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Published on March 6, 2020

How to Build Loyalty in Your Relationship

How to Build Loyalty in Your Relationship

The definition of loyal is faithful allegiance. So, what does that mean in relationship?

Knowing you have loyalty in a relationship is knowing that your partner always has your back, and that you can count on them through thick and thin. This provides stability and a strong foundation that’s imperative for any relationship to go the distance.

A great example in how this shows up in a relationship is when after a hectic day at work, your partner provides a sounding board to vent your feelings and emotions from the roller coaster you experienced. This not only enhances interpersonal communication, but provides another crucial layer of vulnerability in your relationship.

Some foundational characteristics of loyalty are respect, communication, affection, intimacy, vulnerability, and compassion.

Loyalty is being dedicated to not only your partner, but to the relationship and each other. To know that you are fully committed to one another, and to realize how any individual decision must be considered in how it impacts your partner and your relationship.

In my relationship, this shows up by not just the ‘big things’ we do for each other every now and again, but in the ‘little things’ we do for each other on a daily basis that adds to our emotional Love Bank Account.

One idea for filling the emotional bank account is to create a jar of things you love about your partner. You can give this to them as a gift and have them draw one item out each day, so they are reminded of why you love them. Reading it out loud will remind you as well.

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Loyalty is a beautiful alchemy of respect and reliability. It’s the maturity in knowing that all relationships have their ebb and flows, the good and not so good times. Are you going to just throw in the towel when things get rough? Or do you roll up your sleeves and figure out how to improve your relationship and truly be there for your partner? The key in reliability is knowing unequivocally that you can always count on having each other’s backs no matter what.

Loyalty is making your partner your best friend. You are 100% committed to them and on their side. You may not always agree, but you don’t hold each other’s hostage by making the other person wrong. This is the person you want to spend most of your time with. While it’s okay to have separate hobbies and interest, your partner is the first person you want to call when you have good news. They are also the first person you want to call when you need help.

Loyalty is the desire to see your partner and your relationship succeed. Everything you do, everything you say, and all that you are is invested in your relationship with your partner. You’re determined to be a successful couple living your fairy tale love story together.

You are your partner’s staunchest advocate and your desire is for them to be the best version of themselves in order to push you to be your very best that ultimately makes you the happiest couple you know!

The Keys to Loyalty in a Relationship

Being Authentic to Yourself and Your Partner

In the beginning of a relationship, if you try to be who your partner wants you to be, they may later feel like there was bait and switch.

My marriage ended in divorce after 13 years. For many of those years, I felt betrayed by my ex who showed up initially in the relationship to woo and court me.  After we were married, those romantic gestures became fewer and farther between. In the end, I felt deceived, as the man I thought I married, was actually very different than the man he was at his core.

So be sure to be true to yourself and your partner.

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Being Monogamous

In romantic relationships, the first thing that comes to mind is fidelity. If you and your partner are loyal in your relationship, you will be monogamous. Sometimes disloyalty comes in the form of an emotional affair which is just as dangerous. Having an emotional bond or connection with someone else is a form of being unfaithful.

How do you know if it’s a relationship to avoid? Some signs are if you have a physical attraction to your friend, whenyou share intimate thoughts or details about your romantic partnership with them. Other signs include If your mate is unaware of your relationship; and if you behave differently around your friend if your mate were present. These are all warning signs that you are involved in an emotional affair or are on the slippery slope of one.

Never Having to Hide Anything From Your Partner

Standing by your partner in both good and bad times even when you may not agree with their actions. It’s standing by them and supporting them even when the going gets tough.

How to Build Loyalty in Your Relationship

While we have gone over some of the common ways to show loyalty in relationship, people are different and have different beliefs and values.

Before you can build trust and loyalty, you need to understand what it means to your partner and be on the same page to build a long-lasting relationship.

1. Keep Promises and Secrets

Be sure to keep your promises and don’t keep secrets from one another.

2. Leave Your Judgement out of It

Be sure to respect each other and your differences without judgement. Although you may not understand why certain things are important to your partner, what is important is that it matters to your partner.

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Communicate, communicate, communicate: How to Improve Communication in Relationships and Increase Intimacy

3. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Vulnerable

Honesty and vulnerability are keys to building loyalty and trust in relationship. In fact, there’re plenty of benefits for being vulnerable: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

When you live your truth, your partner will be more comfortable living theirs.

4. Be Forgiving

Forgiveness is essential in building and maintaining loyalty. We all make mistakes, and being quick to forgive is important. Don’t hold grudges about past transgressions as this will only erode the relationship.

Letting go of the hurt, accepting the apology, and moving on builds a trust based on truth and love. Knowing that we are human, that we make mistakes and our partner will accept us as we are is key to building trust and loyalty.

5. Be Committed to Working on Yourself

Personal growth and development not only make you a better person, but significantly improve your relationship. It’s important to grow as individuals and to grow together as a couple.

Like they say on the airplanes, place your own oxygen mask on first before helping those around you. If we’re not taking care of ourselves, we certainly can’t be there fully and completely for our partner. This ultimately creates a deeper bond and significantly adds to the Love Bank Account.

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Always remember, you’re either ripe and rotting or green and growing.

Here’re some tips to help you: 30 Ways To Practice Self-Love And Be Good To Yourself

Final Thoughts

The importance of loyalty and continuing to build upon it are crucial in allowing a relationship to not just survive, but to ultimately thrive.

We all desire the safety and security of a loyal relationship that brings out our best qualities individually as well as those as a couple. It’s this warmth, comfort and deep knowing that our bond and commitment can survive any adversity that comes our way.

More Tips to Enhance Your Relationship

Featured photo credit: Jonathan Borba via unsplash.com

More by this author

Dana Lam

Dana is a busy mom of two boys, author and co-founder of the Surprise Date Challenge.

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Last Updated on October 6, 2020

15 Things Highly Confident People Don’t Do

15 Things Highly Confident People Don’t Do

Highly confident people believe in their ability to achieve. If you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else put their faith in you? To walk with swagger and improve your self-confidence, watch out for these fifteen things highly confident people don’t do.

And if you want to know the difference between an arrogant person and a confident person, watch this video first:

 

1. They don’t make excuses.

Highly confident people take ownership of their thoughts and actions. They don’t blame the traffic for being tardy at work; they were late. They don’t excuse their short-comings with excuses like “I don’t have the time” or “I’m just not good enough”; they make the time and they keep on improving until they are good enough.

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2. They don’t avoid doing the scary thing.

Highly confident people don’t let fear dominate their lives. They know that the things they are afraid of doing are often the very same things that they need to do in order to evolve into the person they are meant to be.

3. They don’t live in a bubble of comfort.

Highly confident people avoid the comfort zone, because they know this is a place where dreams die. They actively pursue a feeling of discomfort, because they know stretching themselves is mandatory for their success.

4. They don’t put things off until next week.

Highly confident people know that a good plan executed today is better than a great plan executed someday. They don’t wait for the “right time” or the “right circumstances”, because they know these reactions are based on a fear of change. They take action here, now, today – because that’s where progress happens.

5. They don’t obsess over the opinions of others.

Highly confident people don’t get caught up in negative feedback. While they do care about the well-being of others and aim to make a positive impact in the world, they don’t get caught up in negative opinions that they can’t do anything about. They know that their true friends will accept them as they are, and they don’t concern themselves with the rest.

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6. They don’t judge people.

Highly confident people have no tolerance for unnecessary, self-inflicted drama. They don’t feel the need to insult friends behind their backs, participate in gossip about fellow co-workers or lash out at folks with different opinions. They are so comfortable in who they are that they feel no need to look down on other people.

7. They don’t let lack of resources stop them.

Highly confident people can make use of whatever resources they have, no matter how big or small. They know that all things are possible with creativity and a refusal to quit. They don’t agonize over setbacks, but rather focus on finding a solution.

8. They don’t make comparisons.

Highly confident people know that they are not competing with any other person. They compete with no other individual except the person they were yesterday. They know that every person is living a story so unique that drawing comparisons would be an absurd and simplistic exercise in futility.

9. They don’t find joy in people-pleasing.

Highly confident people have no interest in pleasing every person they meet. They are aware that not all people get along, and that’s just how life works. They focus on the quality of their relationships, instead of the quantity of them.

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10. They don’t need constant reassurance.

Highly confident people aren’t in need of hand-holding. They know that life isn’t fair and things won’t always go their way. While they can’t control every event in their life, they focus on their power to react in a positive way that moves them forward.

11. They don’t avoid life’s inconvenient truths.

Highly confident people confront life’s issues at the root before the disease can spread any farther. They know that problems left unaddressed have a way of multiplying as the days, weeks and months go by. They would rather have an uncomfortable conversation with their partner today than sweep an inconvenient truth under the rug, putting trust at risk.

12. They don’t quit because of minor set-backs.

Highly confident people get back up every time they fall down. They know that failure is an unavoidable part of the growth process. They are like a detective, searching for clues that reveal why this approach didn’t work. After modifying their plan, they try again (but better this time).

13. They don’t require anyone’s permission to act.

Highly confident people take action without hesitation. Every day, they remind themselves, “If not me, who?”

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14. They don’t limit themselves to a small toolbox.

Highly confident people don’t limit themselves to Plan A. They make use of any and all weapons that are at their disposal, relentlessly testing the effectiveness of every approach, until they identify the strategies that offer the most results for the least cost in time and effort.

15. They don’t blindly accept what they read on the Internet as “truth” without thinking about it.

Highly confident people don’t accept articles on the Internet as truth just because some author “said so”. They look at every how-to article from the lens of their unique perspective. They maintain a healthy skepticism, making use of any material that is relevant to their lives, and forgetting about the rest. While articles like this are a fun and interesting thought-exercise, highly confident people know that they are the only person with the power to decide what “confidence” means.

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