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Last Updated on December 27, 2020

Why It’s Okay to Hit the Wall and How to Overcome It Fast

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Why It’s Okay to Hit the Wall and How to Overcome It Fast

Life is not a straight or smooth path. Roadblocks pop up, and instead of hopping over them, we may find that we hit the wall and lose sight of how to overcome it. However, there are ways to get unstuck in these cases and move forward with your goals.

First, you need to change your way of thinking. The phrase, “Change your thinking, change your life” is a very powerful truth. If you don’t think that your life will get better, then it won’t.

Once you start believing you can change and jump over the wall, you’ll be one very important step closer to getting there.

However, you can’t stop there. While it’s essential to change your thinking first, you also have to change your actions. As the saying goes,

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”

Here are some specifics about how you can improve several different areas of your life when you feel that you’ve hit the wall.

When You Hit the Wall in Your Career

As sad as it is, it seems like most people don’t like their job or career. It’s simply not what they imagined they’d be doing when they were dreaming about the future as a child.

However, nothing is permanent. If you have hit the wall in your career, here are some things you can do.

1. Reflect on Your Talents and Goals

A person’s job doesn’t always match their talents. Sit down and try to analyze what you’re good at—and then try to find a career path to match the gifts that you have to offer the world.

After all, wouldn’t it be nice to actually enjoy what you do for a living and make a difference?

2. Set Your Sights on a Promotion

If you don’t want to change your line of work, then you should think about a promotion. Sometimes people get a little too comfortable in their job. They know how to do it well, so they just keep doing what they’re doing without aiming higher

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Maybe it’s time to challenge yourself by going for a higher position. It will help you grow as a person, and it will probably put more money in your pocket too!

3. Start Looking Into Another Career Path

Many times, people just simply drift into a job or career path accidentally and find they hit the wall several years later. Unless you are one of the lucky ones who knew they wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, police officer, or something else that was definitive, most people just take the first job they can find.

If you’re unhappy with your current career path, start looking for another one.

When You Hit the Wall While Dating

These days, the dating world is very frustrating for most single people. Swiping left, swiping right. Getting ghosted. Failed short-term relationships. It can get depressing and cause you to hit the wall.

However, there is still hope if you try these things.

1. Try Different Ways of Meeting People

Dating apps

and websites are the most popular thing to do these days. It can be a good thing to try, especially if you can’t seem to make time to get out of the house much.

If you don’t find success there, join local groups or ask your friends to set you up. In other words, meet people the old-fashioned way.

2. Learn to Read Red Flags

In order to avoid getting involved with the jerks, flakes, and losers of the world, you have to know how to read the red flags with the people you date. They may not always be obvious, but they’re always there.

From treating the waiter rudely to canceling dates, a person’s behavior tells you everything you need to know about them. Check out these 6 Red Flags To Watch For When You’re Dating Someone.

3. Don’t Give up Hope

It’s easy to think that you’ll be single forever—especially if you haven’t had a lot of success in the dating world lately.

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It may take months, years, or even a couple of decades to get it right, but if you give up when you hit the wall, you will make finding a happy relationship that much more difficult. In the meantime, learn to love yourself and your own company as that will only strengthen any relationship you ultimately build.

When You Hit the Wall in Your Marriage

For many people, marriage is difficult. It involves levels of compromise and communication that many find complicated, but there are ways to make the whole thing easier and more enjoyable for both parties.

If you’ve hit the wall in your marriage, try these things:

1. Communicate!

No one is a mind reader, so you have to speak to each other about your problems.

Tell your spouse why you’re unhappy—but in a very non-critical way. Talk to each other in a way that will help you get to the root of the issues facing you.

You’ll have to work as a team, and not think of each other as “me vs. you.” After talking, decide on actions to take to make the marriage better.

2. Have Empathy

If you get rid of your “competitive” spirit in your marriage, then you will have to have empathy for the other person’s point of view.

A marriage doesn’t go off into a ditch without two people participating, so listen to your spouse’s side of the story, and make a genuine effort to understand where they’re coming from.

3. Seek Help If Needed

If your marriage feels so far gone that you don’t think you can possibly fix it together, then seek the help of a trained professional. You can learn when it’s time to seek counseling here.

A therapist will help you communicate and make an action plan to cooperate and work on your problems together.

When You Hit the Wall As a Parent

Being a parent changes the way you see both the world and yourself. There are days that are amazing and other days when you feel as if you’re doing everything wrong. If you’ve hit the wall with your kids, here are some things to try.

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1. Teach Them Empathy

Sometimes kids act out because they don’t see how their actions are affecting other people. You can teach them how to have empathy for other people—including yourself.

Start as early as possible. It’s easier to teach a toddler than it is a 17 year old. Here’re some effective ways to teach your children empathy.

2. Have and Enforce Rules

If there are no rules in the house, then the atmosphere turns chaotic. Children thrive on structure and routine.

If you don’t have rules, then make some[1]. Once you do this, it’s incredibly important to enforce those rules. This will take some time as everyone adjusts to the new environment and its limits, but it will be worth it once your kids settle in.

This guide on how to discipline a child will help you.

3. Teach Them Consequences

Many people, including adults, don’t understand the consequences of their actions. If your kids think that they can do whatever they want and won’t get punished for it, then it’s your job to show them otherwise.

When You the Wall in Your Personal Finances

Most people have a love-hate relationship with money. They love it when they have it, and they hate it when they don’t. If you’ve hit the wall with your financial situation, here are some tips:

1. Re-evaluate Your Job or Career

As mentioned above, sometimes people settle into a comfort zone with their job or career and don’t think outside the box.

If you are not making enough money, then there are always ways to make more. Re-think what you are doing for a living.

2. Go Back to School

This may sound counter-intuitive as you’ll need to spend more money on school, but getting a degree (or a higher degree) might actually increase your earning potential.

As they say, you have to spend money to make money.

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3. Figure out a Budget

Many people have no idea where their money is going. They live in the moment, and then at the end of the month, they have no idea why they don’t have money in their bank account to pay the next month’s rent. To solve this problem, make a budget and stick to it[2].

These tips can help you keep your personal budget under control.

When You Hit the Wall While Planning for the Future

Life is short, so you might as well have fun and enjoy it while you can! You don’t have to win the lottery to have a good life.

Thinking about the future can be daunting. If you don’t know where your future is going to take you, then it’s time to try these things:

1. Write Down Your 5, 10, and 20-Year Goals

You can’t get somewhere without knowing where you’re going. It’s like sailing a boat on the ocean with no map and hoping the wind will take you to China.

Sit down and visualize where you want to be in 5, 10, or 20 years.

2. Make an Action Plan

Now that you have your long-term goals written down, you need to make a plan of action.

Write down the things you will do every day, month, or year that will accomplish those goals, and then actually take action!

3. Minimize Stress

Stress is inevitable in life. However, some people create unneeded stress for themselves. Whether it’s relationship drama or overspending your paycheck, some of the stress is within your control, so minimize stress when and where you can.

Final Thoughts

If you feel like you’ve hit a wall in any of these categories, don’t give up. You can change your life for the better through consistent effort and an action plan.

Everyone hits a wall or two now and again. If you use some of these tips, your life will start to improve, and you will be happier in no time.

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Featured photo credit: Joseph Rosales via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on July 21, 2021

How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

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How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

When someone says, “I can’t do it” . . . I say to myself, “What do you mean you can’t do it?” Maybe you don’t want to do it, but saying you “can’t” do it is a completely different story.

With the right mindset, positive attitude, and a clear vision of what you want to accomplish, the only thing that is holding you back is yourself.

Can’t is a terrible word and it has to be taken out of your vocabulary.

By saying you can’t do something, you’re already doubting yourself, submitting to defeat, and you’re making that barrier around your life tighter.

So today, right now, we are going to remove this word for good.

From now on there is nothing we can’t do.

“Attitude is Tattoo”

Your attitude is everything; it’s your reason, your why and how, your facial expression, emotions, body language, and potentially the end result. How you approach an opportunity, and the result of it, is solely based on you — not your boss or your co-worker or friend.

If you enter a business meeting with a sour attitude, that negative energy can spread like wildfire. People can also feel it — maybe even taste it. This is not an impression you want to leave.

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Now imagine you enter a business meeting with a positive attitude, that whatever happens in here is going to be your result, in your control, not someone else’s. Of course, we can’t always win, but even if the outcome is negative, your attitude and perception can turn it into a positive. The question is: can you do it?

Of course you can, because there is nothing in this world you can’t do.

It’s much better to be known for your positive attitude — your poise, your energy, the reason why things go so well because you are able to maintain such character. A negative attitude is easy. It’s easy to complain, it’s easy to be mad, and it’s even easier to do nothing to change it.

When I say your “attitude is tattoo”, it sounds permanent. Tattoos can be removed, but that’s not the point. Your attitude is like a tattoo because you wear it. People can see it and sometimes, they will judge you on it. If you maintain a negative attitude, then it is permanent until you change it.

Change your attitude and I guarantee the results change as well.

Believe You Can Do It

Do you know why most people say “can’t” and doubt themselves before trying anything?

It’s our lack of self-confidence and fear on many different levels. The one thing we have to purge from ourselves is fear — fear of bad results, fear of change, fear of denial, fear of loss, the fear that makes us worry and lose sleep. Worrying is the same as going outside with an umbrella, waiting for rain to hit it. Stop worrying and move on.

Confidence is fragile: It builds up slowly, but can shatter like glass. Project your confidence and energy into believing in yourself. This is a very important and groundbreaking step — one that is usually the hardest to take. Start telling yourself you can do something, anything, and you will do it the best to your ability. Remove doubt, remove fear, and stick with positive energy.

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Learn how to boost your confidence: How to Be Confident: 62 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence

Embrace Failure

Do not fear failure. Do not run away from it. Face it, learn from it, grow, and take action. Just remember: You will never know success if you have never failed.

Your confidence will bolster after embracing these facts. You will be immune to demoralizing results, and instead you will find ways to fix it, improve upon it, and make it better than before. You will learn to never say “can’t,” and will realize how many more opportunities you can create by removing that one word.

Don’t let one simple and ugly word plague your confidence. You’re better and stronger than that.

Start Making the Change

But to actually start the process of change is very challenging.

Why is that?

Fear? Time? Don’t know how — or where — to start?

It’s hard because what we’re doing is unlearning what we know. We are used to doing things a certain way, and chances are we’ve been doing them for years.

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So here are some ways that I avoid using the word “can’t”, and actually take the steps to put forth the change that I wish to see. I hope you can incorporate these methods into your life.

Write down What You Want to Change

Write it on post-its, notecards, whatever makes you comfortable — something you will always see. I usually write mine on post-its and put them all over the wall behind my monitor so I always see them.

Tell a Friend and Talk About It

Discussing your goals, what you want to change, is very effective when you say it out loud and tell another person other than yourself. It’s almost like saying, hey, I bet I can do it — watch me.

When you fulfill that goal and tell your friend, it feels rewarding and will motivate you to do it again in a different aspect. Who knows? Maybe your friend adopts the same mindset as you.

Stop Yourself from Saying the Forbidden Word

Sometimes,I can’t control myself in public when I’m with friends, so I have to be careful with the words I use so I don’t embarrass or insult anyone.

Treat the word “can’t” as the worst word you can possibly use. Stop yourself from saying it, mid-sentence if you must, and turn your whole perspective around — you can do it, you will do it, and nothing is impossible!

Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

You think this change will be overnight? No way. This is a practice. Something you’re going to be doing for the rest of your life from now until forever.

As I said earlier, you are unlearning what you know. You know how easy it is to say you can’t do something, so by unlearning this easy practice, you’re self-disciplining yourself to live without boundaries.

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Practice this everyday, a little at a time, and before you know it, the word can’t will not be part of your language.

Do Anything That Can Relieve Your Uncertainty

When I catch myself saying I can’t do something or I don’t know something, looking up information on that action or subject, doing research, educating yourself, relieves that uncertainty.

Sometimes, we think we can’t do something because the whole idea of it seems too large. We skip the small steps in our head and only focus on the end.

Before you say you can’t do something, rewind and slow down a little bit. Focus on what the first step is, then the next. Take it a step at a time, and before you know it you will have done something you previously thought you couldn’t do.

Final Thoughts

You know what you must do. The first step is right now. Once you begin this habit, and really start noticing some change, you’ll realize the door to opportunity is everywhere.

The funny thing is: Those doors have always been there. The evil word that we no longer use put a veil over our eyes because that’s how powerful that word is.

More Tips for Strengthening Your Resilience

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

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