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How to Raise Your Self Worth and Trust Yourself More

How to Raise Your Self Worth and Trust Yourself More

When you look in the mirror, who do you see? Do you see someone you trust, admire, and believe in? Or do you see someone who is always making mistakes and falling short?

The reality is who you see has little to do with what you are visually looking at. It has everything to do with what the little voice in your head is saying about you at any given time.

That little voice in your head, the one is constantly judging everything… that is your self worth.

Your self worth can be your best friend or your worst enemy. If your self worth does not deem you worthy from time to time, then this article is for you.

Here’s how to raise your self worth and trust yourself more:

1. Allow Time to Build Trust in Yourself

Your self-worth is how confident you are in your own ability to accomplish something. You can have a high self worth when you are asking for a raise or promotion. However, you can have a low self worth when you are asked to present in front of a large group of people.

Your ability to trust yourself is directly linked to your comfort in the activity you are performing. You are rarely going to find yourself comfortable in every situation. There are going to be events in which you have built trust in yourself over time.

For example, you were not very confident in your abilities when you first started your career, but you realized your value over time. You discovered through your experiences that you had a lot to offer and plenty of companies will be interested.

2. Know That What You Can’t Control Isn’t Your Fault

Your self worth is your opinion of yourself. Make sure you keep it that way. Your self-worth should not be dependent or predicated on your interactions with others.

Another way of looking at this is to control what you can control. You can control things like effort and attitude, but you cannot control the reactions of other people.

While it may be hard to believe, most of the reactions you face in life have nothing to do with you. That person is usually going through something in their own life and they are attempting to understand how you impact their life. What if they were simply having a bad day and you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

There will be times you apply for a new job, and you are not even called for an interview. You start to wonder if you are not qualified for the position and you debate whether you should change your resume in some way. It is natural for you to look inward.

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We all internalize rejection and think we are to blame. However, I can tell you firsthand that I have seen companies post positions online for an internal candidate that was already selected. They only posted the role online because they were required to do so by law.

So once they had a handful of applicants apply for the position, they would close the position and hire their internal candidate. In that situation, there was nothing you could change about your resume, cover letter, or salary requirements. The position was not yours to have and there was nothing you could do about it.

That is why you cannot allow external events to alter your self worth. When you internalize everything, you are assigning blame where there may be none.

3. Set a Time to Take Action

There is a balance you need to find between preparation and action. While you do not want to run into a situation unprepared, you also do you want to procrastinate by over-analyzing of the problem.

The more time you go without taking action, the more reasons your mind is going to create for continued inaction.

If you want to increase your trust in yourself, then take some time to research your goal. Understand the amount of time it should take to accomplish, some of the setbacks people often face, and ways you can overcome them.

By taking the time to prepare, you are going to increase the trust you have in yourself.

Your goal is to use this information to create a road-map to mirror their success. Each article, encounter, or situation you read about is one more reason you know success is possible.

Now, you are operating from a position of strength. Now, it is not a question of “if” it is possible, but a question of “when” you will do it. You have created a proven system that is sure to create the results you want.

Once you have the system, all that is left is for you to take action. Setting a time to take action is important because you can know what to do and still not do it.

And as I mentioned already, if you want to overcome your fear and self-doubt, you need to take action. Taking action is the best way to prove to you have what it takes!

4. Talk to Yourself Positively

If you want to trust yourself, make sure you speak to yourself in a way that is encouraging.

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Never say things like, “this always happens to me” or “I can never get it right”. These negative statements become self-fulfilling prophecies and they make it hard for you to believe and trust in yourself.

Instead, say things like, “he is working on this” or “that can happen to her once in a while”.

Did you notice my use of third person? Before you think I am crazy, let me explain:

Studies show how you engage in self-talk matters a lot, and the best way to speak to yourself is in third person. This allows you to put a little distance between you and your thoughts. This will allow you to be more objective, as well as reduce your overall stress when dealing with different situations.[1]

If you do not like what you are saying, feel free to refer to those thoughts as another person altogether. Only assign your name to the thoughts that are positive and encouraging.

Here’re 15 Ways to Practice Positive Self-Talk for Success you can learn.

5. Turn Your Anxiety into Excitement

Studies have shown you can raise your self worth by changing the way you look at anxiety. Instead of attempting to calm down before the big meeting with your boss (as most of you have been told), you should view your anxiety as excitement.[2]

Those who “reappraise their anxious arousal as excitement feel more exited and perform better.”

This tip reaffirms the thought that there is nothing necessarily good or bad, it is all about how you react to it.

In this case, if you feel anxious about a particular action you are about to take, do not tell yourself to calm down — that is playing into the hands of your self-doubt. Instead, if you tell yourself you are excited, like an athlete or performer before the big show, then you are setting the stage for victory.

6. Fail, and Fail Often

It sounds counterproductive to link failure and trust, but hear me out:

If you are failing, then that means you are trusting yourself to take action.

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I am a big believer that failure is a key factor of success. Think of all the highly successful people, or your favorite superhero movie, or any movie for that matter. Along the way to success, your main character is going to find themselves recovering from a setback.

They will be faced with the choice to persevere or quit. That is one of the reasons most people enjoy movies so much. You have an opportunity to live vicariously through their failures, share their heartaches, and celebrate their victories.

Now take a moment and think about the trials a main character endured through one of your favorite movies. There is going to be a moment where you can see they are fearful about the future. Where they believe failure is an inescapable result no matter what changes they make, or how many times they try.

Feeling defeated, they usually try to move on and live a lesser life, but something pulls them back into the fight. That moment of uncertainty and self-doubt is something you will face on your journey as well. When you find yourself with the choice to move on or retool, choose to get up and try again.

The more times you can fail in given day, the more confident you should be that success is on the horizon. This is why your self worth is so critical.

If you believe failure is a part of you, then there is no reason for you to continue. The results are the results and there is nothing you can do about it.

However, if you believe that the results are an indication of a lesson you need to learn, then you have an opportunity to make adjustments where need be and thrive.

7. Invest in Yourself

If you are sitting for a certification and failed the first time, you can conclude you need to increase your understanding of the principles covered. This could mean you hire a tutor, join a study group, or purchase a better study guide.

If you return to our movie analogy, if you lost the fight, you may need to improve your strategy, combat skills or weaponry.

I will use Thor Ragnarok as an example. Thor is the God of Thunder and his hammer, Mjolnir is his go-to weapon of choice. He can use it to help him channel lightening, fly and just hit people in the face. It is natural to understand why he had so much trust in himself and his abilities. The problem occurs when Hela destroys Thor’s hammer and he believes all of his abilities are tied to his hammer. Turns out he actually had little to no trust in himself, just the hammer. The rest of the movie is Thor battling these inner demons and finding the resolve (and strength) to keep going.

There are studies that show a clear link between exercise, how you feel about yourself, and your performance.[3]

You may have noticed the, “Can I trust myself” struggle is a reoccurring theme in Marvel movies…

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Tony Stark had the same problem where he thought the suit made him Iron Man.

Peter Parker, received an upgraded suit in Homecoming… yup you guessed it. He thought the suit made him Spiderman.

Captain America’s was a little different, but the same overall. He trusted S.H.I.E.L.D. more than he trusted himself.

I could keep going, but I think you get the picture. The hero inside of each of us struggles with the question: Do I have what it takes?

So what is the takeaway?

Do not make the mistake of placing your trust in your investment. Whether that is a tutor, study guide, or anything else. The key is to better equip yourself so YOU can succeed (Emphasis on YOU).

Final Thoughts

Start by recognizing that everyone has confidence in the right situation and everyone has self-doubt in the wrong situation. See if you can recognize why your confidence levels are so high in one environment and so low in the other.

Then start taking the necessary steps to increase your self worth and build trust in your areas of improvement areas.

Just remember, building trust in yourself takes time and you need to be patient and diligent in your efforts.

More Articles About Self Worth & Confidence

Featured photo credit: Bart LaRue via unsplash.com

Reference

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Undre Griggs

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Last Updated on July 13, 2020

How to Deal with an Existential Crisis and Live a Happy Life Again

How to Deal with an Existential Crisis and Live a Happy Life Again

As human beings, we are capable of extraordinary things. We have the power to endure extreme physical and mental lengths while welcoming life’s most unexpected challenges, hardships, and check-ins. Sometimes life gets the best of us and then begins the long journey to rise up again.

These huge and deep revolutionary life check-ins happens to every single living person – all 7.3 billion people on this planet, which most of us call an existential crisis.

In this article, I’ll explain what an existential crisis is and how to deal with an existential crisis to live happily again.

What Is an Existential Crisis?

An existential crisis is when you begin to question your life’s purpose or what the purpose of our existence as a whole. These moments tend to surface when we are feeling stacked up against the wall as the emotions of stress, defeat, and unfulfillment arises and the yearning to know life’s biggest answers continue to grow deep within us.

Other times, it’s the feeling of misplacement or when the thoughts of failure continue to dig into our minds, and the answers that we’ve been seeking for have not yet been found.

The thing is – the big answers to life are always subjective to a person, and that itself is perfectly okay.

There’s no right or wrong answer to go about this, but here are some ways in how to deal with an existential crisis and live a happy life again.

What Causes an Existential Crisis

There are different matters that provoke the heart that can then lead to emotional outbursts or distress.

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Always remember that people define having an existential crisis differently, and a variety of matters can trigger them. Here are some examples:

  • Feeling socially misplaced in an environment or peers
  • Domino effect of failures transcending at once
  • Over-exhaustion of mental energy
  • Losing a loved one
  • Not being “where you want” in life

One of the most common causes come from feeling invisible or unwelcome by a certain group or environment.

Part of life is being integrated within a community, and sometimes the feeling of our existence comes from the acceptance of outside forces. Our place in society is reinforced by the attention we receive from other people, and as a result, we being to question our successes, happiness, and even our purpose in the world. Little do we realize that those questions harden the compassion we have for ourselves because they are overruled by self-created pressure and stress. Stress is a response to threat in a situation, so ask yourself if the stress is self-inflicted.

Is Existential Crisis Takes Place Once in a Lifetime?

We do not only go through one, but multiple existential crisis in our lifetime.

By noticing that there may be an underlying pattern, you are able to take that control and lead a life fulfilled by happiness and ease. It just takes answering some internal questions and reexamining your trigger points that may help bring some answers to the surface.

Having an existential crisis weighs heavily on one’s mind and spirit. Although it can be subjective to a person, it’s safe to say that many people have come across this “check-in” not once but multiple times in their life whether it be because of a breakup, change in career, death of someone, and even in the midst of reaching milestones.

How to Deal with an Existential Crisis

1. Check-In with Your Ego

The ego has the power to navigate your mind

and your thought process only if you allow it. Of course, ego is a natural human element, and it comes down to how much and how loud that ego speaks.

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There’s a game that ego likes to play and that game is called the comparison game. It paints a picture in our thoughts into two things main things:

  • Where we should be and what we should be doing based on society’s standards.
  • Where we should be and what we should be doing based on our personal visions of success.

Understand that there is nothing wrong with setting goals and having high standards, but there is a difference between having an “ego-driven” vision versus a “value-driven” vision.

After spending some time thinking about what success means, ask yourself – are these successes aligned with my values or am I just running the rat race?

2. Surround Yourself with Positive People

They say misery likes company, but if you’re feeling down and defeated, it’s best to surround yourself with positive people with high vibrations.

This is not only to be exposed to high energy, but also to learn different coping mechanisms from others. Everyone deals with emotions differently and if something is not working in your favor, it never hurts to try to find an alternative route.

3. Dive into the 5 W’s

When dealing with an existential crisis, it’s best to tackle the root of it all. Try by asking yourself the 5 W’s – who, what, when, where, and why we you feel like you’ve come to this point.

  • Who – Who were you prior to this existential crisis (were you working out regularly, were you involved in a community sport, etc.)? Who did you surround yourself with? Who do you go to for advice or encouragement, who makes you feel negative about yourself?
  • What – What were some events that led up to this point both professionally and personally? What environment were you in? What’s the energy like? What values stay true to you and what has changed over the years?
  • Where – Where do you want to go from here? Where do you picture yourself in your happiest state? Where do you put most of your time and energy throughout the day?
  • When – When do you have free time for yourself? When do you get ready for the day ahead? When did you feel you started having an existential crisis? When did major events occur in your life?
  • Why – Simply and compassionately ask “why” for everything. This article can help you dig deeper

The simplicity of the word “why” is to help you become self-aware and learn more about yourself. We spend more time getting to know others by having dinner with people, coffee, or hanging out, but how often do we do that with ourselves?

Get to know yourself as if getting to know another friend. Ask these questions with compassion and thought, and the root may be much easier to find.

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4. Measure Accordingly

Look at how you’re measuring your goals and successes. Are they time-sensitive?Are they achieved by a certain age? Or are they set by financial limitations?

Goal setting is important to achieve the things we want in life, but it’s always important to not only get attached to the time-frame, but stay focused on the goal itself.

Most times, people are pressured and attached to the idea of time that then translates to stress and unfulfillment.

5. Quiet the Chatter

Quieting the chatter goes beyond moving away from physical distractions and inner dialogue – it’s also about quieting the things that consume your energy.

If you find yourself emotionally drained from listening to gossip, then stray away from it. If you feel your energy is depleted when you find yourself working on projects that aren’t aligned with your values, then challenge yourself to find other projects that you find joy in doing.

Your time is valuable.

6. Give Yourself 10 Minutes

“If you don’t have 10 minutes, you don’t have a life,” – Tony Robbins

Your personal time can get washed away in the long day-to-day listing of things, and 10 minutes can seem like a long amount of time.

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How often do we also spend 10 or even 30 minutes mindlessly scrolling on our phones or spending that time on tasks that are of less importance?

Prioritize your time and find a hobby that can be integrated into a daily routine and away from the screens. It can be meditating, journaling, drawing, listening to music, or gardening.

While we live in a world where information is constantly at our fingertips, we’re quick to indulge in a huge amount of information without letting our brain digest. Having at least 10 minutes to let ourselves breathe can ground us for the rest of the day ahead.

Final Thoughts

An existential crisis is something that happens to the best of us, but there’s always a way out of it. It’s a matter of taking some time for reflection and surrounding yourself with people who can bring you back up again.

Always remember that your time is valuable and that you should only be going through life at your pace and your pace only. It’s also a point in ourselves to reset and start fresh with a new perspective and a new brewing friendship with ourselves.

After all, one can’t be happy with others and external outcomes without first being happy with ourselves.

More Tips for Living a Fulfilling Life

Featured photo credit: Jake Melara via unsplash.com

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