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Last Updated on July 2, 2019

What Holds Us Back from Living the Life We Want

What Holds Us Back from Living the Life We Want

Parents, caregivers, teachers and society in general all have a huge influence on how we live our lives.

That’s why people traveling to other countries often experience ‘culture shock’. The different rules, different customs and different attitudes can quickly lead to a feeling of confusion and alienation.

You may have experienced this yourself.

But, culture shock really just shows how conditioned we are by our local customs and culture. This is something you may not have considered before. But, I would urge you to do so.

It’s possible that you’re living the life that your parents, teachers and society want you to live — rather than the life you’d love to live.

Ready to break free from this conditioning?

If you are, then you’ve come to the right place, as I’m going to share with you five strategies that will allow you to escape your mental prison.

Let’s look first at…

The Benefits of a Confident Attitude 

Generosity and a humble attitude are wonderful traits to have — yet, being humble can actually hinder you from reaching your goals.

If, when working in a team, you take on tasks behind the scenes, your work may go unnoticed. Which means you won’t actually get the credit you deserve.

It’s a sad fact of life, but if your efforts aren’t recognized, you’ll be forgotten about when opportunities arise.

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And, if you often play the role of “I’m not good enough to do XYZ” —  then please stop!

 Starting right now, if you change your attitude about your own abilities and focus on your strengths and improving on (or delegating out) your weaknesses, then you’ll massively boost your confidence, which will translate into achieving your goals.

So be sure to speak up about what you’ve accomplished. I guarantee your confident attitude will work wonders for you!

Say Goodbye to Limitations

Do you often go through life thinking you’re not smart enough or not disciplined enough? And, how about time? Do you frequently feel that you don’t have enough of it?

I certainly used to feel that way.

Fortunately, over the years, I’ve been able to discover and put into action dynamic techniques that have allowed me to break free from my limitations.

Positive self-talk is an example of one of these techniques. This is a simple, but powerful, tool for stepping outside of your conditioned and habitual thought patterns.

What exactly is self-talk?

It’s the words you externally and internally tell yourself day in, day out.

“I’m not good enough to do this,” you might tell yourself over and over again. Well, guess what? With that attitude permeating your mindset — you probably won’t be good enough.

But, just as negative thoughts can lead to negative results, positive thoughts can lead to positive results. Using the example above, change the wording to “I’m good enough to do this,” and watch your positive self-talk boost your confidence and give you the strength and courage to say goodbye to your limitations.

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You might also want to practice tried-and-tested ways of elevating your self-belief. Stuff like: always finding time to learn new things, focused goal setting and effective time management.

Do You Fear Change?

You’d love to make that big career change, but you’re afraid that it’ll end in failure.

You’d love to ask out that special person on a date, but you fear they’ll say no.

You’d love to move to the coast, but you’re scared to leave behind your habitual environment.

Sound familiar?

I’m guessing it does, as fear of change is probably the most common thing that prevents people from reaching their potential and doing the things they’d love to do.

The secret to defeating fear of change is to understand that if we want to change our lives for the better — we need to make changes in our lives. Without changes, nothing changes. It’s that simple.

In reality, fear of change is really just fear of the unknown. Now, I realize the unknown can be a scary place. But, it doesn’t have to be.

Again, it comes down to our attitude and perspective. If we approach the unknown with excited anticipation — we’ll no longer be afraid of it. And, its power over us will be gone forever.

With that simple change of mindset, you can put your fears in the past, and start living a life that embraces and welcomes change and opportunity; an authentic and free life.

Paint a Picture in Your Mind

Did you know that the majority of us think in pictures? That’s right. While we may speak and write in words, our brain turns these things into pictures.

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Just think back to some of your most important memories (perhaps your first kiss, your graduation day, or the birth of your first child). Do words and sentences come to mind? Likely not. Instead, you may immediately bring back vivid images of the events. And, not just still images, but moving pictures that are equivalent to videos.

Once you understand that the mind functions with pictures, then the key to changing your mind — and your life — is to change the pictures that you put into your mind about the future.

For instance, if you constantly picture yourself stuck in the same job, then… you’ll probably end up doing just that! But, if you make a concerted and persistent effort to picture yourself in a new, stimulating role — then that’s where you’re most likely to end up.

You may know this technique as ‘visualization’. And, along with the other techniques I’m sharing with you in this article, it’s a powerful piece of the success puzzle.

So start right now by building a clear, definite picture of where you’d like to be in 12 months. Once you have the picture, then use daily repetition to place it firmly into your subconscious mind (expect this to take at least 30 days).

Do this, and watch your mental images gradually turn into reality. I like to call this real magic.

Your Setbacks and Obstacles Can Be Opportunities

Pause for a moment, and think about the last few days. I guarantee that along with the good stuff, there’ll be several times when you’ve had to face setbacks and obstacles. Things like: being stuck in traffic, a missed deadline at work, a health challenge, a relationship issue, and an unexpected bill landing in your letterbox.

This is perfectly normal. We all go through similar things to these on a regular basis. But, the difference between winners and losers in life, is that losers are defeated by these setbacks, while winners are propelled forward by them.

Let me explain with a quick example.

You’re on your way to an interview for an important job–a job you’ve always wanted. You allow plenty of time for walking to the train station, taking the train three stops, and then catching a cab to the office where the interview is scheduled to take place.

Your walk goes fine, but when you get to the station, you discover something shocking — all the trains have been canceled!

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You could choose to panic at this time, and perhaps call the company to cancel or delay the interview. Or you could think creatively…

The job is what you’ve always wanted to do, so you don’t want to miss the interview or allow the company to see you in a negative light. You think for a few moments and then decide upon a strategy — you’ll pay the hefty fare for a cab to take you all the way.

The taxi driver is chatty, and he asks you what’s the purpose of your visit. You tell him about your interview and he replies with something surprising: he’s a friend of one of the people who will be interviewing you. He goes on to talk about how nice they are and how you’ll get on really well with them. In fact, he puts you so at ease that you begin to feel like you’re already part of the team!

You arrive early for the interview, and with the unexpected but welcome support from your taxi driver friend, the interview goes super-smoothly. And, a few days later you’re thrilled to receive a call asking when you can start.

Did the taxi driver put in a good word for you? Perhaps. As that’s the sort of thing that happens when you refuse to bow down to setbacks and obstacles.

I hope the self-improvement techniques I’ve outlined in this article will help you to begin breaking free from your limitations — and to begin breaking out of your mental prison!

Build your confidence.

Embrace change.

And, picture your success in all its glorious detail.

Take these steps now, and begin living the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Featured photo credit: Brendan Church via unsplash.com

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Leon Ho

Founder & CEO of Lifehack

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Published on January 27, 2020

30 Essential Core Values for Living the Life You Want

30 Essential Core Values for Living the Life You Want

The weather will always change. Technology will always change. Trends will always change. We will always change.

In a world that is constantly evolving and taking new forms, it can be somewhat overwhelming trying to make sense of this thing called life.

One of the things that rarely changes in this world though and what can provide a guiding light for you throughout your life is your core values. This article will provide you with a core values list of 30 incredible values to adopt and use when all else seems to be changing.

What Are Core Values?

Core values are principles or beliefs that you hold most dear and that are of central importance in your life. When everything around you is changing, when the world is difficult to understand, and when you are riding up and down the emotion rollercoaster, your core values will always be there for you.

Why Are Core Values Important?

Core values are important because they act like a compass to help you lead the amazing life that you want, no matter where you find yourself in this world.

Not only that, having the right core values can improve your decision-making, your productivity, your achievements and perhaps most importantly, your ability to love and be loved. They’re kind of a big deal. And it isn’t just us saying this, studies[1] have shown core values to have a whole host of other benefits.

30 Best Core Values to Live by

You might already have a few core values in mind or in your heart which is great. If you need some more ideas or haven’t really thought about your core values until now, here are our 30 favourite core values that you can adopt right now.

1. Acceptance

The ability to accept what you can control and what you can’t control. Being able to understand that on some days you are the hammer, and other days you are the nail. With acceptance as a core value, you can build either way and be happy while doing it.

2. Adaptability

Life is going to throw you curve ball after curve ball and if you aren’t ready for them, you are going to strikeout. Your life and the life of those you surround yourself with are far too complex to confine yourself to one mould.

Be adaptable and ready and willing to change when you need to.

3. Awareness

Awareness is one of the best core values that you can adopt. Period. Awareness means paying attention to yourself, to others, to the world around you, to emotions, to situations. It means being able to see everyone and everything clearly – most importantly yourself.

4. Balance

There are going to be times when you need to sprint in life, and other times when you are going to need to slow down. The yin and the yang.

Balance is one of the most important core values in many ancient cultures because it reflects nature for what it truly is: perfectly balanced and able to bend, rather than break.

5. Calmness

As well as being a sublime state of mind, many people forget that calm is a simple decision to make.

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You can be calm in any situation should you allow yourself to be. No amount of angry drivers, long queues or frustrating technology can penetrate you when you adopt calmness as a core value.

6. Community

Every one of us is a social creature, whether we believe it or not, and community has been a key core value for us as a species for thousands of years.

We are hard-wired to socialize; to eat, drink, gossip, laugh, tell stories, share ideas, give and receive amongst ourselves. Community also enhances the effect of other core values on this list, such as creativity.[2]

7. Compassion

Compassion is taking the time to understand the suffering of others and hopefully, being able to do something about it. There is a lot of struggle and suffering that can be alleviated in the world; with a core value like compassion you might be able to do help your fellow humans in some meaningful way.

8. Creativity

With technology taking most of the administrative jobs, creative people are going to be leading us into the future.

Someone who cherishes creativity is able to think up new and big ideas, see things that other people can’t and see the world around them through their own lens, not somebody else’s.

9. Discipline

Discipline will lead you to the life that you want, should you adopt it as a core value.

“Discipline Equals Freedom” is a term popularised by ex-Navy Seal Jocko Willink, and what it means is that if you can be disciplined in the right things, you will be free in the right things too.

Discipline to workout means more freedom in your body as you age. Discipline to save means more freedom with your time and money in the long-term. And so it goes…

10. Empathy

There is perhaps no greater value on this list that will connect you deeper to not just the closest people in your life but to complete strangers too.

Practising empathy requires the understanding that other people have a nagging voice in their own head, just like you do. That they have a worldview different to yours based on their experiences. And that’s ok. It’s not easy to adopt empathy as a core value, but it is certainly worth it.

11. Freedom

Freedom comes in many forms and that is why it is one of the ultimate core values to have. The freedom to choose, freedom to speak, freedom to live on your own terms, freedom to love and be loved.

If freedom becomes a core value of yours, watch how your life changes for the better.

12. Gratitude

Gratitude provides a powerful perspective shift whenever you feel yourself get into a rut.

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You can become grateful for the big things like having shelter, food and great people in your life. You can also become grateful for the small things like the cup of coffee that you just drank or the soft sheets on your bed.

13. Happiness

Happiness is a powerful core value and is not just restricted to your own happiness but also friends and family.

When happiness guides your decision-making rather than superficial things like money and status, you will find yourself in a much more satisfying position than if you chase other people’s idea of happiness.

14. Health

They say that a healthy man has a lot of dreams and wishes whereas a sick man only has one – to be able to get out of bed.

Health is the precursor to every other core value on this list; if you don’t have your health, you can’t do much else until you do. Because of this, health has to be a core value in your life.

15. Humility

Humility

is the antidote to arrogance and selfishness and is a value to adopt if you want to keep your feet firmly on the ground. It is said that you are never as good or as bad as people say you are.

Humility recognizes this and keeps you moving towards your goal, no matter what anyone else says.

16. Innovation

The act of innovation involves taking one existing thing and making it better. Although images of whacky car designs and complicated technology can spring to mind when thinking about innovation, it doesn’t have to be that grandiose.

Simply seeing something small and making it better in your own life is enough to make a world of difference.

17. Knowledge

Knowledge is power. Not power in the 14th-century medieval banker-sense but in the power to change your own life-sense.

Knowledge about yourself, others and the world allows you to understand everything that you see a bit better. When you see things for what they are, you can act accordingly and get to where you want to be.

18. Leadership

It take guts, determination, confidence and humility to lead. All of these qualities are both rare and admirable and are the reason why leadership is such an excellent core value.

The future is dark and unknown but also full of hidden treasures. We need someone to lead us, will it be you?

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19. Love

It can be argued that all of the core values on this list can be tied together by the one, all-encompassing value of Love.

When you value love deeply and try to show it in everything that you do, you make your world and the world of others a much better place.

20. Moderation

Forget this diet, that diet, eating there, eating then, working out before coffee or always in the afternoon. It’s all noise that works for some people some of the time – moderation is the key.

Not acting in moderation can also have some damaging consequences, especially for your health.[3] What works well for all people is everything in moderation.

Of course, life should be fun too so even ‘everything in moderation’, should be in moderation.

21. Peace

Peace is another core value that takes years of practice to perfect. However, its rewards are boundless with both the journey and destination full of rewards.

Peace enables clear decision-making, freedom in thoughts and actions as well as providing a deep understanding of the special life that you live.

22. Purpose

Purpose can be doubled up with ‘meaning’ as these are two values that provide the drive in any endeavour that you might pursue.

Purpose is what gets you out of bed every morning, it is why you sacrifice what you sacrifice and often entails something bigger than yourself. If you don’t have a purpose, it is unlikely that you will find much meaning in your life.

23. Responsibility

Nobody likes having to take the dog on a walk, having to clean the dishes or do things that they are reluctantly responsible for. However, responsibility can actually be an awesome way to add meaning and value to your life.

When other people depend on you and you fulfil your role as provider, not only are they better off but you get the satisfaction that comes along with it too.

24. Service

Similar to the responsibility point above, when you adopt service as a core value, you will have very little time to wallow in any self-pity, anxiety or existential angst because you will be busy making the world a better place.

Funnily enough, by serving others, many people find that they themselves are internally served with feelings of satisfaction and contentment.

25. Spirituality

Of course, there is the importance of physical health, mental health and emotional health, but spiritual health is just as important.

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Spirituality has nothing to do with religion, it simply means taking the time to listen to your body, to watch your thoughts, to connect with and appreciate the world and the universe that you find yourself in.

26. Trust

Trust is a core value on this list because it requires many other difficult skills that also help to develop you as a person.

To be able to trust and be trusted, you need strong relationships, an ounce of risk, a healthy dose of vulnerability and a smidge of humility. All of this creates a recipe for a very positive life with trust at the centre.

27. Understanding

Understanding comes from a place of acceptance of what is, not what should be or could be. It is the ability to recognise someone else’s viewpoint without trying to change it. It is learning that it is useless to fight against the way the world is and other people are, and to learn to dance with them instead.

28. Wealth

Not in the monetary sense but in the ‘having everything that you need sense’. Someone who is truly wealthy possesses great relationships, plenty of freedom, a life filled with joy as well as many of the other values on this list.

Adopt wealth as a core value and it will act as a magnet to other incredible things.

29. Wisdom

Contrary to popular belief, wisdom does not come with age but rather, experience. There are many young people with more wisdom than the oldest people that you know. What makes someone wise is their ability to see broadly and clearly, to use good judgement and to be decisive when necessary.

Wisdom is something that we all should seek.

30. Wonder

The final value on this list is wonder and it is the ideal place to finish.

Wonder is thinking about the possibility of what comes next, dreaming about how you and things could be better, pushing your own boundaries and what you think you are capable of each day.

Wonder is practical dreaming, and you should start right away.

Final Thoughts

Now you have a good idea of some of the core values that you can adopt, it’s time to not only decide which ones you like the best but also integrate and use them in your daily life.

Core values are designed to guide your decisions in your most difficult moments. Now you have everything you need to go and live the life that you want to live!

More About Self-Discovery

Featured photo credit: AndriyKo Podilnyk via unsplash.com

Reference

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