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The More We Compare, the More We Lose Ourselves

The More We Compare, the More We Lose Ourselves

What is a sure-fire to completely destroy your self-esteem with as little effort as possible? Compare yourself to others. Their achievements, their appearance, whatever it is that they have that you don’t. Completely ignore the factors circumventing their success, and the fact that you have up until this point led a very happy life. Destroy all of that contentment by telling yourself that you need to be more like “them.”

Who is to blame? Science? Nature? Or instant-gratification culture?

Since our developmental stages, our brains are wired to compare and contrast. It is a facet of our personalities; the preferences that we gravitate to. It is only natural that our eyes wonder and consider the possibilities of having something different. How would that something different improve our lives? If we had made an alternate choice somewhere down the line, where would we be now?

Many individuals who envy and strive for the fortune of others are themselves insecure.[1] That should not be surprising, because you are not plagued with the need for improvement when you are self-confident. Perhaps they don’t know what their purpose in life is, so they look to others who have made it and think, “I should be more like them.” It could stem from the way they were raised. There was a very strong emphasis for a need for success within their family, and to fill the impossible shoes of the fortunate achievers who came before them.

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The most likely culprit, riddling the average individual with notions of failure and FOMO; peer comparison. The knowledge that someone in your class, from your neighborhood, or some extension of your social circle is doing “better” than you.

Instant-gratification culture has made it nearly impossible for the average person to comprehend that the majority of successful people in today’s society must still make lots of sacrifices in order to achieve their position. Most people don’t just get “lucky.”

Focusing on what someone else has achieved will not bring you the same fortune.

It’s easy to fixate on someone else’s success, and beat yourself up for, well, not being them. But everyone is on their own path, and have made many choices that led to where they are. It’s time that we stop comparing ourselves to others, and focus on personal improvement.

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You need to focus on what you bring to the table, and how you can hone it to manifest your own success.

You are the one responsible for losing yourself and having yourself.

Realize that everyone is on their own path, and you have made many choices to bring you to where you are.

Do you regret taking that gap year to backpack through Europe? I really, honestly doubt it. Maybe it set you back in terms of your “career,” but you have acquired experiences and skills that you could never have attained anywhere else. And you’ve opted to LIVE your life, instead of filling your bank account in hopes of living your life later. Good for you.

Don’t focus on your weaknesses.

You’re not good at everything, and you never will be. Neither is anyone else, so just let that one go. What made one person successful might not necessarily work for you. Do you enjoy making cold calls and manipulating buyers into acquiring your product? No? Well then you’re not going to make your fortune by manufacturing a product. But you have always been good at fixing computers. Perhaps there is a Freelance I.T. career in your future. You can always find a way to market the skills that you already possess.

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Accept who you are, and don’t be a phony.

Way too many try to project themselves as someone they’re not, because they think it will bring them success. If you’re really good at being fake, good for you I guess. But most people can pick up on the lack of authenticity and I’ll tell you what, they don’t respect it. If you’re trying to pass yourself off as a guru of something you don’t really care about, but it’s a popular subject so you think it will bring you traffic; it won’t. Be yourself. Embrace what you love. You will attract people with similar interests, and they will respect you for being authentic.

Let others inspire you, not deflate you.

There are always going to be those who pioneer a niche, and are mentors for our desired success. It’s okay to want to be like them. To use their style in influence your own. But don’t forget to include yourself in the mix. The addition of your personality and style is what makes your product or service unique.

Realize that no one is judging you.

And brush off anyone who is. Whether it’s a long term friend or family member. If they are weighing you down with negativity, making you feel as though you are not good enough, kick them to the curb. Most people are not waiting idling by, anticipating your failure. Most people will notice what you are doing, but they are not emotionally invested in your success.

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Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

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Jenn Beach

Traveling vagabond, freelance writer, & plantbased food enthusiast.

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Last Updated on August 15, 2018

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It

You’ve finally reached that comfortable spot in your relationship. You finish each other’s sentences and know before they order what the other one will have for lunch at your favorite restaurant. But, it’s starting to feel like boredom to you.

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Security Can Lead to Boredom

It is normal to reach this level of security in a relationship. The longer you’re with somebody, the more you get to know them and what to expect from them. This level of familiarity is the cause of relationship boredom.

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Although security is definitely something you want with your significant other, what you don’t want is the boredom. One of the biggest mistakes a couple can make is believing that their predictability makes up for the loss of intimacy or excitement they used to feel together.[1] Why? Because this boredom increases your chances of losing the love between you.

When a couple starts to settle for feeling safe and secure, they believe nothing in the world can tear them apart. And this sense of confidence means they often stop putting effort into their relationship. Instead, their shared life becomes automatic, occurring without too much thought or investment and becoming indifferent. The last thing you want is to be in an indifferent romantic relationship. With indifference comes a whole slew of other feelings like annoyance and irritation, which in turn, prompts arguments.[2]

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Don’t allow this to happen to you and your significant other.

How to Prevent Boredom in Your Relationship

So, what can you do to avoid boredom in your relationship? Here are some great ideas to spark the passion and excitement:

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Try Something New Together

There’s nothing better for breaking up monotony than doing something new together. Do you two love taking pictures? Take a photography class together. Do you usually go hiking on the weekends? Throw a zipline or paragliding session into the mix. Research indicates that trying new activities is a great way to beat boredom.

Make a Plan for the Future

No, you don’t have to plan where you’ll buy your house or how many kids you’ll have if you’re not ready for that sort of conversation. You can, however, plan a weekend getaway or a vacation for a few months down the road. Making a plan gives you something to look forward to, which helps fight boredom. According to life coach Kelly Rogers, making plans for the future gives your relationship a little adrenaline rush, making you feel a sense of appreciation for each other.[3]

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Establish a Date Night

In your everyday, mundane life together, it can be easy to forget to make the two of you a priority. Establishing a mandatory date night is a wonderful way to bring you and your significant other together for some quality time. Melanie Schilling, a relationship psychologist, claims that date nights are actually critical to relationship health.[4] Set something specific to do together as often as your schedule allows. It doesn’t have to be dinner at an expensive restaurant either. You can plan a “no cell phone” night, a walk at the park, or even try to recreate one of your first dates together.

Remember to Say “I Love You”

Don’t forget to remind your partner why you are together, especially when boredom creeps its head between you two. Simple things like saying, “I love you” or letting them know how much you appreciate them can help you keep the romance alive in your relationship. Try to think about the happy memories the two of you have shared; it can be far too easy to dwell on the problems. Remembering why and how much you love your significant other is a great way to forget about any boredom you thought you were feeling.

Reference

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