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How to Cope When You Fail to Honor a Commitment

How to Cope When You Fail to Honor a Commitment

There was a time when you had a pristine reputation. You delivered on everything that was expected of you, and you basked in the warm approval of all who knew you. And then it happened—you had a diaper blow-out all over Daddy. Commitment level: fail.

Even as a baby, you were making commitments and sometimes you just didn’t deliver. Back in the day, your sole commitment was to be cute and adorable, but sometimes you opted to be cranky and needy instead. Forgiving folks put up with it but their standards for your performance would not remain so low.

As you got older, you were introduced to promises. We all learned funny little rituals to validate a promise; stuff like “cross my heart and hope to die”. Even our rituals contained the seeds of disingenuous-ness: I doubt we really hoped to die if we failed to keep our promises.

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    The Real World: Adult Version

    As adults, commitments start to get more serious, and the failure to keep some promises comes with teeth or clauses to punish us or compensate the other party if we don’t make good on our word. In a litigious society, that same blaming and fault-finding attitude seems to apply even to more informal commitments. Punishment and consequences are a hard reality if we don’t deliver on our agreements.

    There are several  ways we can get caught over-promising: perhaps you didn’t think things through or you forgot about your preexisting commitments. It’s frustrating to find yourself over-committed, and the response is often to just try to power through, but that can leave us stressed and can make for a performance that doesn’t live up to anyone’s expectations, including our own.

    Another thing that can happen is you just screwed up—you made a commitment you had no business making—so again, you deliver some lousy outcome or you don’t deliver at all.

    Finally, there are times when, through no fault of your own, you just can’t do what you said you would do. There’s a traffic jam, the store was out of stock when you went, or someone else failed to deliver on a commitment to you that impacted your promises. So what can you do to avoid these situations?

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    Nothing. You can’t avoid these situations.

    Wait a minute, I thought this article was supposed to help me with this problem. Where is the sage advice I can apply so that I will never fail to honor a commitment again?

    Don’t worry, I will indeed tell you how to honor all of your commitments from this point forward. What I can’t stop you from doing is over-committing, screwing up, and being at the mercy of others. Those things will continue to happen. And yet, even with this landscape, you can still honor every commitment you ever make, including the ones you have already made that you are so hoping you can find a way to fulfill.

    Is Keeping My Word Enough?

    The key is in the word “honor”. There are commitments you are not going to keep no matter how hard you try, but even if you fail to keep them, you can still honor them. How do you do this?

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    The difference between “keeping” and “honoring” is key: keeping a promise is about the letter of the promise, while honoring a promise is about the spirit. It is even possible to keep a promise while not honoring it. People will forgive an honored but un-kept promise, but it takes a real saint to let go of an un-honored promise—kept or not.

    So what are the practical aspects of honoring a commitment? They are:

    • respect
    • communication
    • productive effort

    First, let’s consider respect. Respect for what? For the other person, for yourself, and for your word. It means doing what they expect, not just what you can get away with or argue is what you meant. It means not looking for shortcuts or half-measures to apply after the fact.

    Next, there is communication. It’s best if you do a good job with your communication up front to ensure that there are no misunderstandings, but even in a case where the commitment has already been made, communication will make all the difference. If you know you are not going to meet expectations, the time to say so is not after you fail but as soon as you know. It goes a long way to say, “I know I said I would be done by next Tuesday, but it looks like it will be more like Thursday at this point.” It may not be exactly what they want to hear but it shows you honor your commitment by giving voice to any approaching failure.

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    Finally, you have to give it your best shot, and if possible, that should be obvious to others. If you do this, it’s easier for everyone to accept if something goes awry.

    Time For Some Practical Application

    So let’s say you have done your best, you have respected everyone and everything, you have been open and transparent, and you have worked your heart out, but this time it isn’t going to happen—you just can’t keep your commitment. This is the moment of truth.

    You do not have to fail in honoring your commitment even now. To honor it you must take responsibility. Note I said take, not merely accept. Go first. Lay bare the unfinished business, and if it is now impossible to deliver, own that fact. If possibilities remain, recommit yourself to something you are prepared to keep, and then honor that new commitment.

    It’s uncomfortable to take responsibility, but discomfort is a lot easier to shoulder than disrespect or disappointment. Even if you failed to honor a commitment up until now, it is not too late: disrespect and disappointment can be rolled back or even erased in the face of genuine honor. Anyway, comfort isn’t truly all that comfortable in the face of disrespect; just ask any disrespected person—they can tell you as much. So, snatch honor from the jaws of failure. You can’t keep every commitment, you can but make sure you honor every single one.

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    Last Updated on July 18, 2019

    What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

    What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

    Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

    They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

    It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

    1. They Manage Their Expectations

    They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

    2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

    Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

    3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

    Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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    4. They’re Not Materialistic

    There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

    5. They Don’t Dwell

    They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

    6. They Care About Themselves First

    They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

    They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

    7. They Enjoy the Little Things

    They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

    8. They Can Adapt

    They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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    9. They Experiment

    They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

    10. They Take Their Time

    They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

    11. They Employ Different Perspectives

    They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

    12. They Seek to Learn

    Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

    13. They Always Have a Plan

    They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

    14. They Give Respect to Get It

    They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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    15. They Consider Every Opportunity

    They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

    16. They Always Seek to Improve

    Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

    17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

    They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

    18. They Live in the Moment

    They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

    You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

    19. They Say Yes

    Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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    20. They’re Self-Aware

    Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

    We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

    Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

    Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

    Final Thoughts

    The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

    For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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    Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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