Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 12, 2021

How to Raise Your Self Worth and Trust Yourself More

How to Raise Your Self Worth and Trust Yourself More

When you look in the mirror, who do you see? Do you see someone you trust, admire, and believe in? Or do you see someone who is always making mistakes and falling short?

The reality is who you see has little to do with what you are visually looking at. It has everything to do with what the little voice in your head is saying about you at any given time.

That little voice in your head, the one is constantly judging everything… that is your self worth.

Your self worth can be your best friend or your worst enemy. If your self worth does not deem you worthy from time to time, then this article is for you.

Here’s how to raise your self worth and trust yourself more:

1. Allow Time to Build Trust in Yourself

Your self-worth is how confident you are in your own ability to accomplish something. You can have a high self worth when you are asking for a raise or promotion. However, you can have a low self worth when you are asked to present in front of a large group of people.

Your ability to trust yourself is directly linked to your comfort in the activity you are performing. You are rarely going to find yourself comfortable in every situation. There are going to be events in which you have built trust in yourself over time.

For example, you were not very confident in your abilities when you first started your career, but you realized your value over time. You discovered through your experiences that you had a lot to offer and plenty of companies will be interested.

2. Know That What You Can’t Control Isn’t Your Fault

Your self worth is your opinion of yourself. Make sure you keep it that way. Your self-worth should not be dependent or predicated on your interactions with others.

Another way of looking at this is to control what you can control. You can control things like effort and attitude, but you cannot control the reactions of other people.

While it may be hard to believe, most of the reactions you face in life have nothing to do with you. That person is usually going through something in their own life and they are attempting to understand how you impact their life. What if they were simply having a bad day and you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

There will be times you apply for a new job, and you are not even called for an interview. You start to wonder if you are not qualified for the position and you debate whether you should change your resume in some way. It is natural for you to look inward.

Advertising

We all internalize rejection and think we are to blame. However, I can tell you firsthand that I have seen companies post positions online for an internal candidate that was already selected. They only posted the role online because they were required to do so by law.

So once they had a handful of applicants apply for the position, they would close the position and hire their internal candidate. In that situation, there was nothing you could change about your resume, cover letter, or salary requirements. The position was not yours to have and there was nothing you could do about it.

That is why you cannot allow external events to alter your self worth. When you internalize everything, you are assigning blame where there may be none.

3. Set a Time to Take Action

There is a balance you need to find between preparation and action. While you do not want to run into a situation unprepared, you also do you want to procrastinate by over-analyzing of the problem.

The more time you go without taking action, the more reasons your mind is going to create for continued inaction.

If you want to increase your trust in yourself, then take some time to research your goal. Understand the amount of time it should take to accomplish, some of the setbacks people often face, and ways you can overcome them.

By taking the time to prepare, you are going to increase the trust you have in yourself.

Your goal is to use this information to create a road-map to mirror their success. Each article, encounter, or situation you read about is one more reason you know success is possible.

Now, you are operating from a position of strength. Now, it is not a question of “if” it is possible, but a question of “when” you will do it. You have created a proven system that is sure to create the results you want.

Once you have the system, all that is left is for you to take action. Setting a time to take action is important because you can know what to do and still not do it.

And as I mentioned already, if you want to overcome your fear and self-doubt, you need to take action. Taking action is the best way to prove to you have what it takes!

4. Talk to Yourself Positively

If you want to trust yourself, make sure you speak to yourself in a way that is encouraging.

Advertising

Never say things like, “this always happens to me” or “I can never get it right”. These negative statements become self-fulfilling prophecies and they make it hard for you to believe and trust in yourself.

Instead, say things like, “he is working on this” or “that can happen to her once in a while”.

Did you notice my use of third person? Before you think I am crazy, let me explain:

Studies show how you engage in self-talk matters a lot, and the best way to speak to yourself is in third person. This allows you to put a little distance between you and your thoughts. This will allow you to be more objective, as well as reduce your overall stress when dealing with different situations.[1]

If you do not like what you are saying, feel free to refer to those thoughts as another person altogether. Only assign your name to the thoughts that are positive and encouraging.

Here’re 15 Ways to Practice Positive Self-Talk for Success you can learn.

5. Turn Your Anxiety into Excitement

Studies have shown you can raise your self worth by changing the way you look at anxiety. Instead of attempting to calm down before the big meeting with your boss (as most of you have been told), you should view your anxiety as excitement.[2]

Those who “reappraise their anxious arousal as excitement feel more exited and perform better.”

This tip reaffirms the thought that there is nothing necessarily good or bad, it is all about how you react to it.

In this case, if you feel anxious about a particular action you are about to take, do not tell yourself to calm down — that is playing into the hands of your self-doubt. Instead, if you tell yourself you are excited, like an athlete or performer before the big show, then you are setting the stage for victory.

6. Fail, and Fail Often

It sounds counterproductive to link failure and trust, but hear me out:

If you are failing, then that means you are trusting yourself to take action.

Advertising

I am a big believer that failure is a key factor of success. Think of all the highly successful people, or your favorite superhero movie, or any movie for that matter. Along the way to success, your main character is going to find themselves recovering from a setback.

They will be faced with the choice to persevere or quit. That is one of the reasons most people enjoy movies so much. You have an opportunity to live vicariously through their failures, share their heartaches, and celebrate their victories.

Now take a moment and think about the trials a main character endured through one of your favorite movies. There is going to be a moment where you can see they are fearful about the future. Where they believe failure is an inescapable result no matter what changes they make, or how many times they try.

Feeling defeated, they usually try to move on and live a lesser life, but something pulls them back into the fight. That moment of uncertainty and self-doubt is something you will face on your journey as well. When you find yourself with the choice to move on or retool, choose to get up and try again.

The more times you can fail in given day, the more confident you should be that success is on the horizon. This is why your self worth is so critical.

If you believe failure is a part of you, then there is no reason for you to continue. The results are the results and there is nothing you can do about it.

However, if you believe that the results are an indication of a lesson you need to learn, then you have an opportunity to make adjustments where need be and thrive.

7. Invest in Yourself

If you are sitting for a certification and failed the first time, you can conclude you need to increase your understanding of the principles covered. This could mean you hire a tutor, join a study group, or purchase a better study guide.

If you return to our movie analogy, if you lost the fight, you may need to improve your strategy, combat skills or weaponry.

I will use Thor Ragnarok as an example. Thor is the God of Thunder and his hammer, Mjolnir is his go-to weapon of choice. He can use it to help him channel lightening, fly and just hit people in the face. It is natural to understand why he had so much trust in himself and his abilities. The problem occurs when Hela destroys Thor’s hammer and he believes all of his abilities are tied to his hammer. Turns out he actually had little to no trust in himself, just the hammer. The rest of the movie is Thor battling these inner demons and finding the resolve (and strength) to keep going.

There are studies that show a clear link between exercise, how you feel about yourself, and your performance.[3]

You may have noticed the, “Can I trust myself” struggle is a reoccurring theme in Marvel movies…

Advertising

Tony Stark had the same problem where he thought the suit made him Iron Man.

Peter Parker, received an upgraded suit in Homecoming… yup you guessed it. He thought the suit made him Spiderman.

Captain America’s was a little different, but the same overall. He trusted S.H.I.E.L.D. more than he trusted himself.

I could keep going, but I think you get the picture. The hero inside of each of us struggles with the question: Do I have what it takes?

So what is the takeaway?

Do not make the mistake of placing your trust in your investment. Whether that is a tutor, study guide, or anything else. The key is to better equip yourself so YOU can succeed (Emphasis on YOU).

Final Thoughts

Start by recognizing that everyone has confidence in the right situation and everyone has self-doubt in the wrong situation. See if you can recognize why your confidence levels are so high in one environment and so low in the other.

Then start taking the necessary steps to increase your self worth and build trust in your areas of improvement areas.

Just remember, building trust in yourself takes time and you need to be patient and diligent in your efforts.

More Articles About Self Worth & Confidence

Featured photo credit: Bart LaRue via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Undre Griggs

Coaching To Help Professionals And Organizations Change Their Beliefs So They Can Get Results.

How to Conquer Your Fear of Change and Transform Your Life How to Make a Career Change at 40 and Get Unstuck 8 Traits of the Most Resilient Person What Motivates You in Life? 5 Steps to Find Out feeling restless 7 Reasons Why You’re Feeling Restless and Unmotivated

Trending in Positive Thinking

1 10 Negative Thoughts We All Have and What to Think Instead 2 20 Small Habits That Will Help You Become Mentally Strong 3 How to Think Positive Thoughts When Feeling Negative 4 10 Things To Remember When Everything Goes Wrong 5 7 Things To Remember When You Feel Broken Inside

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on March 2, 2021

10 Negative Thoughts We All Have and What to Think Instead

10 Negative Thoughts We All Have and What to Think Instead

I’ll never forget the first time I heard that the way I was talking to myself, realizing how it directly influenced every aspect of my life. We can be our own worst enemy at times and our internal conversation and negative thoughts can be extremely limiting. Like most people, I was blind to this somewhat obvious piece of information.

Eventually, I realized that the negative thoughts I had weren’t facts at all, but instead self imposed limitations that I was putting on myself, which I also had the power to remove. Over the last decade, it has become very clear to me that most of us actually have very similar negative thoughts. Here are some of the most common negative thoughts we all have and what we should think instead.

1. I Am Not Good Enough

Have you ever thought that you weren’t good enough? When we feel that we aren’t good enough, we tend to drown in this emotion of self-doubt and pity. It can be a symptom of low self-esteem, but the truth is that every one is good enough.

You might not have the skills or tools to achieve what you want now, but you are certainly good enough and worthy of receiving what you want in life. If you have a $10 bill, and it falls on the ground into a puddle of mud, does that $10 lose its value? Of course not! So why do you feel that you lose value based on what you have done in life?

What to Think Instead

Instead of saying, “I am not good enough,” tell yourself that you are worthy of all you desire in this life, just like everyone else[1]. Focus on the things you like about yourself in this moment. You can even make a written list and post it nearby if it helps you to see it each day[2]

Practice Loving Yourself to Overcome Negative Thoughts

    2. I Can’t Do It

    “Can’t” is one of the most limiting words that you can tell yourself. Henry Ford once said,

    “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you are right.”

    Advertising

    If you tell yourself that you can’t, you are sending messages to your mind and brain that you can’t, and so that will be your experience. Your mind won’t try if you have already told it that something is impossible. 

    What to Think Instead

    Instead of focusing your negative thoughts on what you think you can’t do, tell yourself, “I can do whatever I put my mind to.” While we all do have limitations, believing in your abilities in the first step to achieving your short and long term goals in life. 

    And sometimes, you may just need a little motivation boost. Get the Instant Motivation Boost Worksheet, it’s a free worksheet that will guide you to do the little things for an instant boost of motivation. Grab the free worksheet here.

    3. I’m Not as Lucky as Other People

    This thought normally comes from holding an illusion that other people’s lives are better and they are luckier, and that is what separates you from them. “Perfect” doesn’t exist, and there is often a lot of effort that goes behind that perceived “luck.”

    It is very disempowering to think that life will never offer you good things; the truth is that if you tap into some gratitude, you’ll see that you already have good things all around you. 

    What to Think Instead

    Instead of focusing on all the luck others seem to have, tell yourself, “Good things can and will happen to me.” Use a sense of gratitude to begin to notice all of the good things you would normally never notice. For example, when was the last time you felt grateful for the roof over your head, the food in your fridge, or your comfy bed?

    4. I Don’t Think I’ll Ever…

    Whatever you believe will become your reality, this is true. You shape your future every day by the choices you make and your habits. You can sabotage your opportunities by limiting yourself with negative thoughts.

    What would it be like if you believed that you could do what you really desired and have the experiences you wished instead? It is not about getting it right the first time, but trying. Don’t stop yourself before you have even given yourself a chance.

    Advertising

    What to Think Instead

    Don’t limit yourself with negative thought patterns that tell you you’ll never do something. Instead, tell yourself, “I am confident I will…” Even if you don’t feel confident in this moment, feeding your brain positive thoughts will slowly build confidence over time. 

    5. I Should Be Better Than I Am

    Using the word “should” in this context makes this a truly negative thought and makes one feel less than they are. How often do you find yourself saying “I should be more clever, more disciplined, more productive, etc. than I am”? Remember how you feel immediately afterwards?

    What to Think Instead

    Tell yourself, “I am making an effort to change what I don’t like.” Everyone has parts of themselves that they hope to improve, and this is certainly possible, but it requires approaching these things with a sense of self-love and patience. 

    Set yourself goals for the things you are not happy with instead of telling yourself what you “should” be like or be doing. Take action the things you wish to change and remove limiting modals from your vocabulary.

    Here are some ways you can start to improve yourself.

    6. I Am Not Strong Enough

    It’s normal to feel that you are not strong enough at times[3]. We are all human, and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t feel weak at times. What is important though, is the conversation you have with yourself afterwards. If you keep reinforcing the fact that you don’t feel strong with negative thoughts, how can you expect to feel?

    What to Think Instead

    Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, tell yourself that you are strong enough to deal with the challenges in front of you, and support yourself in finding the strength you need in that moment.

    7. Nobody Cares

    It might feel that you are alone at times and that nobody cares, but I am convinced that there are people thinking about you that you don’t even know of. People do care; not everyone expresses their emotions in the same way. It isn’t nice feeling that nobody cares, so stop focusing on that and assuming what other people feel when you don’t actually know. Change your focus to something that makes you feel better instead.

    Advertising

    What to Think Instead

    Instead of assuming that no one cares about you, remind yourself that there are people in your life who do, in fact, care very much. Do your best to cultivate those relationships and accept the love others are willing to give in order to combat your negative thoughts. 

    8. I Am Not Smart Enough

    This is a very general statement, yet many people tend to say it often and then feel bad about themselves afterwards. What are you not smart at specifically? I bet that if I asked you to identify some areas that you are smart in, you could if you really tried.

    Not everybody is clever and perfect in every area, and this is what makes us all unique. If you feel that you are lacking in a certain area of knowledge, instead of producing negative thoughts, make time to study and learn whatever it is that you want so that you don’t feel this way any more.

    What to Think Instead

    Instead of believing that you’re not intelligent, remind yourself that you are smart in a unique way and that you are capable of improving your knowledge in any area you choose. Lifelong learning can be a goal you constantly work toward.

    9. If I Don’t Do Well, I’m a Failure

    Holding high expectations for yourself and having conditions attached to your self worth on your performance isn’t fair. You need to take chances in life if you want to get different results. Don’t be scared of failing; the real failure lies in never having tried.

    What to Think Instead

    When facing a challenging situation or possible risk, tell yourself, “I am going to try; I am not scared of failing; that is not what is important.” Even if you “fail,” you will learn something about the world and yourself, and as long as that’s the case, nothing is ever a true failure. 

    10. Bad Things Will Happen

    Thinking negatively in general is thinking that whatever happens, it is most likely going to be the worst case scenario. What would it be like if you imagined the best case scenario instead? Our positive and negative thoughts are very powerful, and it’s common to use visualization as a technique to imagine the best case scenario.

    Whether you imagine the worst or the best case scenario, you are influencing your results. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen and rather on what you want to happen.

    Advertising

    What to Think Instead

    Instead of thinking that bad things will happen when you try something, try thinking that the best will happen. This way, you’ll aim high, and even if you fall a little short, you’ll still get farther than you were before. 

    Final Thoughts

    We all have negative thoughts from time to time. However, when the majority of your thoughts are negative, you are undermining your happiness at the end of the day. Our thoughts directly affect how we feel and, therefore, what we do in life.

    If you’re feeling sad and are overwhelmed with negative thoughts, you can consider contacting a mental health professional to give your mental health a boost and get you back on track toward positivity.

    Don’t limit yourself or what is possible for you. Master your thoughts and change your results. 

    More on How to Stop Negative Thoughts

     

    Featured photo credit: arash payam via unsplash.com

    Reference

    Read Next