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Letting Go Is Not Giving up, It’s Taking the First Step to Taking Back Control

Letting Go Is Not Giving up, It’s Taking the First Step to Taking Back Control

Letting go can sometimes feel a lot like giving up. You may feel that you are betraying the part of yourself that believes you can still make things work. But by dragging out the inevitable until it’s tattered and torn, you are only betraying yourself. That’s why you need to love yourself more, put yourself first, cut your losses, and move on.

Forgetting an ex is exactly like kicking an addiction.

Turning your back on something that you still want can be one of the most emotionally exhausting endeavors that you can hope to endure. And although you feel that you’re amidst a groundbreaking existential crisis, what you are experiencing is actually purely chemical. During a breakup, your brain generates dopamine in excess. Dopamine [1] is what causes you to obsess and over-analyze your circumstances. You’re literally addicted to your ex. But like all addictions, this too can be kicked to the curb.

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Regardless of the good times, it’s time to move forward.

I’m sure your ex was great “if you got to know them.” But you’re a better, stronger person without them and soon all of these bad feelings will be a thing of the past.

The Process of Letting Go

As with any loss, there is a grieving process that you need to go through to get all of the negativity out of your system and avoid a relapse somewhere down the line. Most of us are guilty of reaching out to an ex in a moment of weakness. The healing process is difficult and different for everyone. You may experience these emotions in a different sequence, or revisit some of the steps [2]. The important thing is that you are working through it.

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1. Denial

Perhaps you don’t want to believe that it’s really over. You keep checking your phone to see if their name pops up. Maybe tomorrow they’ll change their tune and things will go right back to normal. Although you know that it’s over, you can’t help but entertain scenarios where it somehow works out. Your entire world is turned on its side, completely unbalanced without your “other half.” During this phase you need to refrain from reaching out. Your attempt to fix things could just be adding insult to injury.

2. Anger

It’s finally starting to set in. This is real. It’s really over. You’re starting to overwhelm yourself with bad memories, all of the times that they did you wrong. You start placing blame, resenting them for ruining something beautiful. Or perhaps you’re angry with yourself. You’re struggling with some underlying guilt that maybe you’re the reason that this had to end. Whether or not you feel justified by your animosity, you can’t hang on to that. Whatever they did to you, whatever you did to them, you need to forgive. Forgive them, forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. And if it goes deeper than a simple mistake, where vindictiveness and a lack of respect come into play, all more reason to move on.

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3. Bargaining

This is a bit of a relapse period- you were bound to have one. This is the phase where you try to get your ex back by any means possible. You may make promises to change, threaten their well-being or reputation, or inform them that they are hurting others by their decision not to be with you. You’ll negotiate huge life changes in order to facilitate the failing relationship. Some people even take it a step farther by getting friends and family involved, or even spiritual mediums like visits with psychics or prayer. Perhaps this could save your relationship- but the chances aren’t likely. Just be sure you’re not sacrificing your self worth in an effort to get them back. You always need to love yourself more.

4. Depression

At this point, you’ve probably completely convinced yourself that you’ll never find love again. All feels lost, and you don’t feel like yourself anymore. Depression takes on many different forms, rearing its ugly head when we’re at our most vulnerable. You may find it hard to get out of bed, or a lack of motivation to do anything at all. You feel alone in a crowded room. You experience a loss of appetite, inability to sleep; or just the opposite, you sleep too much. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re not pathetic for feeling so low. But you need to pick yourself back up. Use baby steps. Practice some self care. Run yourself a nice bubble bath, create a playlist of all of your favorite songs, grab a batch of your favorite ice cream, put on your favorite chick flick that you can blubber to and just veg out. Give yourself this time to ground yourself so that you can spring up once again, as strong and vibrant as ever.

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5. Acceptance

Phew. We made it! I mean, you made it. You’ve avoided all of the trips and traps of falling back into the motions of your inevitably ending relationship. You’ve crashed, you’ve burned, and made some mistakes. But all is well, and you’re still breathing. And every breath you take is yours. Every step you take can lead you in whichever direction you wish. You’re stronger and wiser now, and have a better on grasp on what you’re willing to accept in a relationship from this point on. Take this time to really get to know yourself, and what you want out of life. Realize that you don’t need anyone to complete you; you are already complete. You will find love again, so don’t worry. Fall back in love with yourself. Your radiance will attract suitable partners who will compliment and balance you.

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Jenn Beach

Traveling vagabond, freelance writer, & plantbased food enthusiast.

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Last Updated on February 1, 2019

How to Increase Your Self Awareness to Be Much More Successful

How to Increase Your Self Awareness to Be Much More Successful

Self awareness can be defined as having a clear understanding of your personality, including your beliefs, emotions, motivation, strengths and weaknesses.

A 2010 study by Green Peak Partners and Cornell’s School of Industrial and Labor Relations found that self awareness is a key and common characteristic of successful leaders. [1]

And research[2] by the Driehaus College of Business at De Paul University has also demonstrated that high self awareness leads to improved team performance.

Self Awareness Makes You Improve Much Faster Than the Others

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.” – Ralicoph Waldo Emerson

Self awareness allows us to understand who we are, and how others see us. From this, we can determine how similar or different we are to other people.

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Individuals with high self awareness tend to live happier and more fulfilling lives. That’s because being self aware brings several powerful benefits, including:

  • Finding and expressing your authentic self.
  • Being proactive, instead of reactive.
  • Enjoying positive and harmonious interpersonal relationships.
  • Having deeper thoughts.
  • Revealing your true purpose.

One secret behind the magic of self awareness, is the fact that being self aware allows you to see your weaknesses. Once you know what they are, you can then act accordingly to fix them (where possible).

As an example, think back to a time when you achieved a major success in your life. Your confidence jumped off the scale, and suddenly, everything in your life began to look rosy. However, success was fleeting, and before long you were not only back where you started – but had lost your initial faith and confidence too.

Instead of seeing this as bad luck or personal failure, the better response would be to analyze exactly what happened.

What caused your success? What caused your failure? And what could you have done differently?

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By answering these questions, you’ll gain insight into your decision making and personality traits. Most importantly, you’ll be able to discover where you went wrong, and how you could avoid this next time around. This is how self awareness becomes a crucial partner in reaching your dreams and goals.

How to Increase Your Self Awareness

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.” – Lao-Tze

Okay, you’ve now seen some of the ways that self awareness can boost your success in life. (And we’ve only scratched the surface of potential benefits.)

It’s now time to reveal several tips and techniques that will increase your self awareness.

Take a psychometric test: You’ll understand more about yourself

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Psychometric tests are ideal for raising your self awareness. The tests force you to think deeply about yourself, and how your react to different situations. Self reflection = Self awareness. Try this free, 100-question psychometric test offered by the University of Cambridge.

Keep a personal journal: It can reduce anxiety and depression at the same time

Writing a daily journal can be a great tool for increasing your self awareness. If your writing is honest and open, you’ll quickly discover things about yourself that you’d never previously realised. You’ll also begin to see how habits create your conditions. For self awareness purposes, your daily journal should (at the very least) list your biggest failures and greatest successes of the day. Science supports the effectiveness of journalism, with a recent Psychotherapy Research study[3] showing that writing a daily journal reduced anxiety and depression.

Learn to meditate: To clear your thoughts

If you’ve never tried meditating before, then you should definitely consider trying it, if you want to boost your self awareness. Meditation can help you to delve below the incessant chatter of your conscious mind, and instead, let you tap into the depths of your subconscious mind. As well as boosting your well-being and health, meditation can clear your thoughts, and help you to become more creative.[4]

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How to get started? There are plenty of books and videos that can teach you the basics of meditation. Alternatively, you’ll be sure to find mediation classes in your local area.

Ask for feedback: You’ll be amazed

Choose a close family member or friend who knows you well. Ask then to give you an honest appraisal of your actions, beliefs and motivations. You’ll be amazed (and possibly shocked!) at what you hear. In fact, it’s likely that you’ll gain a completely new perspective on yourself. Use this new knowledge to make positive changes that could increase your effectiveness and success in life.

Through boosting your self awareness, you’ll begin to see new, exciting opportunities for growth and success. You’ll also learn how others see you. This will help your interpersonal relationships – as well as your ability to read others.

Self awareness can help you predict the success of others. It can also help you predict your own success.

So, choose to follow in the footsteps of the highly-successful, and start developing your self awareness today.

Reference

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