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10 Signs That You’re Ready For Marriage

10 Signs That You’re Ready For Marriage

Your friends are pairing off, and you feel like it’s time to settle down. Are you just giving in to peer pressure, or do you really want to marry your current partner? Check out these signs and see if you’re ready for marriage.

1. You know why you want to get married.

There are pictures of tuxedos and white dresses all over your Facebook feed—is that what you want? Do you just want to be able to say you’re married, or do you really want to spend your life with your partner? Think about why you want to get married. What benefits will you get from marrying your partner, as opposed to continuing your relationship as it is? Ask yourself the hard questions and make sure you’re ready for marriage.

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2. You’re planning a marriage, not a wedding.

Weddings are fun parties, a chance to see all your friends and family in one place. But is this why you’re getting married? Do you just want to have a big party and be the center of attention? Weddings last several hours, but a marriage lasts forever. (Hopefully!) Don’t plan for one day—plan for the rest of your lives. Think about how your everyday life will be with your partner, even when you’re not the center of attention.

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    3. You’ve lived your own life.

    It’s true—some high school sweethearts can marry and make it work. But that’s not common. Studies show it’s best to wait until you’re 25 or older to get married. You’re more mature, you’ve lived more of your life. It doesn’t mean you have to date everyone who crosses your path, but you’ve had a chance to meet different people and realize what you want and what you don’t want in your life. This will help you pick your perfect partner.

    4. Your relationship is deep.

    In the beginning, you and your partner flirted, went out a lot, stayed in bed a lot…But if you’re getting married, you need to have a deep relationship. Deeper than just having fun all the time, going out every night, being carefree. You need to be able to tackle tough issues together.

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    5. You know and trust your partner.

    No matter how long you guys have been together, you need to know your partner completely. Don’t get married just because you’ve been dating for four years. Get married because you know your partner. You know their past and you know their hopes and dreams. You can imagine their reactions to certain things. You know all this and you still love them. Beyond that, you trust them. Trust is vital for a marriage, so make sure you can trust your partner completely.

    6. You don’t want to change your partner.

    Don’t marry your significant other and think they will change. Marry them because you love them as they are. Making a major commitment won’t change anyone—though it may make you have to work harder on your relationship. Don’t expect the marriage to change your relationship, either. A wedding is not going to heal a major rift between you.

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    7. You resolve conflicts together.

    Don’t just gloss over your problems and think forgetting them will make them better. Work out any kinks in your relationship so they won’t blow up later. Don’t get married because you think it will solve a problem. Solve the problem first! If you can’t work out any issues, then you and your partner won’t be able to communicate effectively. Resolving conflicts and compromising in a relationship will make a strong foundation for a healthy marriage.

    8. You make long-term plans together.

    In a new relationship, it’s OK to fly by the seat of your pants. You can change things at the last minute and don’t have to plan beyond your next Saturday night date. Once you get serious and decide to commit to each other, you need to make plans together. What if your partner wants to travel the world? Are you OK with staying home alone, or would you go with your partner? Know what each of you want, and make sure you’re OK with working through these goals and plans together.

    9. Your family and friends like your partner.

    When you’re newly in love, you might feel like that nothing else matters. Once you’re committed, you realize that everything matters. Initially, you might not care that your dad doesn’t approve of your partner. What does it matter when you’re the one dating them? But over time, this small rift will affect your life and your relationship. If your family and friends don’t like your partner, where is your support system? Will you be alienated from your friends and not invited to family events? Also remember that your family and friends know you best, and if they think there’s a problem with your relationship, maybe you should listen.

    10. You can’t imagine your life without your partner.

    Overall, you’re in love with your partner. You can’t see yourself with anyone else. You can’t see yourself without your partner. If you know you can’t be happy with another person, and you’d be incredibly unhappy without your current partner, then let it go and enjoy your loving relationship and marriage!

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    The Gentle Art of Saying No

    The Gentle Art of Saying No

    No!

    It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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    But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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    What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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    But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

    1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
    2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
    3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
    4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
    5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
    6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
    7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
    8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
    9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
    10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

    Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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