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Last Updated on May 18, 2018

How to Forgive and Live a Happy Life Again (A Step-By-Step Guide)

How to Forgive and Live a Happy Life Again (A Step-By-Step Guide)

We’ve all experienced unmet expectations and painful experiences. Though, when we hang onto them, we keep ourselves from soaring and enjoying our precious lives. Instead, we’re weighed down by pain and the burden of feeling betrayed. But it’s possible to let go, and I’m here to tell you that there is no better time than now for sacred personal healing.

In this article, I will share with you how by being forgiving, you can lead a happier life again. I’ll also show you the exact steps you can take to forgive someone who has hurt you.

Why it seems so difficult to forgive

I often see people stumble and get stuck on a loop because they believe that if they forgive, it will be as if the initial hurt or betrayal never happened. People that have been hurt feel that when someone has done something wrong, they should not be able to get away with it.

But that is simply not true. We don’t forgive someone else for their benefit, and we don’t try to pretend that nothing happened. Instead, we forgive for ourselves. We do it so that we can move beyond that hurt.

Another reason why it may feel hard to forgive is that we could perceive the act of forgiving as a betrayal to ourselves in some way, or we could feel that by forgiving we could be exposing ourselves to be vulnerable and get hurt again.

The hurt and wounds can leave feelings of bitterness, resentment, and anger for years. We can get to the point that we feel like victims because of what others did to us. When we feel like victims, our feelings are not protecting us, but are rather harming us. We find ourselves locked in emotional prisons filled with hurt. How can we live happy and expansive lives from that place?

The importance of learning to forgive

There are medical studies that show the link between forgiveness and health. Karen Swartz, a psychiatrist from Johns Hopkins Medicine shared that “There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed”. She also stated that chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions.

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Forgiveness, however, can lead to lower stress and anxiety levels, less depression, healthier and closer relationships, a healthier heart, lower levels of blood pressure, lower levels of physical pain, better sleep, better immune system function, and more. It’s very simple, by forgiving, we heal from the inside out!

Until we forgive, we are the ones paying the highest price. Our trapped emotions can become so overwhelming that they affect our current relationships and our ability to authentically and lovingly connect with ourselves and others. Only when we truly forgive will we be free of pain, hurt, and anger. If we hold onto them, we won’t be able to enjoy the present—and they will affect our health in many ways.

Here’s the thing: by forgiving, we won’t pretend that the initial hurt or betrayal never happened, we’re actually doing ourselves a favor. The person you forgive will still have their own karmic debt for all of their actions.

However, when we forgive, we’re becoming free. When we’re focused on resentments towards others or even ourselves, we won’t be able to listen to our soul’s messages. When we let go, we can tune in more deeply.

Forgiveness takes courage because beneath our personal story of pain and suffering, we always have the choice to access our wholeness, and to tap into our innate joy and compassion. Eventually, we will liberate our heart from the resentment prison, and we will be open to a new way of being and living that we might only dream of right now.

    How to forgive someone who has hurt you (Step-by-step guide)

    “Forgiveness is a conscious decision and a state of mind that we can cultivate through daily practice.” Here are some easy to follow steps that you can take to start your forgiveness journey:

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    1. Connect with your emotions

    Honor where you are in this moment, without judgement. Be gentle with yourself and take ownership of everything that comes up. Just be with the experience without blaming anyone. Something that you could do is to write down your thoughts and feelings on a piece of paper, so that you can get clear on what they are.

    Next, ask yourself what is it that you can do to find an outlet and work through those emotions: it could be going out for a walk, spending time in nature, doing something creative (paint, draw, color a mandala, sing, play music, etc), writing a Forgiveness Letter, getting help from a counselor or coach.

    2. Release the past

    In order to move forward in our lives, one of the key things we must do is release the past and live in the present moment. We often carry the past with us—and if we’re not aware of this, the past will weigh us down, and we will feel stuck. Without a regular practice of releasing, we develop a backlog of unprocessed emotions, and mental clutter. This clouds our vision, and can make it difficult to see the next steps towards a happier life.

    Practice living in the present moment by sitting quietly and observing your breathing, or simply going outside and appreciating the beauty around you now.

    You could also use journaling as another resource to be more present. You could ask yourself these questions as journaling prompts to help you release your trapped emotions: Who would I be without the anger, hurt, and resentment? How would my life be different?

    3. Take your power back

    Start writing a new story for yourself. You were not born a victim and forgiveness is not a one-time experience; you have to commit to keep choosing it over and over again. No one has the power to make you feel uneasy without your consent.

    When the familiar hurtful feelings come back, remind yourself that you are choosing to forgive; you choose to take your power back, and you are choosing love. I have used this affirmation myself, and it has been very helpful:

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    “Today is the perfect time for me to take my power back, because I love myself enough to let go of those old memories and emotions. I choose to be free and happier NOW”

    The willingness to change needs to come from deep inside of us. We find it when we begin to believe that having joyful, purposeful lives, full of loving and meaningful relationships is our birthright.

    4. Embrace the lesson

    Every experience we have is a learning experience. Sometimes we go through fire, but I can tell you that we come out stronger than before.

    Even if we think that what happened to us is unfair, those experiences are part of our spiritual growth here on the planet. If we’re open to see it, those dark times transform us and help us see new perspectives and insights. I have seen many people experience hard times, which have been the catalyst to creating a new and inspiring story for themselves.

    5. Send love and light

    Once you’ve gone through the steps above, you’ll be able to start sending love to the people that hurt you. I know it is hard at the beginning, but this is a game changer! Instead of sending bad vibes to the people that hurt you, send them love and light. When you do this, there is no emotional debt between you and them, and you can celebrate your own freedom with a grateful heart!

    As part of the forgiveness process, you also need to forgive yourself. We may have judgments about our own expectations. We may think about what should have or could have been.

    However, when we forgive, we have to give up the idea that the past should have or could have been different or better. We can’t change the past, so we should not let the past hold us prisoners. Instead, we need to see the hidden value of what happened, there’s always a lesson. As we develop that clarity, we free ourselves from the past and begin to look forward.

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    Start forgiving now

    Forgiving helps us to keep our energy clear.

    When we embrace forgiveness, we also embrace peace, hope, gratitude, joy, and general well-being. As we embrace it, we also embrace who we are—love. When we forgive, we are retaking power and control over our own lives.

    Forgiveness gives us freedom. Otherwise, we live carrying that emotional debt with us.

    Start forgiving with the steps I mentioned above and you will also start living a happier life.

    Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

    More by this author

    Patricia Young

    Certified Professional & Holistic Coach, bestselling author, host of the Awakening to Life podcast

    How the Power of Positive Thinking Can Pay Off in Your Career How to Forgive and Live a Happy Life Again (A Step-By-Step Guide) Why Some People Have a Lack of Empathy (And How to Deal with Them) The Guided Morning Meditation for Beginners (That Will Change Your Day)

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    Last Updated on October 18, 2018

    50+ Best Motivational Quotes To Prepare You For Any Challenges In Life

    50+ Best Motivational Quotes To Prepare You For Any Challenges In Life

    Life is filled with highs and lows —happiness and struggles that will test your resilience and integrity, push you to overcome challenges and leave you with lessons that will make you even stronger on your way up.

    It’s the way you feel and think about yourself, including your expectations and beliefs about what is possible to you, greatly determines everything that happens to you.

    It all starts with your thoughts. When you change your thoughts, you transform the quality of your life. (Right, Nancy’s story is a typical example!)

    Below is a list of the best motivational quotes to inspire you to start your day with a blast:

    Quotes for self-assurance

    1. Don’t downgrade your dream just to fit your reality, upgrade your conviction to match your destiny.

      2. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.

        3. You are confined only by the walls you build yourself.

          4. The man who has confidence in himself gains the confidence of others

            5. You attract what you are, not what you want. If you want great, then be great.

              6. It’s not who you are that holds you behind, it’s who you think your are not.

                Quotes about positivity

                7. Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what could go right.

                  8. You should never regret anything in life. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it is experience.

                    9. Falling down is an accident, staying down is a choice.

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                      10. If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. The world needs more of that.

                        11. Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.

                          12. Don’t be afraid to give up the good and go for great.

                            13. Remember that life’s greatest lessons are usually learned from worst times and from the worst mistakes.

                              Quotes for work and success

                              14. Don’t talk, just act. Don’t say, just show. Don’t promise, just prove.

                                15. Never stop doing great just because someone doesn’t give you credit.

                                  16. Discipline is doing what needs to be done, even if you don’t want to.

                                    17. Work while they sleep. Learn while they party. Save while they spend. Live like they dream.

                                      18. The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire, not things we fear.

                                        19. Never apologize for having high standards, people who really want to be in your life will rise to meet them.

                                          20. If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.

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                                            21. Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it, time will pass anyway.

                                              22. Don’t fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today.

                                                23. A hill is just another opportunity to leave your competition behind.

                                                  24. Don’t quit. You’re already in pain. You’re already hurt. Get a reward from it.

                                                    25. Hustle until you no longer need to introduce yourself.

                                                      26. You didn’t come this far only to come this far.

                                                        27. Be selective in your battles for sometimes peace is better than being right.

                                                          28 If we keep doing what we are doing, we’re going to keep getting what we’re getting.

                                                            29. You will never know your limits until you push yourself to them.

                                                              30. Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.

                                                                31. The man on top of the mountain didn’t fall there.

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                                                                  32. If your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough.

                                                                    33. If you can’t handle stress, you won’t manage success.

                                                                      34. Don’t be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams.

                                                                        35. Don’t mistake silence for weakness. Smart people don’t plan big moves out loud.

                                                                          36. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

                                                                            37. Obsessed is the word the lazy use to describe dedicated.

                                                                              38. You become who you spend your time with.

                                                                                39. Be stubborn about your goals and flexible about your methods.

                                                                                  40. Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.

                                                                                    41. If you don’t build your dreams, someone else will hire you to build theirs.

                                                                                      42. Between stimulus and response is our greatest power –the freedom to choose.

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                                                                                        43. What comes easy won’t last, what lasts won’t come easy.

                                                                                          44. Don’t limit your challenges, challenge your limits.

                                                                                            45. Work until your idols become your rivals.

                                                                                              Quotes about money

                                                                                              46. Formal education will make you a living. Self-education will make you a fortune.

                                                                                                47. I create new enemies every day, it’s called business.

                                                                                                  48. When you have a Million Dollar vision, don’t surround yourself with 1 cent minds.

                                                                                                    49. You can’t get rich thinking poor.

                                                                                                      50. Doing what is comfortable is rarely profitable.

                                                                                                        51. If you can count your money, work harder.

                                                                                                          If you find yourself feeling lost and frustrated, it’s never too late to change things up. Check out this guide:

                                                                                                          How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

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