Have you ever wondered why some people remain calm in the face of adversity, while others crumble?
People who are able to effectively navigate the highs and lows of life have what psychologists call resilience, or an ability to effectively bounce back from adversity.
Whenever you come across a difficult situation, you have two choices: you can either let your emotions get the best of you and become paralyzed by fear, or you can uplift yourself from the negative and transform pain into possibility.
I think we can all agree that life is a rollercoaster ride of highs and lows. Even if you consider yourself to be a happy person, it is inevitable that you will encounter challenges at some point along your journey. These experiences may bend you, but they do not have to break you.
Building resilience is the key to turning challenges into successes.
Don’t get me wrong… being a resilient person is not an easy feat. However, I believe that all of us have the power to develop a resilient mindset; just like a muscle, it needs to be conditioned and strengthened every single day.
Sometimes it takes hitting your emotional threshold, which I like to call, rock bottom, before you are able to tap into your personal resilience. This is how I came to discover my strength…
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How I Discovered My Resilience
It wasn’t until I suffered two near-fatal car accidents that left me with a spinal cord and brain injury that my entire perspective on life changed.
I had hit rock bottom and it felt as if my life was crumbling before my eyes. The doctors told me that I may never walk again and that the best thing that I could do was to accept my new reality.
In that moment, I just wanted to give up, but I didn’t. In its simplest form, that’s what resilience is all about – choosing to keep going when every bone in your body tells you not to.
Rock bottom ended up being the foundation upon which I rebuilt my entire life.
From the traumatic events in my life, I discovered that there were recurring patterns of strategies that I used in order to be resilient. For example, I learned how to make friends with my pain and healed my emotional trauma through yoga, dance and meditation.
Despite my doctors orders, I continued my Psychology degree, while lying in bed with a back brace on for 6 months. I was determined to keep feeding my brain with new knowledge. Falling into depression wasn’t an option.
That being said, there were a lot of moments when I thought, “Why me?” or “Life isn’t fair.” However, through it all, my bounce-back ability remained strong.
I refused to define myself by my pain.
Instead, I took action to create a new reality for myself. It may not have been the reality that I asked for, but nevertheless, I made it work. I become a new version of myself, one that was stronger and more wiser.
In the words of John Assaraf,
“No matter what your current circumstances are, if you can imagine something better for yourself, you can create it.”
I like to think of myself as a Resilience Junkie, a woman who is addicted to thriving through adversity.
Today, I am a resilience mastery coach. All along, my purpose was hidden within my wounds. I empower women to shift their lives from surviving to thriving so that they can master resilience in every dimension of their lives.
When you tap into your resilience and unleash your inner power, there is no challenge that you cannot conquer.
What Is Resilience?
The construct of resilience has its roots in the field of developmental psychopathology during the 1970s. In the course of studying children with psychiatric disorders, psychiatrists and psychologists noted that a small number of children did not display the expected maladaptive behaviours.
Instead, they displayed behaviours that were within the normal range of social development.
However, it was the studies of children of schizophrenic parents and the findings that some children thrived despite their high-risk status that led to the expansion of research on resilience. These included multiple adverse conditions, including socioeconomic disadvantage, parental mental illness, maltreatment, illness and catastrophic life events.
During the late 1980s and 1990s, research on resilience revealed it to be a much more ordinary phenomenon than it was first thought to be. The construct of resilience evolved to presume exposure to significant adversity.
Multiple Definitions of Resilience
To date, there is little consensus among researchers about the definition and meaning of the construct of resilience. In the last decade, the concept of resilience has shifted. It was once confined to a set of stable individual traits.
However, the concept shifted to an outcome and dynamic process, dependent upon interactions between individual and contextual variables, evolving over time.
Today, resilience is commonly referred to as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress. This definition captures the ‘bounce-back’ characteristic, which reflects one of the central characteristics of resilience.
The Importance of Resilience
Ever-increasing demands on time and energy have created an environment where people feel overwhelmed and unable to manage the high expectations of their daily lives.
As a result, people find themselves constantly multitasking, chronically distracted, and pulled in way too many different directions. If you want to stay at the top of your game in life and in work, it is imperative that you learn how to successfully navigate your way through the tough times.
In a study sponsored by Nationwide and Vodafone, nearly 100 percent of participants cited resilience as a factor in job success. Numbers don’t lie. Resilience is the secret to success.
Here are four reasons why possessing resilience is a critical life-skill in today’s world:
1. Transform Failure Into Success
In my experience, the road to success is paved with a lot of failure. It’s a normal part of life. You cannot build resilience unless you are willing to fail. End of story.
When you mess up, you’ve got to get back up.
Those who are unable to bounce back from adversity end up internalizing failure and inevitably, giving up altogether. If you can relate to this way of thinking, it’s important to understand that failure is an event. It does not define who you are as a person.
Research shows that when you try, fail, try something else, fail, try again, and ultimately succeed, you get a nice kick from your dopaminergic reward system. This is what gives you the momentum that you need when adversity hits you like a ton of bricks.
Failure is merely a steppingstone which everyone goes through on their path to greatness. You’ve got to ask yourself… are you willing to take bold risks in order to become the person you’ve always desired to be? If you don’t try, you will never know.
2. Develop an Internal Locus of Control
Do you believe that life happens for you or to you? In order for you to improve your happiness in any area of your life, you have to ask yourself the difficult question – “Who is responsible for my happiness?”
Your answer to this question will determine how effectively you are able to overcome challenges in life.
People who adopt an external locus of control struggle to bounce back from life’s blows. They believe that external forces determine the direction that their lives will take.
Not surprisingly, this beliefs leave them feeling powerless. They play the victim in their life story, and trust me when I say that this is no way to live.
As researcher, Julian Rotter once said,
“Those who are passive about their well-being believe they have little or no control over their lives.”
If you ascribe to this way of living, the great news is that at any given moment, you can decide to change this pattern of conditioning.
Conversely, people with an internal locus of control see themselves as the CEO of their lives. They know that they are in control of every single decision that they make.
When they get knocked down, they are able to bounce forward, meaning that they are able to use life’s greatest adversities as springboards for success. When you do this, you become the driver of your destiny and resilience becomes your natural state of being.
3. Build Positive Beliefs
When your world comes crashing down on you, it’s easy to fall into negativity mode and play the ‘why me’ game. However, you cannot overcome challenges in life if you think that the Universe isn’t on your side. Negativity will get you nowhere in life.
Research shows that one major factor that contributes to resilience is the experience of harnessing positive emotions, even in the midst of an especially trying or stressful time.
A resilient person works through challenges by harnessing the power of positive emotions. They are able to reframe adversity into something that is positive, which allows them to bounce back a lot quicker.
You will surprise yourself how much more calm you will feel in the face of adversity when you choose to be happy and optimistic.
4. Help You Embrace Change
At the heart of resilience lies a simple truth – change is inevitable. The reality is that we live in a world of constant change. In fact, uncertainty is the only certainty that we can count on.
People get into trouble when they ignore or resist change. As a result, they end up living a life of pain and suffering because they are unable to find comfort in the chaos.
You will not build resilience by hanging out in your comfort zone. The only way to truly grow and expand yourself is to break free from the chains of stability and dive into the unknown.
Yes, this will be scary at first. It will require that you do some deep inner work, like shifting your limiting beliefs, breaking bad habits, and learning how to make friends with stress.
Let’s face it… nobody is excited to face their “stuff”, but it’s an integral step on the road to becoming a resilient person. In the words of Socrates,
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
When you master change, you master your life. Are you ready to jump on the change train?”
The next time that life throws you a curveball, trust that you are strong enough to stay in the game. Adversity may bend you, but don’t let it break you.
It doesn’t matter how many times that you fall. All that matters is that you get back up again and keep moving forward. In the words of the famous Japanese proverb,
“Fall seven times. Stand up eight.”
You’ve got this. Whatever you do, don’t give up. I am living proof that the comeback is always stronger than the setback.
Are you ready to live a more resilient life?
More Resources to Build a Stronger Mind
- 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do
- How to Have Mental Toughness
- How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up
- How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You
- 10 Daily Habits That Hugely Strengthen Both Your Body And Mind
Featured photo credit: Brad Barmore via unsplash.com
|||^||Cambridge.org: Resilience and development: Contributions from the study of children who overcome adversity|
|||^||Emerald Insight: Resilience: New paths for building and sustaining individual and organizational capacity|
|||^||American Psychological Association: The Road To Resilience|
|||^||Entrepreneur: How Resilience Led Me To Success|
|||^||The Conversation: When you mess up, get up: The power of failure in building resilience|
|||^||Positive Psychology Program: Resilience Skills, Factors and Strategies of the Resilient Person|