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Conflict Resolution: 5 Rules From a Mom to Resolve Conflicts at Home

Conflict Resolution: 5 Rules From a Mom to Resolve Conflicts at Home

If I had a nickel for every time I have told my kids, “Figure it out among yourselves. I am not your referee,” I’d have a hefty savings account! Instead, I have no money (blame the kids – they eat a lot and keep growing out of their clothes), but I do have kids who can resolve conflicts among themselves, usually, without my constant intervention. Sure, I do have to break up the occasional battle over something stupid, like the perfect stick (yes, they play outside and have great imaginations), or Lego pieces. Life with six kids is bound to be loud and riddled with arguments and fighting in between the adorable pictures. Ours is. I have tried (at times more successfully than others) to transfer skills learned as a special educator to life as a mom. Here are my best rules for resolving conflicts at home:

1. Have rules for arguments

Yes, arguments happen, so before they do, make sure everyone knows what is expected. Not every mom has taken a class in conflict resolution (I have), but many could teach one. These tips and rules can work for simple disagreements about toys, up to teenage problems with siblings, or boy/girlfriends to parent/child (and even husband/wife) interactions. Yes, parents do get the final say in my house, but there are times when I may entertain an argument. Here are some basic rules of engagement:

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  • No name calling. People can disagree or be angry without using hurtful words or behavior.
  • Respect each other. After all, we are family and still love each other at the end of the day.
  • Calmly state what you want or why you are upset. Communicate slowly, clearly, honestly.
  • Listen without interrupting. Hear him or her without planning your reply while they speak.

2. Be willing to get creative

Once both parties know what the other person wants, it might be a simple misunderstanding. Maybe both want the same things in the end but were bumping heads on the path to get there. It might, however, require a bit more finesse. Encourage creative or unique ways for both to get their way. Yes, this requires adult intervention, but after a few times, it might only take a little verbal prompt like, “Think outside the box,” to train your kids to do this on their own. Encourage fairness but recognize that there may be a winner/loser, first/last situation that doesn’t have an all-parties-equally-happy solution.

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3. One or both parties may have to compromise

It’s life. Not everyone gets what they want when they want, but families can usually work out something that will work for everyone; not perfectly, but within reason. Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective to at least understand where they are coming from. This ability to empathize with others will serve your kids well in the real world, possibly inspiring them to make it a better place for all of us to live. I know this personally, from my work with families who host au pairs as live-in childcare help. The language and cultural barriers these folks overcome to bring their children a cultural childcare experience is rather inspiring. Children who have seen compromise in action are often great ambassadors and peace-makers in social circles and later in their careers.

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4. Some situations require time and space

It is true that if you have nothing nice to say, you should say nothing. It is also true that there may be times when one person is just too mad or upset to talk calmly or rationally. In this case, time out is good. Maybe not literally, but it may be appropriate for one party to walk away and just agree to disagree, or talk about it later. We all know someone, or remember a situation, where one person continued to escalate a situation and all hell broke loose. To avoid a major incident, or domestic, civil or criminal charges, one or both people may need to accept defeat. In the end, the sun will come up tomorrow and you will still be family members. It may look different when you see the situation tomorrow, or it may not, but it’s best not to make it worse today.

5. Open and honest communication is always the solution

People will disagree, there is no doubt about that. Just look at the news any time of any day. How we resolve our conflicts is more than just kids learning to play nicely with others, though. These skills will do us well in our global society, rich with opportunities to resolve a plethora of problems. Kids (and adults alike) need to learn the truth of Mick Jagger’s famous 1969 lyric, “You can’t always get what you want,” without being sore losers. When it’s not possible to get your way, what are you going to do about it? Will crying and stomping your feet help? Not likely. Creative thinking, talking with others, and an honest, positive approach is the best direction. At least, that’s what this veteran mom advises.

Featured photo credit: Shutterstock via pixabay.com

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Joan Lowell

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Published on April 9, 2021

50 Single Mom Quotes On Staying Strong And Loving

50 Single Mom Quotes On Staying Strong And Loving

Being a mom is not easy. Being a single mom is even more challenging. Having children means you are on the job 24/7. Even while you are sleeping, you are still ready to wake at the slightest peep because that is what moms do.

Moms, especially single moms, need more people cheering them on. Your love and care matter to your kids. You are their superhero. I think single moms are superheroes, too.

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The quotes below are words of encouragement for all of the single moms out there. Keep up the great work! Your hard work will pay off. Someday, they will be grown up and living on their own. Your job will never truly be done as a mom, but you can pat yourself on the back today and every day for doing mom duty day in and day out.

Here are 50 single mom quotes to encourage all the single moms out there.

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  1. “Being raised by a single mother, I learned to appreciate and value independent women.”—Kenny Conley
  2. “As a single mum you’ll discover inner strengths and capabilities you never knew you had.”—Emma-Louise Smith
  3. “One thing I know for sure – this motherhood thing is not for sissies.”—Jennifer Nettles
  4. “Mothers and their children are in a category all their own. There’s no bond so strong in the entire world. No love so instantaneous and forgiving.”—Gail Tsukiyama
  5. “And one day she discovered that she was fierce and strong, and full of fire and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears.”—Mark Anthony
  6. “She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn’t take them along.”—Margaret Culkin Banning
  7. “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”—Alice Walker
  8. “Everyone has inside of her a piece of good news. The good news is that you don’t know how great you can be, how much you can love, what you can accomplish, and what your potential is.”—Anne Frank
  9. “Doubt is a killer. You just have to know who you are and what you stand for.”—Jennifer Lopez
  10. “You are more powerful than you know; you are beautiful just as you are.”—Melissa Etheridge
  11. “Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing.”—Ricki Lake
  12. “You don’t take a class; you’re thrown into motherhood and learn from experience.”—Jennie Finch
  13. “If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.”—Oprah Winfrey
  14. “I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”—Charlotte Brontë
  15. “Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”—Nora Ephron
  16. “When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.”—Diane Von Furstenberg
  17. “If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.”—Margaret Thatcher
  18. “Women have discovered that they cannot rely on men’s chivalry to give them justice.”—Helen Keller
  19. “Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled. They are the ones that never give up, despite the struggles.”—Sharon Jaynes
  20. “Success, they taught me, is built on the foundation of courage, hard work, and individual responsibility. Despite what some would have us believe, success is not built on resentment and fears.”—Susana Martinez
  21. “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”—Maya Angelou
  22. “The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”—Ayn Rand
  23. “God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.”—Rudyard Kipling
  24. “The women whom I love and admire for their strength and grace did not get that way because stuff worked out. They got that way because stuff went wrong, and they handled it. They handled it in a thousand different ways on a thousand different days, but they handled it. Those women are my superheroes.”—Elizabeth Gilbert
  25. “There will be so many times you feel like you failed. But in the eyes, ears, and mind of your child, you are a SUPER MOM.”—Stephanie Precourt
  26. “Motherhood is the ultimate call to sacrifice.”—Wangechi Mutu
  27. “We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.”—Maya Angelou
  28. “A mother’s arms are more comforting than anyone else’s.”—Princess Diana
  29. “There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.”—Jill Churchill
  30. “There’s no doubt that motherhood is the best thing in my life. It’s all that really matters.”—Courtney Cox
  31. “I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.”—Mitch Albom
  32. “I have found being a mother has made me emotionally raw in many situations. Your heart is beating outside your body when you have a baby.”—Kate Beckinsale
  33. “Single moms, you are a doctor, a teacher, a nurse, a maid, a cook, a referee, a heroine, a provider, a defender, a protector, a true Superwoman. Wear your cape proudly.”—Mandy Hale
  34. “I’m not really single. I mean, I am, but I have a son. Being a single mother is different from being a single woman.”—Kate Hudson
  35. “Being a single parent is twice the work, twice the stress, and twice the tears but also twice the hugs, twice the love, and twice the pride.”—Unknown
  36. “For me, motherhood is learning about the strengths I didn’t know I had, and dealing with the fears I didn’t know existed.”—Halle Berry
  37. “A single mom tries when things are hard. She never gives up. She believes in her family, even when things are tough. She knows that above all things… a mother’s love is more than enough.”—Denice Williams
  38. “You do the best you can. Some days you feel really good about yourself and some days you don’t.”—Katie Holmes
  39. “I would say to any single parent currently feeling the weight of stereotype or stigmatization that I am prouder of my years as a single mother than of any other part of my life.”JK Rowling
  40. “Just because I am a single mother doesn’t mean I cannot be a success.”—Yvonne Kaloki
  41. “I didn’t plan on being a single mom, but you have to deal with the cards you are dealt the best way you can.”—Tichina Arnold
  42. “Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.”—Garrison Keillor
  43. “A single mom tries when things are hard. She never gives up. She believes in her family, even when things are tough. She knows that above all things, a mother’s love is more than enough.”—Deniece Williams
  44. “Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials.”—Meryl Streep
  45. “Having kids—the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings—is the biggest job anyone can embark on.”—Maria Shriver
  46. “Mother is a verb. It’s something you do. Not just who you are.”—Cheryl Lacey Donovan
  47. “A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dates all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.”—Agatha Christie
  48. “A mother’s arms are more comforting than anyone else’s.”—Princess Diana
  49. “The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.”—W.R. Wallace
  50. “Being a mother is the greatest blessing and the hardest challenge in all of life.”—Dr. Magdalena Battles

Final Thoughts

Single moms are remarkable women. They are to be respected and honored for all that they do. If you know a single mom, then share this article with them. Tell them “you are doing a great job as a single mom.” They need our encouragement and support.

They may be parenting alone, but it is good to let them know that there are people in their life who care for them. We can all be there for the single moms out there. Even if it is just to say, “keep up the great work, you are an amazing woman!”

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If you are a single mom, keep up the good work! You are amazing, and your kids are lucky to have you!

More Tips for Single Moms

Featured photo credit: Alexander Dummer via unsplash.com

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