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Without Self Actualization, Life Is Like Empty

Without Self Actualization, Life Is Like Empty

We sometimes get to a point in our lives where we question the meaning of our goals, dreams, potential and general life direction.

The meaning of our lives is the basis of leading a fulfilling experience – from our connection with others, our inner being and our place in the world around us, to our simple physiological needs.

Self-actualization is about moving up to the next level and being the best we can be in order to give meaning to our life – something everyone strives to do whether consciously or not.

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What Exactly is Self-Actualization?

The concept of self-actualization was coined by the psychologist Abraham Maslow [1] who studied the theory of human needs. He believed that happiness derives, not from animalistic or mechanical behaviours nor the unconscious impulses we possess, but rather the drive to develop our understanding and wisdom of our full potential and capabilities.

Why We Need to Put Emphasis on Self-Actualization

Maslow believed that everyone is fundamentally hard-wired to self-actualize. Most people are at different stages – some can self-actualize at an early age or others reach the stage later in life but for most of us, we are have a need to better ourselves on a subconscious level throughout our lives.

In other words, it’s our want to grow whether we do this intentionally or unintentionally. We may do this through reading more widely to gain a better understanding of a subject, or simply choosing to see certain things from a different, more positive perspective.

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It’s this self-actualization that we need in life to feel fulfilled and feel like we’re growing and developing as a person.

The Characteristics of Self-Actualization

If you’re still not sure how this translates into your own life, there are some characteristics of self-actualization that you can probably identify with. These are:

  • Perceiving reality in a skilled way: being able to see what’s happening to you and what’s going on around you with a balanced and accepting approach.
  • The ability to accept yourself and others: understanding ourselves in a non-judgemental way as well as those around us.
  • Being appreciative of life: appreciating what life is in all its faults and glory – in your own life, others’ lives and even the nature that surrounds you.
  • The ability to create deep and meaningful connections: creating relationships that bring meaning and depth; helping us grow and bring further understanding to the essence of connection with others.
  • Following guidance from our values and inner goals: that feeling of living your life according to what you feel is right for you; knowing you are on a path that reflects your ultimate goal of happiness and fulfilment.
  • The ability to express your emotions in a clear and freeing way: feeling confident and positively aligned with the way you express yourself that benefits you and those around you.

Of course, we aren’t always portraying these characteristics at all times but when we do we feel like we’re in a state of being our best selves. This is why going through states of self-actualization helps us live a meaningful life and leads us to a happier life.

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In What Ways Can I Encourage Self Actualization?

Self-actualization may seem hard to do especially when we’re going through hard times or when we’ve picked up negative habits about how we think about ourselves and what’s going on around us.

But there are things you can do that will encourage you to grow and create the mindset of being your best self.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

We all have a tendency to do this but it’s a habit that doesn’t serve us. Understand that we are all on our own unique journey and it doesn’t matter where other people are in comparison to us. Once you make this important realisation you can be free to enjoy your path in life as the adventure it really is. It’s about your own progress not anyone else’s. Self-actualization is understanding that you are looking from a standpoint independent of other people.

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Understanding the Power of Your Mindset

You may feel like your bad mood is the cause of other people or external circumstances that you can’t control, but it’s actually how you choose to react to conditions. You have the ability to adjust accordingly because your mindset is incredibly powerful. Choosing to see things for your benefit no matter how negative it may seem will help you self-actualize much more easily.

Learning to Love Yourself

You may have heard this a million times before, but accepting yourself completely is the only way you can be the best version of yourself. This means accepting both your strengths and weaknesses. It’s from this place that you can truly move through the world in an authentic way – it’s about creating peace of mind about yourself and getting rid of this negative version you’ve made up.

Know That the Journey is Never Over

Self-actualizing is knowing that you never really stop growing – you will never reach perfection and that’s okay because that isn’t what life’s about. Life is about continually expanding ourselves, our knowledge and our perspectives. Once you accept this, it will become easier to relax and achieve the happiness you deserve.

So, the journey to self-actualizing is actually the journey to empowerment. It’s about denouncing the negative perspectives we’ve adopted about ourselves and being willing to see things differently. It’s only from this space that we can live a life that has true meaning, fulfilment and being aware of our full potential and capabilities.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash.com via pexels.com

Reference

[1]The Pursuit of Happiness: Abraham Maslow

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist?

Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist?

He asks you for your opinion, but only follows his own advice regardless of what you say.She loves to talk about herself, everything about her is just better than you.  When you try to share anything happy about yourself, she seriously doubts it.

If you know someone who acts like these examples, there’s a chance they might be a narcissist.

What is a narcissistic personality?

Narcissism is a spectrum personality disorder which most of us have.

In popular culture, narcissism is interpreted as a person who’s in love with themselves, more accurately, their idealized selves. Narcissists believe that they are too unique to be understood and that they are so good that they demand for admiration from others.

Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that,[1]

the narcissist is someone who has buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) describes narcissistic personality as a personality disorder. It is a spectrum disorder, which means it exists on a continuum ranging from some narcissistic traits to the full-blown personality disorder.[2]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not very common, but the truth is, we all have some of the narcissistic traits.

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Traits of a narcissist:

  • They have a deep need for admiration and validation. They think they’re special and too unique to be understood.
  • They feel they are superior to other. They achieve more and know a lot more than you.
  • They do not show their vulnerabilities. They fear what others think of them and they want to remain superior in all situations.
  • They are unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. They want to be the centre of attention and believe that showing emotions is a sign of weakness.
  • They are skilled manipulators and are emotionally abusive. They know how to make use of their charm to take advantage of others to get what they want.

How are narcissists different from others?

Narcissism expert and the author of Narcissism in a Nutshell, Zari Ballard, tried to answer some common questions asked by non-narcissists about what a narcissist thinks and feels from a narcissist’s perspective.[3]

Do narcissists know they are narcissists and are they happy?

We could really care less about how others feel. We enjoy our so called cold existence. True narcissists don’t want to change. We feel in total control of our lives using this method.

Do narcissists know or understand right from wrong?

Narcissists know the difference between right and wrong because they understand cause and effect. There is no “guilty conscience” giving them a clue and they are displaying the symptom of being “indifferent to social norms” while most likely presenting as ‘cold-hearted.’

Narcissists have a very different thinking mechanism. They see things from a different perspective. Unlike non-narcissists and empaths, they don’t have much sympathy and are reluctant to show emotions to others.

Why do people become narcissists?

1. Narcissism is vulnerability taken to an extreme.

The root of a narcissistic personality is a strong resistance to feeling vulnerable with anyone.[4]

Narcissists refuse to put themselves in a position where they feel vulnerable. They fear that others will take advantage of their weaknesses, so they learn to camouflage their weaknesses by acting strong and powerful. The think showing emotions to others is a sign of weakness, so they learn to hide their emotions and act cold-hearted most of the times.

Narcissists live in a state of anxiety because they are highly aware of their emotions and how others think of them.

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Vulnerability aversion, is the root of a narcissistic personality.

2. A narcissistic personality could be a result of a wounded past.

Narcissists are desperate to seek validation constantly because they either didn’t feel worthwhile and valued in the past, or were being paid too much attention as the most precious and unique one in the world.

Faulty or inadequate parenting, for example a lack of limit setting, is believed to be a major cause, and both permissive and authoritarian styles of parenting have been found to promote narcissistic symptoms.[5]

Both parents who fail to see the worth in a child, and parents who spoil and give excessive praise to the child promote narcissism as the child grows. While the former ones make the child feel inferior of others and want to get more attention, the latter ones encourage an idealized-self in the child.

How to deal with a narcissist?

1. If someone close to you is a narcissist, embrace the differences.

There’re different personality types and not everyone will think and act the same as you do. Instead of trying to change others, learn to accept the differences and strike a balance when you really have to communicate with them.

2. Don’t try to change them, focus on your own needs.

Try to understand that narcissists are resistant to change, it’s more important for you to see who they really are, instead of who you want them to be. Focus on how you feel, and what you want yourself to be.

Embrace the fact that there’re different types of personality and the only thing you can control is your attitude and your own actions.

3. Recognize what they do only comes from their insecurity.

Narcissists are quite vulnerable deep inside, they question others because that’s how they can make themselves feel better.

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When you learn that what a narcissist does to you is nothing personal, but something that comes from their insecurity, you know that sometimes they just need a certain amount of reassurance.

This is especially important if the narcissist is someone you have to closely work with, or if they’re your family member. The right amount of reassurance can calm them down and get the tasks on hand completed.

4. Ask them what would others think instead of what’d others feel.[6]

Narcissists don’t feel guilty, but they care about how others think of them deep in their heart.

Clinical psychologist Al Bernstein explains:

There are just things, like other people’s feelings, that narcissists rarely consider. If you have their ear, don’t tell them how people might react; instead, ask probing questions. Narcissists are much more likely to act on ideas that they think they thought up themselves.

If you have to work with a narcissist closely, focus on the facts and ideas, not the emotions.

5. Let go of the need of getting a narcissist’s approval.

You’re not who a narcissist says you are. Don’t let their blame game undermine your self-esteem, and don’t argue with them just to defend what you believe is right.

There is no point arguing with a narcissist just to prove them wrong because they will not give in proving themselves right. It’s more likely that you’ll get more upset when they disagree with you in an unpleasant way.

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Know your own worth and detach from a narcissist’s opinion on you.

6. If a narcissist is hurting you, stay away from them.

Remember, a healthy relationship is two-sided. It’s about mutual respect and it’s based on give and take. But any kind of relationship with a narcissist is likely to be the contrary, it’s about making the narcissist happy and constantly supporting them. A relationship like this will only weigh you down and is unhealthy for your growth.

7. Set a boundary and always keep it.

If you’re setting a boundary, you have to be willing to keep it. When a narcissist sees that you’re trying to take back control of your life, they will try to test your limits, it’s just their instinct to do it.

Be prepared that your boundary will be challenged. Make your boundary clear, have all the actions needed to be taken in your mind.

For example, if you have decided to stop communicating with them, they will likely to show up in front of you just to talk to you. Be brave enough to keep your boundary, don’t back down and get close to them again; or else they will not take your boundary seriously any more.

8. Learn when to walk away.

When a narcissist starts to make you feel uncomfortable and doubt about yourself, it’s time to pick yourself up and give yourself enough respect to just walk away from them.

If you’re in love with a narcissist, you should seriously think about ending the relationship and move on for a better life. If the narcissist is your family member, you don’t have to be cruel to them, but it’s better to keep distance from them.

Reference

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