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7 Ways Forgiveness Frees You

7 Ways Forgiveness Frees You

Its been said that forgiveness is never free. Someone has paid the price in some way. So how can you attain freedom through forgiveness?

Well, yes, you’ve guessed it. You have probably paid the price. But the freedom you will attain through forgiveness far exceeds the pain, anguish, suffering, struggle, resentment  or angst you are suffering or have suffered. It seems hard to believe this works, but it is quite true.

When you have been hurt, purposefully or not, that pain is an emotionally heavy burden. If you allow yourself to hang onto it and keep lamenting over it, you only recirculate that negative energy and pain with which it was created. It will become a physical and emotional burden, a heavy backpack weighing you down. Physiologically and biochemically you will just keep recreating a circular pattern of pain and hurt within your body. But there is an escape route..if and only if you desire it, you will create it meaningfully and you will live it.

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It’s called forgiveness.

Lets be clear. It’s no magic bullet. Just because you tell yourself or someone you “forgive her” for her actions or behavior doesn’t mean your emotional pain and memory will be magically erased. Guess what? The memories may still linger. But each time they resurface, you will whisper a different message to yourself. A message of understanding, compassion and blessings.

There are plenty of ways forgiveness frees you and affords you freedom from past hurt, pain and suffering. But let’s just start with the magic number seven:

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1. Forgiveness allows for greater understanding.

To even begin the process of forgiving someone who has wronged you, you must be able to understand this person’s position or point of view. You don’t have to agree with it, you just need to understand it. You need to walk in their shoes for a short time. This is difficult because You are not Them! You don’t possess their characteristics, background, nor their prior conditioning. You didn’t experience what they did, yet, by learning to understand what they were thinking when they said or did things which hurt you, you open the door to empathy. This frees you by allowing you to expand your own feelings to those of others.

 2. Forgiveness brings forth your most compassionate self.

Along with understanding, you must learn to develop compassion in order to forgive another. Compassion is the concern for the sufferings and misfortunes of others. Mother Teresa had great compassion for the poor, homeless and the hungry. She felt true compassion for those who were unwanted, unloved and uncared for. Forgiveness requires your sincere compassion for the behavior of the individual who hurt you and your inspired desire to help. This frees you by allowing yourself not only to feel what others may be going through, but to “give” of your heart to relieve them of their suffering.

3. Forgiveness allows you to let go of the past.

One of the greatest benefits of forgiveness is that is releases YOU from the bondage of your past pain and suffering. Most people think forgiving another helps the other person who caused the pain. Yes, it may, but greater than that, it allows you (as a victim) the freedom from your own suffering. How beautiful is that? The pure act of forgiveness rewires your emotional chemistry. You no longer need to keep replaying the same painful message. Your body, mind and spirit can finally be in unison.

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4. Forgiveness calms you.

When you  feel compassion and begin to forgive another, it actually calms you. Your heart rate decreases and you release the bonding hormone oxytocin. Forgiveness has a myriad of physical benefits and helps to free your physical body from the propensity to develop chronic illness and disease. Some health benefits of forgiveness  include:

  • Less anxiety, stress and hostility
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Fewer symptoms of depression
  • Stronger immune system
  • Improved heart health

5. Forgiveness creates great inner strength.

Being able to forgive someone who has harmed you is a very powerful quality. It takes great strength, understanding, and compassion. It also requires time and patience. These qualities build upon your strength of character and help you to realize that you too are human and have faults. By recognizing and acknowledging your own shortcomings, you develop great self esteem and the ability to view everyone as an equal. No one is greater or worse…each person is on their own path. You begin to develop tolerance for each unique person and their choices. You experience freedom from the judgment of others.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi~

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6. Forgiveness opens gates to a bigger spiritual picture.

Forgiveness requires spirituality on some level. Even if you are not a religious person, your ability to truly forgive another opens a beautiful spiritual door. With forgiveness you begin to experience life on a much different level. Forgiveness is not solely a task or a left brained exercise. It becomes attached to your emotional side–the limbic system of your brain...particularly..the hypothalamus. This is the part of your brain which deals with your emotion, and somewhere amidst this brain centered activity is your sense of spirituality.

Some brain researchers claim spirituality is linked to activity in the right parietal lobe. Others say many more parts of the brain are involved. Regardless, the interplay  of forgiveness and spirituality helps you to view a painful event with a much broader perspective. Feel blessed you are able to see these hurtful events in a much bigger way, leading you to greater understanding.

7. Forgiveness paves the path for resilience and happiness.

Forgiveness is just the prelude to living a happier, healthy life. It paves the way for you to create resilience, which translates into your ability to move through many of life’s challenges and difficulties. It allows you to create better relationships and optimize your well-being. Ultimately, forgiveness frees you and allows you to enjoy and extend your happiness in life, hopefully making your long life one of fulfillment, passion, contentment and giving. Isn’t that really the way you desire to live out your heartbeats?

Only you can choose forgiveness. You need to truly be ready to forgive from the depths of your soul, from your heart of hearts. It has to be real, authentic and actualized, not just words you utter, but enacted with a depth of feeling.

So set yourself free!

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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