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How To Get Over Someone You Deeply Love

How To Get Over Someone You Deeply Love

When a relationship ends, it can be immensely heartbreaking. We all cope with breakups in our own individual way with some people seemingly getting over someone quickly while others take a lot longer. If you feel you’re one of those people who take ages to recover from a breakup then you are definitely not alone. We are always told that after the initial shock and sadness that it’s plain sailing from there on in. But is this really the case? Getting out there again can seem extremely daunting or not even close to being on our radar and this is okay. It’s okay to feel sad and numb for a while, after all, it is a grieving process and it needs to be seen through to the end before we can start to heal ourselves.

Whatever stage you’re at, whether you’re at the beginning or perhaps it’s been months or years and you still find yourself mourning over the relationship, it’s all normal. As much as they feel rubbish, your negative feelings and emotions are leading you on to the road to recovery so don’t feel bad for still feeling them – it just means you’re still healing and that’s a good thing. There are many actions you can take that will help you move in a positive direction; allowing yourself to heal while shifting your mindset to one of recovery and peace.

Remember There’s No Time Limit

The first thing that’s important to remember is that there really isn’t a time limit to how long it’ll take to get over someone you love. You have probably heard the phrase ‘time’s a healer’ and it is – but this also makes us feel pressured to get over something quicker than we can. We feel ashamed if it’s been months or even years and we still don’t feel we’ve moved on. Always remember that it’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up about taking your time to heal as there really is no time limit.

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Let Yourself Feel Your Emotions

Negative emotions are often demonised and we are made to feel as though feeling sad, angry and hurt is not good for us. We absolutely need to go through the grieving process and that brings denial, anger, blame, depression, desperation, false hope and many more in between. Often these emotions go around in circles so it can feel as though you’re getting over it but then some come back to whack you straight in the face again. It may feel like the hurt is endless but remember to go with it – accept the feelings for what they are; a means to an end.

Remove Your Ex From Social Media and Your Phone

In this day and age, we are bombarded by other people’s lives. Seeing what your ex is up to is ridiculously easy to do but the problem with this is that you’re not giving yourself space to heal. If you’re finding it hard to let go of someone then you need to consider removing them from all social media including your phone. This may feel like the last thing you want to do but sometimes the best things to do aren’t always the most comfortable. Remember that you are doing this for yourself and no one else. Seeing what they are up to all the time is only opening the emotional wound over and over again and that wound will never have its chance to heal. After the initial sadness of deletion you will feel very empowered and this empowerment will be good for your soul.

Remember To Love Yourself

When we go through a heartbreaking separation, it’s very easy to blame ourselves and believe that we just weren’t good enough for them or the relationship. Even the most confident people can get an attack of unworthiness issues so don’t beat yourself up. However, it’s crucial to remember that your worth is not tied to them – you are your own person. As much as you may think it, your identity is not, and was not, tied to the relationship you had. Remembering to love yourself is probably the most important thing you can do after a breakup.

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Write Down How You Feel

There’s a wonderful power in writing things down. Journaling your feelings may seem straight out of a 90s TV show but it has great healing qualities. Write down how you feel, read it back to yourself, throw it away or box it up. Seeing your feelings down on paper can help your mind gain perspective and see things from another point of view. Another great thing to do is to write down a list of all the parts of the past relationship that annoyed or irritated you. A lot of the time we romanticise about the past and remember it better than it was. Writing down the negatives will serve as a reminder and will help when you have moments of relapse.

Turn Your Energy Into Something Positive

Although sitting around eating all the chocolate and binge-watching TV shows is a great thing to do initially, there needs to come a time when being proactive is a must to get our lives going again. If you’re still not up for seeing people or socialising then start an exercise routine. Go running, walking or cycling – anything that will get those endorphins going. Exercise is an excellent catalyst to recovery – it will clear and calm your mind and reduce any stress. Being around people also really helps speed up recovery. Immersing yourself around people who love you serves as a gentle reminder that love doesn’t just exist in romantic relationships – friends and family can help you get out of that funk all the more quickly.

Don’t Hold On To Anger And Blame

Although embracing our negative emotions are good, holding on to anger and blame for too long can have a detrimental effect on ourselves and others. When we spend too much time in a space of blaming the other person for the way we feel, we are taking away our power and essentially giving it to them. It acts as a hinderance to our recovery and makes the process that much longer. Remember that no one is really to blame no matter what happened to end the relationship – bitterness can eat away at you and it’s important to recognise when this is taking over your thoughts and feelings.

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Don’t Torture Yourself

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of over-analysing why the relationship ended and wondering if there was something you could have done differently. These thoughts really serve us no purpose other than to torture ourselves. It’s common to fantasise about how you could have done better or regretting something you said or did that you feel could have contributed to the end of the relationship but the reality is that there really is nothing you could have done. Your mind can go into over-drive sometimes but you need to do all you can to calm it down – whether it’s using yoga or meditation techniques or trying to focus on something else entirely.

Remember There Isn’t Just One Person Out There For You

We live on a planet with billions of people. It can feel like that person was the only one for you but we all know that isn’t the case. You probably believe that no one else will make you laugh like that again, or have so much in common with you and yes, that may be true. But everyone is unique in their own way and there will be someone (or many more people) who will connect and bond with you in so many awesome ways. There was a reason that the relationship didn’t work out and it’s simply because you weren’t meant to be together but that doesn’t have to be a sad thought. You grew as a person and that will only serve you well for the next amazing person to enter your life. It might not be soon but it will happen – just have faith it will all work out.

You Will See The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Fundamentally, you will feel like you are in some kind of darkness for a while. It can be a scary and daunting place especially if you haven’t experienced a serious breakup before. But as much as you probably can’t imagine it or think about it, there will come a day when you’ll come out the other side. It will feel wonderful and natural, you’ll feel whole again, you’ll be able to laugh and smile without thinking of them and most importantly, you will be a stronger and better person because of it. You may feel alone but millions of people have been through the exact same process in their own unique way and have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. Use this as a reminder and a testament to the fact that you will also get through this too.

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Featured photo credit: Simone Perrone via magdeleine.co

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Jenny Marchal

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on June 13, 2019

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

Think you have a boring life?

The definition of boring is dull or not interesting. Maybe you’ve been doing the same thing and living the same life for too long, or maybe your daily routine is limiting your growth and happiness. Whatever your reason is, the following list of 20 things can definitely make any day more interesting. Some of them are silly, while some are more meaningful, so hopefully just reading the list makes your life less boring and sparks your creativity.

Let’s dive in the list to quit your boring life and start living an interesting (and meaning) one!

1. Channel Your 7-Year-Old Self

What would he or she want to do right now? Color? Paint? Run around outside? Play dress up? Eat with your hands? Play that instrument hiding in the back of your closet that you haven’t touched in years?

Just because you’re a grown up doesn’t mean any of this stuff will be less enjoyable than you remember it. Give yourself permission to play.

2. Go Play with Kids

Speaking of little kids, if you have your own or access to any (in a non-creepy way, like they’re your niece or your best friend’s kid, you get the idea) go play with them!

They didn’t create an entire show called Kids Say The Darndest Things because kids aren’t hilarious. They also keep things so simple, and we can really stand to be reminded of this and stop allowing ourselves to get bogged down in boring details.

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3. Order a Hot Dog

While you’re eating it, Google: “What’s in a hot dog?” You decide whether or not you want to finish it.

4. For the Ladies: Wear Your Sexiest Lingerie Under Your Work Clothes

Your “little secret” will leave you feeling anything but boring all day!

5. Play Cell Phone Roulette

You’ll need at least one buddy for this. Scroll through the contacts in your phone, stop on a random one and call the person.

You could spark an incredible catch up session or be incredibly awkward. Neither are boring.

6. Fill out a Pack of Thank-You Cards

Give them to random people who probably don’t get thanked too often for doing what they do ever day.

Ideas: police officers, librarians, servers, baristas, cab drivers, sanitation workers, teachers, people behind any check out counter, receptionists, your friends, the guy at the falafel stand, etc.

7. Sign up for a Class in Something You’ve “Always Wanted to Do”, or Something That Makes You Really Uncomfortable

Ideas: pole dancing, salsa lessons, improv, pottery, cooking, knitting (yup, there are classes for this, too!), karate, boxing, something techy like the workshops they run in Apple stores, get Rosetta Stone and learn that language you’ve always wanted to speak, etc.

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What’s good about joining an interest class is that you will also meet new people!

8. Interview Your Grandparents About Their Lives

You can bet they’ve had some crazy experiences you probably never knew about.

9. Get up on Stage at an Open Mic Night

Whether you’re funny or not, get up on stage and just talk funny. And if you’re not, memorize a few of your favorite jokes and tell those!

10. Do Something for Someone Else That You Wish Someone Would Do for You

We all have a few ideas on this list. I promise you will feel amazing after and anything but bored.

11. Start a DIY Project in Your Home

It doesn’t have to be super complicated. If you need ideas, there’re plenty on Pinterest. Or you can also check out these 30 Awesome DIY Projects that You’ve Never Heard of.

12. Plan a Weekend Trip or an All-Out Vacation

This will give you something to look forward to.

Even if you don’t have the time or money to go on a vacation, plan for a staycation, which is same fun and relaxing!

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13. People Watch

Find a bench in a crowded area (centers of transportation like airports, bus stops and train stations are great for this!) and just observe.

People are infinitely interesting.

14. Eat Something You’ve Never Eaten Before

Bonus points if it’s a random fruit or veggie.

15. Dance

You can get your friends together for a night on the town or just pull up a video on YouTube and bust a move from your own living room.

If you’re feeling extra brave, you can even dance in public and get other people involved.

16. Go to YOUTUBE and Search “Funny Pets” or “Funny Babies”

This is also a great quickie ab workout as you will be laughing hysterically.

17. Pick up a Book and Start Reading

Check out the NY Times Best Sellers lists and grab a new book you can get lost in.

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18. Step Away from the Computer and Go Get Some Time with People You Care About in Real Life

Facebook stalking doesn’t count as real social interaction. You can even share this post with your friends and vote on which one you’d like to do together!

19. Check out a Museum You’ve Never Been to Before

OK, depending on your interests, this one might actually be boring. If you love learning, art or different cultures though, this one is for you!

20. Write a List of Things You Desire and Truly Want

This is a great way to help you figure out the real reason why you’re feeling bored about your life. Maybe you haven’t really done things that you truly enjoy? Maybe what you’ve wanted to do all the time has been left behind?

Think about the list of things you really want to do, and ask yourself why you aren’t doing these things (yet). Then start taking your first step to make what you want happen.

Now go make your life interesting and live your dream life!

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Featured photo credit: Kev Costello via unsplash.com

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