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How Texting Builds A Wall Between Me And My Friends

How Texting Builds A Wall Between Me And My Friends

We all had that experience before. When casual texting ended in something terribly embarrassing.

Personally, my experience almost cost myself a few buddies. I once texted my girlfriend about my rude yet funny friends. I mentioned how they tested the border-line tolerance of one another. I exemplified with some utterly crude incidence. I was so happy sharing until I figured out I had been talking directly to my friends and really infuriated them.

Don’t lie. We all had that most embarrassing moment.

Texting is detrimental to us. It potentially weakens our communication skills and harms our friendships.

We’re eloquent in texting, but it’s the opposite case when we meet face-to-face

Texting is never similar to face-to-face communication.

Face-to-face communication conveys meaning beyond words. We have different gestures and expressions whilst talking. These imply our emotional state at the moment.

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Eye contact, touch and tones are also part of the message. While you are talking, a blink or a raised tone can mean exactly the opposite to what the words literally mean.

Noticing the subtle signals from the listeners’ body language and facial expressions can tell whether we are talking right or wrong.

There was a time that I had a discussion with my boss and colleagues. I didn’t realize I was saying something really unfavorable to my boss. I found my colleague making an angry face and peeped at the boss for a brief moment. That little act saved my career!

When we are used to the communication mode of texting, we eventually lose our knowledge in body language and sound awkward to the others.

Communication is all about trivial matters in life

Texting can come in handy when we just meet a new friend and it is too awkward to talk face-to-face. Small talk by text can then be a useful alternative to grow friendship.

However, texting always stays at a surface level communication. There is very little if not no meaningful conversation in small talk.

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Only when we meet face-to-face with others we can show our real self.

It is not uncommon to meet someone new online nowadays. It is also not uncommon to date someone met online out. We may have an enjoyable time chatting online but it’s the real deal when we encounter the person physically.

Sudden loss at words, stammering, avoiding eye contact, trembling. They all happen.

Fluent at texting doesn’t necessarily mean you can talk nicely face-to-face.

We only think about ourselves when we text

We are self-oriented in texting. We always start with what ‘I’ think, how ‘I’ feel and what ‘I’ am doing. It is the normal way of thinking in texting.

In reality, self-orientation makes us less aware of the potential inappropriate message to others.

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We always talk about ourselves, disregarding the others’ stance and background. This may put the listeners in a very difficult situation.

In reality, we always have to take the others’ perspectives into consideration. Something appropriate to you doesn’t mean it is acceptable to the others. .

If you wildly celebrate your victory online, how do your friends who are eliminated early in the tournament feel?

I once was discussing where to dine with my friends and I recommended hot wings buffet, bragging about how brilliant their spice was. I was so used to the self-oriented conversational style of texting that I totally forgot one of my friends was having a burning throat. At the end of the day, he lost his voice and it was a great regret for me.

Texting make us more tolerant to socially inappropriate behavior

In texting, we can delay our replies or even ignore the message. Sometimes we are busy. Sometimes we miss the message. Sometimes we are just uninterested. It is fine because this is the way texting works. It accepts such situation. None would stare at the phone, waiting for the replies.

In reality, it isn’t the same. We cannot ignore the others and delay our replies in face-to-face interaction.

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It is socially inappropriate and appears rude to the others.

The rule in texting does not play well in face-to-face communication.

When I was working on a group project at college, I had a group mate whose phone is never idling. He texts all the time. One time I was asking him for some crucial information about the job division. He simply ignored me completely as if my question were non-existent at all. I blew my fuse immediately and glad there was someone holding onto me before anything brutal happened.

In spite of the convenience offered by texting, texting can never replace face-to-face communication. They each have a different set of rules and should be handled separately. We should never rely heavily on texting because it is detrimental to us. It weakens our communication skills and can potentially kill friendship.

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Jeffrey Lau

Editor. Sport Lover. Animal Lover.

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Last Updated on December 3, 2019

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

There are so many lessons I wish I had learned while I was young enough to appreciate and apply them. The thing with wisdom, and often with life lessons in general, is that they’re learned in retrospect, long after we needed them. The good news is that other people can benefit from our experiences and the lessons we’ve learned.

Here’re 10 important life lessons you should learn early on:

1. Money Will Never Solve Your Real Problems

Money is a tool; a commodity that buys you necessities and some nice “wants,” but it is not the panacea to your problems.

There are a great many people who are living on very little, yet have wonderfully full and happy lives… and there are sadly a great many people are living on quite a lot, yet have terribly miserable lives.

Money can buy a nice home, a great car, fabulous shoes, even a bit of security and some creature comforts, but it cannot fix a broken relationship, or cure loneliness, and the “happiness” it brings is only fleeting and not the kind that really and truly matters. Happiness is not for sale. If you’re expecting the “stuff” you can buy to “make it better,” you will never be happy.

2. Pace Yourself

Often when we’re young, just beginning our adult journey we feel as though we have to do everything at once. We need to decide everything, plan out our lives, experience everything, get to the top, find true love, figure out our life’s purpose, and do it all at the same time.

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Slow down—don’t rush into things. Let your life unfold. Wait a bit to see where it takes you, and take time to weigh your options. Enjoy every bite of food, take time to look around you, let the other person finish their side of the conversation. Allow yourself time to think, to mull a bit.

Taking action is critical. Working towards your goals and making plans for the future is commendable and often very useful, but rushing full-speed ahead towards anything is a one-way ticket to burnout and a good way to miss your life as it passes you by.

3. You Can’t Please Everyone

“I don’t know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everyone” – Bill Cosby.

You don’t need everyone to agree with you or even like you. It’s human nature to want to belong, to be liked, respected and valued, but not at the expense of your integrity and happiness. Other people cannot give you the validation you seek. That has to come from inside.

Speak up, stick to your guns, assert yourself when you need to, demand respect, stay true to your values.

4. Your Health Is Your Most Valuable Asset

Health is an invaluable treasure—always appreciate, nurture, and protect it. Good health is often wasted on the young before they have a chance to appreciate it for what it’s worth.

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We tend to take our good health for granted, because it’s just there. We don’t have to worry about it, so we don’t really pay attention to it… until we have to.

Heart disease, bone density, stroke, many cancers—the list of many largely preventable diseases is long, so take care of your health now, or you’ll regret it later on.

5. You Don’t Always Get What You Want

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

No matter how carefully you plan and how hard you work, sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to… and that’s okay.

We have all of these expectations; predetermined visions of what our “ideal” life will look like, but all too often, that’s not the reality of the life we end up with. Sometimes our dreams fail and sometimes we just change our minds mid-course. Sometimes we have to flop to find the right course and sometimes we just have to try a few things before we find the right direction.

6. It’s Not All About You

You are not the epicenter of the universe. It’s very difficult to view the world from a perspective outside of your own, since we are always so focused on what’s happening in our own lives. What do I have to do today? What will this mean for me, for my career, for my life? What do I want?

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It’s normal to be intensely aware of everything that’s going on in your own life, but you need to pay as much attention to what’s happening around you, and how things affect other people in the world as you do to your own life. It helps to keep things in perspective.

7. There’s No Shame in Not Knowing

No one has it all figured out. Nobody has all the answers. There’s no shame in saying “I don’t know.” Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make you perfect. It just makes you neurotic to keep up the pretense of manufactured perfection.

We have this idea that there is some kind of stigma or shame in admitting our limitations or uncertainly, but we can’t possibly know everything. We all make mistakes and mess up occasionally. We learn as we go, that’s life.

Besides—nobody likes a know-it-all. A little vulnerability makes you human and oh so much more relatable.

8. Love Is More Than a Feeling; It’s a Choice

That burst of initial exhilaration, pulse quickening love and passion does not last long. But that doesn’t mean long-lasting love is not possible.

Love is not just a feeling; it’s a choice that you make every day. We have to choose to let annoyances pass, to forgive, to be kind, to respect, to support, to be faithful.

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Relationships take work. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s incredibly hard. It is up to us to choose how we want to act, think and speak in a relationship.

9. Perspective Is a Beautiful Thing

Typically, when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. Everything that is happening in our lives seems so big, so important, so do or die, but in the grand picture, this single hiccup often means next to nothing.

The fight we’re having, the job we didn’t get, the real or imagined slight, the unexpected need to shift course, the thing we wanted, but didn’t get. Most of it won’t matter 20, 30, 40 years from now. It’s hard to see long term when all you know is short term, but unless it’s life-threatening, let it go, and move on.

10. Don’t Take Anything for Granted

We often don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone: that includes your health, your family and friends, your job, the money you have or think you will have tomorrow.

When you’re young, it seems that your parents will always be there, but they won’t. You think you have plenty of time to get back in touch with your old friends or spend time with new ones, but you don’t. You have the money to spend, or you think you’ll have it next month, but you might not.

Nothing in your life is not guaranteed to be there tomorrow, including those you love.

This is a hard life lesson to learn, but it may be the most important of all: Life can change in an instant. Make sure you appreciate what you have, while you still have it.

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Featured photo credit: Ben Eaton via unsplash.com

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