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Last Updated on December 4, 2020

Feeling Unappreciated? 7 Ways to End This Pain

Feeling Unappreciated? 7 Ways to End This Pain
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Do you ever look at the people you love and want to cry because they do not see how much you do to make them okay?

Do you ever want to scream at a loved one saying, “after everything I do or have done for you, you treat me like this?”

Have you ever been in a position to do something for a loved one and you hesitate not because you don’t want to help them but because you know they would not appreciate it?

Do you ever find yourself thinking of detaching yourself from a loved one because it hurts to pour all of yourself into caring for them and get nothing in return?

Do you ever want to stop doing so great at work because while you are mostly covering the asses of people who are defaulting, and adding value to the company, you are unnoticed?

If these questions struck you, then you are feeling unappreciated and that is right, but it is not okay.

It Is Not Okay to Feel Unappreciated

It is right to feel unappreciated when you are unappreciated, but it is not okay to feel that way because that feeling comes with a lot of pain – the pain you would rather do without.

There are a lot of terrible feelings that can plague humans, such as feeling unloved, feeling underestimated, feeling rejected, and many others. However, one of the worst feelings is feeling unappreciated.

Feeling unappreciated is one of the worst feelings because it is never a feeling that stems as a result of being around strange people. It is a feeling that stems from being around people you are familiar with, either family or work.

The hurt never goes away. It just keeps growing and growing until one day, you are overwhelmed by the bad feelings and hurt you cannot shake.

When you start feeling this way, you begin to detach from the people who make you feel this way. This can include a family member, friend, spouse, or child. It can also be your colleagues at work or your boss.

This feeling of not being appreciated enough can only come from putting care, resources, and emotions into something or someone. When you are investing emotions and resources into certain people and they turn around and are not appreciative of your kind gesture, this feels like a stab to the heart.

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You are doing everything possible to make your family and friends comfortable. To make them feel better only for them to be ungrateful – that is one hell of a betrayal.

You should never have to regret things you did for love. Feeling unappreciated can get you to that point. If you ever have to regret the things you did for love, then that love was not worth it, and it does not matter who that love was shown to.

We all want to feel appreciated because we deserve credit for all the good we do for our loved ones. However, when these appreciations do not come, we feel like we did not do things right.

First of all, wipe that feeling from your mind. You did everything right. They are the ones who don’t know what they have and what they stand to lose, should you walk away.

Again, it is right to feel unappreciated. But if you would want to move forward in life, it might be time to let go of that feeling and the pain that comes with it.

7 Ways to Get Rid of Feeling Unappreciated

Here are 7 ways you can get rid of that awful feeling of being unappreciated and be happier in life.

1. Do Things for Yourself

A meme says “One day, you will tell people you did everything for them, and they will tell you they never asked you and they would be right.”

The hard truth is that these people whom you are moving mountains and breaking boundaries for never asked you to do it for them. You did it because deep inside your heart, it felt right.

You may be working super hard and doing all the right things at work but if you are doing them just to get noticed, you are doing it all wrong.

When you do things for yourself, you feel better. You may be wondering why you have to work harder and carry the whole team on your back for yourself at work. You are helping yourself grow and pushing your career further by doing just that.

You may also be wondering why you have to do things for your family members when they do not appreciate it. But you are simply positioning yourself for the universe to be kinder.

There is an unspoken rule about doing things for oneself, and it goes, “If you do not feel right about it, do not do it.”

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2. Appreciate Yourself

There is a funny Nigerian adage about the Lizard. It goes, “The lizard nods every time it takes a huge jump because it says to itself ‘If nobody appreciates me, I will appreciate myself’.”

Whenever you finish that huge task at work, do not wait for someone to tell you, “Hey Katie, you did well” or “Hey, Daniel, that was a great one.” Simply take yourself to KFC, and buy yourself a small bucket of chicken. Eat it all up and celebrate your small wins.

You can also buy a good bottle of wine, play some music, and drink a glass of it. You have done great; give yourself a treat because you deserve it. You cannot keep waiting for people to treat you better. Treat yourself better first.

Someone once said, “You are the first example of what loving you should look like.” Of course! You are the first example of what appreciating you should look like.

When people see that you appreciate yourself to the max, they had better do better when they want to appreciate you. They have seen at this point that you do not care much for their appreciation and that you can do right by yourself.

3. Be Appreciative of Others

It might be easy to want to treat people in the way that you have been treated; it is tempting really. Why should you be appreciative when you are grossly unappreciated?

But there is a rule good people go by, and it is “always do unto others as you would want to be done unto you.” Always live your life by this directive.

The reason people are unappreciative of you is that they do not live their life by this directive. They expect good things, but they do not show forth this good.

Set an example. Be the difference they are too distracted to be. Be the bigger, better person, and say your thank you’s with all the appreciation you can muster.

You are not them, and they are not you. you should never let people who do not know better influence you and make you tilt to their direction. Forget the “If you cannot beat them, join them” rule, and move on to “if you cannot beat them, teach them”.

Children learn to say thank you from their parents, then go on to replicate this good behavior. Gratitude and appreciation are the habits of a decent human. Be a decent human.

4. Keep in Mind That Life Is Not Fair

Darling, life is not fair. You will be taken for granted, and you will be hurt. All of these things are how mother nature balances herself.

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There’s good and bad and sometimes, you might be on the bad side of the balance.

It hurts to think that you are sending out good and not getting that in return. Oh, it hurts. But when you realize that life happens and that it is not always fair, it will create a soft landing.

The song, ‘forever young’ has a line that says “Hoping for the best, yet expecting the worst”. That is how you should see life. Be optimistic that great things will happen, but have it at the back of your mind that crazy things will happen too.

Be optimistic that people will appreciate you, but also keep it at the back of your mind that people may not be appreciative.

When you can do this consistently, you will feel good when you are appreciated, but you also would not feel bad when you aren’t. You came prepared.

5. Focus on the Good Only

The baggage that comes with feeling unappreciated is depression. And this can only happen if you keep brooding in the dark paths that you need to come out from.

If you keep thinking of all you deserve and how you are not getting it, you would get sadder and sadder until you are locked up in your room, snuggled up in bed, hugging your pillow, and hating your life.

Did you get taken for granted? It is life. It is not all peaches and roses. Look on the bright side. Look at all you have achieved when you were doing the things you were not appreciated for.

See all the giant strides that have been taken. Focus on them, they are all you need to keep your mind on. You do not need to keep your mind on anything else.

Someone who is constantly staring at the light will find it hard to notice that there is darkness all around them. Be that person. Focus on the good and the good alone, and let the bad slide right off your shoulder like raindrops on a rock.

Do not dwell on it. No one and nothing is worth your sanity. Focusing on the good will help you retain your sanity and fight to retain it.

6. See the Importance of What You Do and Relish It

So, they do not see the importance of what you do. Well, they need an optician and until they get one, be selfish with your foresight.

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See the importance of what you do, and understand how important you are. your boss may not know it but if you leave the office today, the company will feel it. Your friend may not know it, but if you walk out of their life today, they will be a mess.

See the importance of the fact that for the single reason of your existence in their lives and your workplace, everything is okay. You are the glue that holds it all together – the linchpin.

When you do not get appreciated, simply roll your eyes and say “humans never appreciate the presence of good energy.” A saying goes, “A good person is never respected in his or her village.”

They do not know what they have, but you do. Revel in the knowledge, and never let anything or anyone make you feel lesser.

You are important, very important. They would need to focus to see it. Until then, walk with your shoulders held high.

7. Be Confident

Another thing that feeling unappreciated does to you is make you feel small, which makes you lose confidence.

You may think, “if they can’t see all the work I’m doing to make life easier for everyone, then they do not even know that I exist.” Then, you begin to shrink into your shell and avoid conversations and people.

Hey! That is pitiful and pathetic, and it is not you. Ditch that mentality immediately and begin to walk in confidence.

Who said no one sees what you do? Do you not see what you do? Are you counting yourself as unimportant?

Do not shrink, lose your fire, nor lose your confidence. Stand tall, chin up, and shoulders high. Maintain your confidence. Stay on top of your game.

Final Thoughts

Feeling unappreciated is a horrible thing. No one should ever have to feel that way. But as aforementioned, life happens, and humans will always be humans.

People will take you for granted once or twice, and this is why these I listed these 7 ways for you to get out of the pain that comes with feeling unappreciated.

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You are worth more than you think you are. If they do not see it, you should.

More on Dealing With Pain

Featured photo credit: Andrew Le via unsplash.com

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
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You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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