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10 Anger Management Lessons No One Should Miss

10 Anger Management Lessons No One Should Miss

Sometimes we all get a little grumpy. Whether it’s school, work, friends, family, or ourselves, there’s reason to just lose it every so often. We just have to blow our tops, I suppose. I’ve been told plenty of times to seek therapy or deal with my anger problems, so I gathered some experts to weigh in and judge my practical tips to eradicate anger. Here are some Anger Management tips we devised in the process.

10. Admit It

Anger_by_Tyshea lifehack versability

    WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE DEBIT MACHINE ISN’T WORKING?!?!

    Just admit you’re angry; if to no one else, at least admit it to yourself. Hiding behind other adjectives, such as bothered, agitated, irritated, upset, mad, frustrated etc.—they all mean the same thing. Whatever you call the emotion, it’s the same thing—you’re not happy. It’s okay to be down every so often (depression is a real thing), but if negative feelings are motivating you rather than de-motivating you, you’re angry. It’s okay—we’ve all been there. In fact, we see it nearly every day in the most public place we visit each day: the road.

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    “Studies have shown the aggression on the road is usually, like bullying, misplaced aggression,” says Walter Meyer, a public speaker who focuses on bullying. “Drivers get behind the wheel already upset about a fight with their spouse or boss and someone cutting them off in traffic is the final straw, but not the casus belli.” The quicker you admit your anger, the quicker you can dissipate frustration by accepting your anger before going out into public.

    9. Accept It

    Accepting that you’re angry puts you in a powerful position—by accepting your anger, you’re essentially identifying as your angry self and taking responsibility for your choices and actions with that anger. When you accept your anger, you look in the mirror and understand that you’re the person that’s acting angry, and everyone else is responding to your anger. You are your own god and the creator of your own world, so your anger really is your own problem to deal with, no matter what you’ve convinced yourself of otherwise.

    8. Make a Decision

    It’s important to make a decision. According to Dr. Steven B. Gordon, Ph.D., the Executive Director of Behavior Therapy Associates, the best way to do this is to “sort the action as away/toward what you care about.” In doing this, we force ourselves to make our decisions (even when angry) base on a healthy goal.

    What is it you truly care about? Do you care more about hurting that other person or improving yourself or helping people you actually care about? Which is it? Because you can’t dedicate your time and energy to both.

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    7. Keep Your Mind Moving

    “Perhaps recite a nursery rhyme (Not out loud unless you really want to weird out the person you’re dealing with). Or name the Seven Dwarfs,” offers Barry Maher, author of Filling the Glass: The Skeptic’s Guide to Positive Thinking in Business. “It doesn’t matter if you remember correctly. Just the act of dredging up something from memory will tend to short circuit that rush of anger and make it much easier to control yourself.”

    Yogis and meditation experts agree—keeping your mind off your problems is the key to creatively avoiding negative feelings such as anger. If you want to learn more about putting your mind over matters, here’s a great Lifehack about meditation for beginners.

    6. Walk It off

    Speaking of yoga, walking and other exercises (especially stretches and bends) are a great way to unlock your core and relieve the stresses causing anger. Whatever it is you choose to do, go burn off some steam.

    “My kids constantly leave their shoes on the floor when they walk in the door so everyone trips on them,” offers yogi Danielle Diamond, the founder of Xen Strength. “This used to drive me crazy, and set me off into a rant about how irresponsible they are, blah blah blah…Meditation and yoga teach us to stop and pause—to mind the gap, per se—between action and reaction before we say or do something stupid.

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    5. Remove Yourself from the Situation

    Paula Anderson, LPC, LCPC at PACE Consulting offers a different point of view. “Change scenery,” she says. “Go to a different room to remove yourself from the person that you’re angry towards.”

    Removing yourself from the source of anger is useful in both a short-term and long-term resolution. If a particular person is constantly creating anger, it may be necessary for you to permanently relocate yourself to dissipate the anger. Otherwise, you can also have the other person removed.

    4. Reduce, Recycle, Reuse

    Anger is energy; you need to recycle that energy into something more productive. Remember those mottos from the recycling PSAs? Reduce your anger, recycle it into something more positive, and reuse it for something more productive. As for the situation that caused the anger?

    “When you’ve cooled down enough to maintain your self-control, re-engage the situation—if you now think it’s worth it,” suggests Gina Binder, M.A., a Resident in Counseling.

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    3. Smile—If for No Other Reason than Annoying Haters

    If you’re angry at a specific person, the best thing to do is to smile, especially at them. People who hate you will hate to see you smiling, and everyone else will look up to you. Either way, a smile a day does more to keep doctors away than a sugary-sweet apple ever could. Smile like you mean it, if not to make yourself happy, then to annoy everyone else.

    2. Scream!

    Although it’s common to think immediately of calming down, Michelle Morton offers my favorite take on the subject of dealing with anger: a temper tantrum.

    “Sometimes we all need to give ourselves permission to do the things we are ‘not supposed to do,'” screams Morton. “No one said you should go to the store, throw yourself down on the floor and kick and scream, but it is okay to go somewhere and give yourself a few minutes to come unglued!”

    1. Stick to It

    The Mayo Clinic has a great guide online to managing your temper; in it, you’ll find tips to rapidly reducing anger in the middle of highly tense situations. There are two types of anger, and both must be addressed and dealt with separately.

    Short-term anger is the collection of all those trigger moments that started you on the path toward being angry. Long-term anger refers to all the actions you take (and happy moments you reject) because you’re being driven by anger.

    Calming techniques work well when addressing anger triggers, but for long term anger issues, you’ll need to adjust your ways of thinking.

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    Last Updated on August 6, 2020

    6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

    6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

    We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

    “Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

    Are we speaking the same language?

    My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

    When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

    Am I being lazy?

    When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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    Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

    Early in the relationship:

    “Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

    When the relationship is established:

    “Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

    It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

    Have I actually got anything to say?

    When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

    A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

    When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

    Am I painting an accurate picture?

    One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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    How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

    Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

    What words am I using?

    It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

    Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

    Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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    Is the map really the territory?

    Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

    A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

    I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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