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Last Updated on October 31, 2018

How to Keep a Conversation Going and Never Run Out of Things to Say

How to Keep a Conversation Going and Never Run Out of Things to Say

One of the BIGGEST problems you may face when trying to meet new friends is the awkward silence. Encountering this situation is so uncomfortable that it can even force you to avoid meeting new people in the first place, but there is a way to get around it.

In the past, I I struggled with this so much that I thought it could never be solved. I even thought it had to do with my DNA or something… but I proved myself wrong when I learned how to solve it.

Not knowing how to keep a conversation going can harm your social life, but if you know how to keep those words flowing, you can meet, talk to, and get to know pretty much anyone you like—creating great possibilities for friendship, fun and shared activities that you would otherwise have missed out on.

Why You Run out of Things to Say

After studying this in depth, I found patterns of behavior that can keep you from making great conversation with people. One of these common behaviors is the habit of filtering—holding back from saying something until you’ve “checked” with yourself to make sure that what you’re about to say is cool, impressive, smart, and interesting.

What does that do to your conversation ability? It kills it!

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Another problem is not learning to get in the mood for conversation. If you spent a whole day working or studying analytical or logical subjects, and you don’t know how to switch from that, then it can take a lot of time to warm up and start interacting with people socially.

You can overcome this simply by learning a few new skills, such as the ones listed below. Once you do that, you’ll be able to talk to new people, and make friends, much more easily.

How to Keep Conversations Going

Let’s get you started with a couple of basic,  yet solid techniques on how to be a great conversationalist:

Technique #1 No Filtering

    This is the reflex that allows you to say whatever goes on in your mind. No filtering, no checking with yourself  “would I sound cool if I say this?”. None of that.

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    The best way to practice this is to start doing it with people you kind of know—do you dare to try it? It’s fun to realize that you’re allowed to say whatever is on your mind, and no-one is going to judge you for it.

    As long as you don’t say anything that could land you in jail, you’re okay! People don’t care too much about how “awesome” what you’re saying is, because they’re too focused on how THEY are coming across. Get it? If so, let’s move on…

    Technique #2 “Interesting, tell me more!”

      This works 99% of the time. It’s a surefire technique, and it works especially well for beginners. People love to know that you’re interested in what they have to say, so if you show some interest, they’ll hang around and want to talk to you even more.

      All of the “oh! that’s interesting…”, “Hmm, I’ve never heard of that”, “Hmm, cool!”expressions are reactionary bits of conversation that prove to the other person that you’re really listening, and that’s very flattering to them.

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      Technique #3 Stories from everywhere

        Everyone knows that stories juice-up conversations, but most people only talk about stories their own lives. You don’t have to draw from your own experience when speaking with someone: you can use stories from anywhere, from stories that happened to people you know, to those you came across via the radio,TV, magazines, etc.

        How can you integrate the stories into your conversation? The key is to first realize that you can use them. You’ve already heard them, and the more interesting or weird they are, the harder they are to forget, so you’re all good.

        Your brain doesn’t lose them. When someone mentions something related to any of them, just tell the story, even if it’s not from your life. It can be any silly story, short or long, interesting, or totally awkward—just use it!

        People love talking to people who can just share stuff openly like that. These techniques should get you started, but if you want to take it to an advanced level—to the point where you can just have fun when talking to anyone, meet the right people you want in your life, and be able to make friends with them fast—then I recommend that you take a little time to learn more about how conversations work.

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        If you do that, you’ll make conversations far more interesting, with natural ease, avoiding all awkward silences that might prevent you from meeting the right friends that you would love to have around.

        The Bottom Line

        Now that you know the tricks to keep a conversation going, the next thing you should do it apply one of these tricks the next time you talk with someone.

        Don’t overwhelm yourself trying to use all these tricks at the same time, get used to one of these first. When you can master one of the tricks, you’ll feel more confident to apply the other techniques in your upcoming conversations too!

        If you’re looking for tips on how to start a conversation try the FORM technique!

        Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

        More by this author

        Paul Sanders

        A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

        How to Keep a Conversation Going and Never Run Out of Things to Say What to Do When You Have No Friends and Feel Lonely 7 Tips How to Make Friends During College 5 Reasons Why Your Social Life Isn’t Improving, And What To Do About It How To Quietly Build A Social Life

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        Last Updated on April 23, 2019

        13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

        13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

        Let me begin by being 100% frank with you – everyone is capable of happiness.

        Happiness is first a choice but it also takes persistence to maintain. Happiness is our birth right and my mission is to help as many people as I can live their happiest life.

        My mission is to spread the message that everyone deserves happiness.

        To live a happy life; however, you must do the work, gain the necessary knowledge, and increase your awareness.

        You must fully embody this state and begin to think and feel happiness on every level of your being.

        Often times, excuses present themselves and our mind gives us the reasons why we can’t be happy:

        “I am too busy right now to focus on happiness”

        “I will be happy when I finish school, when I have the money, when I am in the right relationship, when I have kids, when my children are older….”

        “I would have had a happy life if this traumatic event had never happened”

        “I don’t deserve happiness”

        EVERYONE deserves happiness. The reason that you are here right now is because you have a purpose and you are on the earth to enjoy your journey.

        Think BIGGER than your excuses. Push FARTHER than your complaints.

        Don’t be pulled away from greatness. Get uncomfortable. At least these are what happy and successful people do on a daily basis.

        This article highlights the top 13 tips and tricks of how happy people think and feel.

        If you would like to begin embodying this life-changing state, then… Here are the 13 ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently:

        1. Happy People Put Happiness First

        Happy people have made the decision that their end goal is happiness.

        Every situation, event, bad day ultimately ends with happiness.

        To them, happiness is equivalent to sleep and water – it is a necessity to their life. To live an unhappy life is to have never lived at all.

        The happy person asks,

        “What would be the point of living if every day and moment were filled with negativity?”

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        “Why would I deplete my energy on negativity when I expend less to be positive?”

        They make happy-based decisions which means in EVERY MOMENT they choose happiness.

        If their circumstances can’t change then they instead change their perspective, they look for the silver lining in the negative.

        Happy people don’t let negativity steal their moments away – a positive mindset always prevails.

        If you ask a happy person how their day was, they will always answer your question with a highlight or a lesson learned.

        2. Happy People Embrace Pain

        I know what you are thinking –

        “No one is ALWAYS happy”

        or …

        “Even happy people get in bad moods”

        and …

        These statements are absolutely accurate.

        Happy people aren’t always happy and they DO get into bad moods. They get overwhelmed, they feel defeated, and their feelings get hurt.

        Happy people aren’t invincible and they feel pain just like everyone else. The only difference between happy people and people who let negativity run their lives is that…

        Happy people quickly acknowledge their pain and they make a decision to find a way to transform their pain into something greater. They also use these 13 simple ways to shake off the sadness.

        Happy people admit the negativity they feel and they do what it takes to get back into their natural state: happiness.

        When your end goal is happiness, then you will find a way to achieve it no matter how much strength you have to muster.

        3. Happy People Have a Happy Self-Image

        We all have an image in our minds that we subconsciously live up to.

        The reason that change is so hard is because our subconscious mind is programmed to live by how we define ourselves.

        How are you currently defining yourself?

        For happy people, they see themselves with a smile, positive outlook, and/or a bounce in their step. When an event or situation arises that brings in a negative emotion, they quickly change their state to resemble their natural self-image.

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        When happy people are in a bad mood, it feels unusual to them because feeling negative isn’t aligned with how they see themselves.

        When they feel upset, they acknowledge the negativity and look for a solution to bring their emotions to the level of how they perceive themselves.

        Look at how you define yourself today – your mind and body are always trying to live up to the definition it is taught to believe.

        Your body’s job is to keep you in a “normal” state because this is where it feels most comfortable.

        If your self-image is happy, then your mind and body will naturally be brought back to where it feels at home. Your actions will be a clue to how you define yourself.

        4. Happy People Have a Strong Support System

        The happiest people know that it takes a village and they lean on others for support.

        Happy people feel comfortable reaching out for help when they feel that their resistances are overpowering them. They quickly sense their negativity and they tell somebody.

        Happy people ask for assistance when they can’t figure out a problem. Seeking help takes strength and it never gets in the way of their self-worth. Happy people appreciate the wisdom that their support system provides.

        They have strong connections with the people who are close to them. They never trudge through tough times alone because jeopardizing their happiness for too long would be detrimental to their well-being.

        5. Happy People Safeguard Their Minds from Negative Triggers

        Warding off negativity is almost impossible when we live in a society that lives by what went wrong and feeds off of what could go wrong. News travels instantaneously so it would be unrealistic to shut this out of your life completely.

        However, one strategy that happy people use to safeguard their minds is regulating their environment.

        We have a lot of control on how we allow our environments to affect us. We can control our social media feed, the television shows and movies we watch, the books that we read, the people that we spend our time with, and the places that we hang out.

        If happiness is your end goal, then take a good look at what is bringing you down. What triggers your unhappiness? See if there is anything in your environment that can be changed……

        What we listen to, read, and who we hang out with influence our mind, what we think about, what we worry about, our reactions, and behaviors.

        Happy people know what triggers a feeling of negativity and it feels out of alignment for them so they do what it takes to avoid it.

        They might regulate their social media news feed to reflect the information that brings them positive energy. They might regulate the people that they spend their time with. It is important to hang out with like-minded people.

        What are you triggers? How can you avoid the negativity in your environment?

        These are ways that happy people regulate their environment and safeguard their minds.

        6. Happy People Know When to Say “No”

        Happy people know when to sit one out and say “no.” They do this to protect their happiness and well-being.

        Life gets overwhelming – a lot of people need our attention and the to do list can seem never ending.

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        Happy people give themselves permission to take the day off and they feel comfortable with saying “no” when their stress levels begin to climb. They understand that those around them aren’t benefiting from someone who is frazzled, overwhelmed, and tired.

        A happy person identifies their negative emotion and then they quickly treat it to bring themselves back to their “normal” state, so that they can be at their best for not only themselves but for those around them, too.

        A simple “no” can ultimately mean many more “yes’s” in the future because happiness has a long battery life. You can take a look at Leo Babauta’s article The Gentle Art of Saying No and learn to say no.

        7. Happy People Are Good Evaluators

        Happy people can quickly sense when something is off with themselves or others. They are very intuitive to happiness levels. When someone isn’t quite right, they are the first ones to notice.

        Being able to evaluate happiness means that you can identify when negativity is lingering around for too long.

        We all have bad days; however, the happy person evaluates often and quickly intervenes.

        In other words, happy people frequently evaluate their state and immediately change when their pessimism is overshadowing their joy.

        8. Happy People Bring Other People Up

        What goes on inside of us is mirrored into our physical world.

        What we think about literally consumes our life and is displayed in our work, relationships, and attitude.

        Happy people naturally feel good inside and about themselves so they treat others the way that they treat themselves. It never feels forced to give a compliment or to help out a stranger.

        When we are truly happy with ourselves, everyone around us has a better experience. Happy people are kind to themselves and because of this, it feels natural to them to want to make others’ happy, too.

        9. Happy People Go After Their Dreams

        Happy people are always following the joyful path. They make happy-based decisions and because of this, they always end up where they want to be.

        It’s absolutely impossible to be happy by following an undesirable path, which is quite opposite for unhappy people.

        Most people journey through life on a path they think they are “supposed” to be own. Warning signs (negativity) are often ignored because they truly believe that these feelings are a normal part of life.

        Negativity is NOT normal.

        The happiest people investigate the negativity in their life and quickly analyze the results. This process allows them to get back on the joyful path which ends in a desirable outcome.

        Follow your happiness and your dreams will come true (If that isn’t motivation then I don’t know what is!)

        In addition to happiness, here are 14 amazing things that happen when you live your passion.

        10. Happy People Never Sweat the Small Stuff

        The only expectation that the happy person has is that they remain in a joyful state.

        They rarely have expectations for the events and people in their lives because they know that this is a sure way to get let down.

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        The happiest people take life as it comes – you could say that they roll with the punches. When you don’t have expectations, thenyoue can just sit back and watch how beautifully life unfolds.

        Happy people understand that bad things are inevitable, they are a part of life – The car will break, the kids will make mistakes, people will be late, and dinner will burn.

        If it’s not anything seriously affecting their lives, then they don’t give their energy to it.

        11. Happy People Rarely Have to Prove That They Are Right

        Happy people remember that it’s more important to live up to what they believe. When you live your life aligned with your belief system, then there is no need to explain or prove yourself to others.

        Differences in opinions are inevitable, but the happiest of people know it’s wasted energy to defend their position.

        It is more effective to simply show people, through actions, how you think, feel, and what you believe.

        Energy is saved, arguments are diminished, and credibility/respect are gained when we live by what we believe.

        12. Happy People Smile (Even When They Don’t Want To)

        Smiling is one of the healthiest things we can do; and happy people use this simple trick quite often.

        It has been proven that smiling has the ability to boost your immune system, decrease stress levels, and can even make you look younger. The benefits of smiling have even been backed up by science.[1]

        Better yet, smiling is contagious. When you engage in a quick smile, you are likely to brighten someone else’s day along with your own. It is no wonder why happy people smile often!

        13. Happy People Live Life in the Present Moment.

        When we are genuinely happy, we are living for the moment.

        Happy people let go of the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future. They take the moments for what they are worth – they only invest their energy in what feels right to them.

        Everyone is capable of living a happy-centered life. You deserve a life that you desire – your dream life. All you have to start doing is make happy-based decisions TODAY.

        In every moment, decide on what makes you happy – decide on what gets you excited. Stop doing what you don’t love, don’t listen to the people that you dislike.

        If you are engaging in something that isn’t bringing you joy, then quit doing it. Listen to your heart, stop ignoring the warning signs (negativity) because they are there for a reason.

        I have observed, studied, and interviewed some of the happiest and most successful people along with some of the most miserable and self-loathing.

        It starts with one decision – happiness.

        The happiest, most successful people choose happiness with EACH and EVERY decision. And you can start doing this today.

        Featured photo credit: Autumn Goodman via unsplash.com

        Reference

        [1] Harvard Business Review: The Science Behind the Smile

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