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Published on October 23, 2018

Why It’s Okay to Hit the Wall and How to Overcome It Fast

Why It’s Okay to Hit the Wall and How to Overcome It Fast

We have all been there… hitting the wall and thinking you just can’t go on. Stress and worry just overwhelm you. You think there is no way out.

But there is. There always is.

First things first. You need to change your way of thinking. The phrase, “change your thinking, change your life” is a very powerful truth. If you don’t think that your life will get better, then it won’t.

So, you need to start believing. Then things will start to turn around.

However, you can’t just stop there. While it’s essential to change your thinking first, you also have to change your actions. Because as the saying goes,

“the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”

So now that we have that clear – thought and action – let’s move on to some more specifics about how you can improve several different areas of your life.

Career

Let’s start with your career.

As sad as it is to say, it seems like most people don’t like their job or career. It’s simply not what they imagined they’d be doing when they were dreaming about the future as a child.

But let’s face it – nothing is permanent. If you have it the wall in your career, here are some things you can do.

1. Reflect on your talents and goals

A person’s job doesn’t always match their talents. So, sit down and try to analyze what you’re good at – and then try to find a career path to match the gifts that you have to offer the world.

After all, wouldn’t it be nice to actually enjoy what you do for a living and make a difference?

2. Set your sights on a promotion

If you don’t want to change your line of work, then you should think about a promotion. Sometimes people get a little too comfortable in their job. They know how to do it well, and so they just keep doing what they’re doing.

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But maybe it’s time to challenge yourself by going for a higher position. It will help you grow as a person, and it will probably put more money in your pocket too!

3. Start looking for another career path

Many times, people just simply drift into a job or career path accidentally. Unless you are one of the lucky ones who knew they wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, police officer, or something else that was definitive, most people just take the first job they can find.

So, if you’re unhappy with your current career path, start looking for another one.

Dating

These days, the dating world is very frustrating for most single people. Swiping left, swiping right. Getting ghosted. Failed short-term relationships. It can get depressing and cause you to hit a wall.

But don’t fret. There is hope if you try these things.

1. Try different ways of meeting people.

Dating apps

and websites are the most popular thing to do these days. So, if you haven’t tried them, try them. If you have, but with no success, try something else.

Join local groups or ask your friends to set you up. In other words, meet people the old-fashioned way.

2. Learn to read red flags

In order to avoid getting involved with the jerks, flakes, and losers of the world, you have to know how to read the red flags with the people you date. They may not always be obvious, but they’re always there.

From treating the waiter rudely to canceling dates, people’s behavior tells you everything you need to know about them. Check out these 6 Red Flags To Watch For When You’re Dating Someone.

3. Don’t give up hope

It’s easy to think that you’ll be single forever – especially if you haven’t had a lot of success in the dating world lately.

But don’t ever give up hope! It may take months, years, or even a couple of decades to get it right, but if you give up, then you never will.

Marriage

For many people, marriage is difficult. It doesn’t have to be, but people often complicate it anyway.

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So, if you’ve hit the wall in your marriage, try these things:

1. Communicate!

No one is a mind reader, so you have to speak to each other about your problems.

Tell your spouse why you’re unhappy – but in a very non-critical way. Talk to each other.

But you have to work as a team, and not think of each other as “me vs. you.” That never works. After talking, take action required to make the marriage better.

2. Have empathy

If you get rid of your “competitive” spirit in your marriage, then you will have to have empathy for the other person’s point of view.

It takes two to tango… a marriage doesn’t go off into a ditch without two people participating, so listen to your spouse’s side of the story too.

3. Seek help if needed

If your marriage feels so far gone that you don’t think you can possibly fix it together, then see the help of a trained professional.This is when you should seek couples counselling.

They will help you communicate and make an action plan to cooperate and work on your problems together.

Kids

Kids… you love them, but sometimes you want to strangle them too or run away and never come back! Okay, that’s a bit dramatic. But you know what I mean. If you’ve hit the wall with your kids, here are some things to try.

1. Teach them empathy

Sometimes kids act out because they don’t see how their actions are affecting other people. So, you can teach them how to have empathy for other people – including yourself.

Start as early as possible. It’s easier to teach a toddler than it is a 17 year old. Here’re some effective ways to teach your children empathy.

2. Have and enforce rules

If there are no rules in the house, then the atmosphere turns chaotic. Children thrive on structure and routine.

So, if you don’t have rules, then make some. If you do and don’t enforce them, then change that too.

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This guide about how to discipline a child will help you.

3. Teach them consequences

Many people, including adults, don’t understand the consequences of their actions. So, if your kids think that they can do whatever they want, and they won’t get punished for it, then it’s your job to show them otherwise.

Money

Most people have a love-hate relationship with money. They love it when they have it, and they hate it when they don’t. So, if you’ve hit the wall with your financial situation, here are some tips:

1. Re-evaluate your job or career

As mentioned above, sometimes people get in their comfort zone with their job or career and don’t think outside the box.

If you are not making enough money, then there are always ways to make more. Re-think what you are doing for a living.

2. Go back to school

This may sound counter-intuitive because of spending more money on school, but getting a degree (or a higher degree) might actually increase your earning potential.

As they say, you have to spend money to make money.

3. Figure out a budget

Many people have no idea where their money is going. They live in the moment, and then at the end of the month, they have no idea why they don’t have money in their bank account to pay the next rent. So, make a budget and stick to it.

These tips can help you keep your personal budget under control.

Future

Thinking about the future can be daunting. It’s exciting and scary at the same time.

If you don’t know where your future is going to take you, then it’s time to try these:

1. Write down your 5, 10, and 20+ year goals

You can’t get somewhere without knowing where you’re going. It’s like sailing a boat on the ocean with no map hoping the wind will take you to China (highly unlikely).

So, sit down and think about where you want to be in 5, 10, or 20 years.

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2. Make an action plan

Now that you have your long-term goals written down, you need to make a plan of action.

Write down the things you will do every day, month, or year that will accomplish those goals.

3. Take action

While making an action plan sounds great, it means nothing if you don’t actually take the actions!

I know that sounds obvious, but so many people have good intentions and then abandon them later because of lack of follow-through. Don’t let that be you.

Life

Life is short – too short. So, you might as well have fun and enjoy it as much while you can! And you don’t have to win the lottery to have a good life.

1. Make a bucket list

Many people talk about making a bucket list, but how many people actually do it? Or even if they make a list, do they actually check things off of it?

Why not be one of those people who actually makes their life better by accomplishing those things you want to do before you die.

2. Do things that you enjoy

Do you like walking in nature? Reading books? Taking a long bubble bath? Well, if so, why aren’t you doing more of it?

If your answer is “not enough time,” then try to make the time. Prioritize things that are important to you:

The Ultimate Guide to Prioritizing Your Work And Life

3. Minimize stress

Stress is inevitable in life. However, some people create unneeded stress for themselves. Whether it’s relationship drama or overspending your paycheck, some of the stress is in your control. So, minimize stress when are where you can.

The key takeaway

If you feel like you’ve hit a wall in any (or all) of these categories, don’t give up! You can change your life for the better. It does require a lot of effort, but it is worth it.

Everyone hits a wall or two now and again. So, you’re not alone. If you use some of these tips, your life will start to improve, and you will be happier in no time.

Featured photo credit: Rodion Kutsaev via unsplash.com

More by this author

Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is a communication professor, dating/relationship and success coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

Learn the Different Types of Love (and Better Understand Your Partner) How to Become a Motivational Speaker and Influence Millions of People Why It’s Okay to Hit the Wall and How to Overcome It Fast Are You In a Verbally Abusive Relationship? (And What to Do About It) 25 Pieces of Empowering Relationship Advice for Women

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Published on November 12, 2018

10 Strategies to Keep Moving Forward When You’re Feeling Extra Stuck

10 Strategies to Keep Moving Forward When You’re Feeling Extra Stuck

We have all felt stuck at some point in our lives. Perhaps you feel stuck right now.

Maybe you’re feeling a little stuck working on a creative project, like writing an article or painting a piece of art. Perhaps you started a new business, took on a major project at work or began a new health or fitness regimen.

Your initial excitement has worn off and you’re now feeling stuck, confused or overwhelmed by how to keep progressing forward. Or maybe, you’re a lot stuck. You feel trapped in a job you hate, a relationship that isn’t working, a boatload of debt, or a life that has little resemblance to the one you’d imagined.

Let’s be honest. Regardless of how stuck you are, it’s a terrible feeling. Feeling trapped and unsure how to move forward can lead to feelings of, confusion, angst, hopelessness, insecurity and overwhelm.

Sometimes we just want to throw in the towel and give up. But don’t give up just yet.

Whether you feel just a ‘little stuck’ or like you’re stuck in dry concrete; trying to make a small or big decision; wondering what you’re doing with your life), feeling trapped in a job, overwhelmed by debt, unhappy in a relationship or life that isn’t the one you want to live, these 10 strategies can help you move forward again.

1. Take a step back

Your first step forward when you feel stuck is to take a step back. Often, we try to get unstuck by pushing forward with sheer force or just trying harder. But as Einstein said,

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

Access a different level of thinking by assessing your current situation from a new viewpoint. Whenever I’m working with clients who feel stuck, this is the first thing I ask them to do.

I have them think about where they are, what got them here and what they really want. When you step back from your life, career, and challenges and look from a bit of a distance, you see things from a different perspective.

Your Turn:

Imagine you are lost in the woods. You could keep moving forward looking for your way out. You could panic and go in circles. You could head back the way you came. You could, as I learned in camp, just sit still until help arrives.

Imagine instead that you could stop, take a deep breath and zoom out from your situation. Imagine you could fly above it all as if you were in a helicopter and look down at yourself among the trees.

What could you see or notice differently from this perspective – a different route, people there to support you, the way out is closer than you thought?

Another way to ‘zoom out’ is to look at your situation as a neutral observer. Imagine you’re a fly on the wall watching your life. What insights or advice would you give yourself?[1]

2. Get specific

It’s hard to move forward until you fully understand why you are stuck. You have to get specific and identify what’s really going on. You must name it to tame it.

A great mentor of mine once said,

“A well-defined problem presents its own solution”.

If you want to find a solution, you must truly understand the underlying problem. This is one of the premises of coaching. When you dig a little deeper to the real issue/challenge/blockage, solutions tend to present themselves.

For example, there are big differences between, ‘I feel stuck’ and ‘I feel stuck because I’m overwhelmed with the details’ or ‘I feel stuck because I’m worried what people are going to think of me.’ Once you name it, you are more likely to be able to tame it.

One of the most important questions I ask clients is, ‘What’s getting in the way?’ When they answer, the next question is always, ‘What else?’ We continue along this route until we feel we’ve gotten to the real, underlying issue(s).

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Your Turn:

Seek to uncover the underlying issues that are getting in your way and stopping you from progressing. You can do this by journaling, talking to someone who knows you well, or simply taking the time to ask yourself these questions.

Once you name it, perhaps the solution will then present and tame itself.

3. Reconnect to your ‘why’

Feeling stuck is often because you’ve lost sight of the bigger picture and what’s important. You’ve lost your why.

Why did you start this in the first place? What reasons, values or passions drove you to make this change in your life? What picture do you have for yourself, your business and your life? Why are you wanting to achieve or accomplish this?

By reminding yourself of your original intention and purpose, it gives you the intrinsic motivation to get back on track and move ahead.

Connecting to your deeper ‘why’ will be the fuel that keeps you going, even through tough times and roadblocks.

Your Turn:

Whatever you’re stuck on right now, grab a journal and ask yourself, “Why is this important to me?” ,”Why did I start this in the first place?” “What am I trying to achieve here and why is that important to me? “

4. Brainstorm Your Options

We often feel stuck because we don’t see any way out from our current situation – we feel we don’t have any options.

By brainstorming ideas and possibilities, you expand your mind and open your thinking to finding a new solution. When you can see potential options, you won’t feel so trapped anymore. 

This is not about deciding the one thing or making the right choice, it’s about allowing your creative mind to expand and see all the potential possibilities. We often dive straight into finding the right one and eliminate anything that doesn’t feel perfect.

That’s why so many people feel stuck. They are attempting to find the next right career, the best way to handle a situation or the one perfect idea. This can lead to a lot of stress and analysis paralysis.

The reality is that there is no single best or right. There are many possibilities that could work for your situation. It’s about the next step right now.

If you hate your career, what new potential careers are on your mind? List them all out – even the ones that seem unrealistic or silly.

If you’re unhappy in your relationship, what can you do? There are likely a lot more options than you’ve considered. What are they?

Your Turn:

Make a list of options for your current situation – as crazy or ‘out there’ as they might be.

When you think you’ve thought of everything, ask yourself, ‘What other options are there?’ This allows you to dig deeper and see ideas you might not have otherwise explored.

Then, and only then can you start to identify the way forward.

5. Take a brain break

Full disclosure, I’m stealing this strategy from my 7-year-old daughter’s second-grade teacher.

The other night I was helping my daughter with homework, she was getting super frustrated and wasn’t sure what to write in a letter to her big buddy. She was on the verge of tears when she looked up and asked, ‘Mom, can I take a brain break?’ She got up from the table, walked downstairs to her room and played with her stuffed animals. When she came upstairs a short time later, she was as happy as could be and jumped right into her writing.

We could all use a brain break when we’re stuck. A chance to shift focus gives our brains a chance for quiet; it takes the pressure off so we can come back with a fresh mind and new perspective.

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When we take a brain break, it refreshes our thinking and helps us discover another solution to a problem or see a situation through a different lens. The brain break actually helps to incubate and process new information.[2]

A great brain break is to do something physical that gets you in flow. Take a hike, a run, a walk around the block. Another well-known brain break is meditation – which has so many proven benefits I can’t even begin to name them all. Try it, it works.

I have one friend who says taking a shower helps her get unstuck. ’Somehow good thoughts come up in that silent space.’

Your Turn:

What kind of brain breaks can you give yourself? Which would be most helpful?  It’s not just for second graders anymore.

6. Let go of what’s not working

Have you ever walked through the mud and had your boot get stuck and your foot fly out? When this happens, you usually have two choices: either put your boot back on and keep plodding through, repeating the frustration as it continually gets stuck, or you can take off that boot and move forward.

The same is true in life. When we get stuck, we often stay in the mud and try to drag our boot along. We keep doing what’s clearly not working. The boot represents limiting beliefs, old habits, or stories you’re telling yourself.

Remember in the movie “UP” when Mr. Fredricksen is trying to get his house to fly? It was too heavy. He had to dump out his belongings until the house was light enough to lift off.

Same is true here; you’ve got to get rid of the emotional baggage you’re carrying so you can move forward and fly.

Take my client *Lucy for example. She was stuck trying to figure out what she wanted next in her life and career. She was having trouble finding a job she was interested in. Through our work together, we uncovered that Lucy had an interesting belief: that having a job and being happy were mutually exclusive.

She believed she couldn’t have a job and be happy at the same time. This meant she was either going to be jobless and joyful or employed and miserable. In order to move forward in her career search, she needed to take off this ‘boot’ and believe she could find a job where she could, in fact, be happy.

Your Turn:

What’s holding you back? An old habit, limiting belief or story you are telling yourself? How can you reframe your thinking in order to change the direction you are headed?

7. Know what you need to get unstuck

We all have a way in which we operate that is unique to us. When you understand how you’re wired, you can understand more specifically what you need to get unstuck. It’s like your own personal formula for moving forward.

For me, I need a crystal-clear picture of what I’m trying to achieve and a big, tangible goal to reach for.  When I don’t have a clear picture of the end result or challenging target I’m trying to hit, I feel stuck and demotivated. 

Here are some common needs: 

Astep-by-step plan, to understand why something is important, deadlines and impending pressure, unconditional encouragement and support, to think things through, connecting to a deeper meaning, freedom, and flexibility, and certainty.

Do you relate to any of these?

Your Turn:

What do you need to get unstuck? If you’re not quite sure, you might want to check out the I.D.™ (Instinctive Drives™). It’s a tool I’ve used for almost 20 years (and have all my clients take). It helps you understand what you need to be at your best, including what will help you get unstuck.

8. Shift your state

When you’re in a stuck state, it actually creates a cycle of ‘stuckness.’ Get yourself out of there!

Instead of placing all your focus and energy on the problem, shift your focus and energy to another area of your life. Go do something that brings you joy; spend time with someone you love.

Do anything to shift your state and mood. This will switch your downward cycle of ‘doom and gloom’ into an upward cycle of ‘hope and possibility’.

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A great way to shift your state is to practice gratitude. So, you hate your job. Practice gratitude for other areas of your life. Does it support your family? Allow you to work remotely?

I’m not saying you should stay in a job you hate, I’m just recommending that you get perspective. A state shift brings energy, hope, and positivity into your mindset…keys to getting out of that dreaded stuck cycle.

Your Turn:

What always puts you in a good mood? What brings you joy, happiness or fulfillment?   Do it! And make sure to practice gratitude. Try this: each morning for the next week, write down three things you are grateful.

9. Take action

Getting into action is critical to getting unstuck. There’s no substitute for momentum. Action enables further action, while inactivity creates inertia, self-doubt, and confusion.

I love this quote from Simon Sinek:

‘If we think of everything we have to do, we feel overwhelmed. If we do the one thing we need to do, we make progress.’

My client *Marcus had just made a career move and was setting out to start his own wellness business. The biggest problem getting in his way? Inertia.

The more he thought about what he was going to do, the bigger the endeavor began to feel. The more he explored the risks, challenges, and his extensive to-do list, the more he felt overwhelmed. He was stuck. 

However, once he took action, starting with quick wins, he gained momentum and was able to move forward and tackle bigger and more challenging steps. Once he broke through his inaction, he was on a roll.

My grandfather always told us: a path leads to a path. We can’t know what the future holds and trying to figure out everything before we start is a recipe for disaster.

Know that a path will lead to a path, a step will lead to the next step, but you have to start walking first. 

Your Turn:

What’s the next step you can take to move forward? Where is there a quick win?

When you think about your first (or next) step, keep it small and achievable to get the momentum going.

10. Reach out for help

This summer, my Dad took his new truck and my twin daughters on a trip to the Oregon sand dunes. Only a few minutes into the adventure, they got really stuck. They tried shoveling sand and getting out on their own, but they couldn’t. Nearly an hour later, (which felt like an eternity stuck in the middle of a pelting sandstorm), a little dune buggy came along. My Dad’s truck was six times its size, but all they needed was a little pull. They hooked up the wench and within minutes, they were free.

We can all use a little help when we’re stuck. This might be talking to a good friend who knows and understands you or reaching out to get advice from someone who’s been in a similar situation to yours.

Maybe it’s hiring a coach who will ask powerful questions to help you see things from a different angle, a therapist who can uncover hidden roadblocks or a consultant to share opinions and experiences.

When you’re on your own, it can feel hopeless, overwhelming and just plain impossible. But, just a little push or pull from someone can quickly change your trajectory.

While this may seem like one of the easiest strategies, it is actually one of the hardest to do. Why? Even though we are biologically wired to help each other, many of us find it challenging to reach out.

There’s a reason for this:[3]

‘Asking for help exposes us to numerous possible social threats, which is why it’s so uncomfortable. It can feel like a tacit admission of weakness, which lowers our status, and can be an invitation for scorn. It creates uncertainty, and invites the possibility of rejection.’

Your Turn:

Who is your dune buggy? Who can you reach out to ask for help right now?

Not ready to reach out to someone just yet? Maybe you can try asking the universe. Some call this prayer, others spiritual guidance,  others faith.  Whatever you call it, reach out to someone, somewhere, somehow…now.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Bonus: When all else fails, be patient

Sometimes when we’re stuck, we just need to practice patience. Patience that the answer is coming; the shift is going to happen. Patience that you’ve done all that you can and now, it’s time to wait and see what comes back to you.

I’m not suggesting you wait for months or years; but sometimes we expect things to change quickly, yet things take time. This is especially true for big life decisions and transitions or when there are others involved, like your relationships or job.

I love the line from Max Ehrmann’s’ Desiderata:

’…whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.’  

Trust the unfolding and know that sometimes it may take a little longer than you’d like.

There’s usually a good reason, even if you can’t see it. Maybe it’s not time to move forward or make changes just yet. Maybe you don’t have all the information you need, and when you do, you’ll quickly make progress. Maybe you’re actually stuck where you need to be right now.

When I was in my most recent major career transition, feeling stuck and wondering if I would ever figure out my next step, this quote from Chinese Philosopher Lao Tzu was exactly what I needed:

‘Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?’

Stay strong. Be patient. The more stuck you are, the greater the freedom will feel.

You’re going to be okay. It won’t always be like this. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Hang in there and trust the process. Your breakthrough is coming.

Final Thoughts

Which of these strategies feel like they will work best for you and your current stuck situation?

You don’t have to use all of them, it just takes one.

Remember, any movement, momentum or shift will help get you unstuck and moving forward again. Besides, it’s never too late to start things over! Here’s the proof:

How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

Featured photo credit: Michał Parzuchowski via unsplash.com

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