Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on November 26, 2020

12 Things High Self-Esteem People Don’t Do

12 Things High Self-Esteem People Don’t Do

Having high self-esteem is important if you are aiming for personal or professional success. Interestingly, most people will high levels of self-esteem act in similar ways. That’s why it’s often easy to pick them out in a crowd. There’s something about the way they hold themselves and speak, isn’t there?

We all have different hopes, dreams, experiences, and paths, but confidence has its own universal language. This list will present some of the things you won’t find yourself doing if you have high self-esteem.

1. Compare Yourself to Others

People with low self-esteem are constantly comparing their situation to others. On the other hand, people with higher self-esteem show empathy and compassion while also protecting their own sanity. They know how much they can handle and when they can offer a helping hand.

In the age of social media, however, social comparisons are nearly ubiquitous. One study found that “participants who used Facebook most often had poorer trait self-esteem, and this was mediated by greater exposure to upward social comparisons on social media”[1]. Basically, you will feel worse about yourself if you are constantly getting glimpses into lives that you consider to be better than yours.

Try to limit your time on social media. Also, when you do start scrolling, keep in mind that each profile is carefully crafted to create the appearance of a perfect life. Check yourself when you find yourself wishing for greener grass.

2. Be Mean-Spirited

People with low self-esteem bully others. They take pleasure in putting other people down. People with positive self-esteem see no need to down other people, choosing instead to encourage and celebrate successes.

Advertising

If you find that you feel the need to put others down, analyze where that’s coming from. If they’ve had success in life, help them feel good about that achievement. They may do the same for you one day.

3. Let Imperfection Ruin Your Day

Perfectionism isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but obsessing over making everything perfect is a sign that you have low self-esteem and can lead to never-ending negative thoughts. This can turn into an inability to solve problems creatively, which will only make self-esteem issues worse. 

Those with high self-esteem disconnect from the results and do their best without expecting perfection.

People with that kind of confidence understand that messing up is a part of life and that each time they aim and miss success, they’ll at least learn something along the way.

If you miss the mark, or if your plan doesn’t work out exactly as you would have liked, take a deep breath and see if you can pivot in order to do better next time.

4. Dwell on Failure

It’s common to hear people dwelling on all the ways things will go wrong. They are positive that their every failure signals an impossible task or an innate inability to do something. People with healthy self-esteem discover why they failed and try again.

Advertising

People with higher levels of confidence also tend to adopt a growth mindset[2]. This type of thinking supports the idea that most of your abilities can be improved and altered, as opposed to being fixed.

For example, instead of saying, “I’m just not good at math; that’s why I did bad on the test,” someone with a growth mindset would say, “Math is difficult for me, so I’ll have to put in some more practice to improve next time.”

Next time you experience a failure, check out this video to help you believe in yourself again:

5. Devalue Your Self-Esteem

People with high self-esteem value their own perception of themselves – they understand that they come first and don’t feel guilty about taking care of themselves. They believe charity starts within, and if they don’t believe that, they’ll never have a healthy self-image.

Self-care is often top of the priority list for people with self-esteem. For some ways to practice self-care, check out this article.

6. Try to Please Others

They can’t please all the people all the time, so confident people first focus on doing what will make them feel fulfilled and happy. While they will politely listen to others’ thoughts and advice, they know that their goals and dreams have to be completed on their own terms.

Advertising

7. Close Yourself off

Confident people have the ability to be vulnerable. It’s those with poor self-esteem that hide all the best parts of themselves behind an emotional wall. Instead of keeping the real you a secret, be open and honest in all your dealings.

As Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly, points out, “Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen”[3]. When you embrace each facet of who you are and allow others to see them as well, it will create deeper, more meaningful connections in your life. When that happens, you’ll realize that perfection doesn’t lead to people liking you more.

You can learn more about the power of vulnerability in this TED talk with Brené Brown:

8. Follow and Avoiding Leading

People with low self-esteem don’t believe they can lead, so they end up following others, sometimes into unhealthy situations. Rather than seeking a sense of belonging, people with high self-esteem walk their own paths and create social circles that build them up.

9. Fish for Compliments

If you’re constantly seeking compliments, you’re not confident. People with high self-esteem always do their best (and go out of their way to do good deeds) because it’s what they want to do, not because they’re seeking recognition. If you need to hear compliments, say them to yourself in the mirror.

You can even try some positive affirmations if you need a confidence boost. Check out these affirmations to get started.

Advertising

10. Be Lazy

People work harder when they have high self-esteem because they’re not bogged down by doubts and complaints. Those with low self-esteem end up procrastinating and wasting their energy thinking about all the work they have to do rather than rolling up their sleeves and just getting it done.

This may also bounce off perfectionism. Perfectionists often feel intimidated by certain projects if they fear that they won’t be able to complete them perfectly. Tap into your confidence and simply do your best without worrying about a perfect outcome.

11. Shy Away from Risks

When you trust yourself, you’ll be willing to participate more in life. People with low self-esteem are always on the sidelines, waiting for the perfect moment to jump in. Instead of letting life pass you by, have confidence in your success and take the risks necessary to succeed.

12. Gossip

People with low self-esteem are always in other peoples’ business – they’re more interested in what everyone else is doing than themselves. People with high self-esteem are more interested in their own life and stay out of others’ affairs.

Instead of participating in idle gossip, talk about some positive news you heard recently, or that fascinating book you just finished. There’s plenty to talk about beyond what this or that person did wrong in their life.

The Bottom Line

Self-esteem is to success in life. People who maintain a healthy level of self-esteem believe in themselves and push themselves to succeed, while those with low confidence feel a sense of entitlement.

If you need a boost in your self-image and mental health, avoid negative self-talk and the other mistakes of people with low self-esteem. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes.

More Tips on Building Confidence

Featured photo credit: Christina @ wocintechchat.com via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Psychology of Popular Media Culture: Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem
[2] Brain Pickings: Fixed vs. Growth: The Two Basic Mindsets That Shape Our Lives
[3] Forbes: Brene Brown: How Vulnerability Can Make Our Lives Better

More by this author

Leon Ho

Founder & CEO of Lifehack

How Goals Performance Review Can Help You Succeed More The Ultimate Coffee Guide For Energy Boost Achieve Your Goals by Focusing on Critical Activities 12 Learning Goals For Personal Growth And Self Development Procrastination Is a Matter of Emotion, Here’s How to Stop It

Trending in Success Mindset

1 This Is Why You Should Be Proud of Making Mistakes 2 40 Invaluable Lessons You Can Learn From Your Mistakes 3 10 Willpower Hacks to Help Achieve Your Goals 4 15 Highly Successful People Who Failed On Their Way To Success 5 6 Reasons It’s Okay To Fail

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 24, 2021

This Is Why You Should Be Proud of Making Mistakes

This Is Why You Should Be Proud of Making Mistakes

We all know too many people who are afraid of making mistakes because doing so makes them feel horrible about themselves. But the truth is, mistakes can be like gifts. Any successful person can tell you that without the mistakes they made on their journey, they wouldn’t be where they are today. Here are 10 reasons why you should be proud of making mistakes.

1. Mistakes help us gain knowledge.

We can gain so much knowledge from our mistakes, and all it takes is the willingness to learn from them. We get to know what works and what doesn’t from each error we come across. Without mistakes, we lose countless opportunities to gain valuable knowledge and learn lessons.

Advertising

2. Mistakes trigger our creativity.

When what we are attempting is not working, we look for a new solution, which enables us to think outside the box. Without mistakes, we lose chances of experiencing the creative side of ourselves.

“The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.” —William Connor Magee

3. Mistakes help us learn to be resilient.

We get to understand that adversity is needed to overcome challenges in life. We know then that being flexible is important, as we can’t move forward if we stay in the same place. Without making mistakes, we would stay in our comfort zone, which leads us to inflexibility when things don’t work the way we want them to.

“The more we can embrace failure, the more we will be able to open to it and the more confident and resilient we will become.” —Karen Kimsey-House

4. Mistakes teach us about humanity.

Mistakes teach us the importance of staying humble. We learn that we are only human and that mistakes are inevitable. We also learn that humility is what make us beautiful.

5. Mistakes provide us references.

We obtain references each time we try different approaches as we attempt to achieve our goals. We become better each time we try something new. We wouldn’t gain those references if we didn’t make mistakes.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work” —Thomas Edison

6. Mistakes help us obtain new ideas.

Making mistakes is one of the most effective ways to gain new ideas. Our mistakes force us to push limits and find new things that inspire us.

Advertising

“The only sure way to avoid making mistakes is to have no new ideas” —Albert Einstein

7. Mistakes give us courage.

We become a stronger person each time we acknowledge our mistakes and move on to do better next time. We come to understand that being brave is all about admitting to our faults and growing from them.

“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” —Bruce Lee

8. Mistakes make us wiser.

We learn to appreciate those who have helped us, and learn to deal with the people who have done us wrong. We learn to be wiser each time we make a mistake, because we get to see a different side of the people we thought we knew. Without making mistakes, we would not get to see the different sides of those we deal with.

“Some people come into your life as blessings. Some come into your life as lessons.” —Mother Teresa

9. Mistakes teach us how to experiment.

We are experimenting each time we try a new approach to creating something. We often create amazing things when we innovate, be it a product or something personal. But innovation comes from experimenting, which often leads to making mistakes. Without those mistakes, we wouldn’t be able to innovate, and create better things. We would also not be able to become a better person without knowing what we did wrong.

“Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes, It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations.” —Steve Jobs

10. Mistakes help us to better understand ourselves.

Mistakes helps us understand that our biggest enemy can be ourselves. We learn to reflect on our own mistakes. By overcoming our shortcomings, we become stronger people as we come to know our own strengths and weaknesses. It wouldn’t be as easy for us to understand ourselves without the mistakes we have made.

Advertising

“In the business world, the rearview mirror is always clearer than the windshield.” —Warren Buffett

Read Next