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How to Meet New People and Make Friends with The Best

How to Meet New People and Make Friends with The Best

If you have trouble meeting new people and making friends with the best of them, then you’re about to find out why it’s not your fault. Read on…

Before we get into some smooth techniques for meeting new friends, let’s understand why it’s been hard to do until now.

Why It’s Not Your Fault If You Can’t Meet Interesting New Friends

Among many reasons:

 1.  Your parents didn’t teach you to make friends as an adult! This skill is quite different from the techniques used by children to make new friends.

 2.  Making friends is a step out of your comfort zone—you may feel emotionally threatened when you meet new people, and that’s not easy to change.

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 3.  Wishy-washy advice on how to make friends is too general and can’t be applied. You need specific steps and clear strategies for meeting, and making friends with great people.

Making the right friends can make your life ten times more enjoyable. With great friends, you can share your life stories and experiences, learn new things, and have the fun of your life during weekends, trips, and adventures. It’s way better than just accepting that you’ll have to spend your time in a lonely and dull state, while you know you deserve better than that.

Now, the most important thing you can do is learn how to meet new people who you actually want to spend time with.

How to Meet New People Quickly

To simplify, let’s break this technique down to 6 important steps:

 1.  Decide on a subject/ interest/ hobby/ sport that you love

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 2.  Find forums or meetup groups about that subject

 3.  Select interest groups that meet regularly to discuss the subject

 4.  Attend their meetings.

 5.  Talk about stuff like: when you started to like the subject/hobby, how often you do it, people you know that do the same thing, and similar.

 6.  Jump to conversation topics that have nothing to do with the main interest.

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If your mind goes blank on “step 1”, look for interest groups in your area and choose one or two that seem the most interesting. This is really all you have to do to meet new people, and you can talk to as many people in these events as you think or feel is enough.

How To Kick-Start the Friendship (A Crucial Piece)

Some people do what I just told you and still can’t create new friendships. And that’s because they don’t know a simple, but crucial tip, that you’re about to find out: having one commonality with someone is not enough—you need two commonalities to create a friendship.

When you go to the social gatherings and start meeting new people, look for things that you have in common other than the main subject of the meeting.

The formula goes like this:

First Commonality + Second Commonality = Potential Friendship

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Most people think they need one commonality with a person to create a friendship, and it can be frustrating and lonely when they actually meet interesting people but can’t make friends with them. Now that you know this crucial tip, you can discover even more pieces to your success in getting the friends you want in your life.

Go Further

If you want to learn to get free tips on how to overcome your emotional blocks that prevent you from meeting people, and more specific techniques on how to meet interesting people and make friends, then get on my Free Social Skills Newsletter. Just scroll down and head over to the Get The Friends You Want site.

 

 

More by this author

Paul Sanders

A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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