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6 Tips for Expanding Your Social Circles

6 Tips for Expanding Your Social Circles

Whether you’re interested in advancing your career, or having a new group of friends to go out with, you need to learn—and perhaps master—the skill of making friends. In this article, I would like to share with you 6 tips that will help you expand your social circles.

1 – Connect With Connectors

A great way to expand your social circle is to connect to someone through whom you’ll meet many other people. Those “connectors” are the types of people who keep friends on Facebook by the thousands, host parties whenever they can, and always seem to be with a large group of people.

Oftentimes, these are very open people and are easier to connect with than you think. They might not have the time to invest in a deep friendship with you, but they love to get to know more interesting people to add to their circle.

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2 – Meet New People Constantly

A great habit to have is to always be meeting people that you can add to your circles. In reality, not all the people you meet will become your friends and not all your current friends will be around forever. This is why I always say that if you’re not making new friends, you’re actually making fewer.

I recommend that you go to places where you it’s easy and appropriate to walk up to anyone and introduce yourself. Ideally, you need to go to places where others are open to meeting new people as well. Examples might be trade shows, opening nights, galas, cultural or charitable events, seminars, and talks.

3 – Establish Yourself As a Giver of Value

When meeting lots of people, you have to “hook”. Nothing hooks better than having a giver attitude. First, listen really to what they say and imagine if you were them; see the world through their eyes. Second, be willing to share stories, contacts, or quick advice on what people are talking about.

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When you meet new people, there are some psychological principles that determine whether or not they’ll want to meet you again. This works on an unconscious level. One of the most important principles is the giver/taker attitude. If they sense that you only care about yourself, connection isn’t going to happen.

You can portray a giver attitude in two ways. The first is about really listening to what they say, imagining the world through their eyes, and giving them your opinion on their stories and situations. The second way is to prove that you’re ready to share similar stories about what they’re talking about, or introduce them to someone who could help them.

4 – Commit to a Local Community

One of the fastest ways to boost your social life is to get involved in a community that has the type of people that you want as friends. This community should be in your local area and should hold social get-togethers once a month, or more.

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What you do is find one that you like, maybe on meetup.com, and offer your help to the people who run it. They’ll most likely accept, even if they don’t need that much help; they’ll just be glad you’re interested. This works great because it makes you meet everyone, and because it establishes you as a giver of value.

5 – Reach Out to People On a Regular Basis

Staying in touch is vital if you want to keep your social circles alive. You need to follow up with the people you just met, and catch up with existing friends. The challenge here is that we tend to get distracted and forget about it, and regret later on.

To solve this problem, you can create a weekly ritual, where you spend only one hour calling, texting, and messaging people. Just mark on your calendar a specific day and time, and do it every week. A great time to do it is Tuesday or Wednesday, as it gives you the opportunity to make plans with people for the weekend.

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6 – Know the Kind of Friends You Want in Advance

Before you start investing more time on making friends, do a little planning. Try to figure out what kind of people you want to hang out with. List out a few qualities, character traits, or interests that you like, and don’t hesitate to be a little more ambitious than usual. This is important because it allows your mind to quickly tell if a person you meet could be a great fit for you.

Here are some qualities you can start with: giver, interesting, fun, ambitious, honest, loyal, curious, and reliable. You can add others if you want, and you can also make a list of the activities you want to be doing with your future friends. These lists won’t be definitive, but the clarity they bring will save you a lot of time and frustration. I also recommend that you invest a bit of time learning about friendship and how it works.

More by this author

Paul Sanders

A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

How To Be More Social If You Are an Introvert How to Keep a Conversation Going and Never Run Out of Things to Say What to Do When You Have No Friends and Feel Lonely 7 Tips How to Make Friends During College 5 Reasons Why Your Social Life Isn’t Improving, And What To Do About It

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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