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Last Updated on December 8, 2020

How To Resolve Relationship Conflicts without Hurting Each Other

How To Resolve Relationship Conflicts without Hurting Each Other

Relationship conflict affects even the happiest couples. But how do you resolve an argument when you just can’t seem to agree?

It can feel overwhelming and downright frustrating when you feel like your partner isn’t listening to you. Many couples make the mistake of trying to talk over each other instead of talking to each other during relationship conflict.

But real communication isn’t about who can yell the loudest or who can take pot-shots at the other. It’s about resolving an issue at hand.

  • What causes relationship conflict?
  • How do you handle conflict in a relationship?

How you handle a disagreement says a lot about how you feel about your partner. That’s why we’re looking at 9 respectful ways you can resolve relationship conflict without causing a rift between you and your spouse.

1. Don’t Yell – Communicate

Communication is the cornerstone of healthy, successful relationships.

Partners who communicate with one another build a sense of trust. They understand how the other one thinks and feels and knows what triggers to avoid.

Communicate with your partner regularly – especially if you’re disagreeing.

When things get heated, it can be difficult to keep your cool. If you want to resolve relationship conflict without hurting your partner, avoid yelling and name-calling.

Speak to solve by asking questions such as:

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  • Who are you angry with?
  • What is at the root of the problem?
  • How can you resolve the conflict?
  • How can you prevent this issue from coming up again in the future?

2. Learn to Listen

Listening is just as important as talking when it comes to conflict resolution.

You show your partner dignity when you hear what they have to say. It would also be wise to stay quiet and patient as your spouse expresses their feelings.

You can also resolve relationship conflict respectfully by avoiding distractions.

Maintain eye contact as you talk, and eliminate distractions such as the television, radio, or phone.

3. Choose the Right Time to Bring up Differences

If you have an issue you want to set right with your spouse, it’s important to choose the right time to bring it up.

Problem-solving will go smoothly if your spouse is alert and in a good mood.

But bringing up a subject that could lead to an argument would not be wise if they are cranky, tired, stressed out, hungry, or distracted.

4. Watch Your Tone

Do you understand your tone of voice?

We may think we are saying something in a mild manner to our spouse only to have them burst into tears, convinced that we are yelling at them.

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If you want to resolve relationship conflict without hurting your partner, avoid using sarcasm or belittling tones.

Arguing over text is a sure-fire way to be misunderstood by your partner. Your spouse is left guessing what tone you’re speaking to them with.

If you feel that you’re being misunderstood via text message, call your spouse and clear things up immediately.

5. Show Respect

When things get heated, you may resort to some disrespectful speech or actions that you normally wouldn’t.

Disrespecting your partner is one of the worst things you can do during an argument.

You can resolve relationship conflict without hurting your spouse by taking a minute to cool down. Conflict resolution isn’t about seeing who can yell the loudest or opening old wounds to make your partner submit. It’s about solving a problem.

Show respect to your partner during disagreements by:

  • Sticking to the topic at hand
  • Taking your partner’s opinions seriously
  • Not interrupting your spouse
  • Listening patiently
  • Letting cooler heads prevail

6. Remember That You Love Each Other

We tend to get carried away when we are upset, but it’s important to remember that the person you are arguing with is also the love of your life.

Not even the happiest couples agree on every matter. It’s okay to have disagreements once in a while so long as you treat each other with love and respect when you do.

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Don’t sleep on an argument.

You never know what tomorrow will bring, so why not makeup and give yourselves a peaceful night’s sleep?

7. Have Empathy

Misunderstandings turn into arguments when couples don’t understand where the other person is coming from. That is where empathy comes into play.

Empathy is the ability to understand someone else’s feelings.

When you have empathy for your spouse you’re able to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their perspective.

Having empathy is essential to resolving relationship conflict peacefully. When you empathize with your spouse, you are giving them your attention, bridging the divide in your argument, and promoting compassion.

8. Agree to Disagree

Whether it’s about politics, religion, or family, there are going to be some occasions where you and your partner simply can’t agree.

In these situations, it’s best to agree to disagree. This means that you both accept that neither will change the other’s mind on a matter.

So long as the matter at hand is not pressing and will not negatively impact your family dynamics, such as poor financial decisions or issues involving, simply agree to disagree and move on.

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9. Learn to Forgive

One way you can avoid hurting your spouse’s feelings during relationship conflict is by learning how to forgive them.

It’s easy to say you forgive someone, but forgiveness is more than your words.

You show you forgive someone when you let the matter drop – not using it as leverage in a future argument.

True forgiveness means letting go of the anger you feel and treating your partner with love and respect after the argument is over.

Final Thoughts

Learning how to communicate is essential for couples who want to solve relationship conflict without hurting each other’s feelings.

The keys to great communication are learning to listen, staying respectful, trying to see a situation from your partner’s perspective, and forgiving each other. These tips will help you resolve your issues without starting a war.

More Tips on Resolving Relationship Conflicts

Featured photo credit: Joe Yates via unsplash.com

More by this author

Sylvia Smith

Sylvia is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt its principles in their relationships.

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Last Updated on March 5, 2021

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

I talk a lot to myself. It helps me to keep my concentration on the activity on hand, makes me focus more on my studies, and gives me some pretty brilliant ideas while chattering to myself; more importantly, I produce better works. For example, right now, as I am typing, I am constantly mumbling to myself. Do you talk to yourself? Don’t get embarrassed admitting it because science has discovered that those who talk to themselves are actually geniuses… and not crazy!

Research Background

Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan conducted an experiment where 20 volunteers were shown objects, in a supermarket, and were asked to remember them. Half of them were told to repeat the objects, for example, banana, and the other half remained silent. In the end, the result shown that self-directed speech aided people to find the objects faster, by 50 to 100 milliseconds, compared to the silent ones.

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“I’ll often mutter to myself when searching for something in the refrigerator or the supermarket shelves,” said Gary Lupyan.

This personal experience actually made him conduct this experiment. Lupyan, together with another psychologist, Daniel Swigley, came up with the outcomes that those to talk to oneself are geniuses. Here are the reasons:

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It stimulates your memory

When you are talking to yourself, your sensory mechanism gets activated. It gets easier on your memory since you can visualize the word, and you can act accordingly.[1]

It helps stay focused

When you are saying it loud, you stay focused on your task,[2] and it helps you recognise that stuff immediately. Of course, this only helps if you know what the object you are searching looks like. For example, a banana is yellow in colour, and you know how a banana looks like. So when you are saying it loud, your brain immediately pictures the image on your mind. But if you don’t know what banana looks like, then there is no effect of saying it loud.

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It helps you clarify your thoughts

Every one of us tends to have various types of thoughts. Most make sense, while the others don’t. Suppose you are furious at someone and you feel like killing that person. Now for this issue you won’t run to a therapist, will you? No, what you do is lock yourself in a room and mutter to yourself. You are letting go off the anger by talking to yourself, the pros and cons of killing that person, and eventually you calm down. This is a silly thought that you have and are unable to share it with any other person. Psychologist Linda Sapadin said,[3]

“It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what’s important and firm up any decisions you are contemplating.”

Featured photo credit: Girl Using Laptop In Hotel Room/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

Reference

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