Advertising
Advertising

Published on September 1, 2019

How to Be More Assertive to Meet Your Goals

How to Be More Assertive to Meet Your Goals

Life can be tough sometimes–which is why we need to be tough sometimes, too.

And, that’s the focus of this article: helping you to boost your assertiveness, so you can tick off your tasks, goals and dreams.

Now, I realize that it’s not always easy being assertive — especially if you’re used to being a people-pleaser. You might fear that if you act assertively, you’ll be regarded as a demanding and unkind individual.

But, as I’ll show you in the next few minutes, you can be both assertive and kind-hearted. And, most importantly, if you sincerely want to achieve your goals, then it’s essential that you call upon the power of assertiveness.

Why do I say that?

Because having an assertive nature will help you overcome obstacles and reach your goals quicker than you may have imagined possible. According to the Mayo Clinic, assertiveness is a core communication skill.[1] One that allows you to stand up for your beliefs and to express yourself effectively.

And, of course, there are other advantages to being assertive:

• You’ll earn other people’s respect

• You’ll boost your confidence and self-esteem

Advertising

• You’ll create win-win situations

• You’ll gain more career satisfaction

• You’ll create open and honest relationships

 At this point you may be asking: “How easy is it to become more assertive?”

Well, it will take some work on your part, but with a little effort, you can definitely become more assertive and more successful.

To help you get started, I’m going to share with you now some great ways of boosting your assertiveness.

1. Be Direct

The first suggestion I have for you is based on the classic “less is more” philosophy.

When it comes to being direct, you shouldn’t make accusations or cause the other person to feel guilty or wrong. And, there’s no need for long-winded explanations, which can be misleading or confusing for the recipient.

Instead, get straight to your point as soon as you can. Such as by saying: “I’m busy right now, so I can’t help you at the moment.”

Advertising

2. Stay Calm

Another key component of being assertive is having the confidence to keep your emotions in check when you need to convey something to someone (I know this can be difficult sometimes).

The trick is to detach your emotions from the situation and think logically. This will help make it easier to come across as in control, and will inevitably gain a more respectful response from the other party.

3. Use “I” Statements

Make it a habit to say things like, “I feel ” or “I believe.” And, avoid phrases like “you never” or “you always,” which put people on the defense immediately and can lead to poor communication and shutdowns. 

“I” statements make you come off more confident and don’t trigger others to feel attacked.

In other words, state why you believe something — rather than criticizing the other party’s viewpoint. 

4. Say “No” More Often

There is a great way to practice assertive behavior which only requires you to utter a  2-letter word… No! 

By practicing saying no to things you cannot or don’t want to do, you’ll be exercising your assertiveness in a simple but effective way.

These are the sort of lines you might use:

• No, I’m not happy taking on that work

Advertising

• No, I don’t have time to do this

• No, I have more important things to do

• No, I’m on my lunch break right now

• No, I’m not interested!

5. Don’t Apologize 

Many people have the tendency to begin every potentially assertive statement with an apology. For example, “Sorry to bother you, but could you…”  Or even simply, “Just following up…” 

These come across as weak and passive — and certainly not assertive. 

There’s a time and place for being apologetic (e.g., when you’ve accidentally knocked over someone’s drink!), but when it comes to being assertive, don’t let an apologetic tone get in the way of what you want to say.

6. Your Body Language Should Match Your Words 

When was the last time you paid attention to your body language?

If it’s been a while, then I suggest you keep a close eye on it in the next few days — particularly when it comes to talking to someone in person.

Advertising

To come across as confident and assertive, your body language needs to match your words. This means NOT slumping your shoulders and avoiding eye contact. Instead, it means standing tall and erect, and looking directly in the person’s eyes.

This will serve two purposes:

• A) It will consciously and subconsciously impress the person that you have faith in what you’re saying

• B) It will make you feel strong, assured and confident

So now you have 6 great ways to boost your assertiveness.

But, knowledge is useless without action. Which is why I want you to start putting the tips and techniques into action in your life — right now!

Do this, and I guarantee that within a few weeks, you’ll notice you’ve become a stronger, more assertive and more dynamic person. And, with these enhanced traits, you’ll find that reaching and exceeding your goals will become second nature to you.

Featured photo credit: Cytonn Photography via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Leon Ho

Founder & CEO of Lifehack

Why Assuming Positive Intent Is an Amazing Productivity Driver What Is a Habit? Understand It to Control It 100% The Secret to Success Is Failure How to Stop Bad Habits: 9 Scientifically Proven Methods How To Be Successful In Life: 13 Life-Changing Tips

Trending in Mental Strength

1 What Is the Purpose of Life and What Should You Live For? 2 15 Simple Ways to Boost Your Emotional Health 3 What Is Self-Image (And How to Change It for a Happier Life) 4 What’s the Purpose of Life? A Guide to Live with Meaning 5 13 Things You Can Do to Build Emotional Resilience

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on April 8, 2020

What Is the Purpose of Life and What Should You Live For?

What Is the Purpose of Life and What Should You Live For?

What is the purpose of life?

I want to answer the question by sharing a story about my friend, John.

My best friend John suddenly passed away a few weeks ago. John was a person who lived a purposeful life that was centred on his commitment and love for his family and serving others.

John did not seek out his purpose in life. He didn’t read personal development books on how to find your life purpose and he never asked the question “what should I live for?” He just knew what gave him joy and that was to serve his family and the people who were in his life.

John was that person that Ralph Emerson was referring to in his quote:

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

John was a man who showed compassion and kindness and who lived a full life with purpose and commitment. He was not a famous man who had achieved world recognition for his amazing feats. He was my long-time friend, a truly great man who to me lived his life purpose to the fullest.

Not all of us are like John who just knew what his purpose in life was and then just did it. Some of us need guidance as to how we can start this journey.

In society today, knowing your purpose of life and what you should live for has become the major criteria for measuring how happy your life is. There is a lot of pressure to know your purpose in life, becuase if you don’t know, then the chances of you living a fulfiling and happy life are nil. This is absolute rubbish.

Ralph Emerson’s states in his quote that our purpose in life has nothing to do with happiness but more to do with how well we lived our lives. That is the secret recipe to living a happy and fulfilling life.

So, how to attain purpose in life? Here are 3 very simple steps that if you follow, will help you to attain purpose and fulfilment in life.

1. Disconnect from Social Media

With social media, we are relentlessly exposed to thousands of people who present a life where they seem to be living incredibly fulfilled and successful lives with purpose.

Advertising

It seems to be for many people that figuring out your life purpose today is complicated and a drawn out process that can take forever. This is in fact not true at all.

On social media, you only see the fabulous and fun parts of peoples lives, you do not see their true life that can be as challenging and as complicated as yours. No one escapes the realities of life – those life curveballs that come from nowhere.

If you are comparing your quality of life and your happiness with those people on social media, then you need to stop. You need to find your own measures of success as to what a fulfilled happy life means to you.

Social Media will not give you what you are seeking when it comes to finding what it is that will bring joy to your life.

When you are consistently experiencing joy in your life, you are living a purposeful life. You know what the kind of life you want to live that is important to you. Using other peoples experiences of joy on social media is not best way for you to determine your life purpose.

2. Ask These 3 Key Questions to Define Your Life Purpose

To start your journey to figuring out your purpose in life ask yourself these 3 key questions:

Advertising

  • What is the legacy that I want to leave behind?
  • What will people say about me when I have gone?
  • What difference have I made to other peoples lives?

The answers to these 3 questions will help you determine your purpose in life.

Once you have defined these answers, the next step is for you is to take action and consistently demonstrate those qualities you believe are important for you to attain living a life with purpose and joy.

3. Focus on the Specific Actions That Bring You Joy

“You do not write your life with words. . . You write it with actions. What you think is not important. It is only important what you do” — Patrick Ness

Discovering your purpose in life and what you should live for is the same for everyone in the world – rich or poor. Everyone has the opportunity to live life to the fullest. It is not complex, difficult or out of your reach.

Finding your life purpose is very achievable. All you have to do is decide what it is that living a fulfilled happy life means to you and then you go do it. Go and be kind to others and live your life the best way you can every day.

Acts of kindness, generosity, gratitude and love are the core actions of living a life with purpose. If you focus on these actions on a daily basis, you will be living your life with purpose. It is at this point that the feelings of happiness fill your life.

Advertising

The more you do for others, the more happy you will be.

A Word of Warning

When you are living your life with purpose, it does not mean that you will transform into living the life of an angel.

Remember your reality – you will still have your faults, make huge mistakes, fail and have to navigate your way through the challenges that life throws at you.

However, living a life with purpose and commitment builds your resilience and enables you to deal with life challenges from a place of strength and certainty.

Your power of choice is the only thing that you have that enables you to live a life with purpose and joy. My friend John knew how to use his power of choice to the fullest. He chose to live a life with purpose and he knew what he had to do to bring joy into his life and to those people he loved – a very simple recipe to living life to the fullest.

The journey to knowing your life purpose and living your life purpose is within your reach. You are the only person who can do it and you have control over how you want to live your life.

Advertising

Remember that nobody else does – it is all down to you. I suggest that you go do it now!

More Tips About Finding Your Meaning of Life

Featured photo credit: Timothy Paul Smith via unsplash.com

Read Next