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How To Get Over Someone You Deeply Love

How To Get Over Someone You Deeply Love

When a relationship ends, it can be immensely heartbreaking. We all cope with breakups in our own individual way with some people seemingly getting over someone quickly while others take a lot longer. If you feel you’re one of those people who take ages to recover from a breakup then you are definitely not alone. We are always told that after the initial shock and sadness that it’s plain sailing from there on in. But is this really the case? Getting out there again can seem extremely daunting or not even close to being on our radar and this is okay. It’s okay to feel sad and numb for a while, after all, it is a grieving process and it needs to be seen through to the end before we can start to heal ourselves.

Whatever stage you’re at, whether you’re at the beginning or perhaps it’s been months or years and you still find yourself mourning over the relationship, it’s all normal. As much as they feel rubbish, your negative feelings and emotions are leading you on to the road to recovery so don’t feel bad for still feeling them – it just means you’re still healing and that’s a good thing. There are many actions you can take that will help you move in a positive direction; allowing yourself to heal while shifting your mindset to one of recovery and peace.

Remember There’s No Time Limit

The first thing that’s important to remember is that there really isn’t a time limit to how long it’ll take to get over someone you love. You have probably heard the phrase ‘time’s a healer’ and it is – but this also makes us feel pressured to get over something quicker than we can. We feel ashamed if it’s been months or even years and we still don’t feel we’ve moved on. Always remember that it’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up about taking your time to heal as there really is no time limit.

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Let Yourself Feel Your Emotions

Negative emotions are often demonised and we are made to feel as though feeling sad, angry and hurt is not good for us. We absolutely need to go through the grieving process and that brings denial, anger, blame, depression, desperation, false hope and many more in between. Often these emotions go around in circles so it can feel as though you’re getting over it but then some come back to whack you straight in the face again. It may feel like the hurt is endless but remember to go with it – accept the feelings for what they are; a means to an end.

Remove Your Ex From Social Media and Your Phone

In this day and age, we are bombarded by other people’s lives. Seeing what your ex is up to is ridiculously easy to do but the problem with this is that you’re not giving yourself space to heal. If you’re finding it hard to let go of someone then you need to consider removing them from all social media including your phone. This may feel like the last thing you want to do but sometimes the best things to do aren’t always the most comfortable. Remember that you are doing this for yourself and no one else. Seeing what they are up to all the time is only opening the emotional wound over and over again and that wound will never have its chance to heal. After the initial sadness of deletion you will feel very empowered and this empowerment will be good for your soul.

Remember To Love Yourself

When we go through a heartbreaking separation, it’s very easy to blame ourselves and believe that we just weren’t good enough for them or the relationship. Even the most confident people can get an attack of unworthiness issues so don’t beat yourself up. However, it’s crucial to remember that your worth is not tied to them – you are your own person. As much as you may think it, your identity is not, and was not, tied to the relationship you had. Remembering to love yourself is probably the most important thing you can do after a breakup.

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Write Down How You Feel

There’s a wonderful power in writing things down. Journaling your feelings may seem straight out of a 90s TV show but it has great healing qualities. Write down how you feel, read it back to yourself, throw it away or box it up. Seeing your feelings down on paper can help your mind gain perspective and see things from another point of view. Another great thing to do is to write down a list of all the parts of the past relationship that annoyed or irritated you. A lot of the time we romanticise about the past and remember it better than it was. Writing down the negatives will serve as a reminder and will help when you have moments of relapse.

Turn Your Energy Into Something Positive

Although sitting around eating all the chocolate and binge-watching TV shows is a great thing to do initially, there needs to come a time when being proactive is a must to get our lives going again. If you’re still not up for seeing people or socialising then start an exercise routine. Go running, walking or cycling – anything that will get those endorphins going. Exercise is an excellent catalyst to recovery – it will clear and calm your mind and reduce any stress. Being around people also really helps speed up recovery. Immersing yourself around people who love you serves as a gentle reminder that love doesn’t just exist in romantic relationships – friends and family can help you get out of that funk all the more quickly.

Don’t Hold On To Anger And Blame

Although embracing our negative emotions are good, holding on to anger and blame for too long can have a detrimental effect on ourselves and others. When we spend too much time in a space of blaming the other person for the way we feel, we are taking away our power and essentially giving it to them. It acts as a hinderance to our recovery and makes the process that much longer. Remember that no one is really to blame no matter what happened to end the relationship – bitterness can eat away at you and it’s important to recognise when this is taking over your thoughts and feelings.

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Don’t Torture Yourself

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of over-analysing why the relationship ended and wondering if there was something you could have done differently. These thoughts really serve us no purpose other than to torture ourselves. It’s common to fantasise about how you could have done better or regretting something you said or did that you feel could have contributed to the end of the relationship but the reality is that there really is nothing you could have done. Your mind can go into over-drive sometimes but you need to do all you can to calm it down – whether it’s using yoga or meditation techniques or trying to focus on something else entirely.

Remember There Isn’t Just One Person Out There For You

We live on a planet with billions of people. It can feel like that person was the only one for you but we all know that isn’t the case. You probably believe that no one else will make you laugh like that again, or have so much in common with you and yes, that may be true. But everyone is unique in their own way and there will be someone (or many more people) who will connect and bond with you in so many awesome ways. There was a reason that the relationship didn’t work out and it’s simply because you weren’t meant to be together but that doesn’t have to be a sad thought. You grew as a person and that will only serve you well for the next amazing person to enter your life. It might not be soon but it will happen – just have faith it will all work out.

You Will See The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Fundamentally, you will feel like you are in some kind of darkness for a while. It can be a scary and daunting place especially if you haven’t experienced a serious breakup before. But as much as you probably can’t imagine it or think about it, there will come a day when you’ll come out the other side. It will feel wonderful and natural, you’ll feel whole again, you’ll be able to laugh and smile without thinking of them and most importantly, you will be a stronger and better person because of it. You may feel alone but millions of people have been through the exact same process in their own unique way and have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. Use this as a reminder and a testament to the fact that you will also get through this too.

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Featured photo credit: Simone Perrone via magdeleine.co

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Jenny Marchal

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on April 11, 2019

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

How Communication Skills Help Your Success

Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

Create a Positive Experience

Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

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Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

Help Leadership Skills

It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

Build Better Teams

Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

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How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

1. Listen

Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

2. Know Your Audience

Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

Here is a good way to think about it:

Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

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3. Minimize

I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

4. Over Communicate

So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

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5. Body Language

The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

Conclusion

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

Now go communicate your way to success.

More Resources About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

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