Advertising
Advertising

21 Ways We Complicate Life

21 Ways We Complicate Life

These days, many people live stressful, complicated, hurried lives — going and going and going and sometimes getting nowhere. I’ve been there too, with so much to do with seemingly little time to do it. Trying to be in control and rushing from people to places to projects with good intentions to get it all done.

If you’re one of these many people, even if it’s just every now and then, you should know that there are a few ways we actually make life harder on ourselves. The reverse of this is also true. Undoing our stress can be the path to really living life right.

Perhaps the thing we need the most isn’t more things to do but a thorough cleaning of our mental, emotional, and physical to-do lists. When you’re doing so much in a day that you can’t remember anything you did and you don’t feel any better or more fulfilled having done it, then you are simply too busy and your life is too full and complicated.

Here are 21 ways we complicate life and how we can stop.

1. We procrastinate.

Projects pile up, certain tasks are constantly at the top of our to-do list, emails and text messages go unanswered, and people want our attention. Nothing can clutter our minds more than things that go undone. When we don’t do the things we should at the times we know we should do them, we get overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed often leads to projects never being completed because we feel like we will never catch up. Procrastination is complication. Our life will love us forever if we start doing things now.

Advertising

2. We worry.

Worry is the mother of a complicated life. The more we worry, the more problems don’t get resolved. Many times, we aren’t even facing real problems, just issues we’ve concocted in our minds. Yet we still worry. Worrying robs us of our joy, steals our peace of mind, and ruins our lives. A problem is no greater than the power you give it. The energy we spend on our problems can be energy well-spent on finding solutions.

3. We wait.

The perfect time never seems to be now, so we wait for it. The dream seems unattainable now, so we wait for a better time. The work seems too hard now, so we wait for it to get lighter. We wait and wait and wait. We end up waiting all our lives for things we have the time, talent, money, and power to reach for right now. Waiting is fine when you are not in control, but waiting for opportunities when it is in your power to create them is not beneficial.

4. We do more than we should.

We say yes to everyone and everything. The idea of commitment means everything; overcommitment puts a smile on everyone else’s face but yours. It’s enticing to fill every minute of every day with meeting people, working on projects, and going places. But you have to ask yourself, is it necessary? Give yourself space — lots and lots of space. Think. Plan. Do what you should and leave the rest alone.

5. We accept too many interruptions.

When we are always busy, we have very little time for interruptions. When we get unfairly interrupted, we respond negatively. Interruptions should be kept to a minimum — if it isn’t an emergency, don’t give your time to it. You will always be crazy busy if you allow people to stick their heads in your door every ten minutes with meaningless objectives and projects they can handle themselves. Shift your focus from dealing with interruptions and being distracted to things that really need your attention.

6. We seek approval and affirmation from others.

This is often done unconsciously. But let’s be honest, most of what we do, we want people to like. The more people don’t like it, the busier we are refining and revamping it. This causes stress. One of the hardest things you will ever do is try to please people. It’s hard because you’ll never succeed. It’s a game — a futile, empty one at that. The goal is to like what you do, love what you do, think your own thoughts, create the life you want to live, and never mind if anyone approves or affirms you in it. Don’t be afraid to love the path you’re walking on and the life you’re living — every step, every minute.

Advertising

7. We’re not really productive.

Busyness and productivity are on opposite ends of the spectrum — if you’re busy, more than likely you’re not as productive as you could be. If you’re productive, odds are you’re not so head-under-the-desk busy that you can’t see anything else. Busyness will exhaust you and complicate your life. Take a breather. Allow yourself to step back, analyze what you’re doing, and select the things that are most important and that will yield the most results.

8. We aim for control.

When we try to control more than we should, we don’t enjoy the journey or the destination. Control is not the goal in life, connection is. Connection with others and with yourself. You will quickly get tired, frustrated, and bored with life if you are intent on controlling everything in your life. Learn to let things go. Give your heart and mind a break from making all the decisions, being involved in every detail, and trying to steer in all directions at once. It’s not worth it. Take a break. Let go of some of your high expectations.

9. We hold on to birds that need to fly.

You can’t untangle your life if you’re unwilling to let go of some things and some people. What you had five years ago may not be what you need now. The people who walked your journey with you one year ago may not be the same people who need to walk with you today. Drop a load off of your life by not holding on too tightly. If you do, you’ll be disappointed and always wondering why? how? when? what? Accept differences. Embrace change. Give yourself permission to let go so you can have room to grab the next opportunity that comes your way.

10. We participate in drama.

Drama is one of the bedrocks to a complicated and unpleasant life. Indulging in the drama of other people and giving your own drama free rein will cause you to be more stressed out and depressed than you ever thought possible. There are people who feed off drama and don’t think they’ve had a good day until they’ve been involved in some trite situation that makes someone else look bad. Quit judging, start loving. Choose to see the good in others and help them bring it out.

11. We take one step forward and two steps back.

In other words, we hesitate. We wonder if we should, we start, and then we stop. We see possibilities, we move forward, we encounter a roadblock, and then we quit. Wouldn’t you rather take a risk and see that it didn’t work out than not take the risk at all? Life is full of opportunities and possibilities if we simply open our minds, eyes, and hearts to them. Persevere and believe that whatever you want, you will get. Keep your head up and don’t succumb to the voice of failure.

Advertising

12. We complain.

We stress ourselves out when we find things to grumble about and nothing to be grateful for. Complaining almost always changes nothing. When we focus on the next thing — the next pay raise, the next promotion, the next degree, the bigger house, the better car, another spouse, another friend — we neglect all the things that are before us and the people that are around us. Stopping to breathe is part of the wonderful process of simplifying your life. We should be happy and thankful for who we are and for what we have right now. Always thinking of times in the past and in the future robs us of the joy of living in the present. Don’t waste your mental energy with ungrateful thoughts.

13. We don’t set boundaries.

No, everything is not a priority. No, everyone does not need your attention. Yes, the world will roll right on if you go on a vacation, take a nap, or watch the sun set. Boundaries influence who you are, what you believe, and where you stand in the grand scheme of everything else. Set, embrace, and respect boundaries. It’s not a sign of weakness if you can’t handle something; it’s an opportunity for your boundaries to show strength. When we set boundaries, we show respect to our health, our time, our energy, and our life. When we decide when to say yes and when to say no, we take control of our lives. If you respect your own boundaries, other people will respect them as well.

14. We compare ourselves to others.

Someone once said, don’t compare your movie to someone else’s script. Or don’t compare your chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 20. You are entitled to embrace your life just the way it is, make the changes you know you can make, and walk your own path to success. Nobody is obligated to write your life for you. Comparing yourself to someone else will set you up for failure. You wonder why so many people don’t succeed? Because they are way too busy trying to be like someone else, get what someone else has, look like someone else, and act like someone else. Don’t worry about them; focus on you.

15. We aren’t honest.

Dishonesty is a fast-track route to depression and heartbreak. You have to tell the truth to yourself and to others. You have to assess your life and your priorities openly and straightforwardly. Choose to believe the truth and reject lies. Lies complicate life. If we truly love ourselves, we will tell ourselves the truth. If we love others, we will tell them the truth. Not only do we speak the truth, but we must be truthful in our actions and our attitudes.

16. We don’t forgive.

Holding on to hurt feelings, bitterness, pent-up frustration, and emotions of hate and anger only makes situations worse. You are actively hurting your own wellbeing and mindset. The freedom is when you release these emotions from your life and intentionally forgive yourself and those who’ve hurt you — even if they don’t ask for it, appreciate it, or deserve it. These feelings are as real to you throughout your life as you allow them to be. So let them go for your own sake.

Advertising

17. We focus on ourselves instead of others.

We live in a very self-centered world. So many of us are only concerned about ourselves — what we want, what we like, what we can buy, how we can get ahead, how much money we can make, where we can go, what we can eat, and so on. However, when we focus on ourselves only, we miss out on greater joys and blessings. Involvement with yourself all of the time can only confuse your life. Learn to reach out. Give. Serve. Love.

18. We don’t nurture our relationships.

Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, a lone wolf or a people person, you can’t survive without relationships. We were created at our cores to be social beings (or social animals, if you prefer). The happiest people in the world have meaningful, honest, and deep relationships. I didn’t say you have to be close friends with everybody you meet. However, there are people in your life who know you, you know them, and you have a deep sense of connection and camaraderie — these are the relationships you need to spend time on, love, and nurture. When we’re around those we really care about and who really care about us, we experience an emotional high that involves honesty, interdependence, sacrifice, and commitment that is strong and abiding.

19. We live in the past.

What use is the past to you if not only to learn from it? We do things we shouldn’t, we don’t do things we should, and we do things we wish we hadn’t — it’s an unfortunate part of the process of growing up. We’ve got the growing up part, but we don’t have the moving on part. This is what we need to get a hold of — the past is the past, learn from it, leave it, and move on. Sure, some of the things we did, the decisions we made, and the attitudes we had, we wish we could go back and do over. But we can’t — that’s the reality. If we could change anything about the past, we wouldn’t be who we are today. So embrace your failures and mistakes, learn from them, laugh about them, and keep moving forward.

20. We try to cheat.

Skating through life and cutting corners has never helped anything or anybody. Doing what is right at all times should be your primary goal. When we seek to do right and make appropriate decisions that are supported by knowledge, wisdom, and accurate information, we may make mistakes, but we never have to look over our shoulders or bog down our minds with why we didn’t do something a certain way. Do the right thing at all times. Be honest. Be straightforward. If it’s bad, just say it. If it’s right, just do it. Nobody may ever know that you did the right thing, but you will know. You have a conscience and you are responsible for making sure that your conscience is free enough to speak to you.

21. We avoid the tough stuff.

So many people don’t like conflict. Any time an unfavorable situation arises, they immediately eject themselves from the conversation. Doing this is like the proverbial ostrich with its head stuck in the sand. The problem being avoided only gets bigger and bigger until it is confronted. Are you willing to have uncomfortable conversations? Are you willing to deal with the tough stuff so the rest of your life can be better? Conflict that goes unaddressed in the present will only cause bigger problems in the future. Your ability to successfully and sanely manage your life will depend on the number of things (and people) you are willing to confront and how much tough stuff you’re willing to deal with.

Featured photo credit: Andrea Contratto/Flickr via flickr.com

More by this author

Daniella Whyte

Psychology Researcher

You Can If You Think You Can: 4 Ways to Build Self-Efficacy A Letter To My 50-Year-Old Self: On Grace and Getting Older Never Be the One Who Waits to Give Flowers 6 Questions That Help You Break Out of A Motivational Slump 6 Ways to Use Stress to Your Advantage

Trending in Communication

1 10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life 2 How to Survive a Quarter Life Crisis (The Complete Guide) 3 What Makes a Good Leader: 9 Critical Leadership Qualities 4 Think Positive Mantras Help a Lot? Try Value Affirmation Instead 5 How to Survive a Midlife Crisis (The Definitive Guide for Men)

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on May 28, 2020

10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life

10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life

Are you stressed out and overwhelmed, wishing you had more time to do the things that really matter? Are you ready to do something better, something special in your life or your career?

You were born with a gift that no one else in the world can express like you. When you dance to your own music, you naturally develop your innate abilities and excel in work and life. You are a total rock star. But when you live someone else’s idea of who you should be, it throws off your groove.

Many people—maybe you—stopped following their dreams way too early in life because their talents were ignored, minimized, or shamed. They didn’t have the chops to win an American Idol competition or nab an Olympic gold medal, so they stopped expressing their inborn gifts altogether.

You don’t need to be an award winner to rock your life. Living your dream life is about discovering your superpowers and feeling vibrant and joyful when you use them. It’s about owning what makes you unique and finding like-minded people to support you.

Here are 10 success principles to help you live a rich and rewarding life on your terms that have worked with thousands of people in my workshops and will work for you, too.

1. Get a Hobby to Move Closer to Your Dreams

If you never became a professional dancer or a world-renowned author, it does NOT mean you should stop dancing or writing! These activities make you come alive, even if you “only” do them as favorite pastimes.

Engaging in a hobby is one of the most important success principles you can follow to move closer to your dreams.

When you try something creative for the first time or in a long while, you begin to see opportunities at work and in life that you were unaware of before. You also feel happier and more energized, according to a recent study from New Zealand.[1]

Some of my most burned-out executive clients reinvigorated their careers by discovering a creative outlet that refueled them after the workday ended. Research at San Francisco State University shows that having a hobby lowers stress and helps you succeed at work.[2]

So, give yourself permission to try new things and revisit old passions you gave up long ago. Setting aside just one hour a week for personal exploration can significantly change your life.

Who knows? Your creative outlet could transform into a thriving business or lead to a new profession down the road.

Advertising

2. Focus on Your Strengths, Not Your Weaknesses

Did you know that you are more likely to succeed when you develop your natural strengths rather than work on your weaknesses? The problem is that you probably don’t know where your true talents lie.

Here are a few options to help you discover your unique strengths. You can:

  • Take the VIA Character Strengths Survey[3]
  • Try Gallup’s CliftonStrengths Assessment[4]
  • Answer a few Superpower Questions

Once you understand what makes you tick, you can use these skills at work and your personal life to get more done in less time. If you boost your unique abilities through practice and study, you can accelerate your career and become a leader in a field that matters to you. It’s worth investing in yourself this way.

3. Jumping off a Cliff is NOT Required

Here’s the deal: most people are too afraid to change. When participants first come to my workshops, they tell me they have mouths to feed, bills to pay, and fear that if they follow their dreams, someone will get hurt.

The old saying “leap and the net shall appear” does not comfort them. Because they are hesitant to plunge into the unknown, they believe their only option is to stay put where they are in life. Can you relate?

You do not have to sacrifice the life you have now to start a new one. I was a psychology professor by day and singer by night for years before I transitioned into a full-time music career.

Just take a little time out each week to do what enlivens you through a hobby, volunteer work, etc. Get a feel for it.

Is it what you really want? If so, increase the time you spend doing it and make the transition when the time feels right.

4. Give Your Inner Critic Some Love

The main culprit that keeps you from stepping outside your comfort zone and getting the life of your dreams is KCRP or K-CRAP – the radio station that plays 24/7 in your head. The moment you try to do something interesting with your life it slaps you down with such chart-topping killer hooks as “Who do you think you are?” and “You’ll never be good enough!”.

Have you ever noticed that KCRP’s mean-spirited DJ sounds like your parents, teachers, bosses, and other authority figures who shut you down creatively? These folks don’t need to stifle you any longer (although they often still do) because your inner critic does it for them. That keeps you stuck in a rut.

To break free, try thinking of this DJ as a gruff old grandfather who gives you crap to keep you safe. Remember, this grumpy grandpa is woefully out of touch with the times. So, his stern opinions don’t really matter much, do they? Give him a pat on the back for his good intentions, and put your focus back on what makes you come alive.

Advertising

This success principle will give you the courage to venture into the unknown where you can dance to the beat of your own drummer.

5. Embrace Your Inner Weirdo

Many of us don’t go after our dreams because we’re afraid folks will find out how odd or strange we are. But our little eccentricities often turn out to be our greatest strengths. Yes, it’s good to be quirky.

Odds are, you lost track of your true passions and talents before you were even old enough to know you were getting off-track. You became slowly “adulterated” by learning to:

  • Take on family roles that don’t match who you really are.
  • Spit back what teachers taught you in school rather than risk getting bad grades for being original.
  • Hide parts of yourself that don’t seem acceptable to certain social groups.

The price for fitting in is that you may wind up leading a life that doesn’t fit you all that well. Your true calling becomes clear when you embrace what makes you different from others and allow yourself to stand out from the crowd, even if it feels awkward.

Often, the very qualities you view as your flaws are your greatest gifts.

6. See the Bigger Picture to Find Your True Calling

I cannot stress the importance of this success principle enough. Your true calling is right in front of you. But you may miss it because you’re looking for it in the wrong place.

To “see” it clearly, try widening your point of view.

Case in point: Maria felt she needed to retire early from being a police detective, so she could travel abroad. I encouraged Maria to think of ways that she could continue to serve as a law enforcer (a career she loved) and travel overseas at the same time.

A few months later, Maria landed a job with the United Nations in Bosnia training the local police force to understand and embrace human rights procedures.

Like Maria, you are an everyday rock star capable of accomplishing greater things than you can imagine. Is what you’re looking for right in front of you, too? Do you have an inkling of what it may be?

Look beyond your day-to-day activities, your current job, and even the town you live in. View your life from an eagle’s perspective and be open to new possibilities.

Advertising

7. Try a Little Wish-List Magic

Pretend I’m your fairy godmother and I give you permission right now to be your most magnificent self. What kind of life would be music to your ears? It doesn’t matter whether it seems unattainable or even downright crazy. Write it down on a wish list.

Get quiet. Be honest. Think big.

What would you like your career, your relationships, your health, your finances, and your spiritual life to be like? Jot down enough details so that your wishes seem tangible to you. Then, look at this list every morning before you start your day and every night before you go to sleep.

Sounds silly? It’s not. It works! Permitting yourself to daydream about a rich and fulfilling life is the first step to manifesting it.

8. Take Breaks to Get Clues About Your Ideal Future

Did you know that working straight through to a deadline leads to diminishing returns? Research shows that taking a break for 15 minutes every 75 to 90 minutes can help you recharge, refresh your focus, and get more done in less time.[5]

Wait, it gets better! A Stanford study shows that walking increases your creative output increases by 60 percent. Doing repetitive activities such as walking, running, riding your bike, swimming, and sweeping allow solutions to problems to pop into your mind out of nowhere.[6]

What does this success principle have to do with creating your dream life?

These mini-breaks allow you to get vital clues for what to do next to attain your ideal future. Plus, you won’t waste precious time and energy getting lost in other people’s agendas.

9. Take Action on Your Inspired Ideas

Once an inspired thought pops into your mind, take action.

This is one of the most powerful success principles for turning your dreams into reality; the sooner the better. Whatever it is—from calling an old friend to taking a new route home—be sure to do it!

Pay attention to your oddball hunches. You need to go after what you want, not just dream about it. As comedian Jim Carrey warns,

Advertising

“You can’t just visualize and go eat a sandwich.”

10. Count Your Rockstar Moments

Still not sure you have what it takes to get your dream life? This final success principle is guaranteed to help.

Make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished. As you read back through it, put a star next to each item, and let it sink in.

You’ll be pleasantly surprised by how good you’ll feel about yourself afterward. You’ll also see how effective you’ve been in the past at getting what you want. You’ve succeeded before, you can succeed again.

You already rock. You just need to own it. Trust me, you’ve got this!

Final Thoughts

Eleanor Roosevelt said,

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

Following these success principles will help you find the time and energy to do the things that really matter and live with clear intention.

By spending just one hour a week doing something you love, focusing on your strengths and achievements, embracing what makes you different, and acting on inspired ideas, you can create a life that is a perfect fit for you, step-by-step.

If you don’t have a clue about what your dream life could look like yet, don’t worry. Your heart knows. It has been “talking” to you for a long time. It’s just being muffled by KCRP, buried under a lot of “shoulds” and fear.

This article can also help you figure out the life you truly want to live: How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up.

Stand still, get quiet, and listen. It’s constantly telling you what you need to do to realize your own rockstar potential. It may be just a whisper now, but the more you pay attention to it, the louder it will get, and the easier it will be to follow.

More About Success in Life

Featured photo credit: Rahul Dey via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next