struggle to prioritize what to do first.

If you try to work on everything all at once, it’s unlikely you’ll be successful. Trying to address too many problems at the same time can leave you paralyzed when it comes to deciding what to do first. It’s important to prioritize which order to address your issues and begin working on them systematically.

Take a look at this guide and learn how to prioritize life: The Ultimate Guide to Prioritizing Your Work And Life

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4. Do You Give Up Easily When Things Don’t Go the Way You Want?

If you give up as soon as things don’t go your way, it’s unlikely that you’re going to be successful in overcoming your struggles. A common mistake people make that keeps them struggling in life is that they give up if their first attempt to solve the problem does not work.

Most problems require many attempts to reach a successful solution. Often, creative solutions are needed to successfully resolve problems. However, if you quit trying as soon as your first attempt at a resolution isn’t successful, you aren’t likely to move forward.

Learn how not to give up even during tough times: Giving up Is Not an Option! How to Not Give up and Stay Motivated

5. Do You Blame Others in Your Life for Your Mistakes?

Blaming others for your struggles isn’t helpful. In fact, it’s necessary to take responsibility for your behavior and your ability to work through solutions before you can successfully overcome many of life’s struggles.

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If you blame your childhood, bad luck, or lack of support for your problems, you’re likely to stay stuck. However, if you can own your mistakes in life and develop strategies to overcome problems, you’re much more likely to be successful.

So, stop victimizing yourself and start being responsible for what happen to you: Why Do I Have Bad Luck? 2 Simple Things to Change Your Destiny

6. Do You Ask for Help When You Need It?

There are times that you will need help from other people in life. Asking for help can be difficult if you aren’t used to it. However, asking for help can be one of the best ways to overcome a variety of problems.

Sometimes you may need help from friends, family, or co-workers. At other times, you may need professional help. A willingness to ask for help often shows strength and courage. Here’s How to Ask for Help When You Feel Silly to Do So.

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Practice helping others when you can and ask for help when you need it.

More About Getting Unstuck

Featured photo credit: freestocks.org via unsplash.com

More by this author

Amy Morin

A psychotherapist, psychology instructor, keynote speaker, and the author of the bestselling book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do

How to Think Positive Thoughts When Feeling Negative 10 Things To Remember When Everything Goes Wrong 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do 12 Ways To Improve Social Skills And Make You Sociable Anytime 6 Mistakes That Keep You Struggling in Life And Stuck

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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