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10 Ways To Let Go Of People Who You No Longer Need In Life

10 Ways To Let Go Of People Who You No Longer Need In Life

You know it’s time. You’ve been needing to divorce the toxic people in your life for months now, but you can’t quite bring yourself to do it. There’s so much history between you, and besides…if you get new friends you’ll have to break them in and catch them up on your story. And who has the time – or the energy – to do all that? And what if no one else shows up to fill the friend void and you’re left all alone…again? But you know these are people you no longer need in your life, and at this point alone is better than five more minutes of misery in their presence. Change can be terrifying, but here are a few ways to take the sting out of the transition from draining to fulfilling in no time flat:

1. Honor YOU!

Society will have you believe it’s everyone else first and you get the leftovers – if there are any. Wouldn’t it be so much more rewarding for everyone if you were whole enough and fulfilled enough to give love and kindness from your overflow, rather than having to dredge up some from an empty reservoir? When you hone in on the pleasures of life you enjoy most – both personally and professionally – you’ll become more refreshed and eager to surround yourself with supportive, uplifting and like-minded people.

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2. Spend time alone.

Time alone with yourself just sounds scary. Nobody really ever wants to stop long enough to look in the mirror, so you just keep going with the status quo. You’re so busy being busy that you lose who you truly are, as well as the dreams that make you unique. You try to fit into a mold that was cast for someone else, and it rarely ever works out well for you. Taking some time to just sit and be with yourself refreshes the soul and mind and helps you figure out who you are and what kind of people you’ll allow in your circle from that point on. If like attracts like, become your own best friend, and soon enough people who truly honor and support you will show up for you.

3. Refocus.

While it’s necessary at times to see things for what they are, continuing to be around people who cause you pain and stress – or who can’t help you through yours because they have so much of their own – can literally be detrimental to your health. Begin to focus on the qualities you desire your friends to have, and before long you’ll be surrounded by people who want to support you as opposed to keeping you stuck in their quicksand of doom.

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4. Determine the floor.

As you begin to honor yourself, many people on the elevator of life will have to get off on a floor far below your penthouse. Be okay with setting your boundaries and allowing the unhealthy friends to live where they’re choosing to live, even if it’s 32 floors beneath you.

5. Discover healthy void-fillers.

Now that you’re a little more in tune with your true self, you’ll have an idea of ways to fill the voids your toxic friends were once filling. Do you like to dance? Take a hip hop class. Is pottery your thing? Connect with a meet-up group for potters. Spending time fostering your passions leaves little room for unhealthy relationships with people who no longer serve you.

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6. Hire a life coach.

Each day you’re doing your absolute best just to survive, and every now and then you get stuck on how to make tomorrow better than today. A life coach is someone who can give you the tools to dig you out of your past habits and thoughts and begin to plant healthy, more fertile seeds of thinking. Whether you use a life coach to help guide you through the tilling phase of gardening, or stick with them through all seasons, it’s imperative to have a qualified support system coaching you through each phase of the process.

7. Read Brené Brown books.

Or watch her Tedx videos on YouTube. Dr. Brown has been researching shame for over 12 years, and she is spot on with the way she’ll gently encourage you to honor yourself enough to let go of everything that is not for your highest purpose – including people.

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8. Spend time with family.

Many times toxic friends start out as escapes from having to deal with your family. In all honesty, dysfunction is the norm when it comes to family dynamics, so embracing the love of your family rather than running from it will also help you release the people who aren’t healthy for you.

9. Journal.

During your alone time, journal. Write about everything. There are very few things more powerful at sorting through your wants and want-nots than putting pen to paper. It clears cluttered spaces in your head for more positive thoughts and “a-ha moments” than any other action on the market. You’ll be able to quickly process each relationship and the lesson it taught you through journaling, making it easier to speak your truth with love and respect to the person whose time it is to move on from your world.

10.Take a break.

Maybe the people you need to let go of are just folks who have been too close for too long. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder, and it also helps you see their good qualities you were attracted to in the first place. Being too close to someone for too long can lead to resentment and nitpicking, so honor both yourself and the other person by giving each of you time to breathe, reassess and reconnect once you’re both in a better space mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even physically.

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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