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Last Updated on May 3, 2019

Why It’s Okay to Hit the Wall and How to Overcome It Fast

Why It’s Okay to Hit the Wall and How to Overcome It Fast

We have all been there… hitting the wall and thinking you just can’t go on. Stress and worry just overwhelm you. You think there is no way out.

But there is. There always is.

First things first. You need to change your way of thinking. The phrase, “change your thinking, change your life” is a very powerful truth. If you don’t think that your life will get better, then it won’t.

So, you need to start believing. Then things will start to turn around.

However, you can’t just stop there. While it’s essential to change your thinking first, you also have to change your actions. Because as the saying goes,

“the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”

So now that we have that clear – thought and action – let’s move on to some more specifics about how you can improve several different areas of your life.

Hitting the Wall in Your Career

Let’s start with your career.

As sad as it is to say, it seems like most people don’t like their job or career. It’s simply not what they imagined they’d be doing when they were dreaming about the future as a child.

But let’s face it – nothing is permanent. If you have it the wall in your career, here are some things you can do.

1. Reflect on your talents and goals

A person’s job doesn’t always match their talents. So, sit down and try to analyze what you’re good at – and then try to find a career path to match the gifts that you have to offer the world.

After all, wouldn’t it be nice to actually enjoy what you do for a living and make a difference?

2. Set your sights on a promotion

If you don’t want to change your line of work, then you should think about a promotion. Sometimes people get a little too comfortable in their job. They know how to do it well, and so they just keep doing what they’re doing.

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But maybe it’s time to challenge yourself by going for a higher position. It will help you grow as a person, and it will probably put more money in your pocket too!

3. Start looking for another career path

Many times, people just simply drift into a job or career path accidentally. Unless you are one of the lucky ones who knew they wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, police officer, or something else that was definitive, most people just take the first job they can find.

So, if you’re unhappy with your current career path, start looking for another one.

Hitting the Wall When You’re Dating

These days, the dating world is very frustrating for most single people. Swiping left, swiping right. Getting ghosted. Failed short-term relationships. It can get depressing and cause you to hit a wall.

But don’t fret. There is hope if you try these things.

1. Try different ways of meeting people.

Dating apps

and websites are the most popular thing to do these days. So, if you haven’t tried them, try them. If you have, but with no success, try something else.

Join local groups or ask your friends to set you up. In other words, meet people the old-fashioned way.

2. Learn to read red flags

In order to avoid getting involved with the jerks, flakes, and losers of the world, you have to know how to read the red flags with the people you date. They may not always be obvious, but they’re always there.

From treating the waiter rudely to canceling dates, people’s behavior tells you everything you need to know about them. Check out these 6 Red Flags To Watch For When You’re Dating Someone.

3. Don’t give up hope

It’s easy to think that you’ll be single forever – especially if you haven’t had a lot of success in the dating world lately.

But don’t ever give up hope! It may take months, years, or even a couple of decades to get it right, but if you give up, then you never will.

Hitting the Wall in Your Marriage

For many people, marriage is difficult. It doesn’t have to be, but people often complicate it anyway.

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So, if you’ve hit the wall in your marriage, try these things:

1. Communicate!

No one is a mind reader, so you have to speak to each other about your problems.

Tell your spouse why you’re unhappy – but in a very non-critical way. Talk to each other.

But you have to work as a team, and not think of each other as “me vs. you.” That never works. After talking, take action required to make the marriage better.

2. Have empathy

If you get rid of your “competitive” spirit in your marriage, then you will have to have empathy for the other person’s point of view.

It takes two to tango… a marriage doesn’t go off into a ditch without two people participating, so listen to your spouse’s side of the story too.

3. Seek help if needed

If your marriage feels so far gone that you don’t think you can possibly fix it together, then see the help of a trained professional.This is when you should seek couples counselling.

They will help you communicate and make an action plan to cooperate and work on your problems together.

Hitting the Wall When Parenting

Kids… you love them, but sometimes you want to strangle them too or run away and never come back! Okay, that’s a bit dramatic. But you know what I mean. If you’ve hit the wall with your kids, here are some things to try.

1. Teach them empathy

Sometimes kids act out because they don’t see how their actions are affecting other people. So, you can teach them how to have empathy for other people – including yourself.

Start as early as possible. It’s easier to teach a toddler than it is a 17 year old. Here’re some effective ways to teach your children empathy.

2. Have and enforce rules

If there are no rules in the house, then the atmosphere turns chaotic. Children thrive on structure and routine.

So, if you don’t have rules, then make some. If you do and don’t enforce them, then change that too.

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This guide about how to discipline a child will help you.

3. Teach them consequences

Many people, including adults, don’t understand the consequences of their actions. So, if your kids think that they can do whatever they want, and they won’t get punished for it, then it’s your job to show them otherwise.

Hitting the Wall in Your Personal Finance

Most people have a love-hate relationship with money. They love it when they have it, and they hate it when they don’t. So, if you’ve hit the wall with your financial situation, here are some tips:

1. Re-evaluate your job or career

As mentioned above, sometimes people get in their comfort zone with their job or career and don’t think outside the box.

If you are not making enough money, then there are always ways to make more. Re-think what you are doing for a living.

2. Go back to school

This may sound counter-intuitive because of spending more money on school, but getting a degree (or a higher degree) might actually increase your earning potential.

As they say, you have to spend money to make money.

3. Figure out a budget

Many people have no idea where their money is going. They live in the moment, and then at the end of the month, they have no idea why they don’t have money in their bank account to pay the next rent. So, make a budget and stick to it.

These tips can help you keep your personal budget under control.

Hitting the Wall When Planning for the Future

Life is short – too short. So, you might as well have fun and enjoy it as much while you can! And you don’t have to win the lottery to have a good life.

Thinking about the future can be daunting. It’s exciting and scary at the same time. If you don’t know where your future is going to take you, then it’s time to try these:

1. Write down your 5, 10, and 20+ year goals

You can’t get somewhere without knowing where you’re going. It’s like sailing a boat on the ocean with no map hoping the wind will take you to China (highly unlikely).

So, sit down and think about where you want to be in 5, 10, or 20 years.

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2. Make an action plan

Now that you have your long-term goals written down, you need to make a plan of action.

Write down the things you will do every day, month, or year that will accomplish those goals.

3. Take action

While making an action plan sounds great, it means nothing if you don’t actually take the actions!

I know that sounds obvious, but so many people have good intentions and then abandon them later because of lack of follow-through. Don’t let that be you.

4. Make a bucket list

Many people talk about making a bucket list, but how many people actually do it? Or even if they make a list, do they actually check things off of it?

Why not be one of those people who actually makes their life better by accomplishing those things you want to do before you die.

5. Do things that you enjoy

Do you like walking in nature? Reading books? Taking a long bubble bath? Well, if so, why aren’t you doing more of it?

If your answer is “not enough time,” then try to make the time. Prioritize things that are important to you:

The Ultimate Guide to Prioritizing Your Work And Life

6. Minimize stress

Stress is inevitable in life. However, some people create unneeded stress for themselves. Whether it’s relationship drama or overspending your paycheck, some of the stress is in your control. So, minimize stress when are where you can.

Final Thoughts

If you feel like you’ve hit a wall in any (or all) of these categories, don’t give up! You can change your life for the better. It does require a lot of effort, but it is worth it.

Everyone hits a wall or two now and again. So, you’re not alone. If you use some of these tips, your life will start to improve, and you will be happier in no time.

Featured photo credit: Ian Robinson via unsplash.com

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Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

The 10 Stages of a Relationship That Every Couple Should Understand Can You Really Fix a Toxic Relationship (And How)? How to Become a Successful Motivational Speaker (Step-By-Step Guide) How to Handle a Cheating Spouse How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship and Start Afresh

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Last Updated on April 6, 2020

What Is Self-Worth and How to Recognize Yours

What Is Self-Worth and How to Recognize Yours

There are a ton of articles on the internet on one’s “self” topic or another. It’s possible that you’ve read some of them before this one, and you’re wondering how this article might be any different from the rest.

The truth is that self-love, self-esteem, self-empathy, self-regard, and all the other ‘self-’ words are indeed great and unique qualities to be instilled. Still, the most crucial concept of them all is self-worth.

What is Self-Worth?

Self-worth is simply defined as the level of importance you place on yourself. It is an emotional outlook that determines how and what you feel about yourself in comparison to other people.

Self-worth is a fundamental part of our being, and it controls the way we see ourselves. Everything we think about, all the emotions we feel, and even the way we act is a product of what value we place on ourselves by ourselves.

Self-worth is an entirely sensitive topic. So, here are a few recommended steps to recognizing your true self-worth.

    The Theory of Self-Worth

    To most people, self-worth only comes after a feat has been achieved or when in competition with another person. This is the theory: that a person’s life goal is self-recognition and that this recognition is a product of their accomplishments. This theory also holds capability, determination, performance, and self-esteem as its model elements.

    These four elements cooperate with each other to contribute to how we regard ourselves. It may be relatable, but should we really be placing so much importance on our accomplishments just to determine our self-worth? Is outdoing the next person the only way we can hold ourselves in high regard? What really determines one’s sense of value?

    Factors That Define Self-Worth

    The four elements from the theory above are not the only benchmarks used by people to determine self-worth. Many other things can inhibit how a person recognizes their self-worth. For some, it might be childhood trauma, low grades, or even bullying.

    The following are more common ways people measure their self-worth:

    1. Sphere of Contact

    Many times, people are weighed (or weigh themselves) by the number of prominent people they are close to and know.

    2. Physical and Emotional Appearance

    We find ourselves passing judgments just by regarding a person’s outward look – what they wear, how they speak, or how the society feels about them.

    3. Occupation

    This is another yardstick that people use to measure self-worth. Someone can be mean to a waiter and friendly to a doctor, for example, because they feel the latter is more successful than the former. Career choices often add positive or negative importance to one’s life.

    4. Possessions

    This is a common factor used to measure self-worth. It can be anything from the size of your paycheck to the kind and number of cars you own. It is usually material assets.

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      What Self-Worth Is Not

      The truth is that status or material things should never measure self-worth. There are many misconceptions about self-worth that have sadly shaped the minds of people into thinking less of themselves when they are, in fact, more.

      Self-Worth Is Not Your Career

      Your occupation should not determine the value you place on your life.

      There have been cases where experienced and trained professionals have had to settle for menial jobs because they couldn’t get hired. If this doesn’t take away their qualifications, why then should self-worth be measured according to career choices? The only thing that should be a concern is how gratifying the job is.

      Self-Worth Is Not About Your Accomplishment

      Achievements are great, but what you do or achieve shouldn’t affect the importance you place on yourself. No label, certificate, or plaque should measure your worth for you.

      Self-Worth Is Not Your Age

      I don’t mean to sound cliché by telling you age is nothing but a big number, but I will tell you this: how old or how young you are does not determine how prepared you are for anything.

      You only need to be willing and dedicated, and the world will be at your feet.

      Self-Worth Is Not Your Love Life

      It is tempting to try to feel good about yourself just because someone feels good about you. What if they leave?

      Single or not, do not make a relationship the basis for your self-worth.

      Self-Worth Is Not Your Grades

      Are you the least smart person in your class? Know that you are just as valuable as a straight-A student because you have individual gifts and might excel at something else that an A-student will flunk terribly.

      Self-Worth Is Not Your Health Status

      Do you have an illness that’s lowering your spirits? It is safe to say that positive people heal more quickly, so stay optimistic.

      Self-Worth Is Not Your Finances

      Too much or too little money does not define a person. As long as you are satisfied and have enough to survive, then there’s nothing to worry about.

      Self-Worth Is Not About Your Preference

      Do people think you’re old-school or too sophisticated for this generation? Their opinion doesn’t matter as long as you’re okay with who you are.

      Self-worth is only about you!

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        What Self-Worth Really Is

        It can be somewhat overwhelming to see yourself for who “you surely are” without the assets or dream job or friends. For some people, it can be agonizing, and they would do anything but come to this stage of awareness. There also exists a high possibility for one to become afraid of becoming self-aware.

        It is natural for humans to be elusive of this sort of fear or pain. This process is necessary for the discovery of self-worth and should never be avoided. Beyond every seemingly painful emotion is an eternity of freedom, and the first step on this journey is self-awareness. This is the key to finding self-worth.

        Everyone has a mental picture of who they want to be. Sometimes this person is not who he or she is. It’s okay to have ambitions and life goals, but never let your dreams make you deny yourself. Self-denial is an enemy to self-worth. This is why it is painful to become self-aware. Most people will never want to let go of who they think they are and embrace their true selves for who they indeed are.

        Self-worth is not a bad thing. It only makes you accept your weaknesses while you learn to focus on your strengths. Some of this strength lies undiscovered, and until we become self-aware, we will be unable to bring them to light.

        On self-worth, you can either be your own best friend or your worst enemy. If you keep evading self-awareness, you will only keep delaying your freedom and healing. Self-worth truly comes when you fully understand who you are and what strong potential you possess.

        The Importance of Self-Worth

        The best part about recognizing self-worth is seeing the practical impact it has on your behavior. Self-worth affects the things you do and the choices you make consciously. You start rejecting anything that has a negative effect on your outlook on life, and you become more open to things crafted to make you a better person.

        Self-worth is what keeps you satisfied even if all your achievements, assets, and possessions are taken away from you. The moment you reach healthy levels of self-worth, life becomes much more meaningful.

          How To Recognize Your Self-Worth

          So, you’ve finally become self-aware, but you don’t feel good about yourself. Nothing excites you about you. You think you’re just an average person, coursing through life with nothing special to offer.

          You start to feel like you need validation from determining your self-worth. You want to achieve a task or even take a quiz to measure your self-worth. What you should know is that self-worth first comes from within.

          To reiterate the opening paragraph of this article, it is the level of importance you place on yourself; by yourself! By merely existing, you are sufficient.

          Finding Strength

          Strength in self-worth comes from finding qualities you excel at. These qualities will be a constant reminder whenever you start feeling like you are not worthy enough.

          Little things like a list of your talents, things you like about yourself that make you stand out, challenges you’ve won at, how you’ve helped other people, and other great reflections are examples of questions you should have answers to. Your strength lies in those questions.

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          The Dangers of Linking Self-Worth to Things and People

          You make unhealthy decisions when you keep looking for validation in things and people. You never get to see yourself for the potential-filled and robust person you are.

          Looking for external validation will only frustrate you. You set yourself up for a chain of disappointments. Place your worth on your insides. It is the key to leading a healthy life.

          How To Start Increasing Your Self-Worth

          Now that you’ve seen the vacuums that continuously drain your self-worth, it’s time to learn ways to increase, strengthen, and sustain it. You can start by highlighting the things you previously found your worth in and substitute them for more productive activities.

          Here are some examples.

          For the One Who Found Self-Worth in Excelling at School or at Work:

          Take some time off from all the excessive reading. Engage in an activity that you really like. Learn a new skill, like how to play an instrument or how to dance salsa. Read an unusual book.

          For the One Who Sought Validation from Social Media:

          Go offline for some time. Attend hangouts with physical people. Take long and reflective walks. Be intentional about your words and actions. Show your relations and friends that you care for them. Show up physically for people. Be there for them.

          On your journey to recognize self-worth, never compare yourself to anyone. By comparison, you rob yourself of self-awareness and block your chances of seeing your strong potential. Comparison only measures your worth by other people’s standards. How about creating some rules on your own?

          With time, it becomes easier to free oneself from the weight that comes with no self-worth. It is easy to do things you believe in than otherwise. Never doubt the process. Reassure yourself that your journey to self-worth will be the most rewarding experience of your life.

          Let’s take a look at some practical ways to boost self-worth:

          1. Do a Talent or Skill Inventory

          Everyone has something good to offer. Humans possess and can learn mind-blowing abilities.

          What can you offer? Take stock of your skills and gifts.

          What are those cool things you do effortlessly? When you identify your abilities, you suppress your weaknesses and give voice to your strength.

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          2. Pardon Yourself

          You have to forgive yourself for all your shortcomings. Learn from all your past mistakes. If you keep feeling guilty or ashamed, you will never have a healthy sense of self-worth.

          3. Take Risks

          The only reason you haven’t done something great for yourself is that you are still wondering whether or not you should do it. Never be afraid to take risks to become a better version of yourself. Stop doubting your abilities and go.

          If you don’t succeed on your initial try, you would only have learned how not to fail next time. Get up and do great things.

          Try these 6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances.

          4. Self-Love

          Accept yourself for who you are. If you have negative qualities, work on becoming a better person. Never make the mistake of living in denial. You would only be delaying your freedom.

          Here’re 30 Ways To Practice Self-Love And Be Good To Yourself.

          5. Surround Yourself with Healthy People

          Healthy attracts healthy. Healthy habits can rub off as much as negative ones do.

          Surround yourself with the change you want to see. Be with people who have overcome the doubts they had about themselves and, like you, are also on a journey to recognizing self-worth.

          Take a look at this article and learn How to Surround Yourself With Positive People.

          It is crucial for everyone to lead healthy lives physically, emotionally, socially, mentally, and otherwise, by evaluating our self-worth. We have to consciously take steps to build and develop our sense of regard for each other and, more importantly, for ourselves. Healthy self-worth is a source of deep and lasting satisfaction in life.

          Final Thoughts

          It is worthy to note that you will begin to lose friends on your journey to recognize your self-worth.

          People with low self-worth find solace in each other’s company and so your new-found confidence might become threatening. It’s okay. Ensure your growth process inspires them, but do not hesitate to keep a distance from anyone who does not support your growth.

          More Tips to Improve Your Self-Worth

          Featured photo credit: Erik Lucatero via unsplash.com

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