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Last Updated on December 4, 2020

How to Form Your Success Formula to Get Unstuck in Life

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How to Form Your Success Formula to Get Unstuck in Life

Life can come as a roller coaster sometimes. It is tough to be the best version of yourself as you constantly meet with obstacles and life’s changing dynamisms. To move on to a different plateau, you may need to be more strategic and systematic in your approach to life.

I have been there. I know how it feels to get stuck and having nowhere to go. Yes, you may feel lost and don’t know how to come out from that hole. One thing I know though is that you can always get out and find a solution. It all starts with changing your thoughts and actions.

These steps are not hard but can be a simple success formula which when taken can create lasting changes in your life.

1. Be Realistic

There is nothing that can move you forward in life until you are realistic enough to admit something is broken. Everything is not okay, you don’t need to pretend or butter the truth.

You have to be completely honest with yourself, take full responsibility for your life at this point and push forward.

You have to admit that you’ve made poor decisions, you have made some mistakes and may not be working as hard as you should be. Yet, there is hope if you can be brutally honest with yourself and move forward from there.

2. Make That Choice to Be Different

Perhaps you are stuck with doing the same routine, going to the same places and being in the wrong circle. It is up to you to point your life in a new direction.

Yes, you could already be disgusted with the current one and need to do things differently. It is important for you to get fed up with the world you are in, so you can make a choice for something better. Making such decisions has a way of changing everything!

3. Look for Something You’re Really Good At

Your life may be boring in certain areas, but it doesn’t have to be boring in all areas. Y

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ou may need to shift your mindset and go back to those things you have always been fond of. When you can find such passion, you should make that decision to become better at it.

Change can be a slow process, but continually putting in the work every day could see your life change full circle.

4. Ask the Right Questions

“What could I do to be better?” “How can I make the most of your time?” “Where and when did it go wrong?” “What am I not doing right?”

You can’t take it away, asking the right questions will always lead to great answers.

You really need to be introspective when asking those questions about your life, where it is now and how you can position yourself for it to be better. The answers you get will be what leads you to finding a surer and more certain path to become happier and more successful.

You could also ask others what you are really good at and what role they see you taking on. You don’t need to simply ask anybody, ask the people who are already living the life you desire. Surely, they should be able to point you at the right direction.

At the end of the day, know that it is your duty to seek the life you desire, and perhaps asking smart questions could be what leads you there.

5. Push Your Mental Powers

Your thoughts have a way of guiding you to living the best life. You become what you think about most of the time. You shouldn’t just accept things the way they are, do something about it.

Don’t complain about how terrible your life has become, rather do something about it. Look for ways to be better at what you do.

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By thinking right and positively, you will certainly take charge of your life and respond actively to those things that happen to you.

Remember, to every setback, there is a way out. If you are failing at your career or job, you may need to gain new skills. If you are broke and do not have the money to live the best life, go out there and look for a job or learn something.

There is always a way out of that dead-end job or relationship if you constantly apply yourself to thinking.

6. Get a Mentor

It is an age-old principle of success to find yourself a mentor, someone who will act as a guide in helping you actualize your dreams.

Find someone doing well in a particular area in life, yes, you want to be like them and embrace their tutelage.

Having someone you can look up to inspires you to be better. They certainly would have a thing or two to tell you that would empower you to get out there to accomplish great things.

So go out there, look for positive role models that can certainly have a major impact in your life. Here’s how to find a mentor that fits you:

A Good Mentor Is Hard to Find: What to Look for in a Mentor

7. Be Responsible

Complaining or playing the blame game won’t take you anywhere. If you want to stop feeling stuck, you have to learn to take responsibility for your actions and where you are now.

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You don’t have to drain your energy with complaining or any negative vibe. Look at the bright side. Know that if you really act responsibly you will get out of any hole you are in.

8. Be Aware

Knowing yourself helps you win a thousand battles. Self-awareness is pivotal to living the life of your dreams. Such knowledge about yourself helps you find those things that can push you forward to great accomplishments.

Perhaps you have been talked down to or doubt yourself, think about what you could do with your life. The people talking down on you or telling you that you can’t are really not the problem – you are actually.

And if you are the problem, you can also be the solution too. When you know who you are, what you want and where you are going, no one can stop or deter you.

So study yourself, accept your role in the events of your life and see how you can better your strengths to face the challenges that would come your way. Take a look at this guide and learn how to be more self-aware:

Being Self Aware Is the Key to Success: How to Boost Self Awareness

9. Assume Total Control of Your Life

On the path to success, nothing should be left to chance. Your life is your responsibility. You are the one in the driver’s seat. You have control over the decisions you make. You also have control over how you respond to events or other people’s actions.

Certainly, there will be obstacles along the way, however you should have a guiding philosophy or ideology that will take you forward.

How you want to be is what you will be anyways. You may not be able to control a lot of factors in your life, but you can control your destiny if you assume control of your attitude, personality and aspirations.

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10. Improve Your Circle

Your circle could be a mirror of how you view the world. If you are in a negative circle that robs you of your joy and self-esteem, you are not really going to attain much.

Improve your circle of friends. Focus on quality rather than quantity. People that push you to become the best version of yourself or make you feel good about yourself shouldn’t be traded for anything in the world.

11. Get Motivated

There are a lot of audio materials and self-help books that would help you find direction even when you are lost. Such food for the soul could help you see your strengths and abilities after all.

Yes, no matter how drained and down you are, there is always something you have to offer. Motivate yourself by listening to or reading positive materials. This way you can know that others have been where you are and they survived.

Stop listening to the naysayers, start listening to those who have the “I can” spirit.

The Bottom Line

No matter how you like it or not, change is a slow process. Not everything you wish for will come all at once. But those consistent daily efforts could make a lot of difference.

It starts with accepting where you are right now and being willing to put in the work to get out of your current position.

Feeling lost is a state of mind anyways. Making those necessary changes could create a lasting change in your life and take you to the right direction after all.

Featured photo credit: Austin Pacheco via unsplash.com

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More by this author

Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Published on October 14, 2021

How to Silence the Impostor Syndrome

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How to Silence the Impostor Syndrome

Do you ever worry about being exposed as a “fraud?” You’re not alone. It’s actually quite common for people to feel like imposters. In fact, approximately 70 percent of people admit to having experienced impostor syndrome[1] at some point in their lives — a Twitter poll found that 87 percent of people have experienced this.[2] Even successful and famous people like Tom Hanks, Howard Schultz, and Natalie Portman suffer from imposter syndrome.

But, what exactly is imposter syndrome. And, more importantly, how can you silence it?

Originally coined in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance, Ph.D., ABPP, and Suzanne Imes, Ph.D., the term “impostor syndrome” describes symptoms that include being unable to internalize accomplishments and being afraid of being exposed as a fraud.

The individual may also be plagued by chronic self-doubt and believe that they’re unqualified for success despite evidence to the contrary. Inadequacies, fears of failure, and disbelief that success is a matter of luck or timing are also common.

If you don’t address this phenomenon, feeling like an impostor can prevent you from achieving ambitious goals. Moreover, those experiencing these feelings tend to over-prepare or procrastinate — which obviously hinders productivity and reaching goals. And, as if that weren’t bad enough, imposter syndrome prevents you from pursuing new challenges and opportunities.

Do you feel like you’re suffering from impostor syndrome? If so, don’t beat yourself up. After all, there are effective ways to overcome these feelings in a healthy and proactive way.

1. Don’t Hide It.

“Firstly, acknowledge it,” advises Claudine Robson,[3] the Intentional Coach. “You give strength to imposter syndrome by letting it continue to peck away at your confidence unchecked.” It can only be banished if you acknowledge it as soon as possible and break the silence.

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“Then you need to separate your feelings from facts,” Robson adds. “One thing imposter syndrome does very effectively is to mix up your perceptions of reality.”

If you can, take a step back and look at the situation objectively. “Recognize when you should — and when you should not — feel fraudulent,” she says. Appreciate and acknowledge the task, intellect, and insight that have led to your success.

You might even be able to take action by recognizing that the reason you feel fraudulent is that you’re new to a task. “That gives you a path forward; learning is growth, don’t deny yourself that.”

2. Implement the STOP Technique

In her book Cognitive Enlightenment, Melinda Fouts, Ph.D., outlines a technique to overcome imposter syndrome using what she calls the STOP technique.

“STOP is an acronym for ‘silence the oppressive player,” Fouts explains in Forbes.[4] “You need to eradicate this tape that is playing 24/7, whether you are conscious of it or not. It plays loudest when we are tired, hungry, or feeling defeated.”

Steps to implementing the STOP technique and rewiring your brain are as follows:

To replace the tape of not good enough, you need a “launch sentence.” “I’m more than good enough” would is an example of a solid launch statement.

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Put your launch sentence in prominent locations, such as your car’s dashboard or computer. How come? The reason is that as the tape plays, you won’t be able to remember your launch statement.

Continue to say “stop” until you recall your launch sentence, says Fouts.

Put your launch sentence into your own words and pontificate.

While going about your daily tasks, like while driving or exercising, practice your launch sentence so you can recall it when you need it in the future.

“I am told this sounds simple and it does,” she adds. However, this technique is challenging when your negative tape is playing. You will not want to replace the tape every day while your brain is rewiring itself. “It is these moments you can’t give up.”

3. Distinguish Humility and Fear

When it comes to hard work and accomplishments, there’s humility, and then there’s fear. In other words, having a high level of competence can lead one to discount its value occasionally. However, as Carl Richards wrote in an article for the New York Times,[5] “After spending a lot of time fine-tuning our ability, isn’t it sort of the point for our skill to look and feel natural?”

The problem is that we feel unworthy from time to time. But, as Seth Godin explained in a blog post,[6] “When you feel unworthy, any kind response, positive feedback or reward feels like a trick, a scam, the luck of the draw.”

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Feeling worthy without feeling entitled is possible. And, finding the right balance between them is critical for overcoming impostor syndrome. “Humility and worthiness have nothing at all to do with defending our territory,” Godin continues. “We don’t have to feel like a fraud to also be gracious, open, or humble.”

4. Keep a “Brag Sheet”

When you were sending out college applications, did you build yourself a “brag sheet?” If not, here’s a clean description from Shawna Newman,[7] “A brag sheet is very similar to a student resume – it highlights your accomplishments, key experiences, leadership skills, and employment throughout your secondary education.” In short, “it’s a quick reference guide with all the details and achievements for someone trying to get to know you better.”

While it may be awkward at first, you can apply the same concept when coping with imposter syndrome. Just compose a list of your accomplishments, activities, skills. That’s it. Just remember Godin’s advice and also be humble and gracious.

As an added perk, besides being an effective way to talk myself up, I’ve also found that this has helped me stop comparing myself to others. Instead of harping about other people’s milestones, I’m honing in on what I’ve done.

5. Celebrate Wins, Period

Speaking of accomplishments, they shouldn’t be categorized as small or big. After all, you feel as if you don’t belong when you have imposter syndrome. So, the more you celebrate your wins, the more confident you’ll become.

Furthermore, accept compliments without qualifying them and practice listening to praise every day. Finally, become kinder to yourself by saying at least one kind thing to yourself daily. And, give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back.

6. Assemble a Legion of Superheroes

“You know how corporations have a board of directors to — in theory — make them stronger, maintain checks and balances, leverage resources, and help advance the organization’s vision?” asks inspirational speaker, speaking coach, and creative consultant Tania Katan.[8] “Why not assemble your own board of directors to leverage resources to help make your career stronger, keep you in check and balanced, and advance your vision?”

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“My friend Alison Wade, president of conferences, training, and consulting at Techwell, calls her personal board of directors her “front-row” — those are the people she invites to sit spitting distance from the stage, cheer her on, challenge her, and review her performance,” Katan writes.

As for Katan, she calls hers a “legion of superheroes.” The reason? “I dig the idea of joining forces to do good in the corporate galaxy.”

It’s important to have a diverse group of individuals who will defend you. Ideally, they should be varied in all dimensions, such as cultural background, way of thinking, and skills.

Katan recommends that you meet together frequently, whether if that’s once a week or every quarter. “Share your experiences, fears, creative ideas, aspirations,” she adds. “Celebrate each other’s accomplishments.” You also need to both support and challenge each other. “Discover what you are capable of doing when you combine your powers.”

7. Visualize Success

Follow the example of a professional athlete by imagining yourself crushing that presentation or project. You’ll enjoy the relief from performance-related stress. And, more importantly, it can help you avoid focusing on the worst-case scenario.

Final Words of Advice

While there’s no single formula to cure imposter syndrome, the tips listed above are a start. After all, your success depends on your ability to fight the negative effects of it. For example, feeling unworthy over time can lead to crippling anxiety and depression if left untreated.

If you’ve tried the above, then make sure that you speak to someone about what you’re experiencing, whether it’s a mentor, peer group, or licensed professional. And, above all else, there’s a place at the table for everyone — no matter what your inner voice is telling you.

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How to Silence the Impostor Syndrome was originally published on Calendar by John Rampton.

Featured photo credit: Laurenz Kleinheider via unsplash.com

Reference

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