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11 Common Mistakes In Relationships That You Can Avoid

11 Common Mistakes In Relationships That You Can Avoid

So you have gotten past the initial dating stage and are now in a “relationship.” This can be the best or worst part of your life depending on how you proceed. I am coming at this topic with a five year (and counting) relationship with many highs and lows. Learn from my mistakes and triumphs and do not fall into these common relationship mistakes.

1. Losing the romance in the relationship is one of the key reasons why relationships fail.

It is easy to become complacent and slack on making an effort for romance. The truth is, relationships are work. Not that you won’t have any fun along the way, but you need to remember it takes a focused effort to be romantic with your partner.

2. Trying to control our significant other.

Many of us either have control issues or things that the other person does that drive us crazy. Both of these scenarios can lead to us wanting to control or comment on every move the other person makes. Think about it though, would you like someone telling you what to do every waking minute? You are not this person’s parent. If he/she is a grown adult, treat them like one.

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3. Expecting perfection.

We are all human. We all make mistakes. Do not hold your significant other to some unrealistically high expectation. This is especially hard for those of us who hold unrealistically high expectations for ourselves, but that’s another topic altogether.

4. Avoiding confrontation.

Fighting is not the way most of us want to spend our time, so it can be tempting to just brush all of the problems under the rug. The flaw with that plan is that the problems collect and multiply. This will ultimately end up in an explosive argument, or a parting of ways with the other person baffled as to what went wrong. Communication is huge in any relationship and should not be avoided.

5. Fighting about everything.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, do not make everything an argument. Think about all of the problems you have with your partner and really consider whether these are deal breakers or if you can build a bridge and get over them.

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6. Trying to change the other person.

In relationships, we need to realize we are unique individuals. Often we are drawn to someone who is completely opposite to us and after a while we can be tempted to try to change them to be the same as us. Take a step back and remember why you fell in love with this person in the first place. My boyfriend is for the most part carefree and funny, but sometimes his jokes start to drive me nuts or I wish he was more organized. I have to remember that I love that he can make me laugh and that he has such a positive outlook on life.

7. Keeping secrets from your loved one.

This is something that goes along with keeping communication open—do not keep secrets. Not that you have to tell the other person every minute detail about your life, but you should not intentionally keep something major from them. You know it is a secret that needs to be shared when you feel even slightly guilty for not telling them. It will come out eventually and sooner is always better than later.

8. Not taking time for yourself and being too co-dependent.

If you spend every waking moment with your significant other, you will ultimately lose who you are as an individual. Things like going to the store on your own will be hard and you will find yourself consulting that person for every small decision you make. Take some time to do what you love. Have your own hobbies, interests and friends. You will both benefit from this and have a richer life as a result.

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9. Not taking differences in core values seriously.

Even though you like the same music and enjoy spending time with one another, you will still have a hard time getting past major differences. Core values include things like religion, morality, and the importance of things like family, friends, careers and money. Take some time to discuss these things before you move your relationship forward or you might be in for disappointment later.

10. Not talking about money.

Money is always a tricky subject. You might have come from different backgrounds. If one person grew up wanting for nothing and the other has always had to pinch pennies, there may be some disagreements over how money is spent. If you are in a serious relationship, even if you have separate money, be sure to discuss these things as money issues are guaranteed to come up eventually.

11. Forgetting to appreciate your partner.

Lastly, never forget to tell your significant other, “thank you” or “I love you.” At the beginning of the relationship you surely noticed all of the kind things that he/she was doing for you and praised him/her accordingly. You said you loved each other all of the time. Sometimes we forget how awesome the other person is until we think about it. Tell your significant other right now how you feel about them!

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Now that you have been warned about these common relationship mistakes, you have a much better chance of surviving as a couple!

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Amanda DeWitt

Writer. Photographer. Instagrammer. Future Educator.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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