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Feeling Lonely and Want to Change? Here’s How.

Feeling Lonely and Want to Change? Here’s How.

Feeling lonely is one of the worst emotional situations we know of. After you take care of your physical needs (food, shelter  and security), the need for friendship can only grow bigger.

Being alone, not having someone to share your worries and hopes with, makes you feel a certain kind of emptiness. It’s actually natural for your body to make you feel that way: our physiology is designed to push us to go and socialize, and stay CLOSE to people.

In this article, I’m going to share with you how to deal with loneliness, and start meeting the kind of friends that you need.

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    Why Feeling Lonely Can Get Worse With Time.

    Maybe you noticed that when you are lonely, you start to feel cynical and suspicious of people. That’s normal because deep down in our nature, loneliness is associated with rejection and danger. These emotions are tied with loneliness.

    Even if YOU decide that you want to be left alone, you still feel that society is rejecting you, and the mental gap between you and other people grows bigger if you don’t do something to stop to it. This can lead to loneliness worsening by other means:

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    • You stop relating to normal people because you spend a lot of time on your own, which makes it even harder to start making friends.
    • You start losing your social skills. Social intelligence is like any other kind of intelligence: if you don’t use it, you lose it.
    • You become irritable: when you’re lonely, problems and setbacks start to seem bigger to you.
    • You lose some of your motivation: after long periods of hard-work, a bit of socializing can give you all the energy you need. The lack of it can make goals matter less.

    The thing is, loneliness drains your energy, and make your goals and aspirations seem much harder to attain.The sooner you deal with it, the better.

    What Kind of Friends Make Loneliness Go Away?

    As you might know, not everyone can be the friend you could openly share your life with. In fact, some people can make you feel even more “alone”; we call them “the close-minded”. You don’t want to spend your time with those!

    You need friends who will understand you—ones who will actually LIKE the unique things you do, and accept your individuality. These are the kind of friends with whom you can share your life, your dreams. You could go out with them, without ever worrying about being judged or being seen as “weird”.

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    It’s with genuine friends like this that you start to feel really happy that you have the right people with whom you can go out to parties and nice dinners; to go on trips and adventures; to celebrate your birthdays and have the fun of your life.

    How to Start Meeting Friends

    The rule of thumb is that friendship needs to be ABOUT something: this can be a passion, an activity, a hobby, a shared opinion, etc.

    What you need to do, is get to the places where you have the highest chances of meeting others who are looking for friends too. These places are Meetup groups, charity groups, or expats’ events (check Internations or Expats .com). You can also join a Toast masters group if you also want to learn public speaking.

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    Why it Works

    When you join a group, you feel obligated to go there each week: it’s hard to forget about it and get distracted. These groups are designed for people to meet new friends, and when you attend,  you can introduce yourself to anyone you bump into. Try to find as many commonalities between you and the people you’d like to hang out with later, so it’s only natural to keep in touch with one another. If you just do just that, you’re way ahead of the curve—you’ve taken the first step out of loneliness, and into a life full of the friends and the fun you absolutely need.

    If you’re eager to learn more techniques for meeting people, having great conversations, staying in touch, and making friends, then I recommend that you get on my Free Social Skills Newsletter.

    In it, I’ll share with you precise steps you can take to get the friends you want.

    See you there,

    Paul Sanders

    More by this author

    Paul Sanders

    A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

    How to Keep a Conversation Going and Never Run Out of Things to Say What to Do When You Have No Friends and Feel Lonely 7 Tips How to Make Friends During College 5 Reasons Why Your Social Life Isn’t Improving, And What To Do About It How To Quietly Build A Social Life

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    Last Updated on November 15, 2018

    Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

    Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

    What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

    As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

    The Success Mindset

    Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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    The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

    The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

    The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

    How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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    How To Create a Success Mindset

    People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

    1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

    How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

    A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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    There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

    2. Look For The Successes

    It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

    3. Eliminate Negativity

    You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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    When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

    4. Create a Vision

    Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

    If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

    An Inspirational Story…

    For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

    What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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