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Published on July 10, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Not Give Up on Love

6 Reasons Why You Should Not Give Up on Love

Looking for love is an exciting adventure. You get to meet new people, go out and have fun dates, and maybe, just maybe, meet the love of your life.

But dating can also be a huge bummer, and there are times when the journey is more frustrating than fun, especially as you get older. Instead of focusing on having an enjoyable night out, you’re wondering why you can’t seem to find Mr. or Ms. Right.

To get a great relationship, you have to be willing to put in the work. But what should you do when you feel yourself giving up on love?

Don’t let your desire for love burn out! Here are six reasons you shouldn’t give up on love.

1. Love Teaches Lessons

Going through another failed relationship can be a frustrating, heartbreaking, and depressing experience. But remember that timing is everything. Just because that love is over doesn’t mean love is over for you.

Instead of viewing your failed relationships as wastes of time, make a list of everything you learned from that relationship.

Perhaps you learned how to talk about your feelings and be vulnerable with someone else, and maybe you learned that looks aren’t everything.

If the relationship was a toxic one, maybe you learned that you’re stronger than you think.[1] Maybe you learned what you don’t want and will not tolerate in your future relationships.

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Whatever the case may be, take the lessons that love gives you and treasure them.

2. You Have the Time to Grow

Your single years are all about learning who you are and growing from each experience you go through.

If your ultimate goal is to get married, why not use this time to grow and develop skills and traits that would make you a great husband or wife?

For example:

  • Can you cook?
  • Do you have a job?
  • Can you handle your finances well?
  • Do you have your own house/apartment?
  • Are you patient?
  • Do you know how to express your feelings well?
  • Do you have selfish tendencies?

These are better than simply giving up on love. Now is the time to do some self-exploration and work out who you want to be for yourself, your friends, family, and your future partner.

3. Now Is the Time for You

There is no better time to be a little selfish with your pursuits, energy, and focus than while you are single. Now is the time for you to take strides toward your dream career, to travel, and to focus on your social life.

Of course, you can still do these things when you are in a relationship, but love has the potential to be limiting.

There’s no doubt that it’s worth it, but you can’t travel the world for months on end when you’re helping your partner pay a mortgage or raising a family. At least, you can’t do it as easily as you would when you are single.

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Friendships are also important. These are the people who have supported you through every good and bad decision you’ve ever made. They were your shoulder to cry on when your relationships ended, and your dates ended up being duds.

Use this time as an excuse to focus on yourself and find out who you are when you aren’t part of a “We.”

Not only will this be good for your mental health and personal growth, but your confidence in yourself will also be incredibly appealing to your future partner.

4. You Deserve More Than Settling

If you want to find real love, you must be willing to stick it out for your perfect person instead of settling! When you wait to find that perfect person for you, you ensure that your personalities will gel.

Finding real love is about:

  • Spending quality time together
  • Learning the art of communication
  • Sharing similar goals and beliefs (though- they say opposites attract!)

Finding real love is also about finding someone you’re attracted to, who makes you laugh, and respects you.

If you haven’t found that yet, then why settle? You deserve the best relationship possible, so don’t give up on love yet. If it takes waiting a little while longer to find someone who hits all the checkmarks on your list, why not wait?

5. Things Worth Doing Are Rarely Easy

Think about it. The best things in life – the things that make you feel accomplished, proud of yourself, and inspired to do better are always difficult;

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Getting a degree, running with endurance, getting fit/losing weight, breaking a bad habit, learning something new like scuba diving or how to speak another language…

These are all things that take time to accomplish, but you feel so satisfied when you’ve completed that challenge.

The same can be said for finding the right relationship. Deciding to wait for someone who fulfills you instead of dating the first person who asks all because you’re lonely takes strength.

It takes courage to break up with someone you love but who is ultimately bad for you. It takes effort to be patient. But you’ll be glad that you did.

6. It Only Takes One

I remember telling my mother I was lonely. Agonizingly lonely. And do you know what she told me?

“It only takes one.”

These magic words couldn’t be truer.

Your date last Friday sucked, and you’ll never see that guy again, but you know what?

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The next guy could be the one. That next date could be the time where you feel chemistry like no other. It only takes one person to steal your heart away and change your world.

Think about it. You could meet the love of your life in a week and be with them for the rest of your life. If that happens, wouldn’t you rather look back on the time when you were single and remember that you were happy? That you enjoyed your time alone?

Your single years could be a blip on the radar in comparison to the years you’ll share with your husband or wife. So enjoy it. Don’t give up on love – because it only takes one.

Final Thoughts

Finding love isn’t always easy. It can be discouraging and may even feel like a full-time job sometimes – but don’t give up!

Resilience is the key to finding love. Enjoy the journey and focus on self-care and personal growth and absorb the lessons each relationship and each new date has to teach.

What to Read When You Feel Like Giving Up on Love

Featured photo credit: Giorgio Trovato via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Sylvia Smith

Sylvia is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt its principles in their relationships.

How To Resolve Relationship Conflicts without Hurting Each Other How to Leave a Toxic Relationship When You Still Love Your Partner How to Overcome Jealousy in a Relationship How to Stop Nagging And Communicate With Your Partner Better 6 Reasons Why You Should Not Give Up on Love

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Published on May 18, 2021

How To Improve Listening Skills For Effective Workplace Communication

How To Improve Listening Skills For Effective Workplace Communication

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason—effective communication is dependent on using them in proportion, and this involves having good listening skills.

The workplace of the 21st century may not look the same as it did before COVID-19 spread throughout the world like wildfire, but that doesn’t mean you can relax your standards at work. If anything, Zoom meetings, conference calls, and the continuous time spent behind a screen have created a higher level of expectations for meeting etiquette and communication. And this goes further than simply muting your microphone during a meeting.

Effective workplace communication has been a topic of discussion for decades, yet, it is rarely addressed or implemented due to a lack of awareness and personal ownership by all parties.

Effective communication isn’t just about speaking clearly or finding the appropriate choice of words. It starts with intentional listening and being present. Here’s how to improve your listening skills for effective workplace communication.

Listen to Understand, Not to Speak

There are stark differences between listening and hearing. Listening involves intention, focused effort, and concentration, whereas hearing simply involves low-level awareness that someone else is speaking. Listening is a voluntary activity that allows one to be present and in the moment while hearing is passive and effortless.[1]

Which one would you prefer your colleagues to implement during your company-wide presentation? It’s a no-brainer.

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Listening can be one of the most powerful tools in your communication arsenal because one must listen to understand the message being told to them. As a result of this deeper understanding, communication can be streamlined because there is a higher level of comprehension that will facilitate practical follow-up questions, conversations, and problem-solving. And just because you heard something doesn’t mean you actually understood it.

We take this for granted daily, but that doesn’t mean we can use that as an excuse.

Your brain is constantly scanning your environment for threats, opportunities, and situations to advance your ability to promote your survival. And yet, while we are long past the days of worrying about being eaten by wildlife, the neurocircuitry responsible for these mechanisms is still hard-wired into our psychology and neural processing.

A classic example of this is the formation of memories. Case in point: where were you on June 3rd, 2014? For most of you reading this article, your mind will go completely blank, which isn’t necessarily bad.

The brain is far too efficient to retain every detail about every event that happens in your life, mainly because many events that occur aren’t always that important. The brain doesn’t—and shouldn’t—care what you ate for lunch three weeks ago or what color shirt you wore golfing last month. But for those of you who remember where you were on June 3rd, 2014, this date probably holds some sort of significance to you. Maybe it was a birthday or an anniversary. Perhaps it was the day your child was born. It could have even been a day where you lost someone special in your life.

Regardless of the circumstance, the brain is highly stimulated through emotion and engagement, which is why memories are usually stored in these situations. When the brain’s emotional centers become activated, the brain is far more likely to remember an event.[2] And this is also true when intention and focus are applied to listening to a conversation.

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Utilizing these hard-wired primitive pathways of survival to optimize your communication in the workplace is a no-brainer—literally and figuratively.

Intentional focus and concentrated efforts will pay off in the long run because you will retain more information and have an easier time recalling it down the road, making you look like a superstar in front of your colleagues and co-workers. Time to kiss those note-taking days away!

Effective Communication Isn’t Always Through Words

While we typically associate communication with words and verbal affirmations, communication can come in all shapes and forms. In the Zoom meeting era we live in, it has become far more challenging to utilize and understand these other forms of language. And this is because they are typically easier to see when we are sitting face to face with the person we speak to.[3]

Body language can play a significant role in how our words and communication are interpreted, especially when there is a disconnection involved.[4] When someone tells you one thing, yet their body language screams something completely different, it’s challenging to let that go. Our brain immediately starts to search for more information and inevitably prompts us to follow up with questions that will provide greater clarity to the situation at hand. And in all reality, not saying something might be just as important as actually saying something.

These commonly overlooked non-verbal communication choices can provide a plethora of information about the intentions, emotions, and motivations. We do this unconsciously, and it happens with every confrontation, conversation, and interaction we engage in. The magic lies in the utilization and active interpretation of these signals to improve your listening skills and your communication skills.

Our brains were designed for interpreting our world, which is why we are so good at recognizing subtle nuances and underlying disconnect within our casual encounters. So, when we begin to notice conflicting messages between verbal and non-verbal communication, our brain takes us down a path of troubleshooting.

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Which messages are consistent with this theme over time? Which statements aren’t aligning with what they’re really trying to tell me? How should I interpret their words and body language?

Suppose we want to break things down even further. In that case, one must understand that body language is usually a subconscious event, meaning that we rarely think about our body language. This happens because our brain’s primary focus is to string together words and phrases for verbal communication, which usually requires a higher level of processing. This doesn’t mean that body language will always tell the truth, but it does provide clues to help us weigh information, which can be pretty beneficial in the long run.

Actively interpreting body language can provide you with an edge in your communication skills. It can also be used as a tool to connect with the individual you are speaking to. This process is deeply ingrained into our human fabric and utilizes similar methods babies use while learning new skills from their parents’ traits during the early years of development.

Mirroring a person’s posture or stance can create a subtle bond, facilitating a sense of feeling like one another. This process is triggered via the activation of specific brain regions through the stimulation of specialized neurons called mirror neurons.[5] These particular neurons become activated while watching an individual engage in an activity or task, facilitating learning, queuing, and understanding. They also allow the person watching an action to become more efficient at physically executing the action, creating changes in the brain, and altering the overall structure of the brain to enhance output for that chosen activity.

Listening with intention can make you understand your colleague, and when paired together with mirroring body language, you can make your colleague feel like you two are alike. This simple trick can facilitate a greater bond of understanding and communication within all aspects of the conversation.

Eliminate All Distractions, Once and for All

As Jim Rohn says, “What is easy to do is also easy not to do.” And this is an underlying principle that will carry through in all aspects of communication. Distractions are a surefire way to ensure a lack of understanding or interpretation of a conversation, which in turn, will create inefficiencies and a poor foundation for communication.

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This should come as no surprise, especially in this day in age where people are constantly distracted by social media, text messaging, and endlessly checking their emails. We’re stuck in a cultural norm that has hijacked our love for the addictive dopamine rush and altered our ability to truly focus our efforts on the task at hand. And these distractions aren’t just distractions for the time they’re being used. They use up coveted brainpower and central processes that secondarily delay our ability to get back on track.

Gloria Mark, a researcher at UC Irvine, discovered that it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds for our brains to reach their peak state of focus after an interruption.[6] Yes, you read that correctly—distractions are costly, error-prone, and yield little to no benefit outside of a bump to the ego when receiving a new like on your social media profile.

Meetings should implement a no-phone policy, video conference calls should be set on their own browser with no other tabs open, and all updates, notifications, and email prompt should be immediately turned off, if possible, to eliminate all distractions during a meeting.

These are just a few examples of how we can optimize our environment to facilitate the highest levels of communication within the workplace.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Effective communication in the workplace doesn’t have to be challenging, but it does have to be intentional. Knowledge can only take us so far, but once again, knowing something is very different than putting it into action.

Just like riding a bike, the more often you do it, the easier it becomes. Master communicators are phenomenal listeners, which allows them to be effective communicators in the workplace and in life. If you genuinely want to own your communication, you must implement this information today and learn how to improve your listening skills.

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Choose your words carefully, listen intently, and most of all, be present in the moment—because that’s what master communicators do, and you can do it, too!

More Tips Improving Listening Skills

Featured photo credit: Mailchimp via unsplash.com

Reference

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