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Why You Have Fewer Friends as You Grow up (and It’s Normal)

Why You Have Fewer Friends as You Grow up (and It’s Normal)

Having good people skills, I know how to make people feel interested and connected. I’m never worried to have no friend. But as I grow up, I find that I have fewer and fewer friends.

And this is not just happening to me.

It is a fairly common feature with everyone. The root of the problem is the way we made those friends in the first place when we young, heart whole and fancy-free.

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    Photo credit: Source

    Everyone makes friends wrong when they were young

    Recall your best friends in high school. What made you become friends in the first place? And how did all that start out? Maybe it was because you sat beside her on the first day of school, started to chat and just decided that hey, you guys did get along famously. So you became friends, spending time together during breaks and hanging out after school…

    Or maybe both of you were on the football team and there came to be a friendship when your team won or lost, or when you all just practiced hard under the watchful eye of the mean coach. All of you were in a similar state of mind and got close because you all understood how the other felt – because you felt the same way.

    What drew you close and held your bonds of friendship together was a common experience. You were in the same situation together. You understood each other. You reveled in each other’s success and shed tears over failures – slowly, this forged strong bonds. But now, years later, when the commonality has vanished, these bonds are fraying or may have already unraveled. Interests have diversified, passions have waned and that common thread that held you together has long been broken.

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    You meet those old friends now and initially, you can talk about those memories and reminisce about those good old days but very often conversations soon die out. Why? It might be because the common factors are few and far between. You may be a hotshot executive looking to have some tippler to relax. He may be a college professor who’s also a teetotaler vegan. Or you may be a school teacher following a yogic lifestyle and she may be a model who needs her drinks and smokes to stave off her appetite. You just have grown out of your friendship.

      Photo credit: Source

      Some friends stay because they share the same things deep, deep down

      Most of us may have lost many of our childhood friends to changing scenarios and diversifying interests, but we still have a couple of good friends around. Sound right? Now you may not meet these gems every now and then and may actually talk to them just once in a while – but you know that they’ll always be there for you, just a holler away…It’s because of you and these friends of you share the same core values that form the basis of a deep and lasting friendship.

      Now you got it. You and your everlasting friends are very similar, deep deep down. It’s like you peel the layers of professions and hobbies and likes and dislikes and you’ll find that you and this friend of yours are very alike, in the most important things of life.

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      The same angst in the world drives you both nuts. A movie can move you to tears. You may hate the current President for his anti-democratic values or may like him for his all-American ones. You guys are the wind beneath each other’s sails and yet also are unafraid to play the devil’s advocate for each other because you want good things for your friend and vice versa.

      Picture this: on one side you have a friend who’s very like you on the surface but when you get to really know him – he turns out to be money-minded while its morals all the way for you. Would this friendship last? We all know the answer to that and it’s a resounding no. But you might have a friend who is poles apart in nature, profession, and interest but who shares the same fair-minded world view that you have. Here you do have a friend for life.

        Photo credit: Source

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        How to build friendship that will survive in adulthood

        They key to making lasting friendships as an adult is to get to know their deep, innermost thoughts before and you can do this by not relying on your instinct and judgment but by asking questions.

        Ask stuff that will help reveal what they believe in, what they’re strongly against for, what is their ideal world, what is their ideal life, what are their top priorities in life… Since it may just prove to be a tad awkward to ask such questions, frame them in a sly way. Play a game of truth or dare. Or coat the questions with a fun color of paint like the 36 questions claimed to be able to make people fall in love! [1]. Some of them are: “When did you last cry in front of somebody?” or “Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?” or even “What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?”…

        Bear in mind that this method might not make us make friends more easily. Instead it might be even more difficult. The idea is not to make “more” friends, rather the “right” friends. You need to set your standards high so that you are able to be with the people that understand you, complement you and ultimately make you a happier person in a happier place. For when it comes to friendships, it’s not the quantity you should be concerned with, but the quality.

        As Thomas Fuller said, “If you have one true friend, you have more than your share…”

        Reference

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        Brian Lee

        Chief of Product Management at Lifehack

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        Last Updated on March 17, 2020

        4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting

        4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting

        Are you bored at work right now?

        Sitting at your desk, wishing you could be anywhere other than here, doing anything else…?

        You’re not alone.

        Even when you have a job you love, it’s easy to get bored. And if your job isn’t something you’re passionate about, it’s even easier for boredom to creep in.

        Did you know it’s actually possible to make any job more interesting?

        That’s right.

        Whether it’s data entry or shelf stacking, even the most mind-numbing of jobs can be made more fun.

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        Understanding the science behind boredom is the first step to beating it.

        Read on to learn the truth about boredom, and what you can do to stop feeling bored at work for good.

        VIDEO SUMMARY

        I’m bored – as you’re watching the same film over and over again, even though it’s your favorite one

        When you experience something new, your brain releases opioids – chemicals which make you feel good. [1]

        It’s the feeling you might get when you taste a new food for the first time, watch a cool new film, or meet a new person.

        However, the next time you have the same experience, the brain processes it in a different way, without releasing so many feel-good chemicals.

        That’s why you won’t get the same thrill when you eat that delicious meal for the tenth time, rewatch that film again, or spend time with the same friend.

        So, in a nutshell, we get bored when we aren’t having any new experiences.

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        Now, new experiences don’t have to be huge life changes – they could be as simple as taking a different route to work, or picking a different sandwich shop for lunch.

        We’re going to apply this theory to your boring job.

        Keep reading find out how to make subtle changes to the way you work to defeat boredom and have more fun.

        Your work can be much more interesting if you learn these little tricks.

        Ready to learn how to stop feeling so bored at work?

        We’ve listed some simple suggestions below – you can start implementing these right now.

        Let’s do this.

        Make routine tasks more interesting by adding something new

        Sometimes one new element is all it takes to turn routine tasks from dull to interesting.

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        Maybe there’s a long drive you have to make every single week. You get so bored, going the same old route to make the same old deliveries.

        Why not make it a routine to create a playlist of new music each Sunday, to listen to on your boring drive during the week?

        Just like that, something you dread can be turned into the highlight of your day.

        For other routine tasks, you could try setting a timer and trying to beat your record, moving to a new location to complete the task, or trying out a new technique for getting the work done – you might even improve your productivity, too.

        Combine repetitive tasks to get them out of the way

        Certain tasks are difficult to make interesting, no matter how hard you try.

        Get these yawn-inducing chores out of the way ASAP by combining them into one quick, focused batch.

        For example, if you hate listening to meeting recordings, and dislike tidying your desk, do them both at the same time. You’ll halve the time you spend bored out of your mind, and can move onto more interesting tasks as soon as you’re done.

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        Break large tasks into small pieces and plan breaks between them

        Feeling overwhelmed can lead you to procrastinate and get bored. Try breaking up large tasks into lots of small pieces to keep things manageable and fun.

        Try breaking up a 10,000 word report into 1000-word sections. Reward yourself at the end of each section, and you’ll get 10 mini mood boosts, instead of just one at the end.

        You can also plan short breaks between each section, which will help to prevent boredom and keep you focused.

        Give yourself regular rewards, it can be anything that makes you feel good

        Make sure you reward yourself for achievements, even if they feel small.

        Rewards could include:

        • Eating your favourite snack.
        • Taking a walk in a natural area.
        • Spending a few minutes on a fun online game.
        • Buying yourself a small treat.
        • Visiting a new place.
        • Spending time on a favourite hobby.

        Your brain will come to associate work with fun rewards, and you’ll soon feel less bored and more motivated.

        Boredom doesn’t have to be a fact of life.

        Make your working life feel a thousand times more fun by following the simple tips above.

        Reference

        [1] Psychology Today: Why People Get Bored

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