5 Major Reasons Why Relationships Fail

5 Major Reasons Why Relationships Fail

The issue of failed relationships has become rapant these days. Here are some of the most common reasons why relationships fail.

1. Lack of Trust

Trust is a very important tool to solidify your relationship. Whenever trust fades away in a relationship, the union is sure to fall apart eventually.

You have to trust your partner no matter the situation — even if you hear something strange about them. In this case, be patient and authenticate the rumour — it may be the work of someone trying to destroy your relationship.


Never let that quality called trust be absent in your relationship. When you don’t trust your partner or you doubt them, then your relationship is surely doomed.

2. Lack of Respect

Respect is reciprocal, so they say. A relationship must be comprised of mutual respect for one another. When there is not that mutual respect from both sides, the relationship is likely to break up.

We all deserve respect from our partners. And we should all have partners that we truly feel respect for. With mutual respect, all other important things like love, unity, honesty, understanding, and peace of mind will surely exist. These things are the hallmarks of a strong and lasting relationship.


3. Dishonesty

Honesty is as important as anything in life. It is must-use tool in any relationship. Leaving romantic relationships aside, honesty is necessary when dealing with anybody.

In the business world, academic environments, politics, and many other fields, honesty is the foundation for any successful project or objective. For this reason, you need to be honest with your partner.

Never engage in extra-marital affairs or secret affairs. Secret affairs push you to be dishonest with your partner. The only affair you should have is with your partner.


As I said above, mutual respect commands honesty, therefore you must respect your partner. When respect and honesty are the bedrock pieces of your relationship, then all other factors come after. In other words, when there is a breach of respect and honesty, the relationship is set to ultimately fail.

4. Harsh Words and Frequent Complaints

Experience has shown that the failure of many relationships starts from frequent complaints and harsh words. As a matter of fact, it is very important we mind our spoken words in any relationship — not just our romantic relationships.

Of course, there are times when words are exchanged for fun and amusement, but don’t look down on your partner by complaining about their imperfections. You should also refrain from using harsh words with your partner. These two ugly tools can destroy any relationship.


A relationship with mutual respect, honesty, and understanding will never experience and use these tools to sink the ship of their relationship. Harsh words and frequent complaints yield nothing other than disrespect and dishonesty.

5. Frequent Fighting

Endless fighting can signify the end of a relationship. A lack of respect, dishonesty, using harsh words, and frequent complaints can easily lead to fights. A relationship that exchanges blows or leads to one partner beating the other partner has no future at all. Physical violence should never be a part of your relationship. While fighting is bound to occur in any relationship, it’s important to recognize when things are going too far.

I believe that if we can avoid the points stated above then we can avoid the unfortunate and untimely collapse of our relationship. If any of these things applies to your relationship, it’s time to take a step back and consider what changes need to take place.

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Saminu Abass

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Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science

Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science

We thought that the expression ‘broken heart’ was just a metaphor, but science is telling us that it is not: breakups and rejections do cause physical pain. When a group of psychologists asked research participants to look at images of their ex-partners who broke up with them, researchers found that the same brain areas that are activated by physical pain are also activated by looking at images of ex-partners. Looking at images of our ex is a painful experience, literally.[1].

Given that the effect of rejections and breakups is the same as the effect of physical pain, scientists have speculated on whether the practices that reduce physical pain could be used to reduce the emotional pain that follows from breakups and rejections. In a study on whether painkillers reduce the emotional pain caused by a breakup, researchers found that painkillers did help. Individuals who took painkillers were better able to deal with their breakup. Tamar Cohen wrote that “A simple dose of paracetamol could help ease the pain of a broken heart.”[2]


Just like painkillers can be used to ease the pain of a broken heart, other practices that ease physical pain can also be used to ease the pain of rejections and breakups. Three of these scientifically validated practices are presented in this article.

Looking at images of loved ones

While images of ex-partners stimulate the pain neuro-circuitry in our brain, images of loved ones activate a different circuitry. Looking at images of people who care about us increases the release of oxytocin in our body. Oxytocin, or the “cuddle hormone,” is the hormone that our body relies on to induce in us a soothing feeling of tranquility, even when we are under high stress and pain.


In fact, oxytocin was found to have a crucial role as a mother is giving birth to her baby. Despite the extreme pain that a mother has to endure during delivery, the high level of oxytocin secreted by her body transforms pain into pleasure. Mariem Melainine notes that, “Oxytocin levels are usually at their peak during delivery, which promotes a sense of euphoria in the mother and helps her develop a stronger bond with her baby.”[3]

Whenever you feel tempted to look at images of your ex-partner, log into your Facebook page and start browsing images of your loved ones. As Eva Ritvo, M.D. notes, “Facebook fools our brain into believing that loved ones surround us, which historically was essential to our survival. The human brain, because it evolved thousands of years before photography, fails on many levels to recognize the difference between pictures and people”[4]



Endorphins are neurotransmitters that reduce our perception of pain. When our body is high on endorphins, painful sensations are kept outside of conscious awareness. It was found that exercise causes endorphins to be secreted in the brain and as a result produce a feeling of power, as psychologist Alex Korb noted in his book: “Exercise causes your brain to release endorphins, neurotransmitters that act on your neurons like opiates (such as morphine or Vicodin) by sending a neural signal to reduce pain and provide anxiety relief.”[5] By inhibiting pain from being transmitted to our brain, exercise acts as a powerful antidote to the pain caused by rejections and breakups.


Jon Kabat Zinn, a doctor who pioneered the use of mindfulness meditation therapy for patients with chronic pain, has argued that it is not pain itself that is harmful to our mental health, rather, it is the way we react to pain. When we react to pain with irritation, frustration, and self-pity, more pain is generated, and we enter a never ending spiral of painful thoughts and sensations.


In order to disrupt the domino effect caused by reacting to pain with pain, Kabat Zinn and other proponents of mindfulness meditation therapy have suggested reacting to pain through nonjudgmental contemplation and acceptance. By practicing meditation on a daily basis and getting used to the habit of paying attention to the sensations generated by our body (including the painful ones and by observing these sensations nonjudgmentally and with compassion) our brain develops the habit of reacting to pain with grace and patience.

When you find yourself thinking about a recent breakup or a recent rejection, close your eyes and pay attention to the sensations produced by your body. Take deep breaths and as you are feeling the sensations produced by your body, distance yourself from them, and observe them without judgment and with compassion. If your brain starts wandering and gets distracted, gently bring back your compassionate nonjudgmental attention to your body. Try to do this exercise for one minute and gradually increase its duration.

With consistent practice, nonjudgmental acceptance will become our default reaction to breakups, rejections, and other disappointments that we experience in life. Every rejection and every breakup teaches us great lessons about relationships and about ourselves.

Featured photo credit: condesign via


[1] US National Library of Medicine: Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain
[2] Daily Mail: Nursing a broken heart? How taking a paracetamol could dull the pain of rejection
[3] Mother For Life: Oxytocin’s Role
[4] Psychology Today: Facebook and Your Brain
[5] Alex Korb: The Upward Spiral

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