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The Mentally Strong Mindset: Forgive, Let Go, And Free The Mind

The Mentally Strong Mindset: Forgive, Let Go, And Free The Mind

Forgiving someone can be difficult–the toughest life challenge ever. It is like rewarding someone for something they did not do right or caused harm with. But in fact, forgiving them is not about them–it is about you. A key attribute to forgive is being strong enough to do it. How are you supposed to be strong and be able to forgive a wrongdoing? What about close friends and family that betray you?–How do you forgive them? How do you just forget something that brought you down? You are fueled by emotions of anger, hostility, fear, rage, resentment and bitterness.

The answers to these questions are unknown. Forgiveness is tough; it is tricky. Forgiveness is a topic of contention in, libraries, churches, workplaces, as well as dinner tables all around the world. Do not expect apologies, but try to forgive. Relationships can be severely sabotaged because of misunderstandings.

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Start from Within

When people get engrossed in the dilemma of forgiveness, they need to start looking into their own emotions. If you are engrossed in past issues or worried about the future, your mind starts triggering sparks of negativity. You need to look into your own emotions carefully. It may work for the best to forgive and forget rather than be bottled up in remorse and regret. You would end up in an emotional haze – is it worth hanging on to things that have already passed and that cannot be changed? Is it worth worrying about-about what is yet to come – which you have no control over? Or would you rather focus on the present – which you do have control over? If you want peace of mind and a shine of positivity in your life, it is best to forgive and be the “bigger” person.

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Recognize Your Need to Control

In many cases, we tend to disapprove how another has chosen to live. You just wish they could change. You may want them to apologize or reach out to you, so things go back the way you remember it, in a way you were comfortable with. That is what makes forgiving so difficult. Healing cannot work like that. Nobody can change on terms you create. They need to change their own terms. The loving thing is to let go by allowing the person to take his or her own life lessons.

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The Need for Vengeance

What is the best way to handle vengeance? A sweet smile. Smile when you are hurting the most. If someone intends to really get to you, you will confuse that person. If you do surrender, you are giving into their enjoyment of you being bothered. It is best for you to go through your life journey without looking back at those who attempted to create trudges in the path. There is no better revenge. Forgive and keep moving on. Let go of people, and create a bright pathway towards your happiness.

Get ready to let go, forgive yourself first, and then forgive others. Live in the present because it’s worth it. There are many things to be thankful for. Open up to them. Loving is never easy, especially when times are rough, yet it is the most formidable and positively persistent action possible. Everyone needs to have a trait of forgiveness and understand that mistakes happen. Yes, of course not all mistakes are forgivable. There is a very fine line between mistakes, sins, and crime. But if you learn to forgive, you will peacefully move on with your life.[1]

Benefits of Forgiveness

  • Set yourself free
  • Move on with life and heal
  • Remove malice and anger from your heart
  • Claim authority over your mind and your heart
  • Create peace of mind
  • Forgiveness serves better than revenge
  • Release from victim mentality

It is confirmed, forgiveness is therapeutic for the one who forgives, but it may just be good for the ones forgiven as well.[2]

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Reference

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Nena Tenacity

Nena is passionate about writing. She shares her everyday health and lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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