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Last Updated on December 8, 2020

How To Resolve Relationship Conflicts without Hurting Each Other

How To Resolve Relationship Conflicts without Hurting Each Other

Relationship conflict affects even the happiest couples. But how do you resolve an argument when you just can’t seem to agree?

It can feel overwhelming and downright frustrating when you feel like your partner isn’t listening to you. Many couples make the mistake of trying to talk over each other instead of talking to each other during relationship conflict.

But real communication isn’t about who can yell the loudest or who can take pot-shots at the other. It’s about resolving an issue at hand.

  • What causes relationship conflict?
  • How do you handle conflict in a relationship?

How you handle a disagreement says a lot about how you feel about your partner. That’s why we’re looking at 9 respectful ways you can resolve relationship conflict without causing a rift between you and your spouse.

1. Don’t Yell – Communicate

Communication is the cornerstone of healthy, successful relationships.

Partners who communicate with one another build a sense of trust. They understand how the other one thinks and feels and knows what triggers to avoid.

Communicate with your partner regularly – especially if you’re disagreeing.

When things get heated, it can be difficult to keep your cool. If you want to resolve relationship conflict without hurting your partner, avoid yelling and name-calling.

Speak to solve by asking questions such as:

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  • Who are you angry with?
  • What is at the root of the problem?
  • How can you resolve the conflict?
  • How can you prevent this issue from coming up again in the future?

2. Learn to Listen

Listening is just as important as talking when it comes to conflict resolution.

You show your partner dignity when you hear what they have to say. It would also be wise to stay quiet and patient as your spouse expresses their feelings.

You can also resolve relationship conflict respectfully by avoiding distractions.

Maintain eye contact as you talk, and eliminate distractions such as the television, radio, or phone.

3. Choose the Right Time to Bring up Differences

If you have an issue you want to set right with your spouse, it’s important to choose the right time to bring it up.

Problem-solving will go smoothly if your spouse is alert and in a good mood.

But bringing up a subject that could lead to an argument would not be wise if they are cranky, tired, stressed out, hungry, or distracted.

4. Watch Your Tone

Do you understand your tone of voice?

We may think we are saying something in a mild manner to our spouse only to have them burst into tears, convinced that we are yelling at them.

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If you want to resolve relationship conflict without hurting your partner, avoid using sarcasm or belittling tones.

Arguing over text is a sure-fire way to be misunderstood by your partner. Your spouse is left guessing what tone you’re speaking to them with.

If you feel that you’re being misunderstood via text message, call your spouse and clear things up immediately.

5. Show Respect

When things get heated, you may resort to some disrespectful speech or actions that you normally wouldn’t.

Disrespecting your partner is one of the worst things you can do during an argument.

You can resolve relationship conflict without hurting your spouse by taking a minute to cool down. Conflict resolution isn’t about seeing who can yell the loudest or opening old wounds to make your partner submit. It’s about solving a problem.

Show respect to your partner during disagreements by:

  • Sticking to the topic at hand
  • Taking your partner’s opinions seriously
  • Not interrupting your spouse
  • Listening patiently
  • Letting cooler heads prevail

6. Remember That You Love Each Other

We tend to get carried away when we are upset, but it’s important to remember that the person you are arguing with is also the love of your life.

Not even the happiest couples agree on every matter. It’s okay to have disagreements once in a while so long as you treat each other with love and respect when you do.

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Don’t sleep on an argument.

You never know what tomorrow will bring, so why not makeup and give yourselves a peaceful night’s sleep?

7. Have Empathy

Misunderstandings turn into arguments when couples don’t understand where the other person is coming from. That is where empathy comes into play.

Empathy is the ability to understand someone else’s feelings.

When you have empathy for your spouse you’re able to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their perspective.

Having empathy is essential to resolving relationship conflict peacefully. When you empathize with your spouse, you are giving them your attention, bridging the divide in your argument, and promoting compassion.

8. Agree to Disagree

Whether it’s about politics, religion, or family, there are going to be some occasions where you and your partner simply can’t agree.

In these situations, it’s best to agree to disagree. This means that you both accept that neither will change the other’s mind on a matter.

So long as the matter at hand is not pressing and will not negatively impact your family dynamics, such as poor financial decisions or issues involving, simply agree to disagree and move on.

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9. Learn to Forgive

One way you can avoid hurting your spouse’s feelings during relationship conflict is by learning how to forgive them.

It’s easy to say you forgive someone, but forgiveness is more than your words.

You show you forgive someone when you let the matter drop – not using it as leverage in a future argument.

True forgiveness means letting go of the anger you feel and treating your partner with love and respect after the argument is over.

Final Thoughts

Learning how to communicate is essential for couples who want to solve relationship conflict without hurting each other’s feelings.

The keys to great communication are learning to listen, staying respectful, trying to see a situation from your partner’s perspective, and forgiving each other. These tips will help you resolve your issues without starting a war.

More Tips on Resolving Relationship Conflicts

Featured photo credit: Joe Yates via unsplash.com

More by this author

Sylvia Smith

Sylvia is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt its principles in their relationships.

How To Resolve Relationship Conflicts without Hurting Each Other How to Leave a Toxic Relationship When You Still Love Your Partner How to Overcome Jealousy in a Relationship How to Stop Nagging And Communicate With Your Partner Better 6 Reasons Why You Should Not Give Up on Love

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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