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When You Begin to Accept Yourself, These 10 Amazing Things Will Happen

When You Begin to Accept Yourself, These 10 Amazing Things Will Happen

I’ll admit it. I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me!  Okay, I don’t want to get all Stuart Smalley on everyone, but in the past, I would have never been able to say this about myself.

I’m an introverted guy who prefers to be in quiet places.

I used to hate this about myself. After all, those weren’t the guys who got all the ladies. I wanted to be that guy who everyone flocked to and paid attention to. If only I could appear more confident, THEN people would be interested in me.

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The truth is, I wasn’t using what I already had to get more of what I wanted. Instead of trying to be someone I wasn’t, I now embrace and accept the person I already am. You can too. When you begin to do the same, these 10 amazing things will happen.

1. You will see new opportunities

When you are aware of what you are really good at, doors will open for you because you are able to walk through them. Everyone has a unique perspective and something to offer the world around them. Often, we can’t see those opportunities because we are so caught up in what we should have done or who we think we should be.

2. You will become more aware of the world around you

Your mind becomes clearer and focused when you stop worrying about who you should be. You are able to help other people and see their problems as their problems, not your own. You will begin to understand the root of problems without judging them from your own perspective. You will see the world just the way it is.

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3. You will no longer see yourself as a failure

I used to believe that I was in fact, a failure. It’s as if there is one definition of failure, and I was certainly convinced I was THE definition. The truth is, we try many things in life and not everything is going to work out as we planned. Nobody gets everything right and when people do get it right, they’ve often failed many times to get to that point.

4. You will embrace the life stage you are in

I wish I realized this sooner. I used to live in the future. At any one age, I wanted to be older. Then, when I reached that age, I’d want to be another age! If only I could get to 30, I thought to myself, THEN I’d have it all figured out.  When you accept yourself as you already are, you will enjoy the life you have right now.

5. You will meet more people like you

When you stop trying to be someone else, you begin to realize that there are actually more people who share similar interests, values, and a personality like yours. It’s actually quite easy and you’ll find that people are basically the same and want the same things you do.

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6. You will attract the right person

I’m not talking about willing something to happen or sitting alone and thinking your way to love. But, when you act out of a place of acceptance, more people will begin to accept you. In other words, the right people will be attracted to you when they see your best qualities because you show them those qualities.

7.  You will stop comparing yourself to others

In the past, I wanted to be stronger, better looking, more interesting, more successful.   compared myself to people I wanted to be and when I didn’t live up to those standards, I was even harder on myself. I often forgot that the people I wanted to be like, were also people themselves and, we just don’t often know what they might also be struggling with.

8. You will be grateful for what you do have

You will stop complaining so much about everything you don’t have and will notice the little things in life that you do have. There are many people in this world who would gladly trade places with you. If you are reading this right now, you are a privileged minority. It’s hard to be grateful when you aren’t happy, but try and be grateful for just one thing that you DO have.

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9. You will live a life of abundance

The world is a big place. There is more than enough for anyone. You will begin to see where this abundance lies in your own life, because you care less about how other people view you and can focus on what matters. When you act out of a place of acceptance, life becomes more abundant in areas you never knew were possible.

10. You will love yourself, every day

This was the hardest lesson for me to learn. I thought that I needed to fix and help other people. The reality is that I needed to fix who I was. I needed to deal with my own issues before I could truly help others. Tell yourself you love yourself, even if you don’t believe it, because this is when you REALLY need to hear yourself say it.

Many of us get stuck in that place of fear, doubt, and shame that holds us back from realizing our true potential. When we can accept that we are simply human, it becomes easier to accept who we are as individuals. All of us have something to offer this massive, abundant world. Yes, even you.

Featured photo credit: Silverleaf via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on January 24, 2021

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

    Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

    6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

    If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

    Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

    Final Thoughts

    Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

    Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

    Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

    More Tips on How to Say No

    Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
    [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
    [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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