Advertising
Advertising

Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn. There’s No Such Thing Called Failure.

Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn. There’s No Such Thing Called Failure.

Picture this: Remember that time you asked that hot girl out, and your cool, loaded friend got the catch instead? Or how about that dark day where you were sure that your project was going to win an award, and that hated colleague walked off with the trophy?

Sounds familiar, right? We’ve all been in various situations in life where we have bitten the dust and failure has loomed large and threatening in front of us. All we have to remember, in situations like these, is that success in never ending and failure is never final.

Advertising

Every cloud comes with a silver lining

Clichéd, but true, isn’t it? Think of any dark situation that you have endured in life, and you’ll find that there’s a hidden good behind every bad that happens. You really wanted to go to that dream college of yours, and get that degree that seemed to you like a goose that lays golden eggs. Unfortunately, you didn’t make it and that dream college rejected you. To the ones who got in, you were a failure.

Perhaps your folks also lost a bit of their faith in you. But was it really a failure, or just yet another crossroads that led you to a better calling that you now actually enjoy and are happy with? Frankly, we may not like it, but failure sometimes is nothing more than a stepping stone to a path that leads to our dreams. Sometimes there’s a grander plan in store of us, and that so-called failure needs to be taken in stride, learnt from and then stored for future use. What people think of you is immaterial.

Advertising

I have not failed

“I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”.

These were the famous words uttered by Thomas A Edison, when he finally made a light bulb, after “failing” to do so 10,000 times. Imagine 10,000 failures! Had he given up after five attempts or 10 or a 100 – we still may not have had the light bulb.

Advertising

So what you need to remember, what we all need to remember, is to stay positive even when faced with rejection, failure, or any other society-dictated rebuff.[1] Failing at something doesn’t mean that we cannot achieve success ahead – it means that more work needs to be done, more attempts need to be made.

Famous authors have been rejected and bluntly refused by many equally famous publishers – those authors persevered. They wrote and wrote some more, sent off their manuscripts to one, two, 20 agents and finally they succeeded. Isn’t that what success is, failure that simply never gives up?

Advertising

Giving up is the only sure way to fail

You’ll often hear successful people say that it’s better than to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all. Remember that they are very often speaking from the heart – there’s no success without a list of failures behind it. When you try your hand at something for the first time, you’re not likely to succeed at it. Remember the first time you played ball? Or tried your hand at skating? Or decided to learn to play the guitar? Chances are that you sucked at it.

It’s like when a child is learning to ride a bike. Does he give up the very first time he falls? Sometimes he gets hurt. Other times, the older kids snigger at his wobbly attempts. He cries, he gets into a snit and sometimes even exclaims that he will never get on that bike again. And when the sun brings in a new day, you see him get on and pedal madly, till he’s finally done it.

Life’s like that – you fail only when you give up. Try, try again. And even then if you don’t make it, try some more! There’s simply no such thing as failure – not achieving something means you learn, and then try it all over again till you finally do.

Reference

More by this author

Rima Pundir

Health, Wellness & Productivity Writer

Stiff Muscles Make You Feel Sick Often: 8 Natural Muscle Relaxers You Can’t Miss When You Drive And Don’t Drink Enough Water, It’s As Dangerous As Drunk Driving Having A Glass Of This Drink Before You Sleep Can Burn Your Fat Insanely Fast How Common Language Can Help You Strengthen Your Friendship Introducing 13 Useful Free Apps For you To Install Today

Trending in Communication

1 19 Golden Pieces of Relationship Advice From the Experts 2 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know 3 How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship 4 How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future 5 This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

Advertising

The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

Advertising

If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

Advertising

In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

Advertising

It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

More Articles About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next