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Why You Only Find Love When You Stop Looking For It

Why You Only Find Love When You Stop Looking For It

Love is a curious thing and most people are looking for it. Women seem to be especially susceptible to feeling the need to find someone to be with. I cannot tell you how many times I have been in the company of a friend and the subject of their need for a life partner has come up in the course of the conversation. The neediness and desperation of people often shows through their vulnerability for love. There is just one problem: neediness and desperation are not attractive. Want to know why it seems so common for people to find a partner when they aren’t looking? Keep reading for a couple of points on the subject:

Stop evaluating everyone as the potential “One”.

I have a girlfriend that is constantly talking about wanting to settle down with a man. Each time I talk to her, she seems to be evaluating every man she encounters as a potential husband. I finally had to tell her, “I hope you don’t come across as this desperate when out on a date.” My point is that a man can sense desperation from a woman, and no one wants to feel that they are being evaluated as a potential life partner, especially on a first date.

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Desperation comes across as a sign of weakness.

Desperation and neediness can come across as signs of weakness and low self-esteem, which can quell a spark before it starts. When a person is desperate to find a mate, he or she may not realize that conversations with others may be too transparent too soon. You do not have to tell your life story and personal details the first time you meet someone. Part of the appeal of someone is his or her mysteriousness.

When you stop looking for love, it appears.

When my husband and I met, I was not looking for a boyfriend, much less a husband. I had not given up on the prospect, but I was at a point in my life where that was not my focus. Because I was focused on my own pursuits at that time, men were coming out of nowhere asking me out on dates.

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When you are not looking for someone to love, that is when people tend to appear. The simple fact of focusing on other pursuits gives off an air of confidence to others. Focusing on your own life growth not only makes you a better person, but also makes you a better potential life partner. That is something that exudes from one’s personality and gives off that attractive confidence.

Not forcing love is more rewarding.

Being in love through “fate,” and not forcing a match between two people, is much more rewarding and lasting than trying to find a partner. Allowing the right person into your life through chance is much less exhausting than seeing every person as potentially being the “one” for you. Allowing love to find you will feel less stressful and more like a match made in heaven, rather than something that is fake and contrived.

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Don’t lose your objectivity to overuse.

Constantly looking for love can diminish your ability to be objective about people you meet. If that objectivity fades, how can you discern who is right for you in a relationship? After a while, everyone seems to be a good fit because you want him or her to be, not because he or she is the right fit. I have seen women make this mistake and lose their ability to make sound, coherent judgments of the character of others.

Law of Attraction

“Like attracts like” is the law of attraction–not in the sense that you want to attract someone exactly like you in terms of personality traits, but that you want love to attract itself to you. Also, the idea behind the concept is that the energy you give off is attractive to others. Being positive and relaxed will most certainly attract love to you in its own time.

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Finding love should not be a burden.

Letting love happen naturally will most certainly expedite your finding the right person. When you stop looking, the right person seems to walk in the door unexpectedly. Sometimes it is a psychological idea that when you take your mind off something, it happens. Finding love should not be burdensome, but fun. Do you not think it is more romantic when someone wants to be with you, just because? I certainly do.

Patience will bring the right person along.

More often than not, when you are desperately seeking love, you will be more likely to date any jerk that comes along. Patience is the key to finding the right person and letting love find you. Rushing into finding someone opens you up to the vulnerability of falling for the wrong person–like someone who may only be looking for a fling.

So, next time you are out with your friends, relax, take a deep breath, have fun, and be yourself. Do not try so hard to make someone like you. Just let love bloom naturally. You may find yourself in love sooner than you think.

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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