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Last Updated on October 30, 2018

How to Survive a Midlife Crisis in Men (the Definitive Guide)

How to Survive a Midlife Crisis in Men (the Definitive Guide)

If you believe that you’re having a midlife crisis – even if you aren’t middle-aged – I can assure you that you’re not alone. I can also assure you that it’s never too late to start creating the kind of life that you want.

So many of us slog through each day, only to look around and realize that we’ve been letting life pass us by.

Don’t let life pass you by. Use this as a guide and with any luck, you’ll begin to see the midlife crisis in men for what it really is: an opportunity.

My Journey into Self-Realization

A few years ago, I took a look around and decided to make a change, a big change. And it made me uncomfortable, in that uh-oh-what-was-I-thinking kind of way.

But I knew that if I didn’t make a change, I was going to be miserable for the rest of my life.

After college I moved to Chicago to pursue comedy, using a carefully and brilliantly devised strategy. By day, I’d find my inspiration in hip and trendy coffee bistros and on El trains, gazing out at the quickly passing cityscape. By night, I’d play at open mics, only to catch the ear of George Wendt, sign a development deal and be thrust headlong into comedic superstardom.

As it turned out, telling jokes to drunkards on a Monday night didn’t quite foot the bill for my 400 square-foot palace without air-conditioning. And as far as I could tell, George Wendt didn’t leave the house much.

So much to my chagrin, I took a job in advertising. After two years in Chicago, during which I was gripped by depression and angst, I moved back to Omaha – my hometown – to “figure things out.” But instead of figuring things out, I took yet another job in advertising, and then another. And for nearly a decade, I bounced around from role to role, only to sit lamentably in a cubicle and do work that could have been done by a half-trained Capuchin monkey.

Before I knew it, I turned 30. I began to examine my life and panic swept in.

What have I been doing for the last 10 years? There has to be more to life than this. I’ve gotta get out of here. I need to make a change. Like, now.

Midlife or otherwise, I do believe I was having a crisis.

The first thing I did was locate my balls which took longer than I care to divulge. Then, I decided to make a change.

I packed up my stuff and moved to New Orleans – a city that brings me endless joy and excitement. I immersed myself in self-help and philosophy, sought out teachers and mentors, became a certified transformational coach and started my own business. And now, I help others navigate their own crises.

What Exactly Is a Midlife Crisis?

A midlife crisis is generally defined as a transition of identity and self-confidence that occurs in middle-aged individuals (typically 45 to 64 years old). This psychological “crisis” is fueled by events that bring to light a person’s age, inevitable mortality and perhaps a lack of notable accomplishments in the adult life.

Not surprisingly, this can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety and the desire to make significant life changes.

Incidentally, the term “midlife crisis” was coined by Canadian psychoanalyst and social scientist, Elliott Jaques, in 1965. (Funny enough, Jaques also coined the term “corporate culture.”) But recent studies have shown that most middle-aged people don’t actually experience a midlife crisis. In fact, some have questioned if the midlife crisis even exists.

For many of us, both men and women, the midlife crisis is all too real.

Signs of a Midlife Crisis

Released in 1999, American Beauty, is perhaps the greatest film ever made about the midlife crisis. As you may remember, the film won the Academy Award for Best Picture, Best Director (Sam Mendes), and Best Actor (Kevin Spacey). And, you can thank screenwriter Alan Ball for the effectively flawless script.

In the film, Lester Burnham, played by Kevin Spacey (I’m sorry for bringing him up), loathes his job as an advertising executive, can barely stand his materialistic wife, and has no idea how to communicate with his angry, misanthropic, teenage daughter. From the outside, the Burnhams seem to have the perfect, white-picket-fence existence. But behind closed doors, Lester has become disenchanted with…well…damn near everything.

The film’s critically praised opening montage gives us a look into Lester Burnham’s dull and monotonous daily life, as Lester unenthusiastically narrates each scene.

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“I have lost something,” he says. “I’m not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn’t always feel this … sedated.”

Most modern movies and television shows have left us believing that the first sign of a midlife crisis is a newly purchased sports car in the driveway. But as American Beauty shows us, the signs of a midlife crisis are usually much less obvious to ordinary passersby.

Common signs of a midlife crisis can include:

  • Mood swings: Those experiencing a midlife crisis can seem highly temperamental, becoming angry or irritable without justification.
  • Depression and anxiety: A midlife crisis can undoubtedly cause one to feel sad, blue, restless, down in the dumps or just plain miserable.
  • Sleeplessness or oversleeping: Depression, anxiety and a constantly spinning mind can greatly affect one’s sleeping habits.
  • An obsession with appearances: Those going through a midlife crisis often feel the need to remain attractive to others.
  • Increased consumption of drugs or alcohol: Middle-aged adults may turn to drugs or alcohol to mask their feelings.
  • Feeling stuck in a rut: Those going through a midlife crisis often feel life they’re stuck – in a bad job, a bad marriage, a bad situation – with no way out.
  • Thoughts of death or dying: A midlife crisis can cause people to think obsessively about their own mortality.

Other signs of a midlife crisis include: impulsive decision-making, having an affair, replacing old friends with younger friends, assigning blame to others and extreme boredom.

Take a look at this chart to see how many of these signs are you experiencing:[1]

    Why a Midlife Crisis Happens

    It bears repeating that recent studies seem to reject the idea that most adults go through a midlife crisis. Researchers believe that personality type and a history of psychological issues predispose some people to the traditional midlife crisis.

    One study points out that there is a stark difference between a midlife crisis and midlife stressors, and many midlife stressors are mislabeled as a crisis. Of course, common day-to-day stressors can pile up, causing middle-aged adults to believe they are having a crisis.

    Additionally, many middle-aged adults experience life events that can lead to prolonged depression or psychological distress. However, these events – like the death of a loved one or a professional setback – can just as easily happen earlier in life.

    Take me, for example. Just before my 30th birthday, my father – who was the picture of health – died suddenly and unexpectedly while exercising at the gym. Not to mention that I detested my low-paying 9 to 5 job, published a book that didn’t sell, started a company that failed, ruined a number of friendships and had far less sex than I’d like to admit.

    Was I having a crisis? Possibly. Was I experiencing depression due to an overload of stressors? Most definitely.

    Still, do any amount of research on the midlife crisis and you’ll find that psychologists often attribute the phenomenon to aging itself, the aging or death of one’s parents, the maturation of one’s children, spousal relationships (or lack thereof) and career (or lack thereof).

    How to Deal with a Midlife Crisis

    If you believe you’re having a midlife crisis, if you feel stuck in a rut, if you’re experiencing depression and anxiety, I’d like to assure you once again that you’re not alone.

    I once considered myself a lost cause, predestined to live out my days feeling miserable and unfulfilled. Then, I decided to change. I became dedicated to learning how to live with at least some measure of joy. And after a great deal of experimentation, I came up with a regimen that worked for me – and still works – as long as I stick to it.

    I can’t guarantee that it’ll work for you. But I do know that it won’t hurt. And should you choose to give it a try, you’ll need to do the following:

    1. Decide

    Someone once said that “the first step toward getting somewhere is to decide that you’re not going to stay where you are.” And, I couldn’t agree more. This is truly where the work begins.

    I began to experience a shift only after I made the decision – no, the unbreakable promise to myself – that I was going to change my life. And no matter how much you’re suffering, you can make yourself the same promise.

    2. Stop the search for happiness

    There’s a funny thing with us humans. We spend our lives trying desperately to find happiness and yet, we don’t even know what it is.

    We can’t explain, describe, or define it; we just know that we want it because it’ll make everything peachy. Time and time again, though, studies have shown that our never-ending quest for happiness is quite often the very thing that screws us up.

    Trying to find happiness is a futile effort, likely to exacerbate the “crisis” you’re having. Stop the search for happiness and start taking action steps toward creating the life that you want. When you do, you won’t need to find happiness. Eventually, happiness will find you.

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    3. Meditate

    What I used to dismiss as new age nonsense has positively changed my life in more ways than I thought possible. Meditation has been proven to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, improve focus and concentration, increase self-awareness and promote better physical health.

    And, for me, it’s the only activity that effectively tames my “monkey mind,” or what neuroscientists have recently named the default mode network (DMN).

    Your DMN is most active when you aren’t focused on anything in particular, and your mind is wandering from thought to thought. At best, these thoughts can be inspired and entertaining. But when you’re in the throes of a personal crisis, these thoughts can be morbid and destructive.

    Meditation has a quieting effect and significantly decreases activity in the DMN. And when the mind does start to wander, those who regularly meditate are much better at snapping out of it.

    Try this 5-minute Guide to Meditation: Anywhere, Anytime and experience its benefits.

    4. Develop an abundance mindset

    Of all the strategies I use to mitigate my depression and anxiety, abundance thinking was the most difficult for me to adopt. It’s also been the most beneficial. It required me to change some of my core beliefs.

    For years, I operated from a scarcity mindset, I was angry that all the world’s goodies seemed to go to everyone else. I wondered why those around me were getting recognized, getting rich, getting a nice partner and I wasn’t. Maybe, I thought, there’s just not enough to go around. Of course, this kind of thinking isn’t just debilitating; it’s downright inaccurate.

    The world, in fact, is a place of abundance, with limitless opportunities. Remind yourself of this every day, regardless of your age. Open yourself up to all that the world has to offer. As Dr. Wayne Dyer wrote in his book, Real Magic,

    “Try to imagine a state of unlimited possibilities as being possible for you.”

    5. Practice gratitude

    Before you go to bed at night, think of five things for which you are grateful. Better yet, write them down. These can be common, everyday occurrences like seeing a beautiful sunset or learning something new or hearing your favorite song on the radio.

    As Dr. Robert Emmons, a professor at UC Davis and the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude once wrote,

    “Gratitude is, first and foremost, a way of seeing that alters our gaze.”

    Need a little inspiration on how to practice gratitude? Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude

    6. Pursue your passions

    I can’t help but feel a tinge of regret when I think of the years during which I never pursued my passions. Certainly, if you’re having a midlife crisis, it might seem hard to feel passionate about anything. But you can reinvigorate your spirit with a remarkably simple activity.

    Think about what you love doing or what you loved doing when you were a kid. Think about how you might spend your time if you had the financial abundance to do anything. Think about those you admire, those whose careers you wish you had. Think about what makes the hours fly by like seconds.

    Whatever your passions are, pursue them wholeheartedly. As Hunter S. Thompson once said,

    “Anything that gets your blood racing is probably worth doing.”

    If you’re not sure what your passion is, that’s okay. Here’s a guide for you:

    How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up

    Research also shows that simply trying new things can increase dopamine levels in the brain, contributing to sustained levels of contentment. So get out of the house and try new things. Eventually, you’ll find one that lights you up inside.

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    7. Exercise

    One of my least favorite places to go is the gym. And one of my least favorite things to do is well… going to the gym. Of course, exercise is by far the most widely recommended way to stave off negative feelings and gain perspective. But you don’t need to go to the gym to get exercise.

    You can do yoga, play badminton or jump on a trampoline. You can go swimming or dancing or hiking or biking. You can hula hoop with your kids or practice Kung Fu. You can clean your garage or pull weeds in your garden. Or you can simply take a brisk walk around the neighborhood. Just do something physical and you only need to do it for 20 minutes.

    Oh, and make sure you eat healthy too. Eating fried, processed and sugary garbage does nobody good.

    8. Set goals

    Just hearing the word “goals” used to depress me. I couldn’t help but think of corporate plodders, wielding dry-erase pens and scribbling inconsequential to-dos on an office whiteboard. But the fact is, setting goals has become vital to my well-being. And it’s done wonders for my depression.

    Make a list of everything you’d like to accomplish in the next year, in the next five years and in the next ten years. Talk to a coach or someone you love about your goals, and work out a plan to achieve them.

    Learn to use SMART goals to achieve what you want: How to Use SMART Goal to Become Highly Successful in Life

    9. Stay off social media

    I can’t think of anything worse for a fragile human psyche than social media. It’s no secret that using social media can lead to depression, anxiety, envy, feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, and all kinds of other problems.

    It’s also a colossal waste of time. Imagine what you could accomplish in your own life during the hours you spend scrolling through the highlight reels from the lives of others.

    10. Laugh as much as humanly possible

    Whoever coined the phrase, laughter is the best medicine, was really onto something. Studies show that laughter releases endorphins, activates neurotransmitter serotonin, relieves physical tension and stress, boosts the immune system and protects the heart.

    If you’re having a midlife crisis, you might be wondering if you’ll ever experience laughter again. That’s why you need to seek it out.

    Instead of watching the morning news, which is nothing if not depressing, I watch the previous night’s episode of The Tonight Show or The Late Show. For every hour that I’m working, I take five minutes to watch reliably funny clips on YouTube.

    Before I go to bed, I watch ten minutes of stand-up comedy. I read funny books, see funny movies and spend as much time as I can with ridiculously funny people – including my next-door neighbor, Etta, who happens to be four years old.

    Make a conscious effort to integrate laughter into your daily routine. You’ll be tickled you did.

    11. Think of your life as a party

    The fact that you’re alive isn’t just cause for celebration, it’s a miracle – so improbable that if you try to comprehend it, your mind will almost certainly turn to mush.

    Dr. Ali Binazir, a wicked smart Harvard grad and the author of The Tao of Dating actually crunched the numbers, demonstrating that the probability of your dad meeting your mom was one in 20,000, the probability of your dad dating your mom was one in 2,000, and the probability of the right sperm meeting the right egg was one in 400 quadrillion.

    And that’s just the beginning.

    Your grandparents, great grandparents and everyone before them – going back millions of years to the first Homo sapiens – had to meet and have children. In the end, explains Binazir, the probability of you being born was one in 10, followed by 2,685,000 zeroes.

    Tragically, so many of us never truly appreciate what it means to be alive. We succumb to our fears, give up on our dreams and tolerate the intolerable. We get into bad jobs, bad relationships and bad situations, allowing others to treat us poorly. We do this for years, decades or a lifetime. Then, of course, we die.

    Think of your life as a party and remember: life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured.

    Besides, it’s never too late to live the life you desire! Here’s the proof:

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    How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

    Can a Midlife Crisis Be Prevented?

    I don’t think I need to explain that it’s impossible to prevent something that’s already happening. But if you see another life crisis in your near future, you can nip it in the bud by doing the things listed above. And, you can start doing them today.

    Additionally, you can stop making excuses that stand in the way of your progress.

    Not sure if you’re making excuses? They aren’t hard to recognize. Most of yours probably start with the words “I don’t.” I don’t have the time. I don’t have the money. I don’t know how. I don’t think it’ll work. I don’t think I’m ready. These are excuses. All of them.

    As humans, we consistently use excuses to talk ourselves out of changing our lives for the better. And we do so out of fear.

    Fear is what traps you inside your comfort zone and whenever you do something outside your comfort zone, you’re hurling yourself into the unknown. And once you’re there, you might come face to face with failure, rejection, stress and embarrassment. You might have to take on new responsibilities. You might slip and fall and break something of value and look like a total failure.

    Or you might do something remarkable. There’s really no way of knowing. That’s why it’s called the unknown. And yes, the unknown can be a scary place.

    But why are we so scared of the unknown? If we are to believe all of those horribly platitudinous quotes about comfort zones (Great things never came from comfort zones!), shouldn’t we be more inclined to explore new ground? For most of us, the answer is one big, pathetic NO.

    Fear of the unknown is an unavoidable part of the human condition. As human beings, we have an inherent, psychological need for certainty – for comfort – because it makes us feel like we’re in control. And yet, we also have the need for uncertainty – for variety – because it reminds us that we’re alive. But as Tony Robbins often points out,

    “Most people value certainty a lot more, and that’s why their lives are so boring.”

    To stop making excuses, acknowledge that you’re making them in the first place. Once you do, you’ll feel a lot better. You’ll only live your best life once you step out.

    But there’s still a hurdle to overcome. You still have to do something. You still have to take action. And taking action, as we know, can be scary. So think about the consequences of inaction.

    What’ll happen if you do nothing? It should come as no surprise that if you do nothing…nothing will happen. And you’ll stay right where you are: stuck in a rut while you yearn for something more.

    Midlife Crisis — Crisis or Opportunity?

    No matter what age you are, every day provides a new opportunity to do something new:

    Sam Walton founded Wal-Mart when he was 44.

    Ray Kroc bought the first McDonald’s just after his 50th birthday.

    Rodney Dangerfield was 46 when he got his big break on the Ed Sullivan Show.

    Harland Sanders was dead broke at 65. Then, he sold the first Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise.

    And Charles Darwin published On the Age of Species at age 50.

    We can’t stop the inevitable. I hate to break it to you but we’re all going to die. The question is: what are you going to do while you’re alive?

    Life is precious. If you believe you’re having a midlife crisis, take a minute to examine what’s really going on. I would argue that it’s not really a crisis at all. In fact, there’s a good chance it’s the perfect time to create the life you’ve always wanted. No excuses.

    Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

    Reference

    More by this author

    Tony Endelman

    Certified life coach, certified relationship coach, heartbreak recovery expert and internet entrepreneur

    How to Survive a Midlife Crisis in Men (the Definitive Guide)

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    Last Updated on July 24, 2019

    What Makes a Good Leader? 10 Essential Leadership Qualities

    What Makes a Good Leader? 10 Essential Leadership Qualities

    The word “leader” makes you think of people in charge. High-ranking people – your boss, politicians, presidents, CEOs…

    But leadership really isn’t about a particular position or a person’s seniority. Just because someone has worked for many years doesn’t mean he has gained the qualities and skills to lead a team.

    Getting promoted to a managerial position doesn’t automatically turn you into a leader either. CEOs and other high-ranking officials don’t always have great leadership skills.

    So what makes a good leader? What are the characteristics of a leader?

    Good leadership is about acquiring and honing skills. Leadership skills enable you to be a role model for a team in any environment. With great leadership qualities, successful leaders come in all shapes and sizes: in the home, at school, or at the workplace.

    The following is a list of characteristics of a leader who successfully leads a great team:

    1. Stay Positive, Even in the Worst Situations

    Great leaders know that they won’t have a happy and motivated team unless they themselves exhibit a positive attitude. This can be done by remaining positive when things go wrong and by creating a relaxed and happy atmosphere in the workplace.

    Even some simple things like providing cupcakes or beers on Fridays can make the world of difference. An added perk is that team members are likely to work harder and do overtime when needed if they’re happy and appreciated.

    Even in the worst situations such as experiencing low team morale or team members having made a big mistake at work, a great leader stays positive and figure out ways to keep the team motivated to solve the problems.

    Walt Disney (1901-1966), had his share of hardships and challenges; and like any great leader, he managed to stay positive and find new opportunities. In 1928, Disney found that his film producer, Charles Mintz, wanted to reduce his payments for the Oswald series. Mintz threatened to cut ties entirely if Disney didn’t accept his terms, and Disney chose to part ways. But in leaving Oswald, Disney decided to create something new: the iconic Mickey Mouse.

      Lesson Learned:

      Break down huge challenges into smaller ones and find ways to tackle them one by one.

      Think about the lessons you can learn from the mistake and jot them down — Because sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.

      2. Exhibit Confidence Everywhere

      All great leaders have to exhibit an air of confidence if they’re going to succeed. Please don’t confuse this with self-satisfaction and arrogance. You want people to look up to you for inspiration, not so they can punch you in the face.

      Confidence is important because people will be looking to you on how to behave, particularly if things aren’t going 100% right. If you remain calm and poised, team members are far more likely to as well. As a result, morale and productivity will remain high and the problem will be solved more quickly.

      If you panic and give up, they will know immediately and things will simply go down hill from there.

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      Elon Musk is a great example of a leader with confidence. He truly believes that Tesla will be successful, which he has shown many times through his actions. He converted 532,000 stock options at $6.63 each, their value on Dec. 4, 2009, before Tesla went public. It was a hefty bargain considering Tesla’s stock price stood at around $195 per share at that time. He doesn’t apologize for his beliefs and has drawn fire from just about everyone for his political actions.

        Lesson Learned:

        You can’t instantly become a very confident person, but all the small things you do every day will gradually make you more confident:

        • List 10 things you like about yourself every day (something different every day), and you’ll be more confident about yourself.
        • Work on your strengths, do your best to enhance them.

        3. Have a Sense of Humor

        It’s imperative for any kind of leader to have a sense of humor, particularly when things go wrong. And they will.

        Your team members are going to be looking to you for how to react in a seemingly dire situation. It would probably be best if you weren’t stringing up a noose for yourself in the corner. You need to be able to laugh things off, because if staff morale goes down, so will productivity.

        Establish this environment prior to any kind of meltdown by encouraging humor and personal discussions in the work place.

        As president, Barack Obama exuded confidence and calm during stressful situations. But he was also known for his “dad jokes”,[1] his genuinely funny speeches at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, and appearing on Zack Galifianakis’s Between Two Ferns.[2] Obama’s sense of humor made him grounded, realistic, and honest – no doubt that helped during some tense moments in the White House!

          Lesson Learned:

          Laugh at yourself. Confident people laugh about their own silly mistakes, others will also trust you more because you’re willing to share your experiences.

          Be observant and learn from the jokes others make. You can also get a lot of inspirations from the internet.

          4. Embrace Failures and Manage Set Backs

          No matter how hard you try to avoid it, failures will happen; that’s okay. You just need to know how to deal with them.

          Great leaders take them in strides. They remain calm and logically think through the situation and utilize their resources. What they don’t do is fall apart and reveal to their team how worried they are, which leads to negative morale, fear and binge-drinking under desks.

          Great leaders do in fact lead, even when they’re faced with setbacks.

          Henry Ford experienced a major setback after designing and improving the Ford Quadricycle. He founded the Detroit Automobile Company in 1899, but the resulting cars they produced did not live up to his standards and were too expensive. The company dissolved in 1901. Ford took this in stride and formed the Henry Ford Company. The sales were slow and the company had financial problems; it wasn’t until 1903 that the Ford Motor Company was successful and put the Ford on the map.

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            Lesson Learned:

            Get to the root cause of any problem so you can prevent it from happening again and learn from the mistake.

            To do this, use the 5 Whys problem solving framework.

            By asking “why” for 5 times (or more) on why something happened, you can find out the key factor that caused the problem and can find the best solution to tackle the problem.

            You’ll also learn how to prevent this from happening again in the future after finding out a problem’s root cause.

            5. Listen, and Give Feedback

            This is far more complex than it actually sounds. Good communication skills are essential for a great leader. You may very well understand the cave of crazy that is your brain, but that doesn’t mean that you can adequately take the ideas out of it and explain them to someone else.

            The best leaders need to be able to communicate clearly with the people around them. They also need to be able to interpret other people properly and not take what they say personally.

            The Dalai Lama, as a symbol of the unification of the state of Tibet, represents and practices Buddhist values. The Dalai Lama’s leadership is benevolent and aims toward truth and understanding, alongside the other Buddhist precepts. This is a great example for all leaders: if you want to give good directions to others, you have to get feedback from others to understand the situation properly.

              Lesson Learned:

              Encourage communication between team members and establishing an open door policy.

              Practice not to interrupt team members when they’re talking.

              Summarize what they say and ask for feedback every time after you have talked about your ideas.

              6. Know How and When to Delegate

              No matter how much you might want to, you can’t actually do everything yourself. Even if you could, in a team environment that would be a terrible idea anyway.

              Good leaders recognize that delegation does more than simply alleviate their own stress levels (although that’s obviously a nice perk). Delegating to others shows that you have confidence in their abilities, which subsequently results in higher morale in the workplace, as well as loyalty from your staff. They want to feel appreciated and trusted.

              Although Steve Jobs is known for focusing in on the smallest of details, he knew how to delegate. By finding, cultivating, and trusting capable team members – like Tim Cook – Jobs was able to make Apple run smoothly, even while he had to be absent for extended periods of time.

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                Lesson Learned:

                To know when and how to delegate work to team members, you have to be very familiar with each of them:

                • List out all of their strengths, weaknesses and personalities.
                • Talk with your team members more too to know more about their passion and interests.

                Take a look at this guide and learn more about delegation: How to Delegate Work Effectively (The Definitive Guide for Leaders)

                7. Inspire and Grow People Around

                Any good leader knows how important it is to develop the skills of those around them. The best can recognize those skills early on. Not only will development make work easier as they improve and grow, it will also foster morale. In addition, they may develop some skills that you don’t possess that will be beneficial to the workplace.

                Great leaders share their knowledge with the team and give them the opportunity to achieve. This is how leaders gain their respect and loyalty.

                Pope Francis has been unusually popular with many Catholics and many non-Catholics. His position isn’t totally traditional, which is part of his appeal, but he also has admirable leadership skills. Pope Francis’s TED talk drew attention, because he encouraged leaders to be humble and to demonstrate solidarity with others. This inclusive, kind, and respectful style of leadership is incredibly important for any situation.

                  Lesson Learned:

                  Spend time to talk with other team members individually to understand them.

                  Find out team members’ current challenges and try to give feedback and encouragement so they will grow and do better.

                  8. Take Responsibility and Never Blame Others

                  Great leaders know that when it comes to their company, work place or whatever situation they’re in, they need to take personal responsibility for failure. How can they expect employees to hold themselves accountable if they themselves don’t?

                  The best leaders don’t make excuses; they take the blame and then work out how to fix the problem as soon as possible. This proves that they’re trustworthy and possess integrity.

                  Howard Gillman is the chancellor of UC Irvine. You might have heard of how the university rescinded a bunch of acceptances, and then changed its mind.[3] This past spring, an unusually high number of accepted students decided to matriculate; the school initially responded by rescinding offers over things like missed deadlines. But the college realized this was a mistake and reversed its decision. Gillman and the university accepted responsibility and decided to move past their earlier bad decision.

                    Lesson Learned:

                    Ask yourself what you could have done better to prevent this from happening.

                    Take the responsibility and think about what you can do better to prevent this from happening next time.

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                    9. Make Decisions Based on Lessons Learned in the Past

                    It’s safe to say that all great leaders will have to enter unchartered waters at some point during their career (figuratively, of course). Because of this, they have to be able to trust their intuition and draw on past experiences to guide them.

                    Great leaders know that there’s always something to learn from everything they have experienced before. They are able to connect the present challenges with the lessons learned in the past to make decisions and take actions promptly.

                    You can either recall what you’ve learned from your memories, or search from your notes (ideally, a software that you can access anywhere with things well-organized).

                    Warren Buffett, one of the richest people in the world, has mostly made the right calls. But in dealing with huge amounts of money, Buffett has also made several multi-million (and sometimes multi-billion) dollar mistakes. He has stated that buying the company Berkshire Hathaway was his biggest mistake.[4] From that poor choice, he realized that it was unwise to pursue “improvements” and “expansions” in the existing textile industry. Despite mistakes like this, Buffett has invested wisely – and it shows.

                      Lesson Learned:

                      Write down lessons you’ve learned from any mistakes you’ve made.

                      Have all the lessons well organized and  when similar things happen again in future, take these lessons as references.

                      10. Lead by Example and Commit to Do the Best

                      Great leaders stick to their commitments and promises, and they are the most committed and hard working ones on the job. All great leaders lead by example.

                      Why should your staff and team members give it their all if you don’t bother to? By proving your own commitment, great leaders will inspire others to do the same, as well as earn their respect and instill a good work ethic.

                      After 15 years of house arrest, Aung San Suu Kyi was voted state counsellor in Myanmar – one of the highest-profile and most powerful positions in the country. She became a symbol of peaceful resistance when she attempted to bring democracy to her country.[5] In the early years of her detention, she was often in solitary confinement. Suu Kyi is a perfect example of committed and belief-driven leadership, which she openly demonstrated during her many years of house arrest.

                        Lesson Learned:

                        Some people learn by observing the way you perform a task, some need more detailed guidelines.

                        So dedicate time to demonstrate your work to team members, let them observe how you do it. Summarize the skills you use and let team members know how you make difficult things work.

                        The Bottom Line

                        Leadership traits are learnable. If you practice consistently, you can be a great leader too.

                        Make small changes your habits when you work with your team – wherever that may be. Most of us aren’t presidents or CEOs.

                        But we all work with other people, and our actions always impact others. This gives every person the chance to develop leadership skills and to stand out from the crowd.

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                        Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

                        Reference

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