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Last Updated on November 25, 2019

9 Self Limiting Beliefs That Are Holding You Back from Success

9 Self Limiting Beliefs That Are Holding You Back from Success

It’s easy to blame situations or other people when we don’t reach our targets.

Have you ever wondered though, if it could be YOU holding yourself back from achieving success or, if you possibly limit your results because of what you believe?

We hold beliefs about all things and they have a direct influence over what we achieve or not. When we have empowering beliefs, our achievements can feel almost effortless. If we have self limiting beliefs, however, then it can often feel like we are pushing a big rock up a steep hill.

Limiting beliefs have a way of creeping up on us; they reveal themselves in different ways. Even if we think our beliefs all support us, a limiting belief can often rear its ugly head just when we least expect it and completely stop us in our tracks or make things feel harder than they actually could be.

A belief is simply a feeling of certainty about what something means. The reason it can feel so certain is because it’s a story we have been telling ourselves throughout our lives unconsciously looking for proof of its truth. We find plenty of proof because that’s what we are looking for and, the more proof we find, the more certain we feel. This means we can either create more potential, or more limitation depending on what the belief actually is.

My question to you is this:

If your beliefs have this powerful influence on your results, can you imagine how much more personal potential you could create and what you could accomplish, if every belief you had really did completely sustain, support and nurture you?

And, can you imagine how much you could be getting in your own way if they don’t?

That’s why it’s essential to become aware of what your beliefs are.

Here you will find 9 of the most common self limiting beliefs you need to be aware of and some practical tips to assist you to move through them. Even if you implement one simple tip, it can have a profoundly positive effect on your results.

1. I Don’t Have Time

This may be a statement; the truth is though, when you repeatedly say the same thing, you start to believe it and this means you will never find the time to do what you want.

Holding on to this belief can keep you stuck for years.

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Nathan Palmer, a sociologist and lecturer at Georgia Southern University said “Time is a social construct’. To me, this means time doesn’t really exist, it’s just an idea or concept we believe as a society and we all live by its rules. This might explain why we all have 24 hours in a day, yet some of us achieve so much more than others.

When you start to see time as it really is which is just a social construct, you empower yourself to create a belief that works for you instead of against you. There is a simple and practical way you can do this:

Use a spreadsheet to measure the way you use your time and being truthful with yourself about what you find.

As you look closely at how you use time, you will notice patterns of behavior that can cause you to get in your own way. Patterns such as doing the easy repetitive tasks first or putting everyone else’s demands or requests first really limit you.

Making a few simple tweaks in your own behavior, you will notice that you “always have enough time”, it’s just your choice as to how you use it, and you can begin to nurture that new belief.

2. I Can’t

This is one of the most limiting beliefs you can imagine, because it gives no opportunity of you being able to do what you are telling yourself you can’t. You might as well tie your hands behind your back.

The more you repeat this statement, the more you begin to believe it. Your unconscious mind is always listening and it responds to what you are telling it. Some people have even described this response as physically feeling blocked.

Even if you are just using this phrase to excuse yourself from doing something for someone else, then find another way of saying it, for example “I am unable to do that for you right now”.

There is no such thing as, “I can’t” and this is because you always have a choice. You can do anything you set your mind to and even if you don’t have the skills yet, then you have the ability to learn those skills. If you truly believe you can’t at the moment, then add the word “yet” to the end of your statement to create more potential.

And whenever you hear yourself say, “I can’t”, immediately remind yourself that you always have a choice. You either choose to or choose not to.

3. I Can’t Because I Am Not…

Adding a reason to “I can’t” gives the limitation even more power, especially when that reason begins with the words “I am”.

When you use the words “I am,” you are making a statement about yourself, your identity and who you believe you are. It’s called an identity belief and this type of belief can be the most self-limiting you can have. Let me give you an example of this;

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Many years ago, I would frequently say “I am not creative”, it was a belief I had hung onto since childhood. Because of this, I never attempted anything that had a creative feel to it.

I used to excuse myself telling people “I am not creative”. That was all fine until I became an entrepreneur. It was then I realized how much that belief had the potential to limit me, because entrepreneurship is all about being creative!

Identity beliefs are statements you make about who you think you are and who you think you are not. To give you a few examples, “I can’t get organized because I am not a planner”, “I can’t go networking because I am not a people person”.

Can you imagine how much these beliefs can hold you back?

You can make gradual changes by looking at different ways of describing yourself. For example; “I am becoming more organized as I learn to plan each day” or “I am learning to network as I meet new people”. Then take the actions that support those new beliefs.

4. I Am Not Good Enough

This is probably the most fundamentally limiting belief there is; and it’s one that most of us can attest to having been at the mercy of at some point in our life.

We are always good enough and that’s the reason why we are here. We are good enough for each person, situation and opportunity that presents itself. Yet at some point in our life when our safety and certainty was threatened, we chose to believe that wasn’t true.

Because of this experience and what we decided to believe, we run patterns of behavior that are designed to protect us. When we are about to do something that will stretch our capabilities, we have a little voice that warns us of danger and tells us we can’t do it or we shouldn’t do it. This means we can often get in our own way and miss out on those opportunities, relationships and situations that can help us achieve what we want.

You can change this by negotiating with your little voice. It may sound simple or even silly but, it works. Remember that what we resist persists; and the more we try to ignore the voice, the more it will persist.

Start acknowledging the little voice by thanking it and letting it know you are okay and, you will give it a go anyway. As you repeatedly give things a go, you will begin to build more belief in yourself and see how good enough you always are.

5. I Will Be Judged

We can often hold ourselves back from doing new things because we are afraid other people will judge us and see us as lacking in some way. Remember, we often focus on our fear; and the more we focus on this, we will see more examples of people judging us.

You have no control over what others think or feel and most of the time, they don’t think anything about you at all. They are more concerned with what they think or feel about themselves, just like you are.

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If you feel judged by other people, it’s more often than not just a reflection you see of your own thoughts and judgments about yourself.

When fear of judgment comes up for you, ask yourself “Where am I judging myself right now?” Remind yourself that no matter what outcome you get, just the fact that you are showing up and giving things a go means you are always more than good enough, and that deserves acknowledgment.

6. I Am Not as Good as Them

This is a self-limiting belief based on comparison. When we compare ourselves with others, it can really freeze us in our tracks.

This very limiting belief has become more prevalent since the upward surge of social media. It can cause us to waste precious energy, feeling we don’t have what it takes.

If you find yourself comparing and feeling emotions like jealousy, loss of confidence, annoyance or self-consciousness, then you can bet your bottom dollar this belief is playing out unconsciously.

Remind yourself that we are all different. This means we all have unique personalities, a range of different strengths and natural talents. It also means we all have different traits that require development. No one does everything perfectly and this is why we can all easily compliment each other in different ways.

There is no less than or more than, there is just difference. Just because they do it differently to you, doesn’t mean you are not as good as them; it just means you are unique and that is a good thing.

7. I Have Failed

If you often tell yourself you have failed, then you will eventually stop giving things a go.

Believing that you have failed is so disempowering, because it is very closely linked to the belief that you are a failure, and it means you will avoid doing things that may lead you to feel that way about yourself in the future.

Remember, the more you repeat a statement, the more you believe it to be true. This is why it is essential to completely banish this phrase from your vocabulary.

Just because something hasn’t worked out the way you wanted it to, does not mean you have failed. Neuro Linguistic Programming is a modality that develops a person to achieve excellence. One of the presuppositions of NLP states that there is “no failure, only feedback”. The feedback being the information you receive, which can help you change things next time around. This means there is learning and growth in the experience.[1]

Instead of telling yourself you have failed, see the experience as a lesson. Ask yourself what you can learn from it and how you can use that feedback to assist you in the future.

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8. I Am an Idiot

If you tell yourself you are an idiot, please stop.

This is a statement you may use a bit tongue in cheek, when you have made a mistake. Here’s the thing though:

Even if you say something in jest, your unconscious mind is always listening and will respond and remind you accordingly.

If making a mistake means you are an idiot, then you will avoid doing things where there is a chance you might make a mistake. This can massively keep you inside your comfort zone when outside your comfort zone is where you need to be.

Mistakes are part of achieving success. If you are like many of us, you probably do something at least three times before you do it well. And for each mistake you make, you get closer to the result you want.

Totally banish this belief statement from your vocabulary and just remind yourself that when you make a mistake, you are that much closer to where you want to be.

9. I Can Never Do This

This is a personal capability belief teamed up with a gross generalisation. Generalizations are words like, “always”, “everything”, “never;” and when we use them, we delete any possible exceptions of the opposite being true.

If you tell yourself you can never do something, you will avoid it at all costs in the future, because it doesn’t feel good when you receive lots of reminders of your inability to do it.

When you change this belief to “I haven’t succeeded in doing this yet” and then, plan small steps to show yourself that you actually can; you will give yourself more opportunity to expand your capabilities and open yourself up to your true potential.

The Bottom Line

Identifying and acknowledging your self-limiting beliefs is the first step in taking back your own power. Blame can keep you stuck for years and over time erodes your self-esteem and can even cause you to go backwards.

True sustainable success is achieved from the inside out, by making the choice to work on your own belief system. It’s vital you weed out any beliefs that are limiting you in any way. This is the way to true empowerment and success, where you will open up your full potential and over time you will notice your life will become limitless.

More to Help You Get Unstuck

Featured photo credit: Austin Prock via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] NLP UK: No failure only feedback

More by this author

Deb Johnstone

Deb is a professional mindset speaker and a transformational life, business and career coach. Specialising in NLP and dynamic mindset.

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Last Updated on July 9, 2020

How to Stop Being Passive and Start Getting What You Want

How to Stop Being Passive and Start Getting What You Want

Have you ever wondered what keeps you stuck in a state of passivity each day? You tend to know exactly what you need to, but you never have the energy, motivation, or willpower to do it. You know you need to learn how to stop being passive, but how do you do that?

You are not alone. Being passive can leave you stuck in a bit of a rut that is difficult to escape from. This article will help to shine some light on your predicament by not just exploring the methods of how to stop being passive, but also the finer and very important details about what causes passive behavior, as well as an important distinction between positive and negative forms of being passive.

Let’s dive straight in.

What Causes Passive Behavior?

Passive behavior is often the leading cause of people feeling stuck either at work or in their life. It occurs when your life situation is unhappy, but the only thing you “actively” do about it is complain. This, of course, doesn’t change anything. Passive behavior in this sense leaves people feeling stuck, hopeless, and miserable for the vast majority of their life.

Passive behavior can emerge from a number of different sources, but there are three main ways that tend to be the most evident.

Lack of Motivation

Perhaps the most common and most obvious cause of passive behavior is the simple fact of being unmotivated. In the conventional sense, motivation gives rise to action. When you feel motivated, you go and do the things that you set out to do. When you don’t feel motivated, you don’t act.

You might wake up one morning and be eager to get a nice, long, satisfying workout in, so you head to the gym. On another morning, or for a number of consecutive mornings, you might not feel motivated at all. As a result, you don’t get a workout done.

Not being motivated and not always doing what you set out to do is fine. It is part of the natural ebb and flow of life and all of its contents. However, it is a myth that motivation needs to be preceded by action. The secret of successful and seemingly “always motivated” people is that they know that that is a myth. They also know that, quite often, it is usually action that leads to motivation[1].

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Don’t believe me? You have probably experienced it many times yourself. You have forced yourself into your workout gear and then suddenly felt ready to go. You forced yourself to begin writing a report and then all of a sudden you’re in full flow. You forced yourself to meet friends just for one drink and ended up having the time of your life. Action, and then motivation.

Motivation sometimes leads to action, but motivation only comes around every so often. However, motivation that follows action is always in your control. It may seem counterintuitive, but whenever you feel unmotivated and passive, just do something. Anything. And you will usually find that motivation and productivity follow closely behind.

Lack of Goals

Another common force behind passive behavior is the lack of any meaningful goals that you are striving towards. If your life consists of going through the motions, doing the same boring tasks every day, and eating the same sort of stuff, not only can it quickly begin to feel like Groundhog Day, but it can also begin to eat away at your life energy. Anyone with experience of these sorts of patterns will be able to directly relate.

When your only goal is to make it through another day or make it to the weekend, that is a massive portion of your life that you are throwing away. Discovering and creating meaningful goals in your own life can radically change all of that.

Ideally, because you spend large portions of your life at work, you will want to start by finding some meaningful goals within the work section of your life. You can strive towards creating something amazing and valuable for your customers or brainstorming ways that your business can become further integrated into the community. There are a number of ways to create meaningful goals at work. If you really cannot find any, then a goal might be to find a place or line of work where you can.

Thankfully, though, life doesn’t exclusively consist of work. Meaningful goals can be spread out across all areas and interests of life. Maybe you set yourself a goal of setting up a local football team in your neighborhood. Maybe you volunteer for a charity that means a lot to you.

Meaningful goals almost always involve other people, and this kindness, generosity, and good-will not only grows in others and your community, but it grows inside of you, too. The growth of these qualities in your life inevitably leads you out of passive behavior.

Analysis Paralysis

You might be shocked to realize that anything that involves analysis is one of the leading causes of passive behavior. Yet, it is this “analysis paralysis” that occurs to varying degrees in various people over time that is a big contributor to passivity and ultimately not getting what you want out of life[2].

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Analysis paralysis is so common in the modern era due to the infinite sources of information that we have available to us via books, websites, podcasts, YouTube, etc. Because of this, a child who didn’t know any better would probably spend hours upon on hours watching YouTube videos, studying textbooks, and analyzing different expert’s opinions on how to ride a bike rather than actually just getting on one and learning through experience.

It is common for you to slip into this same trap as the child in many other areas of life. You want all experts to agree on something before you take any action on it. You want to memorize the instructions front-to-back before you start on step one. You want a 100% guarantee that something will work from start to finish before you try it for yourself. Of course, that guarantee never arrives, and you remain in the same place.

Forget all of that. Your brain is great for many things, but it is actually more likely to keep you stuck in the same place than it is to move you forward towards your goals. It will give you ten reasons why you shouldn’t for every one that you should. This is where listening to your intuition is important. There are countless examples of people living extraordinary lives and accomplishing truly wonderful things after they followed their intuition and ignored their “intellectual impulse” to have all of the details figured out first.

Experience is not only the greatest teacher, it is the most direct route to experiencing, learning from and enjoying reality. Whatever goes on in your head is a projection. Whatever actually happens is reality. Spend less time reading about bikes (which is passive behaviour disguised as active behavior), and start getting on that bike for yourself.

Is Being Passive a Bad Thing?

As already highlighted briefly in the introduction, it is important to distinguish exactly what is meant by “passive” in this article. Here, we are talking about passivity and how it relates to things like boredom, frustration, unhappiness, feeling stuck, and all other connotations. The passivity that we are talking about is living a relatively unhappy existence and not really doing anything about it.

Passive is not always a bad thing, though, and while the positive meanings of being passive aren’t the focus of this article, they are worth pointing out so that you don’t avoid passivity altogether.

Passive can also relate to peace, contentment, and even things like creativity and inspiration. It is very rare for somebody who is in an active state all of the time to produce anything original and not completely burnout. Great individuals throughout history that put a lot of emphasis on stillness, reflection, and the “good” form of passivity include Albert Einstein, William Shakespeare, Mahatma Gandhi, and many, many others.

There is an important distinction to be made between the passivity that is causing unhappiness and the passivity that is to be used in intervals to take your life to the next level. In this article though, we are focusing on the former.

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How to Stop Being Passive

Now that we have established some of the causes of being passive and the different faces of passivity, it is time to explore ways in which you can stop being passive (in the negative sense) and start to find effective methods of allowing more happiness into your life.

1. Be Proactive, Not Reactive

One of the most effective ways to stop being passive is to stop reacting to other people and situations as soon as they unfold. Your knee-jerk reaction is rarely the best course of action to take, and yet, it is a deeply-seated habit of all humans to respond angrily to anger or to see an unexpected situation as much more of an issue and struggle than it actually is.

To stop being reactive, you can start being proactive. The best thing you can do in this sense, paradoxically, is to simply watch your reactivity as much as possible[3]. What feelings flare up and cloud your judgment in certain situations? How do you respond when things don’t go your way or to plan? The closer you can watch, and the more honest you can be, the less automatic your reactions become, and the more proactive and effective your responses to situations and people will be.

You can also try to imagine different scenarios about how things might play out in the future. Thing about what might go right and what might go wrong so that you can anticipate and plan your action ahead of time. However, it can be difficult to predict the future, which is why I always emphasize starting with yourself.

2. Consider the Future and Act in the Present

Closely linked to the point above, while you can never accurately predict the future, it is always useful to give some consideration to how it might play out. What goals do you want to achieve? What circumstances do you want in your life? What obstacles might arise, and how can you either avoid them or be effective in dealing with them?

Considering all of these questions and any others that are personal to you will give you an excellent basis for action.

From this position, you can now focus all of your attention back into the present moment. The future is important to consider, but don’t live there because it doesn’t exist. All that exists is the present moment. You can only ever take care of the things right in front of you. Focus only on taking care of them, one thing at a time, and you will find that your entire future and life will fall perfectly into place.

3. Address the Emotional Side of Passivity

As we covered earlier when discussing lack of motivation and its direct influence on passivity, the reason that you are being passive is probably because you are invested in the story that you need to be motivated before you can take any action.

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Being passive, unmotivated, uninspired, or any other great word that you want to throw an “un” in front of is often an emotional issue that needs addressing. For you, addressing the problem might simply mean taking action and letting the motivation follow. It might be attaching something emotionally rewarding (a treat of some kind) with action that you want to take that, for now, isn’t emotionally rewarding in itself.

There is usually some sort of emotional gap that needs to be bridged before you can truly step out of being passive and step into the life that you want to live.

Conclusion

Hopefully, this article has managed to shine a bit more light on being passive, where it comes from, how it keeps your life stagnant, and what to do about it.

As you already know, reading about riding a bike doesn’t teach you how to ride a bike. Even more sneakily, it is inaction disguised as action, because deep down you know you just need to do it.

Going from passive to active living is exactly the same. You have read this article, you know what to do… now go do it!

Your new life awaits you on the other side.

More Tips on How to Stop Being Passive

Featured photo credit: Hannah Wei via unsplash.com

Reference

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