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Feeling Lonely and Want to Change? Here’s How.

Feeling Lonely and Want to Change? Here’s How.

Feeling lonely is one of the worst emotional situations we know of. After you take care of your physical needs (food, shelter  and security), the need for friendship can only grow bigger.

Being alone, not having someone to share your worries and hopes with, makes you feel a certain kind of emptiness. It’s actually natural for your body to make you feel that way: our physiology is designed to push us to go and socialize, and stay CLOSE to people.

In this article, I’m going to share with you how to deal with loneliness, and start meeting the kind of friends that you need.

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    Why Feeling Lonely Can Get Worse With Time.

    Maybe you noticed that when you are lonely, you start to feel cynical and suspicious of people. That’s normal because deep down in our nature, loneliness is associated with rejection and danger. These emotions are tied with loneliness.

    Even if YOU decide that you want to be left alone, you still feel that society is rejecting you, and the mental gap between you and other people grows bigger if you don’t do something to stop to it. This can lead to loneliness worsening by other means:

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    • You stop relating to normal people because you spend a lot of time on your own, which makes it even harder to start making friends.
    • You start losing your social skills. Social intelligence is like any other kind of intelligence: if you don’t use it, you lose it.
    • You become irritable: when you’re lonely, problems and setbacks start to seem bigger to you.
    • You lose some of your motivation: after long periods of hard-work, a bit of socializing can give you all the energy you need. The lack of it can make goals matter less.

    The thing is, loneliness drains your energy, and make your goals and aspirations seem much harder to attain.The sooner you deal with it, the better.

    What Kind of Friends Make Loneliness Go Away?

    As you might know, not everyone can be the friend you could openly share your life with. In fact, some people can make you feel even more “alone”; we call them “the close-minded”. You don’t want to spend your time with those!

    You need friends who will understand you—ones who will actually LIKE the unique things you do, and accept your individuality. These are the kind of friends with whom you can share your life, your dreams. You could go out with them, without ever worrying about being judged or being seen as “weird”.

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    It’s with genuine friends like this that you start to feel really happy that you have the right people with whom you can go out to parties and nice dinners; to go on trips and adventures; to celebrate your birthdays and have the fun of your life.

    How to Start Meeting Friends

    The rule of thumb is that friendship needs to be ABOUT something: this can be a passion, an activity, a hobby, a shared opinion, etc.

    What you need to do, is get to the places where you have the highest chances of meeting others who are looking for friends too. These places are Meetup groups, charity groups, or expats’ events (check Internations or Expats .com). You can also join a Toast masters group if you also want to learn public speaking.

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    Why it Works

    When you join a group, you feel obligated to go there each week: it’s hard to forget about it and get distracted. These groups are designed for people to meet new friends, and when you attend,  you can introduce yourself to anyone you bump into. Try to find as many commonalities between you and the people you’d like to hang out with later, so it’s only natural to keep in touch with one another. If you just do just that, you’re way ahead of the curve—you’ve taken the first step out of loneliness, and into a life full of the friends and the fun you absolutely need.

    If you’re eager to learn more techniques for meeting people, having great conversations, staying in touch, and making friends, then I recommend that you get on my Free Social Skills Newsletter.

    In it, I’ll share with you precise steps you can take to get the friends you want.

    See you there,

    Paul Sanders

    More by this author

    Paul Sanders

    A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

    How to Keep a Conversation Going and Never Run Out of Things to Say What to Do When You Have No Friends and Feel Lonely 7 Tips How to Make Friends During College 5 Reasons Why Your Social Life Isn’t Improving, And What To Do About It How To Quietly Build A Social Life

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    Last Updated on January 18, 2019

    7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

    7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

    Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

    But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

    If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

    1. Limit the time you spend with them.

    First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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    In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

    Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

    2. Speak up for yourself.

    Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

    3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

    This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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    But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

    4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

    Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

    This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

    Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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    5. Change the subject.

    When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

    Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

    6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

    Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

    I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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    You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

    Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

    7. Leave them behind.

    Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

    If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

    That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

    You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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