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Published on May 21, 2019

How to Raise Your Self Worth and Trust Yourself More

How to Raise Your Self Worth and Trust Yourself More

When you look in the mirror, who do you see? Do you see someone you trust, admire, and believe in? Or do you see someone who is always making mistakes and falling short?

The reality is who you see has little to do with what you are visually looking at. It has everything to do with what the little voice in your head is saying about you at any given time.

That little voice in your head, the one is constantly judging everything… that is your self worth.

Your self worth can be your best friend or your worst enemy. If your self worth does not deem you worthy from time to time, then this article is for you.

Here’s how to raise your self worth and trust yourself more:

1. Allow Time to Build Trust in Yourself

Your self-worth is how confident you are in your own ability to accomplish something. You can have a high self worth when you are asking for a raise or promotion. However, you can have a low self worth when you are asked to present in front of a large group of people.

Your ability to trust yourself is directly linked to your comfort in the activity you are performing. You are rarely going to find yourself comfortable in every situation. There are going to be events in which you have built trust in yourself over time.

For example, you were not very confident in your abilities when you first started your career, but you realized your value over time. You discovered through your experiences that you had a lot to offer and plenty of companies will be interested.

2. Know That What You Can’t Control Isn’t Your Fault

Your self worth is your opinion of yourself. Make sure you keep it that way. Your self-worth should not be dependent or predicated on your interactions with others.

Another way of looking at this is to control what you can control. You can control things like effort and attitude, but you cannot control the reactions of other people.

While it may be hard to believe, most of the reactions you face in life have nothing to do with you. That person is usually going through something in their own life and they are attempting to understand how you impact their life. What if they were simply having a bad day and you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

There will be times you apply for a new job, and you are not even called for an interview. You start to wonder if you are not qualified for the position and you debate whether you should change your resume in some way. It is natural for you to look inward.

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We all internalize rejection and think we are to blame. However, I can tell you firsthand that I have seen companies post positions online for an internal candidate that was already selected. They only posted the role online because they were required to do so by law.

So once they had a handful of applicants apply for the position, they would close the position and hire their internal candidate. In that situation, there was nothing you could change about your resume, cover letter, or salary requirements. The position was not yours to have and there was nothing you could do about it.

That is why you cannot allow external events to alter your self worth. When you internalize everything, you are assigning blame where there may be none.

3. Set a Time to Take Action

There is a balance you need to find between preparation and action. While you do not want to run into a situation unprepared, you also do you want to procrastinate by over-analyzing of the problem.

The more time you go without taking action, the more reasons your mind is going to create for continued inaction.

If you want to increase your trust in yourself, then take some time to research your goal. Understand the amount of time it should take to accomplish, some of the setbacks people often face, and ways you can overcome them.

By taking the time to prepare, you are going to increase the trust you have in yourself.

Your goal is to use this information to create a road-map to mirror their success. Each article, encounter, or situation you read about is one more reason you know success is possible.

Now, you are operating from a position of strength. Now, it is not a question of “if” it is possible, but a question of “when” you will do it. You have created a proven system that is sure to create the results you want.

Once you have the system, all that is left is for you to take action. Setting a time to take action is important because you can know what to do and still not do it.

And as I mentioned already, if you want to overcome your fear and self-doubt, you need to take action. Taking action is the best way to prove to you have what it takes!

4. Talk to Yourself Positively

If you want to trust yourself, make sure you speak to yourself in a way that is encouraging.

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Never say things like, “this always happens to me” or “I can never get it right”. These negative statements become self-fulfilling prophecies and they make it hard for you to believe and trust in yourself.

Instead, say things like, “he is working on this” or “that can happen to her once in a while”.

Did you notice my use of third person? Before you think I am crazy, let me explain:

Studies show how you engage in self-talk matters a lot, and the best way to speak to yourself is in third person. This allows you to put a little distance between you and your thoughts. This will allow you to be more objective, as well as reduce your overall stress when dealing with different situations.[1]

If you do not like what you are saying, feel free to refer to those thoughts as another person altogether. Only assign your name to the thoughts that are positive and encouraging.

Here’re 15 Ways to Practice Positive Self-Talk for Success you can learn.

5. Turn Your Anxiety into Excitement

Studies have shown you can raise your self worth by changing the way you look at anxiety. Instead of attempting to calm down before the big meeting with your boss (as most of you have been told), you should view your anxiety as excitement.[2]

Those who “reappraise their anxious arousal as excitement feel more exited and perform better.”

This tip reaffirms the thought that there is nothing necessarily good or bad, it is all about how you react to it.

In this case, if you feel anxious about a particular action you are about to take, do not tell yourself to calm down — that is playing into the hands of your self-doubt. Instead, if you tell yourself you are excited, like an athlete or performer before the big show, then you are setting the stage for victory.

6. Fail, and Fail Often

It sounds counterproductive to link failure and trust, but hear me out:

If you are failing, then that means you are trusting yourself to take action.

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I am a big believer that failure is a key factor of success. Think of all the highly successful people, or your favorite superhero movie, or any movie for that matter. Along the way to success, your main character is going to find themselves recovering from a setback.

They will be faced with the choice to persevere or quit. That is one of the reasons most people enjoy movies so much. You have an opportunity to live vicariously through their failures, share their heartaches, and celebrate their victories.

Now take a moment and think about the trials a main character endured through one of your favorite movies. There is going to be a moment where you can see they are fearful about the future. Where they believe failure is an inescapable result no matter what changes they make, or how many times they try.

Feeling defeated, they usually try to move on and live a lesser life, but something pulls them back into the fight. That moment of uncertainty and self-doubt is something you will face on your journey as well. When you find yourself with the choice to move on or retool, choose to get up and try again.

The more times you can fail in given day, the more confident you should be that success is on the horizon. This is why your self worth is so critical.

If you believe failure is a part of you, then there is no reason for you to continue. The results are the results and there is nothing you can do about it.

However, if you believe that the results are an indication of a lesson you need to learn, then you have an opportunity to make adjustments where need be and thrive.

7. Invest in Yourself

If you are sitting for a certification and failed the first time, you can conclude you need to increase your understanding of the principles covered. This could mean you hire a tutor, join a study group, or purchase a better study guide.

If you return to our movie analogy, if you lost the fight, you may need to improve your strategy, combat skills or weaponry.

I will use Thor Ragnarok as an example. Thor is the God of Thunder and his hammer, Mjolnir is his go-to weapon of choice. He can use it to help him channel lightening, fly and just hit people in the face. It is natural to understand why he had so much trust in himself and his abilities. The problem occurs when Hela destroys Thor’s hammer and he believes all of his abilities are tied to his hammer. Turns out he actually had little to no trust in himself, just the hammer. The rest of the movie is Thor battling these inner demons and finding the resolve (and strength) to keep going.

There are studies that show a clear link between exercise, how you feel about yourself, and your performance.[3]

You may have noticed the, “Can I trust myself” struggle is a reoccurring theme in Marvel movies…

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Tony Stark had the same problem where he thought the suit made him Iron Man.

Peter Parker, received an upgraded suit in Homecoming… yup you guessed it. He thought the suit made him Spiderman.

Captain America’s was a little different, but the same overall. He trusted S.H.I.E.L.D. more than he trusted himself.

I could keep going, but I think you get the picture. The hero inside of each of us struggles with the question: Do I have what it takes?

So what is the takeaway?

Do not make the mistake of placing your trust in your investment. Whether that is a tutor, study guide, or anything else. The key is to better equip yourself so YOU can succeed (Emphasis on YOU).

Final Thoughts

Start by recognizing that everyone has confidence in the right situation and everyone has self-doubt in the wrong situation. See if you can recognize why your confidence levels are so high in one environment and so low in the other.

Then start taking the necessary steps to increase your self worth and build trust in your areas of improvement areas.

Just remember, building trust in yourself takes time and you need to be patient and diligent in your efforts.

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Featured photo credit: Bart LaRue via unsplash.com

Reference

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Last Updated on June 24, 2019

What Is Self Actualization? 13 Traits of a Self-Actualized Person

What Is Self Actualization? 13 Traits of a Self-Actualized Person

Have you ever heard of self-actualization? As someone who has been a personal development junkie for several years now, I was shocked to learn about self-actualization recently.

When I came across the term, I couldn’t help but think, “What is this self-actualization thing, and how have I gone so many years without hearing about it?”

Maybe you’re in the same boat. Perhaps you’ve read up on tons of other topics like self-limiting beliefs, how to gain more self-awareness, how to be more self-confident, but you’ve never heard of self-actualization.

Don’t fret! I’m going to give you a crash course on what self-actualization is and which 13 traits are most commonly found in a self-actualized person.

What is Self Actualization?

When I explore a new topic, I can’t help but start with examining the definition. This one comes from Google Dictionary:

“The realization or fulfillment of one’s talents and potentialities, especially considered as a drive or need present in everyone.”

In my research, I found that the concept of self-actualization came from Abraham Maslow. Maslow was an American psychologist who is best known for his hierarchy of innate human needs. Like all hierarchy’s, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is listed in order of priority and is often represented as a pyramid.

    At the bottom are physiological needs, such as food and water. Up from there is safety and then belongingness, which would include intimate relationships and friends. Above belongingness is esteem or things like prestige and the feeling of accomplishment.

    On the very top of Maslow’s hierarchy rests self-actualization. And as we’ve seen in the definition, this means that the highest of human needs is to achieve one’s full potential.

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    So, if becoming a self-actualized person means realizing our greatest talents and achieving our greatest potential, how do we go about doing that? How do we achieve self-actualization?

    13 Traits of a Self-Actualized Person

    Let’s start by examining the top 13 traits of a highly self-actualized person and work backward from there.

    1. They Practice Acceptance

    Self-actualized people accept themselves and other people as they are, and they have no expectations for how people should be otherwise. They understand that no one is perfect, and they accept their own quirks, desires, and flaws as well as those of others.

    While many people wish they were different in some way, self-actualized people do not. They love themselves for who they are, and they do not apologize or feel guilt or shame for who they are.

    2. Self-Actualized People Are Authentic and True

    A self-actualized individual has a strong sense of who they are. They have a deep understanding of their beliefs and values, and they live in congruence with those beliefs and values.

    Because they accept and understand themselves, they are authentic and true to themselves. They do not pretend to be anything they are not. Not only are self-actualized people authentic, but they seek authenticity as well, both in people and in the world. They are quick to spot dishonesty.

    3. They Possess a Strong Sense of Realism

    Another characteristic of a self-actualized person is their sense of realism.

    To the average person, self-actualized people seem to have sound judgment or excellent gut instincts, but it’s far more than that. Their ability to logically and rationally evaluate the world allows them to spot dishonesties, fakes, and inconsistencies.

    Self-actualized people seek truth in everything they encounter, which gives then a keen ability to see behind the scenes more often than most people.

    4. They Live in the Here and Now

    Because self-actualized people are accepting and are grounded in reality, they are exceptionally good at living in the here and now. Self-actualized people do have goals, but they don’t focus on the future at the expense of the present.

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    For the self-actualized, the journey towards a goal is just as important as achieving the goal, if not slightly more so.

    5. The Self-Actualized Are Autonomous and Independent

    Self-actualized people are highly independent and do not conform to the norms of society. They do not depend on people, the world, or any external factors for their happiness. Instead, they draw satisfaction from their own development and personal growth.

    They are comfortable being alone, and because they are so independent, self-actualized people are not bothered by the opinions that others may have about them. They accept themselves as they are, and the opinions of others cannot change that.

    6. They Have Excellent Moral Intuition

    Self-actualized people do not allow themselves to be molded by culture or by society. They have an excellent moral compass, and they are deliberate about their decisions. They reject what they see as bad or evil, and they adopt what they see as good.

    Because they are driven by their own moral intuition, they have a strong code of ethics that cannot be swayed by society.

    The self-actualized do not accept everything as black and white, right or wrong, They evaluate all sides of an issue and make their own decisions based on what they believe to be right and just.

    7. Self-Actualize People Seek Growth and Development

    Self-actualized people not only draw happiness from personal growth, but they are also intrinsically motivated to develop their potential.

    They have moved beyond Maslow’s first four hierarchies are no longer motivated by basic human needs. They know that they are capable of more in life and they’re driven to see how much they can grow.

    They also view their growth as a tool to help more people, not just themselves.

    8. They are Problem-Solving, Humanitarians

    Self-actualized people have a genuine desire to help the human race. They are quick to spot problems in the world and, because they are problem solvers, they don’t hesitate to look for solutions.

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    This genuine desire to help is not rooted in personal gain, glory, recognition, or any other self-serving motive. Self-actualized people have a strong sense of purpose and want to leave the world better than they found it.

    9. They Have a Strong Sense of Purpose

    Because self-actualized people are humanitarians and they seek never-ending personal growth. They often times adopt a mission or purpose that is far beyond themselves or their own needs.

    This mission is typically meant to solve a problem for the good of all mankind and gives them a powerful sense of purpose. This purpose demands much of their energy, and they are more than happy to spend their time making a significant impact on the world.

    10. The Self-Actualized Person Seeks Peak Experiences

    Self-actualized people seek frequent peak experiences. These are not everyday experiences of joy—they are experiences that involve a heightened sense of wonder, awe, or ecstasy—a feeling of transcendence.[1]

    Peak performances tend to be highly significant to one’s life. They are fulfilling, thrilling, intrinsically rewarding, and in many cases, feel very spiritual.

    While rare, peak experiences can happen for anyone at any time, those who are self-actualized deliberately seek out these experiences routinely.

    11. They Embrace the Unknown

    While most people fear the unknown, self-actualized people embrace it. Self-actualized people understand that to grow as a person, you have to step beyond your comfort zone and into the unknown.

    Self-actualized people seek to reach their full potential, which means they have to explore the unknown. They cannot reach their full potential by staying where they are. They cannot cling to the familiar.

    They do not fear the unknown. Instead, the self-actualized welcome and embrace the unknown—they accept it and learn from it. They are not afraid of the many curve balls that life tends to throw their way.

    12. They Are Unconventional and Spontaneous

    Because they are not afraid of the unknown, self-actualized people tend to be very spontaneous and unconventional. While they are able to follow most social and cultural expectations, they have no problem doing their own thing when they decide it’s appropriate.

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    They do not feel confined by the norms of society and are willing to explore the unknown world beyond those expectations, even if the new experience is not a social norm.

    13. They Have a Thoughtful Sense of Humor

    Self-actualized people have a deep and thoughtful sense of humor. They are very good at finding the humor in most situations, and they enjoy laughing at themselves.

    On the other hand, they never use humor to embarrass or ridicule other people, and they never make jokes at the expense of others.

    The Path to Self-Actualization

    So there you have it: 13 traits that self-actualized people share. To get on the path to self-actualization, you can study these traits and seek to live a life that mirrors them.

    There’s no step-by-step plan to follow to become self-actualized. However, these 13 traits offer you a guide to becoming more self-actualized over time. Remember, becoming self-actualized is not a destination; it’s a journey.

    You can learn to be more present in your life, to accept yourself and those around you, and to be more spontaneous and unconventional. You can work towards finding your purpose in life, to becoming more humanitarian, and embracing the unknown.

    As you live your life, focus on improving these 13 areas of your life, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming self-actualized.

    Good luck!

    Featured photo credit: Denys Nevozhai via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Very Well Mind: Peak Experiences in Psychology

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