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10 Ways To Let Go Of People Who You No Longer Need In Life

10 Ways To Let Go Of People Who You No Longer Need In Life

You know it’s time. You’ve been needing to divorce the toxic people in your life for months now, but you can’t quite bring yourself to do it. There’s so much history between you, and besides…if you get new friends you’ll have to break them in and catch them up on your story. And who has the time – or the energy – to do all that? And what if no one else shows up to fill the friend void and you’re left all alone…again? But you know these are people you no longer need in your life, and at this point alone is better than five more minutes of misery in their presence. Change can be terrifying, but here are a few ways to take the sting out of the transition from draining to fulfilling in no time flat:

1. Honor YOU!

Society will have you believe it’s everyone else first and you get the leftovers – if there are any. Wouldn’t it be so much more rewarding for everyone if you were whole enough and fulfilled enough to give love and kindness from your overflow, rather than having to dredge up some from an empty reservoir? When you hone in on the pleasures of life you enjoy most – both personally and professionally – you’ll become more refreshed and eager to surround yourself with supportive, uplifting and like-minded people.

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2. Spend time alone.

Time alone with yourself just sounds scary. Nobody really ever wants to stop long enough to look in the mirror, so you just keep going with the status quo. You’re so busy being busy that you lose who you truly are, as well as the dreams that make you unique. You try to fit into a mold that was cast for someone else, and it rarely ever works out well for you. Taking some time to just sit and be with yourself refreshes the soul and mind and helps you figure out who you are and what kind of people you’ll allow in your circle from that point on. If like attracts like, become your own best friend, and soon enough people who truly honor and support you will show up for you.

3. Refocus.

While it’s necessary at times to see things for what they are, continuing to be around people who cause you pain and stress – or who can’t help you through yours because they have so much of their own – can literally be detrimental to your health. Begin to focus on the qualities you desire your friends to have, and before long you’ll be surrounded by people who want to support you as opposed to keeping you stuck in their quicksand of doom.

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4. Determine the floor.

As you begin to honor yourself, many people on the elevator of life will have to get off on a floor far below your penthouse. Be okay with setting your boundaries and allowing the unhealthy friends to live where they’re choosing to live, even if it’s 32 floors beneath you.

5. Discover healthy void-fillers.

Now that you’re a little more in tune with your true self, you’ll have an idea of ways to fill the voids your toxic friends were once filling. Do you like to dance? Take a hip hop class. Is pottery your thing? Connect with a meet-up group for potters. Spending time fostering your passions leaves little room for unhealthy relationships with people who no longer serve you.

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6. Hire a life coach.

Each day you’re doing your absolute best just to survive, and every now and then you get stuck on how to make tomorrow better than today. A life coach is someone who can give you the tools to dig you out of your past habits and thoughts and begin to plant healthy, more fertile seeds of thinking. Whether you use a life coach to help guide you through the tilling phase of gardening, or stick with them through all seasons, it’s imperative to have a qualified support system coaching you through each phase of the process.

7. Read Brené Brown books.

Or watch her Tedx videos on YouTube. Dr. Brown has been researching shame for over 12 years, and she is spot on with the way she’ll gently encourage you to honor yourself enough to let go of everything that is not for your highest purpose – including people.

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8. Spend time with family.

Many times toxic friends start out as escapes from having to deal with your family. In all honesty, dysfunction is the norm when it comes to family dynamics, so embracing the love of your family rather than running from it will also help you release the people who aren’t healthy for you.

9. Journal.

During your alone time, journal. Write about everything. There are very few things more powerful at sorting through your wants and want-nots than putting pen to paper. It clears cluttered spaces in your head for more positive thoughts and “a-ha moments” than any other action on the market. You’ll be able to quickly process each relationship and the lesson it taught you through journaling, making it easier to speak your truth with love and respect to the person whose time it is to move on from your world.

10.Take a break.

Maybe the people you need to let go of are just folks who have been too close for too long. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder, and it also helps you see their good qualities you were attracted to in the first place. Being too close to someone for too long can lead to resentment and nitpicking, so honor both yourself and the other person by giving each of you time to breathe, reassess and reconnect once you’re both in a better space mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even physically.

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

2. Focus on your breath

Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

3. Get organized and purge old items

A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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6. Smile more

Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

7. Don’t worry about the future

As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

8. Eat real food

The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

9. Choose being happy over being right

Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

11. Make use of filtering features on social media

You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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12. Get comfortable with silence

When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

13. Listen to understand, not to respond

So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

14. Put your troubles in a bubble

Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

15. Speak more slowly

Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

16. Don’t procrastinate

Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

17. Buy a coloring book

Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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18. Prioritize yourself

You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

19. Forgive others

Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

20. Check your expectations

Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

21. Engage in active play

Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

22. Stop criticizing yourself

The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

26. Manage your money

Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

27. Stop trying to control everything

Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

28. Practice affirmations

Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

29. Get up before sunrise

Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

30. Be yourself

Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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