It’s easy to blame situations or other people when we don’t reach our targets.
Have you ever wondered though, if it could be YOU holding yourself back from achieving success or, if you possibly limit your results because of what you believe?
We hold beliefs about all things and they have a direct influence over what we achieve or not. When we have empowering beliefs, our achievements can feel almost effortless. If we have self limiting beliefs, however, then it can often feel like we are pushing a big rock up a steep hill.
Limiting beliefs have a way of creeping up on us; they reveal themselves in different ways. Even if we think our beliefs all support us, a limiting belief can often rear its ugly head just when we least expect it and completely stop us in our tracks or make things feel harder than they actually could be.
A belief is simply a feeling of certainty about what something means. The reason it can feel so certain is because it’s a story we have been telling ourselves throughout our lives unconsciously looking for proof of its truth. We find plenty of proof because that’s what we are looking for and, the more proof we find, the more certain we feel. This means we can either create more potential, or more limitation depending on what the belief actually is.
My question to you is this:
If your beliefs have this powerful influence on your results, can you imagine how much more personal potential you could create and what you could accomplish, if every belief you had really did completely sustain, support and nurture you?
And, can you imagine how much you could be getting in your own way if they don’t?
That’s why it’s essential to become aware of what your beliefs are.
Here you will find 9 of the most common self limiting beliefs you need to be aware of and some practical tips to assist you to move through them. Even if you implement one simple tip, it can have a profoundly positive effect on your results.
1. I Don’t Have Time
This may be a statement; the truth is though, when you repeatedly say the same thing, you start to believe it and this means you will never find the time to do what you want.
Holding on to this belief can keep you stuck for years.
Nathan Palmer, a sociologist and lecturer at Georgia Southern University said “Time is a social construct’. To me, this means time doesn’t really exist, it’s just an idea or concept we believe as a society and we all live by its rules. This might explain why we all have 24 hours in a day, yet some of us achieve so much more than others.
When you start to see time as it really is which is just a social construct, you empower yourself to create a belief that works for you instead of against you. There is a simple and practical way you can do this:
Use a spreadsheet to measure the way you use your time and being truthful with yourself about what you find.
As you look closely at how you use time, you will notice patterns of behavior that can cause you to get in your own way. Patterns such as doing the easy repetitive tasks first or putting everyone else’s demands or requests first really limit you.
Making a few simple tweaks in your own behavior, you will notice that you “always have enough time”, it’s just your choice as to how you use it, and you can begin to nurture that new belief.
2. I Can’t
This is one of the most limiting beliefs you can imagine, because it gives no opportunity of you being able to do what you are telling yourself you can’t. You might as well tie your hands behind your back.
The more you repeat this statement, the more you begin to believe it. Your unconscious mind is always listening and it responds to what you are telling it. Some people have even described this response as physically feeling blocked.
Even if you are just using this phrase to excuse yourself from doing something for someone else, then find another way of saying it, for example “I am unable to do that for you right now”.
There is no such thing as, “I can’t” and this is because you always have a choice. You can do anything you set your mind to and even if you don’t have the skills yet, then you have the ability to learn those skills. If you truly believe you can’t at the moment, then add the word “yet” to the end of your statement to create more potential.
And whenever you hear yourself say, “I can’t”, immediately remind yourself that you always have a choice. You either choose to or choose not to.
3. I Can’t Because I Am Not…
Adding a reason to “I can’t” gives the limitation even more power, especially when that reason begins with the words “I am”.
When you use the words “I am,” you are making a statement about yourself, your identity and who you believe you are. It’s called an identity belief and this type of belief can be the most self-limiting you can have. Let me give you an example of this;
Many years ago, I would frequently say “I am not creative”, it was a belief I had hung onto since childhood. Because of this, I never attempted anything that had a creative feel to it.
I used to excuse myself telling people “I am not creative”. That was all fine until I became an entrepreneur. It was then I realized how much that belief had the potential to limit me, because entrepreneurship is all about being creative!
Identity beliefs are statements you make about who you think you are and who you think you are not. To give you a few examples, “I can’t get organized because I am not a planner”, “I can’t go networking because I am not a people person”.
Can you imagine how much these beliefs can hold you back?
You can make gradual changes by looking at different ways of describing yourself. For example; “I am becoming more organized as I learn to plan each day” or “I am learning to network as I meet new people”. Then take the actions that support those new beliefs.
4. I Am Not Good Enough
This is probably the most fundamentally limiting belief there is; and it’s one that most of us can attest to having been at the mercy of at some point in our life.
We are always good enough and that’s the reason why we are here. We are good enough for each person, situation and opportunity that presents itself. Yet at some point in our life when our safety and certainty was threatened, we chose to believe that wasn’t true.
Because of this experience and what we decided to believe, we run patterns of behavior that are designed to protect us. When we are about to do something that will stretch our capabilities, we have a little voice that warns us of danger and tells us we can’t do it or we shouldn’t do it. This means we can often get in our own way and miss out on those opportunities, relationships and situations that can help us achieve what we want.
You can change this by negotiating with your little voice. It may sound simple or even silly but, it works. Remember that what we resist persists; and the more we try to ignore the voice, the more it will persist.
Start acknowledging the little voice by thanking it and letting it know you are okay and, you will give it a go anyway. As you repeatedly give things a go, you will begin to build more belief in yourself and see how good enough you always are.
5. I Will Be Judged
We can often hold ourselves back from doing new things because we are afraid other people will judge us and see us as lacking in some way. Remember, we often focus on our fear; and the more we focus on this, we will see more examples of people judging us.
You have no control over what others think or feel and most of the time, they don’t think anything about you at all. They are more concerned with what they think or feel about themselves, just like you are.
If you feel judged by other people, it’s more often than not just a reflection you see of your own thoughts and judgments about yourself.
When fear of judgment comes up for you, ask yourself “Where am I judging myself right now?” Remind yourself that no matter what outcome you get, just the fact that you are showing up and giving things a go means you are always more than good enough, and that deserves acknowledgment.
6. I Am Not as Good as Them
This is a self-limiting belief based on comparison. When we compare ourselves with others, it can really freeze us in our tracks.
This very limiting belief has become more prevalent since the upward surge of social media. It can cause us to waste precious energy, feeling we don’t have what it takes.
If you find yourself comparing and feeling emotions like jealousy, loss of confidence, annoyance or self-consciousness, then you can bet your bottom dollar this belief is playing out unconsciously.
Remind yourself that we are all different. This means we all have unique personalities, a range of different strengths and natural talents. It also means we all have different traits that require development. No one does everything perfectly and this is why we can all easily compliment each other in different ways.
There is no less than or more than, there is just difference. Just because they do it differently to you, doesn’t mean you are not as good as them; it just means you are unique and that is a good thing.
7. I Have Failed
If you often tell yourself you have failed, then you will eventually stop giving things a go.
Believing that you have failed is so disempowering, because it is very closely linked to the belief that you are a failure, and it means you will avoid doing things that may lead you to feel that way about yourself in the future.
Remember, the more you repeat a statement, the more you believe it to be true. This is why it is essential to completely banish this phrase from your vocabulary.
Just because something hasn’t worked out the way you wanted it to, does not mean you have failed. Neuro Linguistic Programming is a modality that develops a person to achieve excellence. One of the presuppositions of NLP states that there is “no failure, only feedback”. The feedback being the information you receive, which can help you change things next time around. This means there is learning and growth in the experience.
Instead of telling yourself you have failed, see the experience as a lesson. Ask yourself what you can learn from it and how you can use that feedback to assist you in the future.
8. I Am an Idiot
If you tell yourself you are an idiot, please stop.
This is a statement you may use a bit tongue in cheek, when you have made a mistake. Here’s the thing though:
Even if you say something in jest, your unconscious mind is always listening and will respond and remind you accordingly.
If making a mistake means you are an idiot, then you will avoid doing things where there is a chance you might make a mistake. This can massively keep you inside your comfort zone when outside your comfort zone is where you need to be.
Mistakes are part of achieving success. If you are like many of us, you probably do something at least three times before you do it well. And for each mistake you make, you get closer to the result you want.
Totally banish this belief statement from your vocabulary and just remind yourself that when you make a mistake, you are that much closer to where you want to be.
9. I Can Never Do This
This is a personal capability belief teamed up with a gross generalisation. Generalizations are words like, “always”, “everything”, “never;” and when we use them, we delete any possible exceptions of the opposite being true.
If you tell yourself you can never do something, you will avoid it at all costs in the future, because it doesn’t feel good when you receive lots of reminders of your inability to do it.
When you change this belief to “I haven’t succeeded in doing this yet” and then, plan small steps to show yourself that you actually can; you will give yourself more opportunity to expand your capabilities and open yourself up to your true potential.
The Bottom Line
Identifying and acknowledging your self-limiting beliefs is the first step in taking back your own power. Blame can keep you stuck for years and over time erodes your self-esteem and can even cause you to go backwards.
True sustainable success is achieved from the inside out, by making the choice to work on your own belief system. It’s vital you weed out any beliefs that are limiting you in any way. This is the way to true empowerment and success, where you will open up your full potential and over time you will notice your life will become limitless.
More to Help You Get Unstuck
- How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck and How to Overcome It
- How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs That Hold You Back from Success
- How to End Negative Self Talk and Reinvent Your Self Image
- 15 Ways to Practice Positive Self-Talk for Success
Featured photo credit: Austin Prock via unsplash.com
|NLP UK: No failure only feedback